704 The One With Rachel.docx

704 The One With Rachel.docx

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704TheOneWithRachel

704TheOneWithRachel’sAssistant

[Scene:

Monica,Chandler,andPhoebe's,everyoneisthereandtheyarefinishingwatchingthefirstepisodeofMacandC.H.E.E.S.E.JoeyisofcourseMac.]

Mac:

（onTV）Well,ifwelearnedonethingtodayC.H.E.E.S.E.isthatcheerleadersandhighexplosivesdon’tmix.（CuttoJoeylaughingwhileRachel,Chandler,andMonicaaren’tamused.）

C.H.E.E.S.E:

YoucansaythatagainMac.

Mac:

Well,Icouldn’thavedoneitwithoutyoubuddy.You’reagenius.

C.H.E.E.S.E:

Ohyeah?

WellthenhowcomeIcan’tgetmyVCRtostopblinking12:

00?

（Theybothbreakintoahugelaughanddothatstop-motionthingtheyhadattheendofChiPs.）

Joey:

（laughingandturningofftheTV）So,whatdidyouguysthink?

（Theyallmakehappyfacesastheyareunabletoexpresstheirfeelingsverbally.Finally,thephoneringsandtheracetoansweritiswonbyMonica.）

Monica:

（onphone）Hello?

（Listens）Holdonplease.Joey,it’syourmom.（Handshimthephone.）

Chandler:

It’syourmommy.It’syourmommy.

Ross:

Ohhhh…

Rachel:

That’snice.

Joey:

（onphone）Mom,sowhatdidyouthink?

（Hewalksawayallowingthegangachancetofigureoutwhatthey’regonnasay.）

Rachel:

Wellthatwasumm…Okay.

Ross:

Itwasn’tthebest.

Chandler:

Thatwasoneoftheworsethingsever.AndnotjustonTV.

Monica:

Wh-whatarewegonnatellhim?

Ross:

Well,thelightingwasokay.

Rachel:

Ohhnoyoudon’t!

Yougotlightinglasttime,lightingismine!

Monica:

AndIhavecostumes.

Ross:

Ohgreat!

ThatmeansI’mstuckwith,"So,wewerewatchingyouinthere（PointstotheTV）andyouweresittin’righthere!

Whoa!

"

（Phoebegetsup.）

Rachel:

WhatareyougonnadoPheebs?

Phoebe:

Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow.Ican’tlietohimagain.OhnoI—no!

I’mjustgonnapressmybreastsupagainsthim.

Chandler:

Andsaynothing?

Phoebe:

Uh-huh,yeahthat’sright.

Joey:

（hangsupthephone）Wow!

Well,myfolksreallylikedit!

Sowhat-whatdidyouguysthink?

（Phoebesmiles,walksuptohim,andpressesherbreastsagainsthim.）Itwasn’tthatgood.

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

CentralPerk,PhoebeandMonicaarereadingonthecouch.]

Monica:

Phoebe,doyouthinkthatyourfavoriteanimalsaysmuchaboutyou?

Phoebe:

What?

Youmeanbehindmyback?

Rachel:

（entering,excitedly）Oh!

Hiyouguys,ohmyGod!

You’llnevergonnabelievewhathappenedtometoday!

Iamsittinginmyofficeand…

Joey:

（enteringfrombathroomsexcitedly）Youguys!

Youguys!

You’renotgonnabelievewhatmyagentjusttoldme!

Rachel:

Joey!

Kindainthemiddleofastoryhere!

Joey:

Ooh,sorry.Sorry.Youfinish,go.

Rachel:

Okay,soanywayI’msittin’inmyofficeandguesswhowalksin.

Joey:

I’mgonnabeontwoTVshows!

MonicaandPhoebe:

Oh,that’sgreat!

!

Rachel:

Joey!

Joey:

Oh,youweren’tfinished?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Guesswhowalksintomyofficeistheendofmystory.（ToMonicaandPhoebe）ItwasRalphLauren!

（MonicaandPhoebegasp）RalphLaurenwalkedintomyoffice!

Joey:

UhRach,ifyou’regonnastartanotherstory,atleastletmefinishmine.

Rachel:

It’sthesamestory.

Joey:

（groansindisgust）Wow,it’sreallylong.

Rachel:

（ignoringhim）Anyway,Ralphjustcameintotellmethathe’ssohappywithmyworkthathewantsmetobethenewmerchandisingmanagerforpoloretail.

Monica:

Stillgetadiscountonweddingdresses?

Rachel:

Yeah!

Monica:

I’msohappyforyou!

Joey:

Well,thesereallyarethedaysofourlives.

Monica:

What?

!

Joey:

Well,sinceyouask.TheywantmebackonDaysofOurLives!

Phoebe:

（gasps）OhGod!

Rachel:

Igot—Igetabigpayraise!

Phoebe:

Ohhey!

Joey:

I’llbeplayingDrakeRamoray’stwinbrother,Stryker!

Monica:

Oooh!

Rachel:

Igettohiremyownassistant!

MonicaandPhoebe:

Ahhh!

!

Joey:

（jumpsup）Well—Igotaheadrushfromstandinguptoofastrightthere.

[Scene:

Rachel’sNewOffice,she’sinterviewingapotentialnewassistant,Hilda.]

Rachel:

（readingtheresume）Andyouwereatthisjobforfouryears?

Hilda:

That’sright.

Rachel:

Okay,wellthisisallveryimpressiveHilda,umIjusthaveonelastquestionforyou.Uh,howdidIdo?

Wasthisokay?

Hilda:

What?

Rachel:

I’veneverinterviewedanyonebefore.I’veactuallyneverhadanyoneworkformebefore.AlthoughwhenIwasakid,wedidhaveamaid,butthisis-thisisn’tthesamething.

Hilda:

Nodear.It’snot.

Rachel:

No.Yeah,andIknowthat.Allright,wellthankyousomuchforcomingin,itwasnicetomeetyou.

Hilda:

Thankyou!

Goodmeetingyou.

Rachel:

Allright.（Hildaexits）I’matotalpro!

（There’saknockonthedoorandahandsomemanenters.）

Man:

Hello?

Rachel:

（seeinghim）Wow!

H-umm!

Hi!

Yes,uhI’msorrythemodelsareactuallydownthehall.

Man:

Actually,I’mhereabouttheassistantjob.

Rachel:

Really?

!

（Takinghisresume）Okaywellthen,allright,welljusthaveaseatthere.Umm,sowhat’s—whatis—what’syourname?

Man:

TagJones.

Rachel:

Uh-huh,goon.

Tag:

That’sit.That’smywholename.

Rachel:

That’syourwholename,okayofcourseitis!

Okay,welllet’s-let’sjusthavealook-seehere.（Lookingathisresume）

Tag:

IknowIhaven’tworkedinanofficebefore,andIreallydon’thavealotofexperience,butuh…

Rachel:

Ohcomeon,whatareyoutalkingabout?

You’vegotthreeyearspaintinghouses.TwowholesummersatT.G.I.Friday’s,comeon!

Tag:

It’slame,Iknow.ButI’magoal-orientedperson,veryeagertolearn…

Rachel:

Okay,holdonjustasecond.（Shegrabsacameraoutofthedeskandtakeshispicture.）I’msorry,it’sforhumanresources,everybodyhastodoit.Couldyoujuststandupplease?

[Scene:

CentralPerk,Chandlerissittingonthecouchwhensomeunknownguycomesinandsitsintheireasychair.]

Chandler:

No-no-no-no.（WaveshimawayasMonicaandPhoebeenterwhisperingtoeachother.）Hey!

（Monicashusheshim.）

Phoebe:

（ToMonica）Anyway,Ishouldgo.Okay,bye.

Monica:

（ToChandler）Heysweetie.

Chandler:

Hisweetie.So,whatwaswithallthewhispering?

Monica:

Ican’ttellyou.It’sasecret.

Chandler:

Secret?

Marriedpeoplearen’tsupposedtohavesecretsbetweenoneanother.Wehavetoomuchloveandrespectforoneanother.

Monica:

Awww.（Kisseshim.）Butstillno.

Chandler:

NoI’mserious,weshouldtelleachothereverything.Idonothaveanysecretsfromyou.

Monica:

Really?

Okay,sowhydon’tyoutellmewhathappenedtoRossJunioryearatDisneyland?

Chandler:

Ohno-no,Ican’tdothat.

Monica:

Ifyoutellme,I’lltellyouwhatPhoebesaid.

Chandler:

Okay.

Monica:

Okay.

Chandler:

So,RossandIaregoingtoDisneylandandwestopatthisrestaurantfortacos.AndwhenIsayrestaurant,Imeanaguy,ahibachi,andthetrunkofhiscar.SoRosshasabout10tacos.Andanyway,we’reonSpaceMountainandRossstartstofeelalittleiffy.

Monica:

OhmyGod.Hethrewup?

Chandler:

No,hevisitedalittletownsouthofthrowup.（Monicalaughshysterically.）SowhatwasPhoebe’ssecret?

Monica:

Oh,NancyThompsonfromPhoebe’soldmassageplaceisgettingfired.

Chandler:

That’sit?

!

IgaveupmyDisneylandstoryforthat?

Monica:

That’sright!

Youlosesucker!

!

（Pause）Pleasestillmarryme.

[Scene:

Monica,Chandler,andPhoebe's,Chandler,Rachel,andPhoebearethere.]

Rachel:

Chandler,youhaveanassistantright?

Chandler:

（angrily）Didshecall?

You-youtoldherIwassickright?

AlwaystellherIamsick!

Rachel:

No,I-Ijustdon’tknowhowyoudecidewhotohire.ImeanI’vegotitnarroweddowntotwopeople.Oneofthemhasgreatreferencesandalotofexperienceandthenthere’sthisguy…

Chandler:

Whatabouthim?

Rachel:

Ilovehim.He’ssoprettyIwannacry!

Idon’tknowwhattodo.Tellmewhattodo.

Phoebe:

Comeonyouknowwhattodo!

Youhirethefirstone!

Youdon’thireanassistantbecausethey’recute,youhirethembecausethey’requalified.

Rachel:

Uh-huh.No,Ihearwhatyou’resayingand-and-andthatmakesalotofsensebutcanIjustsayonemorething?

（Takesouthispicture.）Lookhowpretty!

Phoebe:

Let’ssee.（Lookingatthepicture）OhmyGod!

Oh…Butno!

No!

Youcan’t-youcan’thirehim,becausethat—it’snotprofessional.Umm,thisisforme（Thepicture）yes?

Thanks.（Putsitinherpocket.）

Rachel:

Okayyou’reright.I’llhireHildatomorrow.DumboldperfectforthejobHilda!

Chandler:

Letmeseethisguy.（Phoebehandshimthepicture.）W-H-Wow!

Don’tshowthistoMonica!

Anddon’ttellherabouttheW-H-Wow!

[Scene:

TheDaysofOurLivesproducer’soffice,JoeyisenteringtofindTerrythere.]

Terry:

Hey-hey-heyJoey!

Joey:

HeyTerry!

Terry:

Goodtoseeyouagain!

Joey:

It’sbeenawhile,huh?

Wow,it’sfunnythesehallslooksmallerthantheyusedto.

Terry:

It’sadifferentbuilding.

Joey:

So!

StrykerRamorayhuh?

Whendoyouwantmetostart?

Terry:

Whydon’twestartrightnow!

Joey:

Okay.

Terry:

Herearetheauditionscenes.（Holdsoutthescript.）

Joey:

（lookingbetweenthepagesandhim）Audition?

Ithoughtyouweregonnaoffermethepart.

Terry:

Whywouldyouthinkthat?

Joey:

Well,IwasDr.DrakeRamoray,Stryker’stwinbrother.Imean,wholooksmoremethanmeright?

Terry:

Everybodyhastoaudition.

Joey:

Y’knowTerry,I-Idon’treallyneedtodothis.IgotmyowncableTVseries,（Pause）witharobot.

Terry:

I’msorryJoeythat’s…that’sthewayitis.

Joey:

Well.Iguessyouthinkyou’reprettyspecialhuh?

Sittin’uphereinyourfancysmallhallbuilding.Makin’starsjumpthroughhoopsforya,huh?

Welly’knowwhat?

（Throwsthescriptaway）Thisisonestarwho’shoop…Thisisastarthatthehoop—thishoop—IwasDr.DrakeRamoray!

[Scene:

Rachel’soffice,she’sthereasTagknocksonthedoorandenterscarryingaplant.]

Rachel:

Hi!

Tag.Whatareyoudoinghere?

Tag:

Ijustwantedtocomebyandthankyoufornotlaughinginmyfaceyesterday.AndInoticedthereare