好汉两个半第三季第四季中英对照剧本.docx
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第一集
我相信她是个美丽的女孩妈I'msureshe'salovelygirl,Mom.
但对于相亲我有我的原则butIhaveastrictpolicyagainstblinddates.
是我知道对女人来说我不是上帝的恩赐Yes,IknowI'mnotGod'sgifttowomen,
不过还是算了...but,nevertheless...
拜托你怎么知道她能用软胶水管吸出什么东西来?
Oh,comeon.Howdoyouknowwhat
shecansuckthroughagardenhose?
那不重要我坚持我的原则Doesn'tmatter.Thepolicystands.
好拜Okay,bye.
你知道吗在我为你的坚持喝采的同时Youknow,whileIapplaudyourblinddatepolicy,
我也会鼓励你别考虑"软胶水管"那招Iwouldencourageyoutoconsideragardenhose
exemption.
抱歉但你应该还记得上次妈帮我安排的那位I'msorry,butyourememberthelasttimeI
letMomfixmeup.
哦没错那个灌肠爱好者Oh,yeah.Theenemafreak.
她是大肠水疗的医师Shewasacolonicirrigationtherapist.
还不是一样...Tomato,tomahto...
你还在对屁股被灌进五加仑咖啡那件事感到很受伤?
Youstillwoundupwithfivegallonsof
coffeeupyourkeister.
不是什么愉快的回忆Notapleasantmemory.
我每次一想到就想偷笑Ican'trememberitwithoutchuckling.
难怪最近到处都有星巴克...Thesedays,they'llopenaStarbucksanywhere.
你说够了没?
Areyoudone?
还没等一下还有一个No,wait.Onemore.
你点了特大杯零脂肪的"屎布奇诺"Youhadtheventinonfat"crappuccino"...
上面还有额外的泡沫...withextrafoam.
好了我说完了Okay,I'mdone.
电视怎么了?
Sowhat'swrongwiththeTV?
我不知道Idon'tknow.
应该是昨晚的暴风雨把天线吹歪了Ithinkthatstormlastnightmessedupthesatellitedish.
我星期一再打电话找人来修理I'llcalltheguyonMonday.
这就是你处理每件事的态度That'syouranswerforeverything.
"打电话找人"?
"Calltheguy."
也不是每件事Notforeverything.
通常我打电话都是找女孩来OftenI,callthegirl.
当然有一次我找来的女孩衣服一脱才发现是男的Ofcourse,therewastheonetimethat
thegirlturnedouttobetheguy.
不用说他们赔了我很多钱Needlesstosay,Igotafullcashrefund.
这次你不需要打电话Well,youdon'thavetocalltheguythistime.
你只要调整一下天线让讯号清析就好了Youjusthavetoadjustthedishtillthesignalclears
up.
而这就是那个人星期一会做的事WhichiswhattheguywilldoonMonday.
但杰克今晚会来ButJakeiscomingtonight.
你想听他整个周末抱怨电视坏掉吗?
Doyoureallywanttolistentohimcomplainaboutthe
TVallweekend?
杰克还很好应付IcandealwithJake.
但听你抱怨会让我想上吊自杀It'syourwhiningthatmakesmewanttohangmyself.
来吧帮我拿梯子Comeon.Helpmegettheladder.
我要到屋顶去然后分钟内搞定I'llgoupontheroof,andwe'llfixitinfiveminutes.
我有梯子?
Ihavealadder?
我怎么会有梯子?
HowdidIgetaladder?
我怎么想也不记得我有买过梯子Forthelifeofme,Ican'trememberbuyingaladder.
很明显的你有买Well,apparently,youdid.
但是为什么?
我又是怎么把它搬进来的?
Butwhy?
AndhowdidIgetithome?
我真的不知道Ireallycouldn'ttellyou.
我租了台卡车吗?
DidIrentatruck?
天晓得Whoknows?
我得告诉你我们家发生了神秘事件I'mtellingyou,wegotarealmysteryonourhands.
是啊还真是个谜Yeah.It'sapuzzler.
我上去调整天线I'mgoingtogoupandadjustthedish,
你去看电视andyougolookattheTV
然后画面有改善就告诉我andtellmewhenthepictureimproves.
好的Allright.
我还是觉得我们应该打电话找人来Istillthinkweshouldcalltheguy.
别再提那个人Forgettheguy!
我就是那个人I'mtheguy!
查理Charlie!
干嘛?
Yeah?
!
屋顶上有男女内裤各一件There'sapairofpantiesuphere.
对喔所以有梯子...Ofcourse.Theladder.
艾伦谜题解开了Alan,mysterysolved!
什么?
What?
没什么专心做你的事Nevermind.Focusonthejobathand.
你在看电视吗?
AreyouwatchingtheTV?
是的Yes.
现在如何?
How'sitlooknow?
有一点改善It'salittlebetter.
那现在呢?
Howaboutnow?
变更差了No.That'sworse.
换个角度看看Moveittheotherway.
什么?
What?
我说换个角度看看Isaid,moveittheotherway!
好了好了好了这样可以There,there,there!
That'sperfect!
什么?
What?
!
我说这样可以了Isaid,that'sperfect!
太好了我要下来了Great!
I'mcomingdown!
你刚有讲什么吗?
Didyousaysomething?
{\fs\c&HEFFF&}后期:
{\fs\c&HFFFFFF&}wqswqswswqs\N{\c&HFFF&}{\c&H&}x-Weekendin
BangkokwithTwoOlympicGymnasts
我就说吧我们应该打电话找人来Itoldyou.Weshouldhavecalledtheguy.
你想对我比中指但那可怜的小家伙举不起来Youwanttoflipmethebird,butthepoor
littlefellacan'tfly.
先让我躺下来Justhelpmeliedown.
其实你也可以往好处想你知道Thereisabrightsidehere,youknow.
喔真的吗?
真的吗?
能有什么好处?
Oh,really?
Really?
Andwhatmightthebrightsidebe?
残障车位?
Handicappedparking?
同情的性爱?
Pitysex?
我能了解你现在不想谈这些Oh,Icanseethere'sgoingtobenotalkingtoyouaboutthis.
帮个忙打电话给茱蒂丝告诉她别带杰克来Domeafavor,andcallJudithandtellhernotto
bringJakeover.
为什么?
Howcome?
看看我查理Lookatme,Charlie.
我有擦伤挫伤脖子严重扭伤Ihaveabrasions,contusions,aseverelysprainedneck,
两根手指骨折而且我吃了止痛药后会兴奋twofracturedfingers,andI'mhoppeduponpain
pills.
你觉得我这样像是"周末陪小孩的爹"吗?
Doesthatspell"WeekendDad"toyou?
呃事实上对我来说比较像是Well,actually,tome,itspells:
"周末与两位奥运体操选手游曼谷""WeekendinBangkokwithtwoOlympicgymnasts."
不过那事另一件事了Butthat'sawholeotherstory.
听我说我这个周末没什么计划我可以照顾杰克Look,Igotnoplansfortheweekend.Icould
takecareofJake.
曼谷?
Bangkok?
年代的事了Itwasthe's.
单纯的时光Asimplertime.
那时美金非常强势Thedollarwasstrong.
我有点想和那个小白痴一起混Iwaskindoflookingforwardtohangingoutwiththelittle
knucklehead.
让他来吧Lethimcomeover.
但我没有办法帮你ButI'mnotgoingtobeabletohelpyou.
你整个周末要干嘛?
Whatareyougoingtodoallweekend?
我不知道有了我可以买个滑坡道Idon'tknow.Hey,maybeI'llgetachute.
然后就可以玩"滑坡与阶梯"Wecouldplaychutesandladders.
看吧这就是为什么杰克要来他比较有幽默感See,that'swhyIwantJakehere.Hehasa
senseofhumor.
好吧如果...如果你认为你能处理Allright.If...ifyouthinkyoucanhandleit.
别担心一切包在我身上Don'tworry.Igoteverythingcovered.
-谢谢-不客气-Thankyou.-You'rewelcome.
现在有什么需要帮忙的吗?
IsthereanythingIcandoforyounow?
呃Well,
我想尿尿Igottopee.
恩然后咧?
Yeah.So?
然后我没办法解开裤子或...SoIcan'tundomypantsor...什么也不能做anything.
你到底想说什么艾伦?
Whereareweheadedwiththis,Alan?
你说你会帮我Yousaidyou'dhelpme.
我的意思是帮你做个三明治什么的IwasthinkingmorelikeIcouldmakeyouasandwich.
查理...Charlie...
我才不要把手伸进你的裤档里Iamnotreachingintoyourpants.
那你要我怎么办?
WhatamIsupposedtodo?
到海浪里面解决Gostandinthesurf.
拜托成熟点Oh,comeon.Growup.
你要去哪?
Whereareyougoing?
去厕所快来帮我解开拉链Tothebathroom.Now,comeonandunzipme.
就这样?
直接上了?
Justlikethat?
Righttoit?
不用烛光晚餐?
不先看场电影?
Nodinner?
Nomovie?
查理Charlie!
等一下Holdon!
来了Coming!
哦天啊HolyGod!
查理?
Charlie?
可以去开门吗?
Canyougetthedoor?
查理?
Charlie?
等一下Hangon!
查理Charlie!
这下可好...Oh,great.
我想我刚才刺穿了一边的肺IthinkIjustpuncturedalung.
别担心艾伦一切包在我身上Don'tworryAlan,I'vegoteverythingcovered.
来了啦I'mcoming!
你这个周末要开始写报告Youneedtostartyourreportthisweekend!
为什么?
下星期三才要交我有的是时间Why?
It'snotduetillnextWednesday!
Ihaveplenty
oftime.
你上次也是这样说That'swhatyousaidlasttime.
-我没有-你有-No,Ididn't.-Yes,youdid.
我想你应该是老年痴呆了Ithinkyou'regettingsenile.
注意你的言辞Watchyourmouth,youngman.
我没办法看因为嘴巴长在鼻子下面Ican'twatchit.It'sundermynose.
哈啰Hello.
你怎么了?
Whathappenedtoyou?
这个嘛最近的话Well,mostrecently,
我被门撞到头Iwashitintheheadbyadoor.
不过在那之前But,beforethat,
我在屋顶修理天线然后...IwasfixingthesatellitedishontheroofandIkindof...
摔下来fell.
你干嘛不干脆打电话找人来修?
Whydidn'tyoujustcalltheguy?
看在老天的份上Well,forGod'ssake,
艾伦你这个周末打算怎么照顾他?
Alan,howdoyouintendtolookafterhimthisweekend?
我现在极度的痛苦Iaminexcruciatingpain,
不过我感谢你的关心butIappreciateyourconcern.
你应该先打个电话让我知道一下Well,youcouldhavepickedupaphoneandgivenmea
heads-up.
打个电话?
Pickupthephone?
茱蒂丝我要用烤肉夹才能尿尿Judith,neededbarbecuetongstotakealeak.
那你到底能不能照顾杰克?
CanyoulookafterJakeornot?
查理说他会照顾Well,Charliesaidhe'dlookafterhim.
最好是他会Oh,likehellhewill.
我绝对不会ThereisnowayI'mgoingto
把我儿子交给你那堕落的哥哥letyourdegeneratebrotherberesponsibleformyson.
喔没错别问我要什么Oh,sure.Don'taskmewhatIwant.
把我当成狗一样使唤来使唤去就对了Justbossmearoundlikeyou'remybossorsomething.
就交给查理吧祝你们周末愉快Charliewillbefine.Haveagoodweekend.
谢谢Thanks.
也祝你愉快You,too.
我们今晚可以去外面吃吗?
Canwegoouttodinnertonight?
你认为我身体这样子能出门吗?
DoIlooklikeI'minanykindofshapetogotodinner?
我不知道我又不是医生Idon'tknow.I'mnotadoctor.
答案是"不行"TheTheanswerisno.
好吧Okay.
那我们可以去影带出租店Thencanwegotothevideostore
租最新的"太空战士"吗?
andrentthenew"FinalFantasy"?
杰克我受伤了痛的不得Jake,Ihurtmyself.I'minalotofpain.
那算什么?
当我被足球打到睪丸时So?
WhenItookasoccerballtothenads,
我都快痛死了教练却说:
"是男人就站起来"Iwasinalotofpainandallmycoachsaidwas,
"Walkitoff."
但我的情况不是说站就能站Well,youcan'tjustwalkthisoff.
你这种态度当然不行Notwiththatattitude.
嘿你来了Hey,thereheis.
怎么了老兄?
How'sitgoing,buddy?
我的人生烂透了Mylifestinks.
看开点你还只是个小孩Cheerup.You'restillakid.
长大后就会更烂了It'sgoingtogetmuchworse.
你去哪了?
Wherehaveyoubeen?
午睡一下Takinganap.
为什么?
Why?
因为我发现这样可以消除疲劳Ifinditrefreshesme.
你说一切都包在你身上Yousaidyouweregoingtotakecareofeverything.
是啊然后咧?
Yeah.So?
然后你在睡觉时我得去应门So,whileyouweresleeping,Ihadtoanswerthedoor.
你知道你这样讲会让人觉得你很小气吗?
Doyourealizehowpettyyousoundrightnow?
放轻松躺下来都包在我身上Relax.Liedown.Igotitcovered.
不并没有No,youdon't.你什么事也没做没有任何事是"包"在你身上的Nothingiscovered.It'sallcoverless.
看吧这里有一个人生烂透的Now,there'salifethatstinks.
那你有什么安排?
你想做什么?
So,what'sontheagenda?
Whatdoyouwanttodo?
我想去外面吃晚餐Iwanttogoouttodinner.
喔?
我要在家看脱口秀Yeah?
Well,Iwantmyowntalkshow.
家里有什么你就吃什么吧You'lleatwhatwe'vegot.
为什么不能去外面吃?
Whycan'twegoout?
艾伦我搞不定你跟他讲吧Alan,Ican'tdealwiththis.Talktoyourson.
什么跟什么?
你...你说一切包在你身上的That'sit?
You...you'redonecovering?
我没想到他会这么难搞Ididn'tknowhewasgoingbeimpossible.
别说我坏话好像我不在这里似的Hey,don'ttalkaboutmelikeI'mnothere.
你再继续鬼叫我就让你真的不在这里Keepyappin',andyouwon'tbe.
查理你就带他去吃晚餐吧Charlie,justtakehimtodinner.
为什么?
见鬼WhyshouldI?
因为他不达目的就绝不闭嘴'Causehe'snotgoingtoshutuptillhegetswhathewants.
没错我会把你逼疯That'strue.I'lldriveyoucrazy.
是吗?
那你尽量使坏吧Yeah?
Well,doyourworst.
如果我们出去吃晚餐厨房就不需要清理Ifwegoouttodinner,there'snothingtocleanup.
我们没有要出去吃晚餐We'renotgoingouttodinner.
你常常都出去吃晚餐Youusuallywanttogoouttodinner.
今晚不去Nottonight.
你这样不是在惩罚我是在惩罚你自己You'renotpunishingme.You'rejustpunishingyourself.
滚远一点小鬼头Backoff,bobblehead.
拜托啦我会很可爱Oh,comeon.It'llbefun.
我们没有要去We'renotgoing.
为什么?
Whynot?
对话到此结束Thisconversation'sover.
我继续靠北就不会结束NotifIkeeptalking.
你想去哪里吃?
Sowheredoyouwanttoeat?
喀喀鸡Clucky's.
什么是喀喀鸡?
What'sClucky's?
火烤鸡肉加上独特秘方的香草与调味料Zestyfire-roastedchickenwithGrandmaClucky's
secretherbsandspices.
好在哪儿Allright.Whereisit?
附近有好几个点Thereareseveralconvenientlocations.
比如说?
Likewhere?
我不知道我都呆坐在车子里Idon'tknow.Ijustsitinthecar.
我没看过附近有什么喀喀鸡Well,I'veneverseenaClucky'saroundhere.
-要不要吃比萨?
-不要-Howaboutapizza?
-No.
-汉堡?
-不要-Burgers?
-No.
-寿司?
-不要Sushi?
-意大利菜?
-不要-Italian?
-No.
-中国菜?
-不要-Chinese.-No.
-喀喀鸡?
-不要-Clucky's?
-No.你根本没在听You'renotevenlistening!
我是说好Imean,yes.
喀喀鸡Clucky's.
算了吧Well,forgetit.
我不想为了找喀喀鸡而在城里开车到处晃I'mnotdrivingalloverthiscityhopingtostumble
acrossaClucky's.
这里不是妈常带我去的那家Thisisn'ttheClucky'smymomtakesmeto.
不会吧Nokidding.
这里是哪里啊?
Whereareweanyway?
这里叫"瓦次"镇It'scalledWatts.
赶快把你的鸡肉吃完Nowhurryupandfinishyourchicken.
我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡IliketheCajunClucky'sbetter.
真有你的Goodforyou.
我可以再去点一些法式喀喀鸡吗?
CanIgobackandgetsomeCajunClucky's?
不行吃你眼前的No,eatwhatyougot.
但是我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡ButIliketheCajunClucky'sbetter.
那你刚才为何要点一般的喀喀鸡?
ThenwhydidyouordertheregularClucky?
因为我忘记我喜欢法式喀喀鸡BecauseIforgotIliketheCajunClucky's.
你先把这"该死的"鸡吃完吧Oh,justeatthefreakin'chicken.
好吧Fine.
你为什么要说"该死"?
Whydoyousay"freakin'"?
我懂那个字我已经不是小孩子Iknowwhatyoumean.I'mnotalittlekidanymore.
快吃不要讲话快吃Eat.Don'ttalk,eat!
有事吗?
What'sup?
想尿尿Gottapee.
查理Charlie,
去拿烤肉夹getthetongs.
查理Charlie?
!
天啊Oh,boy.
想尿尿想尿尿想尿尿尿尿尿尿...Gottapee,gottapeeGottapee,pee,pee...
艾伦?
Alan?
我带了个妹来她想认识你I'vegotsomebodywhowantstomeetyou.
时机不太对妈Notagoodtime,Mom.
没错我看的出