friends 808.docx

friends 808.docx

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friends808

808-TheOneWithTheStripper

________________________________________________________________________

Writtenby:

AndrewReichandTedCohen

Transcribedby:

JeanLiew

________________________________________________________________________

[Scene:

CentralPerk.They’reallthereexceptforRoss.RachelwalksuptoPhoebe.]

Rachel:

HeyPheebs.

Phoebe:

Huh?

Rachel:

I’mhavingdinnerwithmydadtomorrownight,doyouwanttocome?

Phoebe:

Sure,ok,he’skindasexy!

Rachel:

Ohno,no,I’mgoingtobetheretoo.

Phoebe:

Ok,sowecancomeupwithsomekindofsignal.Ifit’sgoingwell,youcanjusttakeoff.

Rachel:

Yeah,Pheebs,Ijustneedyouthereforsupport.Ihaven’ttoldhimthatI’mpregnantyet.

Phoebe:

Whynot?

Rachel:

CauseIknowhe’sgoingtofreakoutandIhateitwhenhegetsangry.

Phoebe:

OhRachel!

Thisisallso“Papadon’tpreach.”

Rachel:

Pheebs,he’sascaryguy!

Imean,onetimehecaughtmesmokingandhesaidifIeverdoitagain,he’sgoingtomakemeeatthewholepack.

Phoebe:

Wow!

Well,Iwillbethere!

Rachel:

Thanks.

Phoebe:

Gosh,I’mnotgoingtoletthatmanmakeyoueatyourbaby!

（Theysitdown）Op,hey,whoisthatguy?

（theylookataguykissingsomewoman）IthinkIknowhim.

Monica:

Noyoudon’t!

!

Rachel:

Noyoudon’t.

Phoebe:

OhmyGod!

Monica,he’sthestripperfromyourbacheloretteparty!

!

Chandler:

Herwhat?

!

Phoebe:

Yoursecretbacheloretteparty.

Chandler:

Youhadabacheloretteparty?

Phoebe:

Sheuntiedhisg-stringwithherteeth.Somebodystopme!

!

Chandler:

Ithoughtweweren’tgoingtohavebachelor/bacheloretteparties.Weagreedthatitwasasillytradition.

Joey:

Agrandtradition!

Monica:

I’msorry!

Theysurprisedme!

TherewasnothingIcoulddo!

Rachel:

Well,youcould’veuntieditwithyourhands.

Joey:

Thisissounfair.TheonethingIwantedtodowasthrowmyfriendabachelorparty,but,oh,Iwasn’tallowedto.Allwegotwasastupidsteakdinner.

Chandler:

Youwenthomewiththewaitress.

（Joeyreminisces.）

Joey:

Uh,yeah,thatwasaprettygoodnight.

Chandler:

Ican’tbelieveyoudidn’ttellme.Youknowthatthetwopillarsofmarriagearehappinessandhonesty!

Monica:

Uh!

Iknowgivingyouthatbookwouldcomebackandbitemeintheass!

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

Arestaurant.Phoebe,RachelandDr.Greenarelookingatmenus.]

Dr.Green:

HowaboutIordereveryonetheMoroccanchicken?

Phoebe:

Oh,I,Idon’teatmeat.

Dr.Green:

It’schicken!

!

Phoebe:

Yeah,Idon’teatthateither.

Dr.Green:

Idon’tunderstandyouLesbians.（RachelmouthssomethingtoPhoebe）So,baby,whatisnewwithyou?

Rachel:

Actually,um-

（Awaitercomeswiththewine.）

Waiter:

Your‘74Lafitte,sir.

Dr.Green:

‘74?

!

Iordereda‘75.That’samagnificentwine.The‘74issewage!

Whywouldyoubringmesewage?

!

Isthatahardquestion?

Areyouanidiot?

Isthatwhyyou’reawaiter?

Waiter:

ThisiswhyItoldthemanagerIwouldn’twaitonyoutonight!

（Hegoesoff.）

Dr.Green:

Oh,don’tbesuchababy!

（Hefollowshim.）

Rachel:

Incaseyoudidn’tnotice,thatisascaryman.

Phoebe:

Andhe’srightthough.The‘74isabsolutepiss!

Rachel:

Thiswassuchahugemistake.Ican’ttellhim,Phoebe.Ican’t,Ican’t.

Phoebe:

Rachel!

Rachel:

No,it’sok.thisiswhatI’mgoingtodo.I’mgoingtowaitacoupleofyearsandthenthebabywilltellhim.

Phoebe:

What?

Sohecangetmadatthebaby?

Rachel:

Thatisthebaby’sproblem.（Dr.Greenreturns）Ah,everythingokwiththewaiter?

Dr.Green:

Ihavenoidea.Iwenttothebar.So,sweetie,youwerestartingtotellme.Whatis,whatisnewwithyou?

Rachel:

Well,uhhh,I’m-IgotTiVo!

Dr.Green:

What’sTiVo?

Phoebe:

It’sslangfor“pregnant.”

Rachel:

Phoebe!

Dr.Green:

Areyoureallypregnant?

Rachel:

Uh,yesandno.Except,notno.Sotosumitup,yeah!

Dr.Green:

Who’sthefather?

Ah,no,pleasedon’ttellmeit’sher.

Rachel:

No,it’sRoss.It’sRoss.YoulikeRoss!

（Heshakeshishead）Daddy,Ihopeyou’reokwithit.Imean,thisisagoodthing.Thisisyourfirstgrandchild!

You’regonnabeaPoppy!

Dr.Green:

That’strue.

Rachel:

Yeah

Dr.Green:

I’mgoingtobeaPoppy!

Oh,I’mgoingtobeaPoppy!

Rachel:

Ohyeah!

（They’rebothlaughing.）

Dr.Green:

Oh...oh...So,whenisthewedding?

Rachel:

Uh,hmm,who?

Dr.Green:

Thewedding.There’sgoingtobeawedding.Younglady,don’tyousitthereandtellmethatmyfirstgrandchildisgoingtobeabastard.RachelKarenGreen,tellmethere’sgoingtobeawedding!

!

Rachel:

February2nd!

[Scene:

CentralPerk.Chandler,Joey,RossandMonaarethere.]

Mona:

So,ifwasreallycoolseeingyoulecturetoday.

Ross:

Oh,thanks.Although,uh,itkindaseemedyouwerefallingasleepthere.

Mona:

Oh,no,no.IhadmyeyesclosedsoIcould,y’know,concentrateandtakeitallin.

Ross:

Yeah,alotofmystudentsdothat.

Mona:

Umm...So,um,Igottagetgoing.

Ross:

I’llseeyoutonight?

Mona:

Yeah.

Ross:

Bye.

（Theykiss.）

Mona:

Oh,thanksagainforshowingmeyoursemi-preciousstonecollection.Itwasamazing!

（Sheleaves.）

Chandler:

MyGod,youmustbegoodinbed!

Joey:

So,youandMona.It’sbeenawhilenow,how’sitgoing?

Ross:

Uh,it’sgood.It’s,it’sgoinggood.Imean,wegetalonegreat.She,she’sso-

Joey:

Hot?

Ross:

Iwasgoingtosaysweet,butyuh-huh!

Chandler:

Andshe’sokwithRachelandthebaby?

Ross:

Well,Ihaven’tactuallytoldheryet.Idon’twanttoscareher.

Chandler:

Well,yougottabehonestwithher,otherwiseyoumaythinkyou’regoingdownthesamepath,butyou’reactuallygoingdowndifferentones.

Joey:

I’mgonnatakethatbookandI’mgonnabeatyoutodeathwithit.

（Monicaenters.）

Monica:

OhmyGod,you’regonnalovemesomuch!

Ifeltsobadaboutthebachelorettething,sotonight,you‘regonnahaveabachelorparty!

Chandler:

What?

Monica:

Yeah,IgotthisnumberfromaguyatworkandIhiredastrippertocomedanceforyou.AmIgoingintothewifehalloffameorwhat?

!

Chandler:

Honey,that’scrazy!

Idon’tneedyoutogetmeastripper!

Joey:

Willyoulettheladytalk?

!

Monica:

Comeon,comeon!

It’llbefun!

It’llmakemefeelsomuchbetter.

Chandler:

Iappreciateit,butit’ssortacreepy,y’know?

I’mnotabacheloranymore.

Monica:

Sodon’tthinkofitasabachelorparty.Thinkofitasatwomonthanniversarypresent.

Ross:

Oneyearispaperbuttwomonthsisalapdance!

（Joeynods.）

Monica:

Please,Ifeelsobad!

Justwatchthehotwomangetnaked!

Chandler:

Fine,fine,butI’monlydoingthisforyou.

Joey:

Yeah!

Chandler:

AndJoey.

Monica:

Thankyou.Allright,whoelsedoyouwanttoinvite?

Chandler:

JustRoss,RossandJoeyareembarrassingenough.

Ross:

Uh,sorry,Ican’tmakeit.I’mseeingMonaagaintonight.

Chandler:

Iunderstand.Whowouldcancelanactualdatejusttogotoabachelorparty?

（Joey’sonthephonewithagirlfriend.）

Joey:

I’msorry,Igottacanceltonight,baby.

（Hegivesthemathumbup.）

[Scene:

Therestaurant.PhoebeandRachelareatthetablealone.]

Phoebe:

I’msorry.Ican’tmakeittoyourimaginarywedding,but,uh,I’mreallybusythatday.I,I,IalreadyhaveaunicornBaptismandaleprechaunBarMitzvah.

Rachel:

Allright,allright.I,I,Ipanicked,Ipanicked.Ijustdidn’twanthimtostartyellingatmelikeIwassome‘74Latour.

Phoebe:

Lafitte.The‘74Latourisactuallydrinkingquitenicely.

（Dr.Greeniscomingback.）

Rachel:

Allright,herehecomes.I’mgoingtodothis.I’mgoingtobestrong.

Dr.Green:

Ijustcalledafriendofmine.

Rachel:

Yeah.

Dr.Green:

IthinkImaybeabletobookthePlazaonshortnotice.

Rachel:

Really?

!

ThePlaza?

!

!

OhDaddy!

!

!

（hugshim）Right.Daddy.Ineedtotalktoyou.Pleasesitdown.

Dr.Green:

Whatisit,sweetie?

Rachel:

There’snotgoingtobeawedding.RossandIaren’tgettingmarried.

Dr.Green:

What?

Rachel:

I’msorry,Daddy.

Dr.Green:

Idon’tbelievethis!

!

!

Rachel:

Allright,staycalm,Daddy,please.

Dr.Green:

How?

!

Howdoyouexpectmetostaycalm?

!

!

Thisisunacceptable,Rachel!

!

AndIwannaknowwhy!

!

IsitbecausethatpunkRosswon’tmarryyou?

AmIright?

!

!

Rachel:

Yes,yes,hesaysI’mdamagedgoods.

（Phoebe’smouthdropsopen.）

[Scene:

ChandlerandMonica’s,Chandler’sbachelorparty.He’swearingagoldcrownandJoey’swearingagoldtophat.They’rewaitingforthestripper.]

Joey:

So,uh,younervousaboutgettingmarried?

Chandler:

Whatareyoudoing?

Joey:

Look,let’spretendit’sarealbachelorparty,ok?

Like,beforeyourwedding.It’llbemorefun.

Chandler:

Ican‘tbelievetomorrow’sthebigday.

Joey:

How’sitfeelknowingyou’renevergoingtobewithanotherwomanagain?

Knowingyou’regoingtowakeuptothesamefaceeveryday,untilyou’refinallygoingtohavethesweetreleaseofdeath?

Chandler:

You’reright,thisismorefun.

（There’sknockingonthedoor.）

Joey:

It’sher.Ok,comeon!

（Theyopenthedoor.）

Stripper:

Hi.

Chandler:

Hi.

（Joeyblowshisnoisemaker.）

Stripper:

So,whichoneofyouluckyboysisChandler?

Joey:

Oh,that,that,that’sme!

Chandler:

That’sme.

Joey:

JoeyTribbiani.（shakeshands）Bigfan.

Stripper:

Sothat’sthebedroom?

Chandler:

Yeah,yeah,rightoverthere.

Stripper:

Wheneveryou’reready.

（Shegoesin.）

Chandler:

Thatwasweird.

Joey:

Why,whywouldshegointhebedroom?

Stripper:

I’mwaiting!

（Theygoinandimmediatelycomeout.）

Chandler:

Soshe’sa-

Joey:

Yep,that’sonenakedhooker!

[Scene:

Ross’splace.He’shavingwinewithMona.]

Mona:

Iloveyourplace!

（Picksupastatuette）Where’sthisguyfrom?

Ross:

Uh,that’san18thcenturyIndianartifactfromCalcutta.

Mona:

Oh,so,you’remorethanjustdinosaurs.

Ross:

Somuchmore.

（TheykissandMonakicksovertheIndianthing.）

Mona:

Oh,ohmyGod.I’msosorry!

Ross:

It’sallright.It’sf