311 The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Which Sister.docx

311 The One Where Chandler Cant Remember Which Sister.docx

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311TheOneWhereChandlerCantRememberWhichSister

311TheOneWhereChandlerCan'tRememberWhichSister

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Monica,Phoebe,Ross,Joey,andRachelarethere,Joeyisdemonstratingacardtrick.]

Joey:

Okay,pickacard,anycard.（Monicapicksone）Allright,nowmemorizeit.Showtoeverybody.Gotit?

Monica:

Um-mm.

Joey:

Allright,giveitbacktome.（takesthecardback,buthelooksatthecardbeforeheputsitbackinthedeck,heholdsthedecktohisforehead,andthinksalittlewhile）5ofhearts.

（Monicaissarcasticallyamazed.）

Ross:

Realmagicdoesexist.

Rachel:

Wow.

Monica:

Wow.Joey,（sarcastically）howdoyoudoit?

Joey:

Ican'ttellyouthat,no.

（Wehearsomeknockingcomingfromtheceiling.）

Ross:

Ah,somebody'satthedoorontheceiling.

Rachel:

Noo,that'sourunbelievablyloudupstairsneighbor.

Monica:

Hetookupthecarpet,andnowyoucanheareverything.

Phoebe:

Whydon'tyougoupthereandaskhimto'steplightly,please?

'

Monica:

Ihavelikefivetimes,buttheguyissocharming,thatIgouptheretoyellandthenIendupapologizingtohim.

Phoebe:

Ooh,thatissilly.（getsup）I'llgoupthere,I'lltellhimtokeepitdown.

Monica:

Allright,bemyguest.

Rachel:

Goodluck.

（Phoebeexits）

Joey:

Allright,allright,allright,allright,allright,youreallywannaknowhowIdidit,I'llshowya.Whenyouhandedmebackthecard,whatyoudidn'tseewas,Ilookedatitsofastthatitwasinvisibletothenakedeye.（picksupacardandquicklylooksatit）Ijustdidit.（doesitagain）Ijustdidit,again.Here,I'llslowitdownsothatyouguyscanseeit.（looksandthecardinslowmotion）

All:

Oh,Igotit.

（WehearPhoebeknockatthedoorupstairs,andtheguyanswerit.）

Phoebe:

（muffledthroughthefloor）Yeah,lookIwaswithmyfrienddownstairsandweheareverythingupherethatyoudo,andIamsickandtired...（Itiredbuttherestisunintelligible）.

Guy:

（muffled）Whoa,youareverybeautiful.

Phoebe:

（muffled）Oh,thankyou.

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,continuedfromearlier.]

Chandler:

（entering）Hey,anybodygotalengthofropeaboutsixfeetlongwithalittlenouseattheend?

Monica:

Honey,what'sthematter?

Chandler:

IjustsawJanice.

All:

Oh.

Chandler:

Yeah,shewasatRockefellerCenterskatingwithherhusband,shelookedsohappy.Ialmostfeelbadforwhippingthatkid'spretzelatthem.

Joey:

Man,IrememberthefirsttimeIsawthatgirlKatherine,afterwebrokeup.ShewasjustwalkingwithherfriendDonna,justlaughingandtalking.God,itkilledme.

Chandler:

Yes,butyouendeduphavingsexwithbothofthemthatafternoon.

Joey:

Sorry,Ijust,anyexcusetotellthatstoryy'know....

Ross:

HeyChandler,there'sapartytomorrow,you'llfeelbetterthen.

Chandler:

Oh,y'knowwhat,I'mgonnabeokay,youdon'thavetothrowapartyforme.

Monica:

It'sJoey'sbirthday.

Chandler:

Oh,wellthen,ifanybodyshouldhaveapartyitshouldbehim.

（WehearPhoebe'smuffledvoicethroughtheceiling.）

Monica:

Sush!

!

Icannotbelievesheisstillupthere.

（Weheartheguytellingajoke,andPhoebelaughing.）

Chandler:

Okay,wellhetotallyscrewedupthepunchline.Y'know,it'ssupposedtobearrghh-ehog-errigh.

[Scene:

FortunataFashions,Rachel'snewjob.]

Mr.Kaplan:

（entering）How'sthatcoffeecomin,'dear?

Rachel:

（jumpingupfromreadinghermagazine）Yeah,rightawayMr.Kaplan.

Mr.Kaplan:

I'mnotsupposedtodrinkcoffee,itmakesmegassy.

Rachel:

Iknow!

Mr.Kaplan:

I'llbetyourthinking,'What'sanintelligentgirlwhowantstobeinfashion,doingmakingcoffee?

'Eh?

Rachel:

Op.

Mr.Kaplan:

Eh.

Rachel:

Oh,yougotme.

Mr.Kaplan:

Well,don'tthinkIhaven'tnoticedyourpotential.Well,I'vegotaprojectforyouthat'salotmorerelatedtofashion.Howdoesthatsound?

Rachel:

Oh,thatsoundsgreat.

Mr.Kaplan:

Comeonoverhere,sweetheart.（theywalkovertoastoragecloset）

Rachel:

OhthankyousomuchMr.Kaplan,thankyousomuch.

Mr.Kaplan:

（openingtheclosetdoorrevealingthatit'sfulloftangleduphangers.）IneedthesehangersseparatedASAP.（sheisstunned）You'rewelcome.

[Scene:

TheMoondanceDiner,RachelistalkingtoMonicaaboutherjob.]

Rachel:

OhGod,Ihatemyjob,Ihateit,Ihatemyjob,Ihateit.

Monica:

Iknowhoney,I'msorry.

Rachel:

Oh,Iwannaquit,butthenIthinkIshouldstickitout,thenIthinkwhywouldsuchapersonstayinsuchademeaningjob,justbecauseit'sremotelyrelatedtothefieldthey'reinterestedin.

Monica:

（givesheralook）Gee,Idon'tknowRach.Orderup!

!

IgotaYentelsoup,aJamesBeans,andaHowdyholdtheDowdy!

Rachel:

Ohhoney,comeon,I'msorry,Ididn't....Idon'tmindpayingmydues,y'know,itsjusthowmuchamIgonnalearnaboutfashionbywalkingMira,thearthriticseamstress,tothebathroom.

（Aguyattheendofthetablestartslaughing.）

Rachel:

（tohim）Hi!

Ismymiseryamusingtoyou?

Guy:

I'msorry,Iwa,Iwa,Iwasjustah....（startstolaughagain）

Rachel:

It'snotfunny,thisisactuallymyjob.

Guy:

Ohbelieveme,I-I-I'vebeenthere.IhadtosortmannequinheadsatthatMannequinsPlus.

Rachel:

Ohwellthen,soI'mjustgoingtogobacktotalkingtomyfriendhere.Andyoucangobacktoenjoyingyourlittlehamburger.

Guy:

Ah,justoneotherthing.

Rachel:

Yes?

!

Guy:

Iah,IworkatBloomingdale'sandImightknowofajobpossibilityifyour,ifyourinterested?

Rachel:

（looksatMonica）（tohim）Doyouwantmypickle?

[Scene:

ChandlerandJoey's,it'sJoey'sparty.]

Gunther:

（toMonicaandPhoebe）Heyguys.

Monica:

HeyGunther.Hi.（toPhoebe）Imeanyou'regoingoutonadatewiththenoisyguyupstairs?

Phoebe:

Well,he'sverycharming.

Monica:

Iknow,he'stoocharming,butifyoutwostartgoingout,thenit'sjustgonnamakeitsomuchharderformetohatehim.

Phoebe:

Well,you'rejustgonnahavetotry.

Monica:

Joey,wherearetheJell-oshots?

Joey:

Idon'tknow,Chandlerissupposedtobepassin''emaround...

（CameracutstoshowChandlergivingaJelloshottotheceramicdogandholdinganemptytrayofJelloshots.）

Joey:

Chandler!

Chandler:

Hello-dillillio!

!

Ross:

Oh,somebody'sfeelingbetter.

Monica:

（toChandler）Stickoutyourtongue.

Chandler:

（toMonica）Takeoffyourshirt!

（Chandlersticksoutistongueandit'sahorribleshadeofgreen.）

Monica:

Ohmy!

!

Joey:

OhmyGod!

Howmanyofthesethingsdidyouhave?

Thesearepurevodka.

Chandler:

Yeah,Jell-ojustlikeMomusedtomake.

Rachel:

（entering,toRoss）Themostunbelievablethinghappenedtometoday.

Ross:

Hi!

Rachel:

Hi!

SoI'mouthavinglunchatMonica'sandthisguystartstalkingtome,anditturnsoutheworksforabuyeratBloomingdale'sandtherehappenstobeanopeninginhisdepartment.SoIgavehimmyphonenumberandhe'sgonnacallmethisweekendtoseeifhecangetmeaninterview!

Ross:

Wow!

Rachel:

Iknow!

Ross:

What,sothisguyishelpingyoufornoapparentreason?

Rachel:

Uh-huh!

Ross:

Andhe's,he'satotalstranger?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Hisnameisum,Marksomething.

Ross:

Huh.SoundslikeMarkSomethingwantstohavesomesex.

Rachel:

What!

?

Ross:

Well,I'mjustsaying,Imeanwhyelsewouldhejust,y'know,swoopinoutofnowherefornoreason.

Rachel:

Tobenice.

Ross:

Hey,Joey.Aremenevernicetostrangewomenfornoreason?

Joey:

No,onlyforsex.

Ross:

Thankyou.（toRachel）Sodidyouah,didyoutellMarkSomethingaboutme?

Rachel:

Ididn'thaveto,becauseIwaswearingmy'IheartRoss'sandwichboardandringingmybell.

Ross:

Uh-huh.

Joey'sSisters:

（entering）Joey!

!

!

HappyBirthday!

!

（all7ofthemlookalmostidentical）

Joey:

Hey!

!

Hey-hey-hey!

Chandler:

（toMonica）Okay,howmanyofthatgirlareyouseeing?

Monica:

Howhammeredareyou?

Huh?

These,theseareJoey'ssisters.

Chandler:

HiJoey'ssisters!

Phoebe:

（tooneofhissisters,Cookie）Hey!

Cookie:

Hey.Whatarewedrinkin'overhere.

Phoebe:

Well,Ihaveah,vodkaandcranberryjuice.

Cookie:

Nokiddin,'that'stheexactsamedrinkImademyselfrightafterIshotmyhusband.

Phoebe:

Wow.Okay,Idon'tknowhowtotalktoyou.

（CuttoChandler）

Sister1:

（toChandler）What'chadoing?

Chandler:

Oh,I'mtakingmyex-girlfriendofmyspeeddialer.

Joey'sSisters:

Oh!

!

Chandler:

No-no-no-no,no,it'sagoodthing.Whymustwedialsospeedilyanyway?

Whymustwerushthroughlife?

Whycan'twesavorthepreciousmoments?

（tooneofJoey'ssisters）Thosearesomehugebreastsyouhave.

（CuttoRossandMonica）

Ross:

Hi.

Monica:

Hi.

Ross:

Yeah.Soum,I-Iheardaboutthisah,Markguythatah,Rachelmettoday.

Monica:

Isn'tthatgreat?

Ross:

Ohyeah!

Soah,kindapretty,prettygood.Hesoundslikeanice,goodguy.

Monica:

Oh,heis.Andheissodreamy.Imean,y'knowwhat,whenheleftIactuallyusedthephrase,'Hummina-hummina-hummina.'（walksaway）

Ross:

That'sexcellent.

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel's,Monica,Phoebe,Ross,andRachelareeatingbreakfast.]

Ross:

（toRachel）So,he'sjustaniceguy.YoureallythinkthisMarkdoesn'twantanythinginexchangeforhelpinghim?

Rachel:

Well,IassumeI'llhavetotakeshowerswithhim,buty'know,that'strueofanyjob.

（Chandlerentershungoverandgroaning）

Monica:

Howyafeelin'?

Chandler:

Well,myapartmentisn'tthereanymore,becauseIdrankit.

Phoebe:

Where'dyougettoo?

Welostyouafteryouopenedupallthepresents.

Ross:

Yeah.

Chandler:

Yeah,Iendedupinthestorageroom,andnotalone.

All:

Woooohoooo!

!

!

Chandler:

Ow,no'woo-hooing,'no'woo-hooing.'

Phoebe:

Why,whathappened?

Chandler:

Ah,IfooledaroundwithJoey'ssister.（Phoebegasps）Well,that'snottheworstpart.

Monica:

Whatistheworsepart?

Chandler:

Ican'trememberwhichsister.