Children and Divorce.docx

Children and Divorce.docx

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ChildrenandDivorce

EarlyReport,Fall1989

ChildrenandDivorce

ChildrenandDivorce:

IssuesofChildCustody

ByDennySmith,FamilyCourtOfficer,RamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivision

Separation,divorceandremarriagehavetouchedmanyofuspersonally,andperhapsprofessionally.Ithasbeensuggestedthatone-fifthofthosenowintheir30'swillexperiencetwodivorcesduringtheirlifetime.Asyoucanimagine,suchanincreaseinpost-divorcefamilieswillnecessitatecontinuedeffortstofurtherunderstandandadequatelyprovideservicesforthoseofusworkingwithmembersofthesefamilies.

Divorcehasbeendescribedasatemporaryinterruptiontoafamily'slifestyleand/orlifecycle,requiringcompletionofonetotwoadditionalphasesbeforerejoiningthefamilylifecycle.Sixty-fivepercentofwomenand70%ofmenwhoaredivorcedeventuallyremarry.Theprocessofdivorcingcanbecomeadifficulttask,particularlyforfamiliesexperiencingextremeconflicts.However,ifthesefamiliesrecognizecommonproblemareas,someofthedifficultycanbeminimized.First,itisimportanttoacceptyourself,andyourpartintherelationship.Secondly,itisimportanttoworkcooperativelywithothermembersofthedivorcingfamily.Third,everyoneinthefamilyneedstomournthelossofthedream.Fourth,maritalandparentalrelationshipsneedtoberestructured.Fifth,extendedfamilyrelationshipsneedtoberealigned.Sixth,fantasiesofareunionneedtobemournedandgivenup.Seventh,someworkneedstobedonetoretrieveone'sselffromthemarriage（e.g.,hopesanddreamsthatwerepartofthepreviousmarriagemaystillbevalidforthefuture）.

ManyofthefamiliesreferredtotheRamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivisionforcustodyandvisitationmediationhaveexperiencedextremedifficultyinworkingthroughoneormanyoftheabovelistedareas.Mostoften,partiesareunwillingtoacceptresponsibilityfortheirpartintherelationship.Further,theparties'levelofcooperationisseverelylimitedbyavarietyoffactors,manyofwhichincludepoorcommunicationskills,extremehurtandvindictiveness,andfearaboutthefuture.Manyintactfamiliesexperiencesimilardifficultiesbuthavefoundwaystocopeandresolvetheseareaswithoutdecidingtodivorce.OfthetotalnumberoffamiliesbeingdivorcedinRamseyCounty,onlyabouttentotwentypercentarereferredtotheRamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivision.Thesearethefamilieswiththegreatestamountofconflict,andaremostlikelytosettledifferencesincourt.

Divorcemediationisofferedtofamiliesinordertohelpthemmakedecisionsaboutwheretheirchildrenwillliveandwhenthechildrenwillspendtimewitheachoftheirparents.Divorcemediationhasbeendescribedasasystemsapproachtorestructuringafamily.Theclientineffectisthewholefamily,withthebestoutcomemeetingtheneedsofallfamilymembers.However,frequentlytheparents'needsbecomemoreinfluentialinafinaldecisionanditisimperativethatthoseofusworkingwiththesefamiliescontinuetoaddresstheneedsofchildrenasweguideanddirectthisprocess.

Childcustodymediationfocusesonlyondecisionsneedingtobemadebyparentsconcerningtheirchildren.Financialdecisionsincludingchildsupport,spousalmaintenanceandpropertysettlementarenotincludedinthechildcustodymediationprocess.Parentscooperativelyreviewplansfortheirchildren'slegalandphysicalcustody.（SeeCustodyDefined.）Familieshaveconsideredavarietyofalternatives,limitedonlybytheirowninabilitytomutuallyagree.

Intheeventthatparentsareunabletomutuallyagree,MinnesotaStateLawdirectsthataninvestigationbecompletedandarecommendationmadetotheCourt.Thedecisionconcerninglegalandphysicalcustodyofthechildrenthenbecomestheresponsibilityofajudge,whowillfollowMinnesotaStatute518.17infurtherassessingthebestinterestsofthechildren.Inthisrespect,parentsgiveawayorlosetheirrightandresponsibilitytomakedecisionsconcerningtheirchildren.Itcannotbeemphasizedenoughthatparentalcooperationandagreementismostimportant.

JudithWallersteinandSandraBlakeslee,intheirmostrecentbookSecondChances,haveshownthatdivorceisnotatemporarycrisisordiseasethathasacure,butanenduringproblematicconditionweknowfartoolittleabout.SecondChancesismostprovocative,however,becauseitchallengesanassumptionsocomfortingtodivorcedcouples:

What'sgoodfortheparentswillinstantlybegoodforthechildren.Custodyandaccessarrangementsareonlytwofactorsinacomplexchainoffactorsthataffectchildadjustment.Whatseemstomatterforchildrenwhohaveafairamountofaccesstobothparentsisnotthe"legal"statusofthefamily,thequantityofaccess,ortheamountofmovementbetweenhomes.Rather,aswemightexpect,itisthequalityofthefamilyfunctioningduringdivorce.Childrenwhoseparentsarelessseverelydistressedandinlessconflictwitheachothermayfairwellineithersortoftime-sharingarrangement-jointorsolecustody.

SecondChancesprovidesafurtherglimpseatwhatfactorspromotechildren'spositiveadjustment.Hopefully,informationsuchasthiscanbepresentedtodivorcingparentsinawaythatwillhelpthemunderstandtheirchildren'semotionalandpsychologicalneedsaswellastheirown.Itisfurtherhopedthatthiswouldresultincustodydecisionsthatwillbeinthebestinterestsofallfamilymembers.

Onthehorizon,theareaoffamilylawfacesmanynewchallenges.Forexample,aparent'srightstocustodyofchildrenbornthroughInVitrofertilizationandfrozenembryoshaverecentlymadenationalandinternationalnews.Amother'sconcealmentofherallegedsexuallyabuseddaughterandeventualimprisonmenthaschallengedajusticesystemandnationtoexamineitsthinkingandpolicies.Wewillallbefacedwiththeresultoftheseevents.Wewillchallengeourownvalues,thinkingandabilitytoprovideservices.

CustodyDefined

Courtdecisionsregardingcustodyaremadeforthebenefitofthechild,notfortheparent.Custodyawardedtoparentdoesnotlegallyimplythatthenoncustodialparentisunfit.Rather,custodyawardsaredemonstrationsofconcernabouttheneedsofthechild.Therearetwoaspectsofcustody--"legalcustody"and"physicalcustodyandresidence"--andtwotypesofcustodywithineachaspect.MinnesotaStatutesprovidethatthereisapresumptionofJointLegalCustodyunlessitcanbeshownthatthisisnotinthebestinterestsofthechild.

LegalCustody:

Therighttomakedecisionsregardingthechild（ren）'supbringing.Thisincludeseducation,healthcare,religioustraining,financialneeds,andrecreationalactivities.

JointLegalCustody:

Bothparentshaveequalrightsandresponsibilitiesformakingdecisionsaffectingtheirchild（ren）.

SoleLegalCustody:

Oneparenthastotalresponsibilityformajordecisions.

PhysicalCustody&Residence:

Wherethechild（ren）liveandroutinedailycareandcontrol.

JointPhysicalCustody:

Responsibilitiesfordailycareandresidencearestructuredbetweentheparents.

PrimaryPhysicalCustody:

Oneparenthasprimaryresponsibilityforcareandresidence.Examplesofphysicalcustodyarrangements:

∙Weekdayswithoneparent,weekendswiththeotherparent

∙Weekendsalternatebetweentheparentswithamid-weekaccessday

∙Schoolyearwithoneparent,summerswiththeotherparent.

WhatYouShouldKnowAboutMediation

Whatiscustody/timesharingmediation?

∙AprocessinwhichbothparentsmeetwithaFamilyCourtOfficeranddiscusswaystoresolvedisagreementsaboutcustodyand/ortimesharing（visitation）plans.Whatistheroleofamediator?

Aneutralthirdpartywhohelpsbothpartiestalkaboutsolutionstodisagreementsaboutcustodyand/ortimesharingplans.

∙Listentobothparties,askquestions.-Nottotakesidesorplaceblame.

∙Helpclarifyissues.Offersuggestions.

AmediationsessionisNOT:

∙Acourthearing

∙Aprocesstodetermineguiltorinnocence;therearenowitnessesorevidence

∙Atherapysession

Howyoucanprepareformediation:

∙Thinkofseveralpossiblecustodyortimesharingplansyoubelievewouldbebeneficialtoyourchild/children.

∙Considerareasinwhichyoumightbeabletocompromise.

∙Approachthemeetingwithanopenmindandaspiritofcooperation.

JointCustody:

WhatTwoStudiesReveal

ByKathyKalb

Anoverridingconcernforparents,practitioners.andresearchersishowdivorceaffectschildren.Recentlytherehasbeendiscussionaboutwhetherjointorsolecustodyisinthechild'sbestinterest.

Fewstudieshavedirectlyaddressedthisissueyet.Moststates,includingMinnesota,havestatutesthatencouragejointcustodyarrangements.Somearguethatthismaycreateanassumptionthatjointcustodyisinthe"bestinterestofthechild,"whereinfactnosuchscientificevidenceexists.Whatdoweknowabouttheeffectsofjointversussolecustody?

TwoimportantstudieshavebeenconductedbyDr.JudithWallerstein,executivedirectorofCalifornia'sCenterfortheFamilyinTransition,andhercolleagues.Herrecentbook,SecondChanceswithSandraBlakeslee,discussesbothstudies:

1.25familieswithchildrenunderage5whohavechosenjointcustody,and

2.184familiesandtheirchildren.

Attheendoftwoyears,aboutone-thirdofthelatterfamilieswereinvoluntaryjointcustodyarrangements,theotherswereinsolemothercustodyarrangements.

Amiddebateovertherelativebenefitsoftypesofcustody,Wallersteinconcludesthereislittledifferenceintheadjustmentofchildrenbasedonsoleversusjointcustodyalone.Whilejointcustodychildren