Unit10 Text 1Love and Resentment.docx
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Unit10Text1LoveandResentment
Unit10
TEST
LoveandResentment
BarbaraBick1
Pre-readingquestions
1.Howisalunaticpatientgenerallyregarded?
2.Howdoyouthinklunaticpatientsshouldbecaredforinoursociety?
1.Istraightenedupfrommyweedingasthefrenziedmutteringsofangerreachedmefromthehouse.Mymusclestightened.ThescreamsweresomuffledIcouldbarelyhearthem.”Getawayfromme,youfilthyslut.Leavemealone.
2.Imovedcautiouslythroughtheovergrownbushes,upagainstthebathroomwindow,strainingtocatchtheexactwords.Iwanttounderstandmydaughter.”Shutup!
Shutup!
Youalwaysdoeverythingwrong.Incompetentbitch….”Theflushingtoiletdrownedouttherest.Imovedawayquickly,shakenonceagainbyherwildoutbursts.Sometimesshefrightensmewhensheisclearlyoutofcontrol.ButthistimeIwasreassured;shedidn’twantmetohear.Ibenttomyweedingassheopenedthescreendoor2.Shesatdown.Herfacewascalmandimpassive.
3.“CanIhelpyou,mother?
”Sheaskedasshelightedherumpteenthcigaretteofthemorningandwasshakenbyherusualbarkingcough.
4.“Sure.Whydon’tyoupullupsomeoftheweedsbetweenthebricksonthepath.”
5.“Oh,that’stoohard,”shesaidandshesettleddeeperintothedeckchair3.
6.“Damnit,Kathy,whyiseverythingtoohardforyou?
Goahead,getthestoolanddowhatyoucan.”Isnappedather.
7.Damnityourself,Isaidtomyself.WhydidIbringheruphere?
Why,Why,Why?
Yesterdayhadbeenrough.Shehadhurledaccusationafteraccusationatme.“Whydon’ntyoualwayssayI’mcrazy?
”shehadyelled.”Don’tyouEVERtellmeI’maparanoidschizophrenicagain.That’sallyoueverdo-callmecrazyandI’mnot.”
8.“Kathy,”myvoicequieterandquieterashersroseincrescendo,”Ihavenevercalledyoucrazy.please,Kathy,keepyourvoicedown.Kathy,stopit.Stopitrightnow!
”
9.Ishookawaythatmemoryandroselaboriously.IhadjustcometotheislandandsoIwaseagertocleanupmyburgeoninggardenafterawinter’sneglect.ThisisthefourthyearIhavehadthistinytreasureofahouse.Itwastobemyretreatfromtheharassingcity,thesocialandpoliticalcommitmentsItakeoneachyear,theneedsoffamilyandfriends.
10.ForthreesummersIhavebroughtmy40-year-olddaughtertotheislandtospendtwoweekswithme.Surely,Icanlivefortwoweekswiththetensionandoutbursts.4Herlifeissolimitedandmineissofull.Ashortspanofdays,really,formetotakecareofher;togivehersomejoy.Ihavesomanydays,justforme,aftershegoesbacktothecity.
11.ButIcan’t.Iresentthetension.ilost.Ilostepatience.SometimesIhateher.Whatiswrongwithme?
Iamsostrongandhealthy;sheisvulnerableandill.Itisalwaysmychoicetohaveherhere.ButIcountthedaysuntilsheisgoneandtherearemomentswhenIthink,no,notanothersummer.5Whydothistomyself?
MostofthetimeIknowthattheseweeksaretooimportanttoher;Icannottakethemaway.
12.Shedoesn’tsleepwell.BeforeIcameup6,Idiscussedthesleepingproblemwithherpsychiatristsothathecouldprescribesomemedication.Icouldn’tbringmyselftotellhimthatIamafraidtobedeepinsleepwhilesheisawake.Sheisnotphysicallyviolent.Inallthe24yearsofherillness,shehasattackedmeonlythreetimes.Buttheyremainwithme.7Eachtime,heradrenaline-inducedstrengthhadoverwhelmedme.Andnomatterhowintimateoneiswiththisillness,theprimordialfearofmadnesslurksdeepwithin.Themedicationthedoctorsuggesteddoesn’tworkandmybedroomhereisanopenroomwithoutadoortolock.So,Isleeplightlythesenights.Isensethelightsblazingdownstairs.Ilistentohercoughasshesmokesandmuttersthroughthelonghours.Itrytoimagine—outofmyownhealthybody—whatitisliketobeKathy.
13.Physically,shealwaysfeelsunwell.Theantipsychoticmedicationhasmanyunpleasantsideeffects.Morethanthat,shehasnoempathywithherownbody,cannottakecareofit.Sheeatsbadly,drinkscoffeeconstantly,smokesincessantly,doesnoexerciseShehasperpetualheadachesandfrequentstomachaches.
14.ForyearsshesufferedfromCrohn’sdisease8,adeepinflammationofthecolon,leavingherlittleornocontrolofherbowels.Shehasbeenplaguedandhumiliatedbyaccidentsinpublic.Peoplehaverespondedtothisafflictionbyyellingather,callingherfilthy.Shehassilentlyacceptedtheappellation,takenitwinthinher.”Filthybitch!
”sheyellsatherself.”Goaway!
”
15.Ilieawake,mythroattightandachingasIremembertheyearswhenherillnesswasmoreactive,filledwithagonizinghallucinationsthatmostofus,duringalifetime,experienceforonlysecondsinourworst,mostsearingnightmares.
16.Shehadbeenanormal,beautifulchild.Thechan