桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲.docx

桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲.docx

《桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲.docx（14页珍藏版）》请在冰豆网上搜索。

桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲

FacebookCOO雪莉·桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校2016毕业典礼上的演讲

5月14日，Facebook首席运营官、《向前一步》作者雪莉•桑德伯格（SherylSandberg）在加州大学伯克利分校（UCBerkeley）2016毕业典礼上发表演讲。

在丈夫离世一年之际，她讲到了痛失爱人的痛苦以及应付挫折的韧性。

丈夫去世后，她在“向前一步”方面有些新思考，近来也引发不少讨论。

UNIVERSITYOFCALIFORNIA,BERKELEY2016CommencementAddress

Thankyou,Marie.Andthankyouesteemedmembersofthefaculty,proudparents,devotedfriends,squirmingsiblings.

Congratulationstoallofyou…andespeciallytothemagnificentBerkeleygraduatingclassof2016!

ItisaprivilegetobehereatBerkeley,whichhasproducedsomanyNobelPrizewinners,TuringAwardwinners,astronauts,membersofCongress,Olympicgoldmedalists….andthat’sjustthewomen!

Berkeleyhasalwaysbeenaheadofthetimes.Inthe1960s,youledtheFreeSpeechMovement.Backinthosedays,peopleusedtosaythatwithallthelonghair,howdoweeventelltheboysfromthegirls?

Wenowknowtheanswer:

manbuns.

Earlyon,Berkeleyopeneditsdoorstotheentirepopulation.Whenthiscampusopenedin1873,theclassincluded167menand222women.Ittookmyalmamateranotherninetyyearstoawardasingledegreetoasinglewoman.

OneofthewomenwhocamehereinsearchofopportunitywasRosalindNuss.RozgrewupscrubbingfloorsintheBrooklynboardinghousewhereshelived.Shewaspulledoutofhighschoolbyherparentstohelpsupporttheirfamily.Oneofherteachersinsistedthatherparentsputherbackintoschool—andin1937,shesatwhereyouaresittingtodayandreceivedaBerkeleydegree.Rozwasmygrandmother.ShewasahugeinspirationtomeandI’msogratefulthatBerkeleyrecognizedherpotential.Iwanttotakeamomenttoofferaspecialcongratulationstothemanyheretodaywhoarethefirstgenerationintheirfamiliestograduatefromcollege.Whataremarkableachievement.

Todayisadayofcelebration.Adaytocelebrateallthehardworkthatgotyoutothismoment.

Todayisadayofthanks.Adaytothankthosewhohelpedyougethere—nurturedyou,taughtyou,cheeredyouon,anddriedyourtears.

Oratleasttheoneswhodidn’tdrawonyouwithaSharpiewhenyoufellasleepataparty.

Todayisadayofreflection.Becausetodaymarkstheendofoneeraofyourlifeandthebeginningofsomethingnew.

Acommencementaddressismeanttobeadancebetweenyouthandwisdom.Youhavetheyouth.Someonecomesintobethevoiceofwisdom—that’ssupposedtobeme.IstanduphereandtellyouallthethingsIhavelearnedinlife,youthrowyourcapintheair,youletyourfamilytakeamillionphotos–don’tforgettopostthemonInstagram—andeveryonegoeshomehappy.

Todaywillbeabitdifferent.Wewillstilldothecapsandyoustillhavetodothephotos.ButIamnotheretotellyouallthethingsI’velearnedinlife.TodayIwilltrytotellyouwhatIlearnedindeath.

Ihaveneverspokenpubliclyaboutthisbefore.It’shard.ButIwilldomyverybestnottoblowmynoseonthisbeautifulBerkeleyrobe.

Oneyearandthirteendaysago,Ilostmyhusband,Dave.Hisdeathwassuddenandunexpected.Wewereatafriend’sfiftiethbirthdaypartyinMexico.Itookanap.Davewenttoworkout.Whatfollowedwastheunthinkable—walkingintoagymtofindhimlyingonthefloor.Flyinghometotellmychildrenthattheirfatherwasgone.Watchinghiscasketbeingloweredintotheground.

Formanymonthsafterward,andatmanytimessince,Iwasswallowedupinthedeepfogofgrief—whatIthinkofasthevoid—anemptinessthatfillsyourheart,yourlungs,constrictsyourabilitytothinkoreventobreathe.

Dave’sdeathchangedmeinveryprofoundways.Ilearnedaboutthedepthsofsadnessandthebrutalityofloss.ButIalsolearnedthatwhenlifesucksyouunder,youcankickagainstthebottom,breakthesurface,andbreatheagain.Ilearnedthatinthefaceofthevoid—orinthefaceofanychallenge—youcanchoosejoyandmeaning.

I’msharingthiswithyouinthehopesthattoday,asyoutakethenextstepinyourlife,youcanlearnthelessonsthatIonlylearnedindeath.Lessonsabouthope,strength,andthelightwithinusthatwillnotbeextinguished.

EveryonewhohasmadeitthroughCalhasalreadyexperiencedsomedisappointment.YouwantedanAbutyougotaB.OK,let’sbehonest—yougotanA-butyou’restillmad.YouappliedforaninternshipatFacebook,butyouonlygotonefromGoogle.Shewastheloveofyourlife…butthensheswipedleft.

GameofThronestheshowhasdivergedwaytoomuchfromthebooks—andyoubotheredtoreadallfourthousandthreehundredandfifty-twopages.

Youwillalmostcertainlyfacemoreanddeeperadversity.There’slossofopportunity:

thejobthatdoesn’tworkout,theillnessoraccidentthatchangeseverythinginaninstant.There’slossofdignity:

thesharpstingofprejudicewhenithappens.There’slossoflove:

thebrokenrelationshipsthatcan’tbefixed.Andsometimesthere’slossoflifeitself.

Someofyouhavealreadyexperiencedthekindoftragedyandhardshipthatleaveanindeliblemark.Lastyear,Radhika,thewinneroftheUniversityMedal,spokesobeautifullyaboutthesuddenlossofhermother.

Thequestionisnotifsomeofthesethingswillhappentoyou.Theywill.TodayIwanttotalkaboutwhathappensnext.Aboutthethingsyoucandotoovercomeadversity,nomatterwhatformittakesorwhenithitsyou.Theeasydaysaheadofyouwillbeeasy.Itistheharddays—thetimesthatchallengeyoutoyourverycore—thatwilldeterminewhoyouare.Youwillbedefinednotjustbywhatyouachieve,butbyhowyousurvive.

AfewweeksafterDavedied,IwastalkingtomyfriendPhilaboutafather-sonactivitythatDavewasnotheretodo.WecameupwithaplantofillinforDave.Icriedtohim,“ButIwantDave.”Philputhisarmaroundmeandsaid,“OptionAisnotavailable.Solet’sjustkicktheshitoutofoptionB.”

WeallatsomepointlivesomeformofoptionB.Thequestionis:

Whatdowedothen?

AsarepresentativeofSiliconValley,I’mpleasedtotellyouthereisdatatolearnfrom.Afterspendingdecadesstudyinghowpeopledealwithsetbacks,psychologistMartinSeligmanfoundthattherearethreeP’s—personalization,pervasiveness,andpermanence—thatarecriticaltohowwebouncebackfromhardship.Theseedsofresilienceareplantedinthewayweprocessthenegativeeventsinourlives.

ThefirstPispersonalization—thebeliefthatweareatfault.Thisisdifferentfromtakingresponsibility,whichyoushouldalwaysdo.Thisisthelessonthatnoteverythingthathappenstoushappensbecauseofus.

WhenDavedied,Ihadaverycommonreaction,whichwastoblamemyself.Hediedinsecondsfromacardiacarrhythmia.IpouredoverhismedicalrecordsaskingwhatIcouldhave—orshouldhave—done.Itwasn’tuntilIlearnedaboutthethreeP’sthatIacceptedthatIcouldnothavepreventedhisdeath.Hisdoctorshadnotidentifiedhiscoronaryarterydisease.Iwasaneconomicsmajor;howcouldIhave?

Studiesshowthatgettingpastpersonalizationcanactuallymakeyoustronger.Teacherswhoknewtheycoulddobetterafterstudentsfailedadjustedtheirmethodsandsawfutureclassesgoontoexcel.Collegeswimmerswhounderperformedbutbelievedtheywerecapableofswimmingfasterdid.Nottakingfailurespersonallyallowsustorecover—andeventothrive.

ThesecondPispervasiveness—thebeliefthataneventwillaffectallareasofyourlife.Youknowthatsong“Everythingisawesome?

”Thisistheflip:

“Everythingisawful.”There’snoplacetorunorhidefromtheall-consumingsadness.

ThechildpsychologistsIspoketoencouragedmetogetmykidsbacktotheirroutineassoonaspossible.SotendaysafterDavedied,theywentbacktoschoolandIwentbacktowork.IremembersittinginmyfirstFacebookmeetinginadeep,deephaze.AllIcouldthinkwas,“Whatiseveryonetalkingaboutandhowcouldthispossiblymatter?

”ButthenIgotdrawnintothediscussionandforasecond—abriefsplitsecond—Iforgotaboutdeath.

Thatbriefsecondhelpedmeseethattherewereotherthingsinmylifethatwerenotawful.MychildrenandIwerehealthy.Myfriendsandfamilyweresolovingandtheycarriedus—quiteliterallyattimes.

Thelossofapartneroftenhasseverenegativefinancialconsequences,especiallyforwomen.Somanysinglemothers—andfathers—struggletomakeendsmeetorhavejobsthatdon’tallowthemthetimetheyneedtocarefortheirchildren.Ihadfinancialsecurity,theabilitytotakethetimeoffIneeded,andajobthatIdidnotjustbelievein,butwhereit’sactuallyOKtospendalldayonFacebook.Gradually,mychildrenstartedsleepingthroughthenight,cryingless,playingmore.

ThethirdPispermanence—thebeliefthatthesorrowwilllastforever.Formonths,nomatterwhatIdid,itfeltlikethecrushinggriefwouldalwaysbethere.

Weoftenprojectourcurrentfeelingsoutindefinitely—andexperiencewhatIthinkofasthesecondderivativeofthosefeelings.Wefeelanxious—andthenwefeelanxiousthatwe’reanxious.Wefeelsad—andthenwefeelsadthatwe’resad.Instead,weshouldacceptourfeelings—butrecognizethattheywillnotlastforever.MyrabbitoldmethattimewouldhealbutfornowIshould“leanintothesuck.”Itwasgoodadvice,butnotreallywhatImeantby“leanin.”

NoneofyouneedmetoexplainthefourthP…whichis,ofcourse,pizzafromCheeseBoard.

ButIwishIhadknownaboutthethreeP’swhenIwasyourage.Thereweresomanytimestheselessonswouldhavehelped.

Dayoneofmyfirstjoboutofcollege,mybossfoundoutthatIdidn’tknowhowtoenterdataintoLotus1-2-3.That’saspreadsheet—askyourparents.Hismouthdroppedopenandhesaid,‘Ican’tbelieveyougotthisjobwithoutknowingthat”—andthenwalkedoutoftheroom.I