Unit10 Text 1Love and Resentment.docx

Unit10 Text 1Love and Resentment.docx

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Unit10Text1LoveandResentment

Unit10

TEST

LoveandResentment

BarbaraBick1

Pre-readingquestions

1.Howisalunaticpatientgenerallyregarded?

2.Howdoyouthinklunaticpatientsshouldbecaredforinoursociety?

1.Istraightenedupfrommyweedingasthefrenziedmutteringsofangerreachedmefromthehouse.Mymusclestightened.ThescreamsweresomuffledIcouldbarelyhearthem.”Getawayfromme,youfilthyslut.Leavemealone.

2.Imovedcautiouslythroughtheovergrownbushes,upagainstthebathroomwindow,strainingtocatchtheexactwords.Iwanttounderstandmydaughter.”Shutup!

Shutup!

Youalwaysdoeverythingwrong.Incompetentbitch….”Theflushingtoiletdrownedouttherest.Imovedawayquickly,shakenonceagainbyherwildoutbursts.Sometimesshefrightensmewhensheisclearlyoutofcontrol.ButthistimeIwasreassured;shedidn’twantmetohear.Ibenttomyweedingassheopenedthescreendoor2.Shesatdown.Herfacewascalmandimpassive.

3.“CanIhelpyou,mother?

”Sheaskedasshelightedherumpteenthcigaretteofthemorningandwasshakenbyherusualbarkingcough.

4.“Sure.Whydon’tyoupullupsomeoftheweedsbetweenthebricksonthepath.”

5.“Oh,that’stoohard,”shesaidandshesettleddeeperintothedeckchair3.

6.“Damnit,Kathy,whyiseverythingtoohardforyou?

Goahead,getthestoolanddowhatyoucan.”Isnappedather.

7.Damnityourself,Isaidtomyself.WhydidIbringheruphere?

Why,Why,Why?

Yesterdayhadbeenrough.Shehadhurledaccusationafteraccusationatme.“Whydon’ntyoualwayssayI’mcrazy?

”shehadyelled.”Don’tyouEVERtellmeI’maparanoidschizophrenicagain.That’sallyoueverdo-callmecrazyandI’mnot.”

8.“Kathy,”myvoicequieterandquieterashersroseincrescendo,”Ihavenevercalledyoucrazy.please,Kathy,keepyourvoicedown.Kathy,stopit.Stopitrightnow!

”

9.Ishookawaythatmemoryandroselaboriously.IhadjustcometotheislandandsoIwaseagertocleanupmyburgeoninggardenafterawinter’sneglect.ThisisthefourthyearIhavehadthistinytreasureofahouse.Itwastobemyretreatfromtheharassingcity,thesocialandpoliticalcommitmentsItakeoneachyear,theneedsoffamilyandfriends.

10.ForthreesummersIhavebroughtmy40-year-olddaughtertotheislandtospendtwoweekswithme.Surely,Icanlivefortwoweekswiththetensionandoutbursts.4Herlifeissolimitedandmineissofull.Ashortspanofdays,really,formetotakecareofher;togivehersomejoy.Ihavesomanydays,justforme,aftershegoesbacktothecity.

11.ButIcan’t.Iresentthetension.ilost.Ilostepatience.SometimesIhateher.Whatiswrongwithme?

Iamsostrongandhealthy;sheisvulnerableandill.Itisalwaysmychoicetohaveherhere.ButIcountthedaysuntilsheisgoneandtherearemomentswhenIthink,no,notanothersummer.5Whydothistomyself?

MostofthetimeIknowthattheseweeksaretooimportanttoher;Icannottakethemaway.

12.Shedoesn’tsleepwell.BeforeIcameup6,Idiscussedthesleepingproblemwithherpsychiatristsothathecouldprescribesomemedication.Icouldn’tbringmyselftotellhimthatIamafraidtobedeepinsleepwhilesheisawake.Sheisnotphysicallyviolent.Inallthe24yearsofherillness,shehasattackedmeonlythreetimes.Buttheyremainwithme.7Eachtime,heradrenaline-inducedstrengthhadoverwhelmedme.Andnomatterhowintimateoneiswiththisillness,theprimordialfearofmadnesslurksdeepwithin.Themedicationthedoctorsuggesteddoesn’tworkandmybedroomhereisanopenroomwithoutadoortolock.So,Isleeplightlythesenights.Isensethelightsblazingdownstairs.Ilistentohercoughasshesmokesandmuttersthroughthelonghours.Itrytoimagine—outofmyownhealthybody—whatitisliketobeKathy.

13.Physically,shealwaysfeelsunwell.Theantipsychoticmedicationhasmanyunpleasantsideeffects.Morethanthat,shehasnoempathywithherownbody,cannottakecareofit.Sheeatsbadly,drinkscoffeeconstantly,smokesincessantly,doesnoexerciseShehasperpetualheadachesandfrequentstomachaches.

14.ForyearsshesufferedfromCrohn’sdisease8,adeepinflammationofthecolon,leavingherlittleornocontrolofherbowels.Shehasbeenplaguedandhumiliatedbyaccidentsinpublic.Peoplehaverespondedtothisafflictionbyyellingather,callingherfilthy.Shehassilentlyacceptedtheappellation,takenitwinthinher.”Filthybitch!

”sheyellsatherself.”Goaway!

”

15.Ilieawake,mythroattightandachingasIremembertheyearswhenherillnesswasmoreactive,filledwithagonizinghallucinationsthatmostofus,duringalifetime,experienceforonlysecondsinourworst,mostsearingnightmares.

16.Shehadbeenanormal,beautifulchild.Thechan