桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲.docx

1、桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校毕业典礼上地演讲Facebook COO 雪莉桑德伯格在加州大学伯克利分校2016毕业典礼上的演讲 5月14日，Facebook 首席运营官、向前一步作者雪莉桑德伯格（Sheryl Sandberg）在加州大学伯克利分校（UC Berkeley）2016毕业典礼上发表演讲。在丈夫离世一年之际，她讲到了痛失爱人的痛苦以及应付挫折的韧性。丈夫去世后，她在“向前一步”方面有些新思考，近来也引发不少讨论。UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY 2016 Commencement AddressThank you, Marie. And than

2、k you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of youand especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, a

3、stronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists. and thats just the women!Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement. Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know t

4、he answer: manbuns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population. When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women. It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the women who came here in search of opportunity wa

5、s Rosalind Nuss. Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into schooland in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and recei

6、ved a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and Im so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential. I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college. What a

7、 remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get herenurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears.Or at least the ones who didnt draw on you with

8、 a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom. You have the youth. Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdomthats

9、supposed to be me. I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos dont forget to post them on Instagram and everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps and you still ha

10、ve to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things Ive learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before. Its hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen d

11、ays ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friends fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkablewalking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Flying home to tell my children that their father wa

12、s gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of griefwhat I think of as the voidan emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.Daves death changed

13、me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the voidor in the face of any challengeyou can choose joy

14、 and meaning.Im sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experien

15、ced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK, lets be honestyou got an A- but youre still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life but then she swiped left.Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from t

16、he booksand you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. Theres loss of opportunity: the job that doesnt work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. Theres loss of dignity: the sharp st

17、ing of prejudice when it happens. Theres loss of love: the broken relationships that cant be fixed. And sometimes theres loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spo

18、ke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of y

19、ou will be easy. It is the hard daysthe times that challenge you to your very corethat will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here

20、to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So lets just kick the shit out of option B.”We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?As a representative

21、of Silicon Valley, Im pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three Pspersonalization, pervasiveness, and permanencethat are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The see

22、ds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalizationthe belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us

23、.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could haveor should havedone. It wasnt until I learned about the three Ps that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.

24、 His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I have?Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger. Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to e

25、xcel. College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did. Not taking failures personally allows us to recoverand even to thrive.The second P is pervasivenessthe belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. You know that song “Everything is awesome?”

26、 This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” Theres no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember

27、 sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a seconda brief split secondI forgot about death.That brief second helped me see that there were ot

28、her things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried usquite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women. So many single mothersand fathersstruggle to make

29、ends meet or have jobs that dont allow them the time they need to care for their children. I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where its actually OK to spend all day on Facebook. Gradually, my children started sleeping th

30、rough the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanencethe belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefinitelyand experience what I think of as the second

31、 derivative of those feelings. We feel anxiousand then we feel anxious that were anxious. We feel sadand then we feel sad that were sad. Instead, we should accept our feelingsbut recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suc

32、k.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”None of you need me to explain the fourth Pwhich is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three Ps when I was your age. There were so many times these lessons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didnt know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3. Thats a spreadsheetask your parents. His mouth dropped open and he said, I cant believe you got this job without knowing that”and then walked out of the room. I