生活大爆炸英文剧本第二季34.docx

生活大爆炸英文剧本第二季34.docx

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生活大爆炸英文剧本第二季34

Scriptcompiledby

www.big-bang-forum.de

THEaddressforgeeksand„TheBigBangTheory“fans!

THEBIGBANGTHEORY

by

ChuckLorre&BillPrady

Season1,Episode3（s01e03）

Title:

TheFuzzyBootsCorollary

--->Dialogonly<---

HOWARD

Allright,justafewmorefeetand...Hereweare,gentlemen,theGatesofElzebub.

SHELDON

GoodLord.

RAJESH

Oh.

LEONARD

Don'tpanic.Thisiswhatthelast97hourshavebeenabout.

HOWARD

Stayfrosty.There'sahordeofarmedgoblinsontheothersideofthatgateguardingtheSwordofAzeroth.

LEONARD

Warriors,unsheatheyourweapons.Magicwielders,raiseyourwands.

SHELDON

Lockandload.

HOWARD

Raj,blowthegates.

RAJESH

Blowingthegates.Control,shift,B.Oh,myGod,somanygoblins.

HOWARD

Don'tjuststandthere.Slashandmove.Slashandmove.

LEONARD

Stayinformation.

HOWARD

Leonard,yougotoneonyourtail.

LEONARD

It'sallright,mytail'sprehensile.I'llswathimoff.

RAJESH

Igothim,Leonard.TonightIspicemymeatwithgoblinblood.

LEONARD

Raj,no,it'satrap.They'reflankingus.

RAJESH

Oh,he'sgotme.

HOWARD

Sheldon,he'sgotRaj.Useyoursleepspell.Sheldon.Sheldon.

SHELDON

I'vegottheSwordofAzeroth.

LEONARD

Forgetthesword,Sheldon,helpRaj!

SHELDON

ThereisnomoreSheldon.Iamtheswordmaster

HOWARD

Leonard,lookout.

LEONARD

Damnit,man,we'redyinghere.

SHELDON

Goodbye,peasants.

LEONARD

Thebastardteleported.

RAJESH

He'ssellingtheSwordofAzerothoneBay.

LEONARD

Youbetrayedusformoney?

Whoareyou?

SHELDON

I'maroguenightelf.Don'tyoupeoplereadcharacterdescriptions?

Wait,wait,wait.Somebodyjustclicked„BuyItnow“.

HOWARD

Iamtheswordmaster.

=================================

===========THEMESONG==========

=================================

SHELDON

Whoo!

I'mallsweaty.Anybodywannalogonto„SecondLife“andgoswimming?

Ijustbuiltavirtualpool.

LEONARD

No.Ican'tlookatyouoryouravatarrightnow.

HOWARD

Soundslikeyourneighbor'shome.

LEONARD

Excuseme.

SHELDON

Don'tforgetthemailyoutookaccidentallyonpurposesoyouhaveanexcusetotalktoher.

LEONARD

Oh,right,right,right,right,right.

HOWARD

Stealingsnailmail,veryoldschool.Ilikeit.

LEONARD

Penny,themailmandiditagain.He...Oh,sorry.

PENNY

Um,no,hi,Leonard.ThisisDoug.Doug,thisismyneighborLeonard.

DOUG

What'sup,bro?

LEONARD

Notmuch.Bro.Heh.

PENNY

Iseverythingokay?

LEONARD

Yeah,uh,no,Ijust...Igotyourmailagain,here.

PENNY

Oh,thankyou.I'vegottotalktothatmailman.

LEONARD4.

Oh,no,that'sprobablynotsuchagoodidea.Civilservantshaveadocumentedpropensityto,youknow,snap,so...

PENNY

Okay.Well,thankyouagain.

LEONARD

Noproblem.Bye.Oh,andbye,bro.Heh.

SHELDON

Pennyforyourthoughts.

RAJESH

What'sthematter?

LEONARD

No,I'mfine.Penny'sfine.Theguyshe'skissingisreallyfine.

HOWARD

Kissing?

Whatkindofkissing?

Cheeks,lips,chaste,French?

LEONARD

Whatiswrongwithyou?

HOWARD

I'maromantic.

SHELDON

Please,don'ttellmethatyourhopelessinfatuationisdevolvingintopointlessjealousy.

LEONARD

No,I'mnotjealous.I'mjustalittleconcernedforher.Ididn'tlikethelookoftheguythatshewaswith.

HOWARD

Becausehelooksbetterthanyou?

LEONARD

Yeah.Hewaskindofdreamy.

SHELDON

Ah,atleastnowyoucanretrievetheblackboxfromthetwisted,smolderingwreckagethatwasonceyourfantasyofdatingherandanalyzethedatasothatyoudon'tcrashintogeekmountainagain.

HOWARD

Idisagree.Loveisnotasprint.It'samarathon.Arelentlesspursuitthatonlyendswhenshefallsintoyourarms...orhitsyouwiththepepperspray.

LEONARD

No,I'mdonewithPenny.I'mgonnabemorerealisticandgoaftersomeonemyownspeed.

RAJESH

Likewho?

LEONARD

Idon'tknow.OliviaGeiger?

SHELDON

Thedieticianatthecafeteriawiththelimpandthelazyeye?

LEONARD

Yeah.

SHELDON

Well,Idon'tthinkyouhaveashotthere.IhavenoticedthatLeslieWinklerecentlystartedshavingherlegs.Now,giventhatwinteriscoming,onecanonlyassumeshe'ssignalingsexualavailability.

HOWARD

Idon'tknow.Youguysworkinthesamelab.

LEONARD

So?

HOWARD

Therearepitfalls.Trustme,Iknow.Whenitcomestosexualharassmentlaw,I'mabitofaself-taughtexpert.

LEONARD

Look,Howard,ifIweretoaskLeslieWinkleout,itwouldjustbefordinner.I'mnotgonnawalkintothelab,askhertostripnakedanddanceforme.

HOWARD

Oh,thenyou'reprobablyokay.

LEONARD

Hello,Leslie.

LESLIE

Hi,Leonard.

LEONARD

Leslie,Iwouldliketoproposeanexperiment...

LESLIE

Goggles,Leonard.

LEONARD

Right.Leslie,Iwouldliketoproposeanexperiment.

LESLIE

Hangon.I'mtryingtoseehowlongittakesa500-kilowattoxygen-iodinelasertoheatupmycupofnoodles.

LEONARD

I'vedoneit.Abouttwoseconds,2.6forminestrone.Anyway,Iwasthinkingmoreofabio-socialexplorationwithaneuro-chemicaloverlay.

LESLIE

Wait,areyouaskingmeout?

LEONARD

Iwasgoingtocharacterizeitasthemodificationofourcolleague-slash-friendshipparadigmwiththeadditionofadate-likecomponent,butwedon'tneedtoquibbleoverterminology.

LESLIE

Whatsortofexperimentwouldyoupropose?

LEONARD

Thereisagenerallyacceptedpatterninthisarea.Iwouldpickyouup,takeyoutoarestaurant,thenwewouldseeamovie.ProbablyaromanticcomedyfeaturingthetalentsofHughGrantorSandraBullock.

LESLIE

Interesting.Andwouldyouagreethattheprimarywaywewouldevaluateeitherthesuccessorfailureofthedatewouldbebasedonthebiochemicalreactionduringthegoodnightkiss?

LEONARD

Heartrate,pheromones,etcetera,yes.

LESLIE

Whydon'twejuststipulatethatthedategoeswellandmovetothekeyvariable?

LEONARD

Youmeankissyounow?

LESLIE

Yes.

LEONARD

Canyoudefinetheparametersofthekiss?

LESLIE

Closedmouth,butromantic.Mint?

LEONARD

Thankyou.ShallIcountdownfromthree?

LESLIE

No,Ithinkitneedstobespontaneous.Whatdoyouthink?

LEONARD

Youproposedtheexperiment.Ithinkyoushouldpresentyourfindingsfirst.

LESLIE

Fairenough.Ontheplusside,itwasagoodkiss,reasonabletechnique,noextraneousspittle.Ontheotherhand,noarousal.

LEONARD

None?

LESLIE

None.

LEONARD

Ah.Well,thankyouforyourtime.

LESLIE

Thankyou.

LEONARD

Noneatall?

HOWARD

Sheldon,ifyouwerearobotandIknewandyoudidn't...wouldyouwantmetotellyou?

SHELDON

Thatdepends.WhenIlearnthatI'marobot,willIbeabletohandleit?

HOWARD

Maybe,althoughthehistoryofsciencefictionisnotonyourside.

SHELDON

Okay.Uh,letmeaskyouthis.WhenIlearnthatI'marobot,wouldIbeboundbyAsimov'sThreeLawsofRobotics?

RAJESH

Youmightbeboundbythemrightnow.

HOWARD

That'strue.Haveyoueverharmedahumanbeingorthroughinactionallowedahumanbeingtocometoharm?

SHELDON

Ofcoursenot.

HOWARD

Haveyoueverharmedyourselforallowedyourselftobeharmedexceptincaseswhereahumanbeingwouldhavebeenendangered?

SHELDON

Well,no.

HOWARD

Ismellrobot.

LEONARD

Hey,what'sgoingon?

SHELDON

Internet'sbeendownforhalfanhour.

RAJESH

Also,Sheldonmaybearobot.

HOWARD

Sohow'ditgowithLeslie?

LEONARD

Oh,wetriedkissing,buttheEarthdidn'tmove.Imean,anymorethanthe383milesthatitwasgonnamoveanyway.

SHELDON

Oh,I'veseenthatlookbefore.Thisisjustgoingtobetwoweeksofmopingandtediousemosongsandcallingmetocomedowntopetstorestolookatcats.Idon'tknowifIcantakeit.

RAJESH

Youcouldpowerdown.

HOWARD

Well,asusual,Wolowitzhasthesolution.IhappentoknowaplacewherethereareplentyofeligiblewomenandLeonardcouldhavehispick.

INSTRUCTOR

RemembertheLatinhips.Shouldersstaystillandwesway.One,two,three.Five,six,seven.

HOWARD

IthinkMrs.Tishman'sgothereyeonyou.I'vebeenthere.You'reinforatreat.

LEONARD

[singingAugustana's„Boston“]

SHELDON

Oh,goodLord.

LEONARD

[singingAugustana's„Boston“]God,that'sagoodsong.

SHELDON

Ifyou'recompilingamixCDforadoublesuicide.Oh,Ihopethatscratchingpostisforyou.

LEONARD

Iknowwhatyou'rethinking.I'vetakenyourasthmaintoaccount.There'safelinegeneticistinSanDiegowho'sdevelopedthecutestlittlehypoallergeniccalicos.

SHELDON

Leonard,listentome...

LEONARD

I'vebeenthinkingaboutnames.I'mkindoftornbetweenEinstein,NewtonandSergeantFuzzyBoots.

SHELDON

Leonard,doyoureallythinkyoucansatisfyyourneedforarelationshipwithageneticallyalteredcat?

LEONARD

Maybe,ifit'sacute,little,cuddlycat.

SHELDON

Oh,comeon,Leonard...ThisisobviouslyaboutPenny.

LEONARD

Itdoesn'tmatter.Thewoman'snotinterestedinme.Thewomanrejectedme.

SHELDON

Okay,look.Ahem.IthinkthatyouhaveasmuchofachanceofhavingasexualrelationshipwithPennyastheHubbletelescopedoesofdiscoveringatthecenterofeveryblackholeisalittlemanwithaflashlightsearchingforacircuitbreaker.Nevertheless,Idofeelobligatedtopointouttoyouthatshedidnotrejectyou.Youdidnotaskherout.

LEONARD

You'reright.Ididn'taskherout.Ishouldaskherout.

SHELDON

No,no,thatwasnotmypoint.Mypointwas,don'tbuyacat.

LEONARD

No,butyou'reright.Ishouldmarchoverthereandaskherout.

SHELDON

Oh,goody,we'regettingacat.

LEONARD

Oh,yeah...No.

PENNY

Ah,heyLeonard.

LEONARD

Goodafternoon,Penny.So,hi,hey.Uh...Iwaswonderingifyouhad

plansfordinner.

PENNY

Uh,youmeandinnertonight?

LEONARD

Thereisaninherentambiguityintheword„dinner“.Technicallyitreferstothelargestmealofthedaywheneverit'sconsum