好汉两个半第三季第四季中英对照剧本.docx

1、第一集我相信她是个美丽的女孩妈Imsureshesalovelygirl,Mom.但对于相亲我有我的原则butIhaveastrictpolicyagainstblinddates.是我知道对女人来说我不是上帝的恩赐Yes,IknowImnotGodsgifttowomen,不过还是算了.but,nevertheless.拜托你怎么知道她能用软胶水管吸出什么东西来?Oh,comeon.Howdoyouknowwhatshecansuckthroughagardenhose?那不重要我坚持我的原则Doesntmatter.Thepolicystands.好拜Okay,bye.你知道吗在我为你的坚

2、持喝采的同时Youknow,whileIapplaudyourblinddatepolicy,我也会鼓励你别考虑软胶水管那招Iwouldencourageyoutoconsideragardenhoseexemption.抱歉但你应该还记得上次妈帮我安排的那位Imsorry,butyourememberthelasttimeIletMomfixmeup.哦没错那个灌肠爱好者Oh,yeah.Theenemafreak.她是大肠水疗的医师Shewasacolonicirrigationtherapist.还不是一样.Tomato,tomahto.你还在对屁股被灌进五加仑咖啡那件事感到很受伤?You

3、stillwoundupwithfivegallonsofcoffeeupyourkeister.不是什么愉快的回忆Notapleasantmemory.我每次一想到就想偷笑Icantrememberitwithoutchuckling.难怪最近到处都有星巴克.Thesedays,theyllopenaStarbucksanywhere.你说够了没?Areyoudone?还没等一下还有一个No,wait.Onemore.你点了特大杯零脂肪的屎布奇诺Youhadtheventinonfatcrappuccino.上面还有额外的泡沫.withextrafoam.好了我说完了Okay,Imdone.

4、电视怎么了?SowhatswrongwiththeTV?我不知道Idontknow.应该是昨晚的暴风雨把天线吹歪了Ithinkthatstormlastnightmessedupthesatellitedish.我星期一再打电话找人来修理IllcalltheguyonMonday.这就是你处理每件事的态度Thatsyouranswerforeverything.打电话找人?Calltheguy.也不是每件事Notforeverything.通常我打电话都是找女孩来OftenI,callthegirl.当然有一次我找来的女孩衣服一脱才发现是男的Ofcourse,therewastheonetim

5、ethatthegirlturnedouttobetheguy.不用说他们赔了我很多钱Needlesstosay,Igotafullcashrefund.这次你不需要打电话Well,youdonthavetocalltheguythistime.你只要调整一下天线让讯号清析就好了Youjusthavetoadjustthedishtillthesignalclearsup.而这就是那个人星期一会做的事WhichiswhattheguywilldoonMonday.但杰克今晚会来ButJakeiscomingtonight.你想听他整个周末抱怨电视坏掉吗?Doyoureallywanttolis

6、tentohimcomplainabouttheTVallweekend?杰克还很好应付IcandealwithJake.但听你抱怨会让我想上吊自杀Itsyourwhiningthatmakesmewanttohangmyself.来吧帮我拿梯子Comeon.Helpmegettheladder.我要到屋顶去然后分钟内搞定Illgoupontheroof,andwellfixitinfiveminutes.我有梯子?Ihavealadder?我怎么会有梯子?HowdidIgetaladder?我怎么想也不记得我有买过梯子Forthelifeofme,Icantrememberbuyingala

7、dder.很明显的你有买Well,apparently,youdid.但是为什么?我又是怎么把它搬进来的?Butwhy?AndhowdidIgetithome?我真的不知道Ireallycouldnttellyou.我租了台卡车吗?DidIrentatruck?天晓得Whoknows?我得告诉你我们家发生了神秘事件Imtellingyou,wegotarealmysteryonourhands.是啊还真是个谜Yeah.Itsapuzzler.我上去调整天线Imgoingtogoupandadjustthedish,你去看电视andyougolookattheTV然后画面有改善就告诉我andte

8、llmewhenthepictureimproves.好的Allright.我还是觉得我们应该打电话找人来Istillthinkweshouldcalltheguy.别再提那个人Forgettheguy!我就是那个人Imtheguy!查理Charlie!干嘛?Yeah?!屋顶上有男女内裤各一件Theresapairofpantiesuphere.对喔所以有梯子.Ofcourse.Theladder.艾伦谜题解开了Alan,mysterysolved!什么?What?没什么专心做你的事Nevermind.Focusonthejobathand.你在看电视吗?AreyouwatchingtheTV

9、?是的Yes.现在如何?Howsitlooknow?有一点改善Itsalittlebetter.那现在呢?Howaboutnow?变更差了No.Thatsworse.换个角度看看Moveittheotherway.什么?What?我说换个角度看看Isaid,moveittheotherway!好了好了好了这样可以There,there,there!Thatsperfect!什么?What?!我说这样可以了Isaid,thatsperfect!太好了我要下来了Great!Imcomingdown!你刚有讲什么吗?Didyousaysomething?fsc&HEFFF&后期:fsc&HFFFFF

10、F&wqswqswswqsNc&HFFF&c&H&x-WeekendinBangkokwithTwoOlympicGymnasts我就说吧我们应该打电话找人来Itoldyou.Weshouldhavecalledtheguy.你想对我比中指但那可怜的小家伙举不起来Youwanttoflipmethebird,butthepoorlittlefellacantfly.先让我躺下来Justhelpmeliedown.其实你也可以往好处想你知道Thereisabrightsidehere,youknow.喔真的吗?真的吗?能有什么好处?Oh,really?Really?Andwhatmightthe

11、brightsidebe?残障车位?Handicappedparking?同情的性爱?Pitysex?我能了解你现在不想谈这些Oh,Icanseetheresgoingtobenotalkingtoyouaboutthis.帮个忙打电话给茱蒂丝告诉她别带杰克来Domeafavor,andcallJudithandtellhernottobringJakeover.为什么?Howcome?看看我查理Lookatme,Charlie.我有擦伤挫伤脖子严重扭伤Ihaveabrasions,contusions,aseverelysprainedneck,两根手指骨折而且我吃了止痛药后会兴奋twofr

12、acturedfingers,andImhoppeduponpainpills.你觉得我这样像是周末陪小孩的爹吗?DoesthatspellWeekendDadtoyou?呃事实上对我来说比较像是Well,actually,tome,itspells:周末与两位奥运体操选手游曼谷WeekendinBangkokwithtwoOlympicgymnasts.不过那事另一件事了Butthatsawholeotherstory.听我说我这个周末没什么计划我可以照顾杰克Look,Igotnoplansfortheweekend.IcouldtakecareofJake.曼谷?Bangkok?年代的事了

13、Itwasthes.单纯的时光Asimplertime.那时美金非常强势Thedollarwasstrong.我有点想和那个小白痴一起混Iwaskindoflookingforwardtohangingoutwiththelittleknucklehead.让他来吧Lethimcomeover.但我没有办法帮你ButImnotgoingtobeabletohelpyou.你整个周末要干嘛?Whatareyougoingtodoallweekend?我不知道有了我可以买个滑坡道Idontknow.Hey,maybeIllgetachute.然后就可以玩滑坡与阶梯Wecouldplaychutes

14、andladders.看吧这就是为什么杰克要来他比较有幽默感See,thatswhyIwantJakehere.Hehasasenseofhumor.好吧如果.如果你认为你能处理Allright.If.ifyouthinkyoucanhandleit.别担心一切包在我身上Dontworry.Igoteverythingcovered.-谢谢-不客气-Thankyou.-Yourewelcome.现在有什么需要帮忙的吗?IsthereanythingIcandoforyounow?呃Well,我想尿尿Igottopee.恩然后咧?Yeah.So?然后我没办法解开裤子或.SoIcantundomy

15、pantsor.什么也不能做anything.你到底想说什么艾伦?Whereareweheadedwiththis,Alan?你说你会帮我Yousaidyoudhelpme.我的意思是帮你做个三明治什么的IwasthinkingmorelikeIcouldmakeyouasandwich.查理.Charlie.我才不要把手伸进你的裤档里Iamnotreachingintoyourpants.那你要我怎么办?WhatamIsupposedtodo?到海浪里面解决Gostandinthesurf.拜托成熟点Oh,comeon.Growup.你要去哪?Whereareyougoing?去厕所快来帮我

16、解开拉链Tothebathroom.Now,comeonandunzipme.就这样?直接上了?Justlikethat?Righttoit?不用烛光晚餐?不先看场电影?Nodinner?Nomovie?查理Charlie!等一下Holdon!来了Coming!哦天啊HolyGod!查理?Charlie?可以去开门吗?Canyougetthedoor?查理?Charlie?等一下Hangon!查理Charlie!这下可好.Oh,great.我想我刚才刺穿了一边的肺IthinkIjustpuncturedalung.别担心艾伦一切包在我身上DontworryAlan,Ivegoteverythi

17、ngcovered.来了啦Imcoming!你这个周末要开始写报告Youneedtostartyourreportthisweekend!为什么?下星期三才要交我有的是时间Why?ItsnotduetillnextWednesday!Ihaveplentyoftime.你上次也是这样说Thatswhatyousaidlasttime.-我没有-你有-No,Ididnt.-Yes,youdid.我想你应该是老年痴呆了Ithinkyouregettingsenile.注意你的言辞Watchyourmouth,youngman.我没办法看因为嘴巴长在鼻子下面Icantwatchit.Itsunder

18、mynose.哈啰Hello.你怎么了?Whathappenedtoyou?这个嘛最近的话Well,mostrecently,我被门撞到头Iwashitintheheadbyadoor.不过在那之前But,beforethat,我在屋顶修理天线然后.IwasfixingthesatellitedishontheroofandIkindof.摔下来fell.你干嘛不干脆打电话找人来修?Whydidntyoujustcalltheguy?看在老天的份上Well,forGodssake,艾伦你这个周末打算怎么照顾他?Alan,howdoyouintendtolookafterhimthisweeke

19、nd?我现在极度的痛苦Iaminexcruciatingpain,不过我感谢你的关心butIappreciateyourconcern.你应该先打个电话让我知道一下Well,youcouldhavepickedupaphoneandgivenmeaheads-up.打个电话?Pickupthephone?茱蒂丝我要用烤肉夹才能尿尿Judith,neededbarbecuetongstotakealeak.那你到底能不能照顾杰克?CanyoulookafterJakeornot?查理说他会照顾Well,Charliesaidhedlookafterhim.最好是他会Oh,likehellhewi

20、ll.我绝对不会ThereisnowayImgoingto把我儿子交给你那堕落的哥哥letyourdegeneratebrotherberesponsibleformyson.喔没错别问我要什么Oh,sure.DontaskmewhatIwant.把我当成狗一样使唤来使唤去就对了Justbossmearoundlikeyouremybossorsomething.就交给查理吧祝你们周末愉快Charliewillbefine.Haveagoodweekend.谢谢Thanks.也祝你愉快You,too.我们今晚可以去外面吃吗?Canwegoouttodinnertonight?你认为我身体这样子

21、能出门吗?DoIlooklikeIminanykindofshapetogotodinner?我不知道我又不是医生Idontknow.Imnotadoctor.答案是不行TheTheanswerisno.好吧Okay.那我们可以去影带出租店Thencanwegotothevideostore租最新的太空战士吗?andrentthenewFinalFantasy?杰克我受伤了痛的不得Jake,Ihurtmyself.Iminalotofpain.那算什么?当我被足球打到睪丸时So?WhenItookasoccerballtothenads,我都快痛死了教练却说:是男人就站起来Iwasinalot

22、ofpainandallmycoachsaidwas,Walkitoff.但我的情况不是说站就能站Well,youcantjustwalkthisoff.你这种态度当然不行Notwiththatattitude.嘿你来了Hey,thereheis.怎么了老兄?Howsitgoing,buddy?我的人生烂透了Mylifestinks.看开点你还只是个小孩Cheerup.Yourestillakid.长大后就会更烂了Itsgoingtogetmuchworse.你去哪了?Wherehaveyoubeen?午睡一下Takinganap.为什么?Why?因为我发现这样可以消除疲劳Ifinditref

23、reshesme.你说一切都包在你身上Yousaidyouweregoingtotakecareofeverything.是啊然后咧?Yeah.So?然后你在睡觉时我得去应门So,whileyouweresleeping,Ihadtoanswerthedoor.你知道你这样讲会让人觉得你很小气吗?Doyourealizehowpettyyousoundrightnow?放轻松躺下来都包在我身上Relax.Liedown.Igotitcovered.不并没有No,youdont.你什么事也没做没有任何事是包在你身上的Nothingiscovered.Itsallcoverless.看吧这里有一个

24、人生烂透的Now,theresalifethatstinks.那你有什么安排?你想做什么?So,whatsontheagenda?Whatdoyouwanttodo?我想去外面吃晚餐Iwanttogoouttodinner.喔?我要在家看脱口秀Yeah?Well,Iwantmyowntalkshow.家里有什么你就吃什么吧Youlleatwhatwevegot.为什么不能去外面吃?Whycantwegoout?艾伦我搞不定你跟他讲吧Alan,Icantdealwiththis.Talktoyourson.什么跟什么?你.你说一切包在你身上的Thatsit?You.youredonecoveri

25、ng?我没想到他会这么难搞Ididntknowhewasgoingbeimpossible.别说我坏话好像我不在这里似的Hey,donttalkaboutmelikeImnothere.你再继续鬼叫我就让你真的不在这里Keepyappin,andyouwontbe.查理你就带他去吃晚餐吧Charlie,justtakehimtodinner.为什么?见鬼WhyshouldI?因为他不达目的就绝不闭嘴Causehesnotgoingtoshutuptillhegetswhathewants.没错我会把你逼疯Thatstrue.Illdriveyoucrazy.是吗?那你尽量使坏吧Yeah?Wel

26、l,doyourworst.如果我们出去吃晚餐厨房就不需要清理Ifwegoouttodinner,theresnothingtocleanup.我们没有要出去吃晚餐Werenotgoingouttodinner.你常常都出去吃晚餐Youusuallywanttogoouttodinner.今晚不去Nottonight.你这样不是在惩罚我是在惩罚你自己Yourenotpunishingme.Yourejustpunishingyourself.滚远一点小鬼头Backoff,bobblehead.拜托啦我会很可爱Oh,comeon.Itllbefun.我们没有要去Werenotgoing.为什么?

27、Whynot?对话到此结束Thisconversationsover.我继续靠北就不会结束NotifIkeeptalking.你想去哪里吃?Sowheredoyouwanttoeat?喀喀鸡Cluckys.什么是喀喀鸡?WhatsCluckys?火烤鸡肉加上独特秘方的香草与调味料Zestyfire-roastedchickenwithGrandmaCluckyssecretherbsandspices.好在哪儿Allright.Whereisit?附近有好几个点Thereareseveralconvenientlocations.比如说?Likewhere?我不知道我都呆坐在车子里Idontk

28、now.Ijustsitinthecar.我没看过附近有什么喀喀鸡Well,IveneverseenaCluckysaroundhere.-要不要吃比萨?-不要-Howaboutapizza?-No.-汉堡?-不要-Burgers?-No.-寿司?-不要Sushi?-意大利菜?-不要-Italian?-No.-中国菜?-不要-Chinese.-No.-喀喀鸡?-不要-Cluckys?-No.你根本没在听Yourenotevenlistening!我是说好Imean,yes.喀喀鸡Cluckys.算了吧Well,forgetit.我不想为了找喀喀鸡而在城里开车到处晃Imnotdrivingall

29、overthiscityhopingtostumbleacrossaCluckys.这里不是妈常带我去的那家ThisisnttheCluckysmymomtakesmeto.不会吧Nokidding.这里是哪里啊?Whereareweanyway?这里叫瓦次镇ItscalledWatts.赶快把你的鸡肉吃完Nowhurryupandfinishyourchicken.我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡IliketheCajunCluckysbetter.真有你的Goodforyou.我可以再去点一些法式喀喀鸡吗?CanIgobackandgetsomeCajunCluckys?不行吃你眼前的No,eatwh

30、atyougot.但是我比较喜欢法式喀喀鸡ButIliketheCajunCluckysbetter.那你刚才为何要点一般的喀喀鸡?ThenwhydidyouordertheregularClucky?因为我忘记我喜欢法式喀喀鸡BecauseIforgotIliketheCajunCluckys.你先把这该死的鸡吃完吧Oh,justeatthefreakinchicken.好吧Fine.你为什么要说该死?Whydoyousayfreakin?我懂那个字我已经不是小孩子Iknowwhatyoumean.Imnotalittlekidanymore.快吃不要讲话快吃Eat.Donttalk,eat!有事吗?Whatsup?想尿尿Gottapee.查理Charlie,去拿烤肉夹getthetongs.查理Charlie?!天啊Oh,boy.想尿尿想尿尿想尿尿尿尿尿尿.Gottapee,gottapeeGottapee,pee,pee.艾伦?Alan?我带了个妹来她想认识你Ivegotsomebodywhowantstomeetyou.时机不太对妈Notagoodtime,Mom.没错我看的出