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Collins
THETRAVELLER'SSTORYOF
ATERRIBLYSTRANGEBED
byWilkieCollins
www.world-english.org
Shortlyaftermyeducationatcollegewasfinished,Ihappenedtobe
stayingatPariswithanEnglishfriend.Wewerebothyoungmenthen,andlived,
Iamafraid,ratherawildlife,inthedelightfulcityofoursojourn.One
nightwewereidlingabouttheneighborhoodofthePalaisRoyal,doubtfulto
whatamusementweshouldnextbetakeourselves.Myfriendproposedavisitto
Frascati's;buthissuggestionwasnottomytaste.IknewFrascati's,asthe
Frenchsayingis,byheart;hadlostandwonplentyoffive-francpiecesthere,
merelyforamusement'ssake,untilitwasamusementnolonger,andwas
thoroughlytired,infact,ofalltheghastlyrespectabilitiesofsuchasocial
anomalyasarespectablegambling-house."ForHeaven'ssake,"saidItomy
friend,"letusgosomewherewherewecanseealittlegenuine,blackguard,
poverty-strickengamingwithnofalsegingerbreadglitterthrownoveritall.
LetusgetawayfromfashionableFrascati's,toahousewheretheydon'tmind
lettinginamanwitharaggedcoat,oramanwithnocoat,raggedor
otherwise.""Verywell,"saidmyfriend,"weneedn'tgooutofthePalaisRoyal
tofindthesortofcompanyyouwant.Here'stheplacejustbeforeus;as
blackguardaplace,byallreport,asyoucouldpossiblywishtosee."In
anotherminutewearrivedatthedoor,andenteredthehouse,thebackofwhich
youhavedrawninyoursketch.
Whenwegotupstairs,andhadleftourhatsandstickswiththedoorkeeper,
wewereadmittedintothechiefgambling-room.Wedidnotfindmanypeople
assembledthere.But,fewasthemenwerewholookedupatusonourentrance,
theywerealltypes--lamentablytruetypes--oftheirrespectiveclasses.
Wehadcometoseeblackguards;butthesemenweresomethingworse.Thereis
acomicside,moreorlessappreciable,inallblackguardism--heretherewas
nothingbuttragedy--mute,weirdtragedy.Thequietintheroomwashorrible.
Thethin,haggard,long-hairedyoungman,whosesunkeneyesfiercelywatchedthe
turningupofthecards,neverspoke;theflabby,fat-faced,pimplyplayer,who
prickedhispieceofpasteboardperseveringly,toregisterhowoftenblackwon,
andhowoftenred--neverspoke;thedirty,wrinkledoldman,withthevulture
eyesandthedarnedgreat-coat,whohadlosthislastsou,andstilllookedon
desperately,afterhecouldplaynolonger--neverspoke.Eventhevoiceofthe
croupiersoundedasifitwerestrangelydulledandthickenedintheatmosphere
oftheroom.Ihadenteredtheplacetolaugh,butthespectaclebeforemewas
somethingtoweepover.Isoonfounditnecessarytotakerefugeinexcitement
fromthedepressionofspiritswhichwasfaststealingonme.UnfortunatelyI
soughtthenearestexcitement,bygoingtothetableandbeginningtoplay.
Stillmoreunfortunately,astheeventwillshow,Iwon--wonprodigiously;won
incredibly;wonatsucharatethattheregularplayersatthetablecrowded
roundme;andstaringatmystakeswithhungry,superstitiouseyes,whisperedto
oneanotherthattheEnglishstrangerwasgoingtobreakthebank.
ThegamewasRougeetNoir.IhadplayedatitineverycityinEurope,
without,however,thecareorthewishtostudytheTheoryofChances--that
philosopher'sstoneofallgamblers!
Andagambler,inthestrictsenseofthe
word,Ihadneverbeen.Iwasheart-wholefromthecorrodingpassionforplay.
Mygamingwasamereidleamusement.Ineverresortedtoitbynecessity,
becauseIneverknewwhatitwastowantmoney.Ineverpracticeditso
incessantlyastolosemorethanIcouldafford,ortogainmorethanIcould
coollypocketwithoutbeingthrownoffmybalancebymygoodluck.Inshort,I
hadhithertofrequentedgambling-tables--justasIfrequentedball-roomsand
opera-houses--becausetheyamusedme,andbecauseIhadnothingbettertodo
withmyleisurehours.
Butonthisoccasionitwasverydifferent--now,forthefirsttimeinmy
life,Ifeltwhatthepassionforplayreallywas.Mysuccessfirstbewildered,
andthen,inthemostliteralmeaningoftheword,intoxicatedme.Incredibleas
itmayappear,itisneverthelesstrue,thatIonlylostwhenIattemptedto
estimatechances,andplayedaccordingtopreviouscalculation.IfIleft
everythingtoluck,andstakedwithoutanycareorconsideration,Iwassureto
win--towininthefaceofeveryrecognizedprobabilityinfavorofthebank.At
firstsomeofthemenpresentventuredtheirmoneysafelyenoughonmycolor;
butIspeedilyincreasedmystakestosumswhichtheydarednotrisk.Oneafter
anothertheyleftoffplaying,andbreathlesslylookedonatmygame.
Still,timeaftertime,Istakedhigherandhigher,andstillwon.The
excitementintheroomrosetofeverpitch.Thesilencewasinterruptedbya
deep-mutteredchorusofoathsandexclamationsindifferentlanguages,every
timethegoldwasshoveledacrosstomysideofthetable--eventhe
imperturbablecroupierdashedhisrakeonthefloorina(French)furyof
astonishmentatmysuccess.Butonemanpresentpreservedhisself-possession,
andthatmanwasmyfriend.Hecametomyside,andwhisperinginEnglish,
beggedmetoleavetheplace,satisfiedwithwhatIhadalreadygained.Imust
dohimthejusticetosaythatherepeatedhiswarningsandentreatiesseveral
times,andonlyleftmeandwentawayafterIhadrejectedhisadvice(Iwasto
allintentsandpurposesgamblingdrunk)intermswhichrendereditimpossible
forhimtoaddressmeagainthatnight.
Shortlyafterhehadgone,ahoarsevoicebehindmecried:
"Permitme,my
dearsir--permitmetorestoretotheirproperplacetwonapoleonswhichyou
havedropped.Wonderfulluck,sir!
Ipledgeyoumywordofhonor,asanold
soldier,inthecourseofmylongexperienceinthissortofthing,Ineversaw
suchluckasyours--never!
Goon,sir--SacrŽmillebombes!
Goonboldly,and
breakthebank!
"
Iturnedroundandsaw,noddingandsmilingatmewithinveteratecivility,
atallman,dressedinafroggedandbraidedsurtout.
IfIhadbeeninmysenses,Ishouldhaveconsideredhim,personally,as
beingratherasuspiciousspecimenofanoldsoldier.Hehadgoggling,bloodshot
eyes,mangymustaches,andabrokennose.Hisvoicebetrayedabarrack-room
intonationoftheworstorder,andhehadthedirtiestpairofhandsIever
saw--eveninFrance.Theselittlepersonalpeculiaritiesexercised,however,no
repellinginfluenceonme.Inthemadexcitement,therecklesstriumphofthat
moment,Iwasreadyto"fraternize"withanybodywhoencouragedmeinmygame.I
acceptedtheoldsoldier'sofferedpinchofsnuff;clappedhimontheback,and
sworehewasthehonestestfellowintheworld--themostgloriousrelicofthe
GrandArmythatIhadevermetwith."Goon!
"criedmymilitaryfriend,snapping
hisfingersinecstasy--"Goon,andwin!
Breakthebank--Milletonnerres!
my
gallantEnglishcomrade,breakthebank!
"
AndIdidgoon--wentonatsucharate,thatinanotherquarterofanhour
thecroupiercalledout,"Gentlemen,thebankhasdiscontinuedforto-night."
Allthenotes,andallthegoldinthat"bank,"nowlayinaheapundermy
hands;thewholefloatingcapitalofthegambling-housewaswaitingtopourinto
mypockets!
"Tieupthemoneyinyourpocket-handkerchief,myworthysir,"saidtheold
soldier,asIwildlyplungedmyhandsintomyheapofgold."Tieitup,aswe
usedtotieupabitofdinnerintheGrandArmy;yourwinningsaretooheavy
foranybreeches-pocketsthateverweresewed.There!
that'sit--shovelthemin,
notesandall!
CrediŽ!
whatluck!
Stop!
anothernapoleononthefloor!
Ah!
sacrŽ
petitpolissondeNapoleon!
haveIfoundtheeatlast?
Nowthen,sir--twotight
doubleknotseachwaywithyourhonorablepermission,andthemoney'ssafe.Feel
it!
feelit,fortunatesir!
hardandroundasacannon-ball--Ah,bah!
ifthey
hadonlyfiredsuchcannon-ballsatusatAusterlitz--nomd'unepipe!
ifthey
onlyhad!
Andnow,asanancientgrenadier,asanex-braveoftheFrencharmy,
whatremainsformetodo?
Iaskwhat?
Simplythis:
toentreatmyvaluedEnglish
friendtodrinkabottleofChampagnewithme,andtoastthegoddessFortunein
foaminggobletsbeforewepart!
"
Excellentex-brave!
Convivialancientgrenadier!
Champagnebyallmeans!
An
Englishcheerforanoldsoldier!
Hurrah!
hurrah!
AnotherEnglishcheerforthe
goddessFortune!
Hurrah!
hurrah!
hurrah!
"Bravo!
theEnglishman;theamiable,graciousEnglishman,inwhoseveins
circulatesthevivaciousbloodofFrance!
Anotherglass?
Ah,bah!
--thebottleis
empty!
Nevermind!
Vivelevin!
I,theoldsoldier,orderanotherbottle,and
halfapoundofbonbonswithit!
"
"No,no,ex-brave;never--ancientgrenadier!
Yourbottlelasttime;my
bottlethis.Beholdit!
Toastaway!
TheFrenchArmy!
thegreatNapoleon!
the
presentcompany!
thecroupier!
thehonestcroupier'swifeanddaughters--ifhe
hasany!
theLadiesgenerally!
everybodyintheworld!
"
BythetimethesecondbottleofChampagnewasemptied,IfeltasifIhad
beendrinkingliquidfire--mybrainseemedallaflame.Noexcessinwinehad
everhadthiseffectonmebeforeinmylife.Wasittheresultofastimulant
actinguponmysystemwhenIwasinahighlyexcitedstate?
Wasmystomachina
particularlydisorderedcondition?
OrwastheChampagneamazinglystrong?
"Ex-braveoftheFrenchArmy!
"criedI,inamadstateofexhilaration,"I
amonfire!
howareyou?
Youhavesetmeonfire!
Doyouhear,myheroof
Austerlitz?
LetushaveathirdbottleofChampagnetoputtheflameout!
"
Theoldsoldierwaggedhishead,rolledhisgoggle-eyes,untilIexpectedto
see