How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation.docx

How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation.docx

《How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation.docx（14页珍藏版）》请在冰豆网上搜索。

HowtoReadBodyLanguagetoRevealtheUnderlyingTruthinAlmostAnySituation

HowtoReadBodyLanguagetoRevealtheUnderlyingTruthinAlmostAnySituation

You'velikelyheardthatbodylanguageaccountsforupto55%ofhowwecommunicate,butreadingnon-verbalcuesisn'tjustaboutbroadstrokes.Thesamegesturecanindicateanumberofdifferentthingsdependingoncontext.Inthispost,we'regoingtotakealookatthreecommonsituationsinwhichnon-verbalcuesareespeciallyimportant—detectinglies,goingonadate,andinterviewingforajob—thenexplainhowtointerpretbodylanguagemoreaccuratelysothatyoucanreadbetweenthelineswhenaperson'swordsaren'tnecessarilyconveyingthewaythattheyhonestlyfeel.

Weliealot.Whenhavingaconversationwithastranger, chancesarewe'lllieinthefirsttenminutes.Sometimeswe'llliemorethanonceinthatsameperiodoftime.Thesemaynotalwaysbebiglies,butwestilldoit.Weallwillinglypartakeindeceptionfromtimetotimebecauseithelpsusavoidconflict,butoftenwe'rebetteroffknowingthetruth.Whilewordscanbedeceptive,thehumanbodyisaterribleliar.Thisiswherereadingbodylanguageandusingyourowneffectively,canbeextremelyusefulwhencommunicatingwithothers.

First,thebasics.

BodyLanguageBasics

Whenyou'rereadingbodylanguage,yourprimarygoalistodeterminewhetherornotapersoniscomfortableintheircurrentsituation.Onceyoudothis,it'saprocessofusingcontextandothercues—whichwe'llgetintolater—tofigureoutthespecifics.Thereareplentyofwaysapersonmayindicatetheircomfortlevel,buthereareafewofthemostcommon.

Positivebodylanguage:

▪Movingorleaningclosertoyou

▪Relaxed,uncrossedlimbs

▪Longperiodsofeyecontact

▪Lookingdownandawayoutofshyness

▪Genuinesmiles

Negativebodylanguage:

▪Movingorleaningawayfromyou

▪Crossedarmsorlegs

▪Lookingawaytotheside

▪Feetpointedawayfromyou,ortowardsandexit

▪Rubbing/scratchingtheirnose,eyes,orthebackoftheirneck

Asinglecuecanmeanamyriadofthings.Forexample,crossedarmsfallsunderthecategoryofnegativebodylanguageandcansuggestthatapersonisphysicallycold,closedoff,orfrustrated.Itcanevenindicatethatthey'vesimplyhadtoomuchtoeat.It'snecessarytopayattentiontomultiplebehavioralcuesasasingleonecanbemisleading.Whileitwillhelptoindicatecomfortlevel,toreallyunderstandwhyyouneedtolookdeeper.Thismeanspayingattentiontoothercuesaswellastheircontext.Aswegetintothespecificsituations,we'lllookathowthesecuesworktogethertohelpuncoverthetruthinagivenmoment.

Photoby StockLite （Shutterstock）

SpotaLiar

Oneofthebiggestadvantagesoflearningtoreadbodylanguagewellisbeingabletojudgewhensomeoneislyingwithafairamountofaccuracy.Yourintuitionisnevergoingtobe100%accurate,butwithalittlepracticeyoucanbecomemoreawareofwhenyou'rebeingfedaloadofcrap.It's veryimportant torecognizewhatkindofliesyouareactuallydetecting.Thetechniqueswe'regoingtodiscussinthissectioncorrespondtobiglies—theliespeopletellwhentheyareuncomfortableorafraidofthetruth.Theseskillswillgetyoualmostnowhereindetectingwhitelies,smallliesofomission,andwhatpeopledomostoften:

exaggerate.Thosetypesofdeceptionareveryhardtodetect,andit'simportanttorememberthat,regardlessofthetypeofuntruth,you'llneverknowforcertain.Youcan,however,pickuponcommoncuessoyouknowwhentoholdahealthysuspicionaboutwhatapersonissaying.

PamelaMeyer,authorof Liespotting,conductedsignificantresearchonthewayswelietofigureoutthecommonpatternsinourbodylanguage.Shefoundthatliarsoftenexhibitmuchofthebehavioryou'dfindinanyotheruncomfortableperson,butwithafewveryspecificadditionaltraits.

FakeSmiles

Peoplearebadat offeringagenuinesmilewhenthey'relying.Infact,agenuinesmile（oftenreferredtoasa Duchennesmile）,isoftensaidtobeimpossibletofake.Thisiswhymanyofusendupwithawkwardfamilyphotos.Wemaythinkwelooklikewe'resmiling,buttomostanyoneitlookslikewe'refakingit.Thisisbecauseyoursmileisinyoureyes,or,morespecifically,thewrinklesaroundthem.Youdisplayafewcrowsfeetwhenyousmilegenuinelybecauseyoursmilepushesupyourcheekswhichbunchesuptheskinnearyoureyes.It'sfairlyhardtofakethis.Youneedtofeelsomesortofgenuinehappyemotionatthetimetodoit,andwhenyou'reuncomfortablethisisnexttoimpossible.Thisiswhyanon-genuinesmilecanbeahelpfulindicatorofalieinprogress.

Photoby KQED

StiffUpperBodyandTooMuchEyeContact

Liarsliketoovercompensatewhenthey'relying,andsothey'lloftentrytoremainstillandoffereyecontact.Thiswilloftenresultinsomucheyecontactit'softenalittleunsettling,andtheirbodywillbecomestiffbecausethey'reattemptingnottofidget.Normally,peoplemoveanddonotholdeyecontactforextendedperiodsoftime.Whenuncomfortable,however,people will oftenrubtheirneckoreyesandlookawaytotheside.Ratherthanexhibitthepositivebodylanguagethatwouldimplycomfort,liarstendtooptfordoingverylittle.This,inandofitself,isanindicator.Lookfortenseshouldersandanunusuallyhighamountofeyecontactandyou'llbemorelikelytospotaliar.

Photoby LindsayPhillips

ContextandPairedBehaviors

Inadditiontoallthesenon-verbalcues,you'llneedtopayattentiontothecontext.Liarswilloftenoffermoredetailsintheirstories,suggestpunishmentsforthe"realculprit"ifthey'rebeingaccusedofsomething,andansweryouquestionswithaquestiontogivethemtimetofabricateananswerratherthanprovideyouwiththetruth.Thesebehaviors,whenpairedwithstandardnegativebodylanguageandthepreviouslymentionedcuesthatliarsexhibit,giveyoutherightmixofuntrustworthybehavior.Separatelytheymaynotmeanmuch,buttogethertheypointtodishonesty.

It'simportanttoremember,however,thatsomepeoplearejustawkwardandexhibitthiskindofbehaviorwithregularity.Youshouldtakethewayapersonnormallyactsintoconsiderationaswell.Watchtheirmannerismsandeyemovementswhenyouknowthey'retellingthetruthandcomparethattothetimeswhenyouthinkthey'relying.Whenyouseeconsistentchangewhencertainstatementsaremade,you'llknowhowthisspecificpersonactswhenthey'rethinkingofwhattosayratherthanrecallinginformation.Again,thisoranythingelsepreviouslymentionedisn'tsufficientindetectinglies.Youhavetolookformultiplecuesorwhatyou'lljustdiscoverthatyou'refoolingyourselfintobelievingyouknowthedifferencebetweenfactandfiction.

Photoby Bifaloo

Formoreonliedetection, watchPamelaMeyer'sTEDtalk andcheckoutherbook Liespotting.

ReadPeopleonaDate

Whenyou'reoutonafirstdate,bodylanguagecanbeanincrediblyhelpfultool.Ifyou'renotpayingattentiontothenon-verbalcuesyourdateisexhibiting,youcanoftengoontalkingaboutsomethingthatmakesthemuncomfortableortheyfindunpleasant.Whileyoudon'twanttogointoadatehidingwhoyouare,youdowanttoputyourbestfootforwardso,intheeventyouareadecentmatch,youcanbringuptheriskiertopicsabitlateronceyourdatealreadylikesyou.This,ofcourse,meanspayingcloseattentiontoyourdate'sbehaviorwhichcanbedifficultwhenyou'resupposedtobespeakingcharismaticallyandlisteningtowhatthey'resaying.Withalittlepractice,however,you'llgetthehangofwatchingfortherightsignalsandwon'thavetospendmuchtimethinkingaboutthem.

You'renotlookingforanythingcomplicatedonadate—justthegeneralindicationsofcomfortanddiscomfortweoutlinedearlier.Thismeansyou'resimplypayingattentiontohowguardedyourdateiswiththeirbody.Initially,mostpeoplewillbefairlyguarded.They'llcrosstheirarms,keepareasonableamountofdistance,andkeeptheirpalmsfacingthemselves.Thisisokayandfairlycommononafirstdate,andyourgoalistochangethatbodylanguageintosomethingmoreopenandwelcoming.You'lldothisnaturallywhenyouconnectwiththem,butyoucanencourageopenbodylanguagebyprovidingityourself.Wetendtomimicthebehaviorofotherstosomeextent,soifyou'rewarmandcomfortableitwillhelpyourdatechangehisorherbehaviortomatch.Thismeanskeepingyourarmsuncrossedandopen, offeringagenuinesmilewheneverfeasibleandappropriate,avoidingdistancefromyourdate,andevenshowingyourpalms.Allofthesethingsimplythatyou'recomfortableandwillhelpmakeyourdatemorecomfortableaswell.

Youalsowanttobecarefulnottopsychyourselfoutjustbecauseyoupickeduponsomenegativebodylanguage.Levelsofcomfortfluctuatefrequentlyondatesbecauseit'softenalittlenerve-wrackingformostpeopleinthefirstplace.Don'tworryaboutmakingafewmistakes.Asapianoinstructorwouldtellyouforarecital,ifyouplayawrongnoteyoushouldjustkeepgoing.Watchthenon-verbalcuestoseehowyou'redoingandfocusonanythingthatprovidespositivebodylanguage.Ifyoureceiveextendedmomentsofnegativebodylanguage,moveontoanothertopic.Ofcourse,sometimesyou'rejustnotgoingtoclickandthedateisgoingtobeanawkwardeveningfullofnegativenon-verbalcues.Ifthishappens,thesamepiano-playingprincipalapplies:

don'tgethunguponaproblem—justmoveon.

Photoby FelixMizioznikov （Shutterstock）

CommunicateEffectivelyinaJobInterview

Jobinterviewsarealotlikefirstdatesinthesensethatyou're