Application Essay 写作 第三课 Narrative or Chronologica.docx

Application Essay 写作 第三课 Narrative or Chronologica.docx

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ApplicationEssay写作第三课NarrativeorChronologica

ApplicationEssay写作第三课NarrativeorChronologicalStructure

NarrativeorChronologicalStructure

Ifyouhavedecidedtofocusonasingleeventinyourlife,youwillwanttousethisstructure.Itcanbefilledwithaction,dialogue,andsubtledetails.Although,youshouldnotconfuseeffectivedramawithoverwrought,Hollywood-stylemelodrama.Thebriefestandsimplestofeventscantakeonmeaningwhentoldconvincingly.Usingachronologicalornarrativestructureoveralongperiodoftime（anythingmorethanadayortwo）canoftenreadlikeaship’slog.Youdon’twanttosoundlikeyou’rerattlingoffascheduleofevents.Rather,takeontheroleofstorytellerandprovidegreatdetailaboutaveryspecificsetofevents.Thesequenceofeventswillhelpreinforceflowfromonestageoftheessaytothenextandwillmakethedifficulttaskoftransitioningbetweenparagraphsverynatural.Whilethenarrativeisoneofthemosteffectiveformsofwritingforanessay,itcanalsobedifficult.Usethefollowingtipsasyourwriteyournarrative:

∙Makethereaderawareofchronologyandkeepthestorygenerallymovingforward.

∙Don’tfeelobligatedtotellmoreofthestorythanyouneedtoconveyyourpoint.Extradetailsdistractfromthemaindriveofthestory.

∙Trynottousereflectiveconclusionsorintroductionsdescribingwhatyoulearned;startandendwiththeactionandhaveeverythingtakeplacewithinthecontextofthestory.

∙Describeevents,people,andplacesinveryspecific,colorfulterms.

Narrativecanbecombinedwithotherstructuresforanapproachthatislessriskybutstillinteresting.Beginninganessaywithabriefstoryisthemostcommonandeffectiveofsuchmethods.Anothertwistonthenarrativeessayisonethatdescribesasingleplace,person,oractioningreatdetail.Itappealstothesensesoftheaudiencewithoutnecessarilydrawingontheactionofastory.Thereisnostandardstructurefoundinthistypeofessay--eachisdifferentlyorganized--butallrelyoncrispimageryandsensorydetail,leavingthereaderwithasingle,vividimage.Singleimagesareeasiertorememberthanalistofpoints,qualities,traits,orqualifications,nomatterhowimpressiveanyoneorallofthemmaybe.Still,thisisariskyapproachandisbestemployedwhenyouhavetoprovidemultipleessaysforoneschoolsothatyouhaveachancetostructureyourotheressaysmoretraditionally.

SAMPLEESSAY1:

Brown,achievement:

Martialartscompetition

Afainttwingeofexcitementfloatedthroughmybodythatnight.Ahintofanticipationofthecomingdaycouldnotbesuppressed;yettobeovercomewithanxietywouldnotdoatall.Iarduouslyforcedthoseperniciousthoughtsfromseepinginandovercomingmybodyandmind.IstillwonderthatIsleptatallthatnight.

ButIdid.Isleptsoundlyandcomfortablyasthosenervousdeliberationscreptintomydefenseless,unsuspectingmind,pilferingmycalmcomposure.WhenIawokerefreshed,Ifoundmymindswarmingwithjumbledexhilaration.Theadrenalinewasflowingalready.

Afteraquickbreakfast,Ipulledsomeofmygeartogetherandheadedout.ThecarrideoftwohoursseemedonlyafewmomentsasIstruggledtoreinstateorderinmychaoticconsciousnessandfocusmymindonthedaybeforeme.Mythoughtsdriftedtotheindistinctshadowsofmymemory.

Myopponent’snamewasJohnDoe.Therewereothercompetitorsatthetournament,buttheyhadneverposedanythreattomytitle.ForaslongasIhadcompetedinthistournament,Ihadeasilytakentheblackbeltchampionshipinmydivision.John,however,wasthemostphenomenalmartialartistIhadeverhadthehonorofwitnessingatmyyoungageofthirteen.Andhewasinmydivision.Althoughhewasthesamerank,age,size,andweightasI,hesurpassedmeinalmosteveryaspectofourtraining.Hisfeetwerelightning,andhishandswerevirtuallyinvisibleintheiragileswiftness.HewieldedthepowerofabearwhileappearingnolargerthanI.Hisformandtechniqueswereexecutedwithnearperfection.AlthoughIhadneverdefeatedhisflawlessnessbefore,victorydidnotseemunattainable.Foreventhoughhewasextraordinary,hewasnotmuchmoretalentedthanI.IamnotsayingthathewasnotskilledoreventhathewasnotmoreskilledthanI,forhemostcertainlywas,butjustnotmuchmorethanI.Istillhadonehope,howeverlittle,ofvanquishingthisincredibleadversary,forJohnhadoneweakness:

hewaslazy.Hedidn’tenjoypracticinglonghoursorworkinghard.Hedidn’thaveto.Nevertheless,Ihadfoundmypassagetotriumph.

Mymindracedevenfartherbacktoallmyotherfailures.Imustadmitthatmyrecordwasnotveryimpressive.NeverbeforehadIcompletedanything.Iplayedsoccer.Iquit.IwasaCubScout.Iquit.Iplayedtrumpet.Iquit.KaratewasallIhadleft.ThechampionshipmeantsomuchbecauseIhadneverperseveredwithanythingelse.

Inthelastmonths,Ihadtrainedwithunearthlystaminaanddetermination.Ihadfocusedallmyenergiesintopracticingforthissoleaspiration.EverydayoftheweekItrained.Everyevening,Icouldbefoundkicking,blocking,andpunchingatanimaginaryopponentinmyroom.Hoursofconstantdrillinghadimprovedmytechniquesandspeed.Allmytechniqueswereingrainedtothepointwheretheywereinstinctive.Daysandweekspassedtooswiftly....

Iwasabruptlyjoltedbackintothepresent.Thecarwaspullingintotheparkinglot.Thetournamenthadtooquicklyarrived,andIstilldidnotfeelpreparedforthetrialwhichIwastoconfront.Isteppedoutofthecarintothebrightmorningsun,andwithmyequipmentbaginhand,walkedintothetoweringbuilding.

Thedaywasablur.Afterwarmingupandstretching,Isatdownonthecoldwoodenfloor,closedmyeyes,andfocused.Iclearedmymindofeverythought,everyworry,andeveryinsecurity.WhenIopenedmyeyes,everysenseandnervehadbecomesharpandattentive,everymotionfinelytunedanddeliberate.

Thepreliminaryroundswerequietandpainless,andthechampionshipfightwassuddenlybeforeme.IcouldseethatJohnlookedascalmandasconfidentasever.AdrenalineracedthroughmybodyasIsteppedintothering.Webowedtoeachotherandtotheinstructor,andthematchbegan.

Iapologize,butIdonotrecallmostofthefight.Idofaintlyrememberthatwhentimeranoutthescorewastied,andwewereforcedtogointoSuddenDeath:

whoeverscoredthenextpointwouldwin.That,however,Idorecall.

Iwastired.ThegruelingtwopointsthatIhadwonalreadyhadnotbeenenough.IneededonemorebeforeIcouldtastetriumph.Iwasdeterminedtowin,thoughIhadlittleenergyremaining.Johnappearedunfazed,butIcouldn’tallowhimtodiscourageme.Ifocusedmyentirebeing,myentireconsciousness,onovercomingthisinvinciblenemesis.Icharged.Allmystrenuoustraining,everymoleculeinmybody,everylastdropofdesirewasdirected,concentratedonthatsinglepurposeasIexplodedthroughhisdefensesanddroveasolitaryfisttoitsmark.

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IwasnotawarethatIwouldneverfightJohnagain,butIwouldnothavecared.NeverbeforehadIheldthisprizeinmyhands,butthroughpure,saltysweatandviciousdetermination,theachievementthatIhaddesiredsodearlyandwhichmeantsomuchtomewasmineatlast.ThiswasthefirsttimethatIhadeverreallymadeanotableaccomplishmentinanything.Thisoneexperience,thisoneinstant,changedmeforever.ThatdayIfoundself-confidenceanddiscoveredthatperseveranceyieldsitsownsweetfruit.Thatdayasenseofinvincibilitypermeatedtheair.Mountainswerenothing.Thesunwasn’tsobrightandbrilliantanymore.Foramoment,Iwasthebest.

COMMENTS:

Theadmissionsofficersadmiredthisessayforitspassionandsincerity.Infact,mostofthenoteddrawbackswerebasedonthewriterbeingtoopassionate.“Kindofatempestinateapot,don’tyouthink?

”wroteone.Othersuggestionsforimprovementwere“purelyeditorial”suchastheoveruseofadjectivesandadverbs,usingapassivevoice,andmakingcontradictorystatements.“Forexample,hesays,‘Isleptsoundlyandcomfortablyasthosenervousdeliberationscreptintomydefenseless,unsuspectingmind,pilferingmycalmcomposure.’Howcouldhesleepsoundlyandcomfortablyifthenervousdeliberationswerepilferinghiscalmcomposure?

ThereareafewotherexampleslikethatthatIwon’tgointohere.Iwouldjustsuggestthattheauthorlookcarefullytobesurehisideasstayconsistentandsupportoneanother.”

WhatIlikeaboutthisessayfromthepointofviewofanadmissionofficeristhatIamconvincedthatthechangeinattitudedescribedbytheauthorisreal.Idobelievethathewillcarrywithhimforeverthehard-wonknowledgethathecanattainhisgoals,thatperseveranceandhardworkwilleventuallyallowhimtosucceedinanyendeavor.Thisisanimportantqualitytobringtothecollegeexperience.Especiallywhenconsideringapplicationstoprestigiousinstitutions,theadmissioncommitteewillwanttofeelsurethattheapplicantsunderstandtheneedforhardworkandperseverance.Manytimesthestrongest-lookingapplicantsarestudentsforwhomacademicsuccesshascomesoeasilythatthechallengesofcollegecomeasashock.Ialwayslikehearingstorieslikethis,ofstudentswhoknowwhatitmeanstostruggleandfinallysucceed.

SAMPLEESSAY2:

Harvard,hobbiesandinterests:

Violin

Struckwithsuddenpanic,IhastilyflippedthroughthemanypapersinmytravelfolderuntilIspottedtheticket.Inervouslythr