Friends剧本22.docx

Friends剧本22.docx

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Friends剧本22

TheOneWiththeBreastMilk

Writtenby:

AdamChase&IraUngerleider

Transcribedby:

MindyMattinglyPhillips

WithMinorAdjustmentsby:

EricAasen

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,CarolandSusanareshowingoffBentothegang.]

Monica:

（enteringfromherbedroomcarryingapresent）Ok,thesewereunbelievablyexpensive,andIknowhe'sgonnagrowoutoftheminlike,20minutes,butIcouldn'tresist.（TherealittlepairofNikeshoes.）

Phoebe:

Oh,lookatthese!

Hey,Ben.Justdoit.（Benstartstocry）OhmyGod,oh,ok,wasthattoomuchpressureforhim?

Susan:

Oh,ishehungryalready?

Carol:

Iguessso.（CarolstartstobreastfeedBen.）

Chandler:

Youknow,it's...（seesthefeedingtakingplacenexttohim）somethingfunnyaboutsneakers.I'llberightback.（Goesintothekitchen）

Joey:

（joinshim）Igottagetone,too.

Ross:

（followingthemintothekitchen）Whatareyouguysdoing?

Chandler:

We'rejusthangingoutbythespoons.Ladle?

Ross:

Look,wouldyouguysgrowup?

Thatisthemostnaturalbeautifulthingintheworld.

Joey:

Yeah,weknow,butthere'sababysuckin'onit.

Ross:

Thisismysonhavinglunch,ok?

It'sgonnahappenalot,soyou'dbettergetusedtoit.Nowifyouhaveanyproblemwithit,ifyou'reuncomfortable,justaskquestions.Carol'sfinewithit,nowcomeon.

（Theygobackintothelivingroom）

Ross:

Carol?

Chandler:

Carol?

IwasjustwonderingifJoeycouldaskyouaquestionaboutbreast-feeding?

Carol:

Sure.

Joey:

Uh,doesithurt?

Carol:

Itdidatfirst,butnotanymore.

Joey:

Chandler?

Chandler:

So,uh,howoftencanyoudoit?

Carol:

Asmuchasheneeds.

Joey:

Ok,Igotone,Igotone.Uh,ifheblowsintoone,doestheotheronegetbigger?

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

CentralPerk,thegangisallthere.]

Julie:

Rachel,doyouhaveanymuffinsleft?

Rachel:

Yeah,Iforgetwhichones.

Julie:

Oh,you'rebusy,that'sok,I'llgetit.Anybodyelsewantone?

All:

Nothanks.

Julie:

（ToRachel）Oh,you'relosin'yourapronhere,letmegetit.Thereyougo.（Tiesitbackupforher）

Rachel:

（toJulie）Thankyou.（underherbreathtoChandler）Whatabitch.

Julie:

Oh,listenyouguys.IhavethisfriendatBloomingdale'swho'squittingtomorrowandhewantstoabusehisdiscount.So,anyonewanttocomewithmeandtakeadvantageofit?

Phoebe:

Ican't,Ihavetotakemygrandmothertothevet.

Monica:

Ok,um,I'llgowithyou.

Julie:

Great.

Ross:

（enters）Hi,honey.

Chandler:

Hey,sweetums.

Ross:

Hellototherest.

All:

 Hi!

Joey:

Monicawhat'reyoudoin'?

Youcan'tgoshoppingwithher?

WhataboutRachel?

Monica:

It'sgonnabeaproblem,isn'tit?

Chandler:

Comeon,you'regoingtoBloomingdale'swithJulie?

That'slikecheatingonRachelinherhouseofworship.

Monica:

ButI'm...

Phoebe:

Monica,shewillkillyou.Shewillkillyoulikeadoginthestreet.

Ross:

（toMonica）So,uh,Julestellsmeyouguysaregoingshoppingtomorrow?

Monica:

Yeah,uh,it'sactuallynotthatbigadeal.

Ross:

It'sabigdealtome.Thisisgreat,Monica.Ireallyappreciatethis.

Monica:

You'rewelcome.

Phoebe:

Woof,woof.

[Scene:

ADepartmentStore,Joeyissellingmen'scologne.]

Joey:

（Aguywalksby）Bijanformen?

（Anotherguywalksby）Bijanformen?

（Anotherguywalksby）Bijanformen?

（Anattractivewomanwalksby.）HeyAnnabelle.

Annabelle:

Hey,Joey.Sodidyouhearaboutthenewguy?

Joey:

Who?

Annabelle:

Nobodyknowshisname.MeandthegirlsjustcallhimtheHombreman.

（TheHombremanenters.）

HombreMan:

（toacustomer）Hombre?

（Theguysaysyes,andgetshissample.）

Joey:

What'shedoin'inmysection?

Annabelle:

Iguesshedoesn'tknow.

Joey:

Well,he'sgonna.I'llseeyoualittlelater,ok?

（TotheHombreMan）Hey,howyadoin'?

HombreMan:

Mornin'.

Joey:

Listen,Iknowyou'renew,butit'skindaunderstoodthateverythingfromYoungMen'stotheescalatorismyterritory.

HombreMan:

Yourterritory,huh?

Joey:

Yeah.Bijanformen?

Guy:

Nothanks.

HombreMan:

Hombre?

Guy:

Yeah.Allright.（Theyguygetshissampleandleaves.）

HombreMan:

（ToJoey）Youweresaying?

[Scene:

CentralPerk,PhoebeisthereasMonicaenters.]

Monica:

Phoebe,listen.Youwerewithme,andwewereshoppingallday.

Phoebe:

What?

Monica:

Wewereshopping,andwehadlunch.

Phoebe:

Oh,allright.WhatdidIhave?

Monica:

Youhadasalad.

Phoebe:

Oh,nowonderIdon'tfeelfull.

Rachel:

（entering）Hey,guys,what'sup.

Phoebe:

IwentshoppingwithMonicaallday,andIhadasalad.

Rachel:

Good,Pheebs.What'dyoubuy?

Phoebe:

Um,wewentshoppingforum,for,fur.

Rachel:

Youwentshoppingforfur?

Phoebe:

Yes,andthenIrealizedI'magainstthat,anduh,sothenweboughtsome,（seesMonicapointingatherchest）uh,boobs.

Rachel:

Youboughtboobs?

Phoebe:

（Monicaisyankingonherbrastrap）Bras!

Weboughtbras!

Weboughtbras.

[Scene:

TheDepartmentStore,Joeyistryingtosellsomecologne.]

Joey:

（toaguy）Bijanformen?

（toaguy）Bijanformen?

（Toawoman）Bijanfor...（Seesit'sawomanandstops.）（ToAnnabellewhowalksup.）Hey,Annabelle,Uh,listen,IwaswonderingifmaybeafterworkyouandIcouldgomaybegrabacupofcoffee.

Annabelle:

Oh,actuallyIsortahaveplans.

HombreMan:

（entering）Ready,Annabelle?

Annabelle:

Youbet.（toJoey）Maybesomeothertime?

Joey:

（Toaco-worker）Hey,it'snotthefirsttimeIlostagirltoacowboysprayingcologne.（Acustomerwalksby.）Bijanformen?

（Thecustomerignoreshim,andJoeystartstochasehim）Bijanformen?

!

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,CarolisdroppingBenoffforRosstowatch.]

Carol:

Ok,andthisisFunnyClown.FunnyClownisonlyforafterhisnaps,notbeforehisnapsorhewon'tsleep.

Ross:

Carol,we'vebeenthroughthisbefore,ok?

Wehaveagoodtime.Welaugh,weplay.It'slikewe'refatherandson.

Susan:

Honey,relax.Rossisgreatwithhim.（Rosslooksather.）Don'tlooksosurprised.I'malovelyperson.

Rachel:

Oh,thisissocute.

Susan:

Oh,Igotthatforhim.

Ross:

Mymommiesloveme.That'sclever.

Monica:

Hello?

Oh,Hi,Ju—（SeesRacheliswatching）—Hi,Jew!

（Walksintothekitchen.）（Listens.）Uhhuh?

（Listens.）Uhhuh?

（Listens）Ok.（Listens）Um,sure,that'dbegreat.Seeyathen.Bye.（Hangsup.）

Rachel:

DidyoujustsayHi,Jew?

Monica:

Yes.Uh,yes,Idid.Thatwasmyfriend,EddieMoskowitz.Yeah,helikesit.Reaffirmshisfaith.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Chandler,Rachel,andJoeyareeating,andPhoebeispreparingBen'smilk.]

Phoebe:

Ben,dinner!

Ross:

ThanksAuntPheebs.Hey,youdidn'tmicrowavethat,didyou,becauseit'sbreastmilk,andyou'renotsupposedtodothat.

Phoebe:

Duh,IthinkIknowhowtoheatbreastmilk.Ok.（Squirtssomeonherwristandtastesit.）

Chandler:

Whatdidyoujustdo?

Phoebe:

Ilickedmyarm,what?

Ross:

It'sbreastmilk.

Phoebe:

So?

Rachel:

Phoebe,thatisjuice,squeezedfromaperson.

Joey:

Whatisthebigdeal?

（Tastesthebreastmilk.）

Chandler:

Whatdidyoujustdo?

Ross:

Ok,wouldpeoplestopdrinkingthebreastmilk?

Phoebe:

Youwon'teventasteit?

Ross:

No!

Phoebe:

Notevenifyoujustpretendthatit'smilk?

Ross:

NotevenifCarol'sbreasthadapictureofamissingchildonit.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,timelapse. RachelisenteringthelivingroomfromherbedroomasMonicaenters.]

Monica:

Hey,whereiseverybody?

Rachel:

TheytookBentothepark.Where'veyoubeen?

Monica:

Justout.Hadsomelunch,justme,littlequalitytimewithme.Thanksforyourjacket.

Rachel:

Oh,noproblem.Youcanborrowit,bytheway.（Putsherhandinthepocket）Hereareyourkeys,hon.（Shetakesthekeysout,setsthemonthecounter,andnoticesshealsograbbedareceipt.）

Monica:

Okay.

Rachel:

Mon,ifuhyouwereatlunchalone,howcomeitcostyouuh53dollars?

Monica:

Youknowwhatprobablyhappened?

Someonemustastolenmycreditcard.

Rachel:

Andsortajustputthereceiptbackinyourpocket?

Monica:

Thatisanexcellentexcellentquestion.Thatisexcellent.

Rachel:

Monica,whatiswithyou?

Who'dyouhavelunchwith?

Monica:

Judy.

Rachel:

Who?

Monica:

Julie.

Rachel:

What?

!

Monica:

Jody!

Rachel:

YouwerewithJulie?

Monica:

Look,whenitstartedIwasjusttryingtobenicetoherbecauseshewasmybrother'sgirlfriend.Andthen,onethingledtoanotherand,beforeIknewit,wewere...shopping.

Rachel:

Oh.OhmyGod.

Monica:

Honey,wait.Weonlydiditonce.Itdidn'tmeananythingtome.

Rachel:

Yeah,right. Sure!

Monica:

Really,Rachel,Iwasthinkingofyouthewholetime.Look,I'msorry,allright.Inevermeantforyoutofindout!

Rachel:

Oh,please,youwantedtogetcaught.（Wavesthereceipt）

Monica:

Thatisnottrue!

Rachel:

Oh,soyoujustsortofhappenedtoleaveitinhere?

Monica:

DiditeveroccurtoyouthatImightjustbethatstupid?

Rachel:

Ok,Monica.Ijusthavetoknowonething.DidyougowithhertoBloomingdale's?

（Monicalooksaway.）Oh!

Ok,ok,ok,Ijustreally,uh,Ijustreallyneedtonotbewithyourightnow.（Exits.）

CommercialBreak

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,BenisplayinginhiscribwhileChandlerandRossareleaningagainsttherimandarecompletelyasleep.]

Monica:

（onthephone）Hi,who'sthis?

（Listens）Hi,Joanne.IsRachelworking?

It'sMonica.（Listens）Yes,IknowIdidahorriblething.（Listens）Joanne,it'snotassimpleasallthat,ok?

（Listens）No,Idon'tcarewhatStevethinks.（Listens）Hi,Steve.

（There'saknockonthedoorwhichisansweredbyPhoebe.）

CarolandSusan:

Hey!

（ThiswakesChandlerandRossup）

Carol:

Howdidwedo?

Phoebe:

Oh,ItastedBen'smilk,andRossfreakedout.

Ross:

Ididnotfreakout.

Carol:

Why'dyoufreakout?

Ross:

Becauseit'sbreastmilk.It'sgross.

Carol:

Mybreastmilkisgross?

Susan:

Thisshouldbefun.

Ross:

No,no,Carol.There'snothingwrongw