The Discovery of What It Means to Be an American.docx

The Discovery of What It Means to Be an American.docx

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TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmerican

Lesson12TheDiscoveryofWhatItMeanstoBeanAmerican

1“ItisacomplexfatetobeanAmerican,”HenryJamesobserved,andtheprincipaldiscoveryanAmericanwritermakesinEuropeisjusthowcomplexthisfateis.America’shistory,heraspirations,herpeculiartriumphs,herevenmorepeculiardefeats,andherpositionintheworld–yesterdayandtoday–areallsoprofoundlyandstubbornlyuniquethattheveryword“America”remainsanew,almostcompletelyundefinedandextremelycontroversialpropernoun.Nooneintheworldseemstoknowexactlywhatitdescribes,notevenwemotleymillionswhocallourselvesAmericans.

2IleftAmericabecauseIdoubtedmyabilitytosurvivethefuryofthecolorproblemhere.（SometimesIstilldo.）IwantedtopreventmyselffrombecomingmerelyaNegro;oreven,merelyaNegrowriter.Iwantedtofindoutinwhatwaythespecialnessofmyexperiencecouldbemadetoconnectmewithotherpeopleinsteadofdividingmefromthem.（IwasasisolatedfromNegroesasIwasfromwhites,whichiswhathappenswhenaNegrobegins,atbottom,tobelievewhatwhitepeoplesayabouthim.）

3Inmynecessitytofindthetermsonwhichmyexperiencecouldberelatedtothatofothers,Negroesandwhites,writersandnon-writers,Iproved,tomyastonishment,tobeasAmericanasanyTexasG.I.AndIfoundmyexperiencewassharedbyeveryAmericanwriterIknewinParis.Likeme,theyhadbeendivorcedfromtheirorigins,anditturnedouttomakeverylittledifferencethattheoriginsofwhiteAmericanswereEuropeanandminewereAfrican–theywerenomoreathomeinEuropethanIwas.

4ThefactthatIwasthesonofaslaveandtheywerethesonsoffreemenmeantless,bythetimeweconfrontedeachotheronEuropesoil,thanthefactthatwewerebothsearchingforourseparateidentities.Whenwehadfoundthese,weseemedtobesaying,why,then,wewouldnolongerneedtoclingtotheshameandbitternesswhichhaddividedussolong.

5ItbecameterriblyclearinEurope,asitneverhadbeenhere,thatweknewmoreabouteachotherthananyEuropeanevercould.Anditalsobecameclearthat,nomatterwhereourfathershadbeenborn,orwhattheyhadendured,thefactofEuropehadformedusboth,waspartofouridentityandpartofourinheritance.

6IhadbeeninParisacoupleofyearsbeforeanyofthisbecamecleartome.Whenitdid,Ilikemanyawriterbeforemeuponthediscoverythathispropshaveallbeenknockedoutfromunderhim,sufferedaspeciesofbreakdownandwascarriedofftothemountainsofSwitzerland,There,inthatabsolutelyHiroshimalandscape,armedwithtwoBessieSmithrecordsandatypewriterIbegantotrytorecreatethelifethatIhadfirstknownasachildandfromwhichIhadspentsomanyyearsinflight.

7ItwasBessieSmith,throughhertoneandhercadence,whohelpedmetodigbacktothewayImyselfmusthavespokenwhenIwasapickaninny,andtorememberthethingsIhadneverlistenedtoBessieSmithinAmerica（inthesamewaythat,foryears,Iwouldnottouchwatermelon）,butinEuropeshehelpedtoreconcilemetobeinga“nigger”.

8IdonotthinkthatIcouldhavemadethisreconciliationhere.OnceIwasabletoacceptmyrole–asdistinguished,Imustsay,frommy“place”—intheextraordinarydramawhichisAmerica,IwasreleasedfromtheillusionthatIhatedAmerica.

9ThestoryofwhatcanhappentoanAmericanNegrowriterinEuropesimplyillustrates,insomerelief,whatcanhappentoanyAmericanwriterthere.Itisnotmeant,ofcourse,toimplythatithappenstothemall,forEuropecanbeverycripplingtoo;and,anyway,awriter,whenhehasmadehisfirstbreakthrough,hassimplywonacrucialskirmishinadangerous,unendingandunpredictablebattlestill,thebreakthroughisimportant,andthepointisthatanAmericanwriter,inordertoachieveit,veryoftenhastoleavethiscountry.

10TheAmericanwriter,inEurope,isreleased,firstofall,fromthenecessityofapologizingforhimself.Itisnotuntilheisreleasedfromthehabitofflexinghismusclesandprovingthatheisjusta“regularguy”thatherealizeshowcripplingthishabithasbeen.Itisnotnecessaryforhim,there,topretendtobesomethingheisnot,fortheartistdoesnotencounterinEuropethesamesuspicionheencountershere.WhatevertheEuropeansmayactuallythinkofartists,theyhavekilledenoughofthemoffbynowtoknowthattheyareasreal–andaspersistent–asrain,snow,taxesorbusinessmen.

11Ofcourse,thereasonforEurope’scomparativeclarityconcerningthedifferentfunctionsofmeninsocietyisthatEuropeansocietyhasalwaysbeendividedintoclassesinawaythatAmericansocietyneverhasbeen.AEuropeanwriterconsidershimselftobepartofanoldandhonorabletradition–ofintellectualactivity,ofletters–andhischoiceofavocationdoesnotcausehimanyuneasywonderastowhetherornotitwillcosthimallhisfriends.ButthistraditiondoesnotexistinAmerica.

12Onthecontrary,wehaveaverydeep-seateddistrustofrealintellectualeffort（probablybecausewesuspectthatitwilldestroy,asIhopeitdoes,thatmythofAmericatowhichweclingsodesperately）.AnAmericanwriterfightshiswaytooneofthelowestrungsontheAmericansocialladderbymeansofpurebull-headednessandanindescribableseriesofoddjobs.Heprobablyhasbeena“regularfellow”formuchofhisadultlife,anditisnoteasyforhimtostepoutofthatlukewarmbath.

13Wemust,however,consideraratherseriousparadox;thoughAmericansocietyismoremobilethanEurope’s,itiseasiertocutacrosssocialandoccupationallinestherethanitishere.Thishassomethingtodo,Ithink,withtheproblemofstatusinAmericanlife.Whereeveryonehasstatus,itisalsoperfectlypossible,afterall,thatnoonehas.Itseemsinevitable,inanycase,thatamanmaybecomeuneasyastojustwhathisstatusis.

14ButEuropeanshavelivedwiththeideaofstatusforalongtime.Amancanbeasproudofbeingagoodwaiterasofbeingagoodactor,andinneithercasefeelthreatened.AndthismeansthattheactorandthewaitercanhaveafreerandmoregenuinelyfriendlyrelationshipinEuropethantheyarelikelytohavehere.Thewaiterdoesnotfeel,withobscureresentment,thattheactorhas“madeit,”andtheactorisnottormentedbythefearthathemayfindhimself,tomorrow,onceagainawaiter.

15ThislackofwhatmayroughlybecalledsocialparanoiacausestheAmericanwriterinEuropetofeel–almostcertainlyforthefirsttimeinhislife–thathecanreachouttoeveryone,thatheisaccessibletoeveryoneandopentoeverything.Thisisanextraordinaryfeeling.Hefeels,sotospeak,hisownweight,hisownvalue.

16Itisasthoughhesuddenlycameoutofadarktunnelandfoundhimselfbeneaththeopensky.And,infact,inParis,Ibegantoseetheskyforwhatseemedtobethefirsttime.Itwasborneinonme–anditdidnotmakemefeelmelancholy–thatthisskyhadbeentherebeforeIwasbornandwouldbetherewhenIwasdead.Anditwasuptome,therefore,tomakeofmybriefopportunitythemostthatcouldbemade.

17IwasborninNewYork,buthavelivedonlyinpocketsofit.InParis,Ilivedinallpartsofthecity–ontheRightbankandtheLeft,amongthebourgeoisieandamonglesmiserables,andknewallkindsofpeople,frompimpsandprostitutesinPigalletoEgyptianbankersinNeuilly.Thismaysoundextremelyunprincipledorevenobscurelyimmoral:

Ifoundithealthy.Ilovetotalktopeople,allkindsofpeople,andalmosteveryone,asIhopewestillknow,lovesamanwholovestolisten.

18ThisperpetualdealingwithpeopleverydifferentfrommyselfcausedashatteringinmeofpreconceptionsIscarcelyknewIheld.ThewriterismeetinginEuropepeoplewhoarenotAmerican,whosesenseofrealityisentirelydifferentfromhisown.Theymayloveorhateoradmireorfearorenvythiscountry–theyseeit,inanycase,fromanotherpointofview,andthisforcesthewritertoreconsidermanythingshehadalwaystakenforgranted.Thisreassessment,whichcanbeverypainful,isalsoveryvaluable.

19Thisfreedom,likeallfreedom,hasitsdangersanditsresponsibilities.Onedayitbeginstobeborneinonthewriter,andwithgreatforce,thatheislivinginEuropeasanAmerican.IfhewerelivingthereasaEuropean,hewouldbelivingonadifferentandfarlessattractivecontinent.

20ThiscrucialdaymaybethedayonwhichanAlgeriantaxi-drivertellshimhowitfeelstobeanAlgerianinParis.Itmaybethedayonwhichhepassesacaféterraceandcatchesaglimpseofthetense,intelligentandtroubledfaceofAlbertCamus.OritmaybethedayonwhichsomeoneaskshimtoexplainLittleRockandhebeginstofeelthatitwouldbesimpler–and,cornyasthewordsmaysound,morehonorable–togotoLittleRockthansitinEurope,onanAmericanpassport,tryingtoexplainit.

21Thisisapersonalday,aterribleday,thedaytowhichhisentiresojournhasbeentending.Itisthedayherealizesthattherearenountroubledcountriesinthisfearfullytroubledworld;thatifhehasbeenpreparinghimselfforanythinginEurope,hehadbeenpreparinghimself–forAmerica.Inshort,thefreedomthattheAmericanwriterfindsinEuropebringshim,fullcircle,backtohimself,withtheresponsibilityforhisdevelopmentwhereitalwayswas:

inhisownhands.

22Eventhemostincorrigiblemaverickhastobebornsomewhere.Hemayleavethegroupthatproducedhim–hemaybeforcedto–butnothingwilleffacehisorigins,themarksofwhichhecarrieswithhimeverywhere.Ithinkitisimportant