Children and Divorce.docx
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ChildrenandDivorce
EarlyReport,Fall1989
ChildrenandDivorce
ChildrenandDivorce:
IssuesofChildCustody
ByDennySmith,FamilyCourtOfficer,RamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivision
Separation,divorceandremarriagehavetouchedmanyofuspersonally,andperhapsprofessionally.Ithasbeensuggestedthatone-fifthofthosenowintheir30'swillexperiencetwodivorcesduringtheirlifetime.Asyoucanimagine,suchanincreaseinpost-divorcefamilieswillnecessitatecontinuedeffortstofurtherunderstandandadequatelyprovideservicesforthoseofusworkingwithmembersofthesefamilies.
Divorcehasbeendescribedasatemporaryinterruptiontoafamily'slifestyleand/orlifecycle,requiringcompletionofonetotwoadditionalphasesbeforerejoiningthefamilylifecycle.Sixty-fivepercentofwomenand70%ofmenwhoaredivorcedeventuallyremarry.Theprocessofdivorcingcanbecomeadifficulttask,particularlyforfamiliesexperiencingextremeconflicts.However,ifthesefamiliesrecognizecommonproblemareas,someofthedifficultycanbeminimized.First,itisimportanttoacceptyourself,andyourpartintherelationship.Secondly,itisimportanttoworkcooperativelywithothermembersofthedivorcingfamily.Third,everyoneinthefamilyneedstomournthelossofthedream.Fourth,maritalandparentalrelationshipsneedtoberestructured.Fifth,extendedfamilyrelationshipsneedtoberealigned.Sixth,fantasiesofareunionneedtobemournedandgivenup.Seventh,someworkneedstobedonetoretrieveone'sselffromthemarriage(e.g.,hopesanddreamsthatwerepartofthepreviousmarriagemaystillbevalidforthefuture).
ManyofthefamiliesreferredtotheRamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivisionforcustodyandvisitationmediationhaveexperiencedextremedifficultyinworkingthroughoneormanyoftheabovelistedareas.Mostoften,partiesareunwillingtoacceptresponsibilityfortheirpartintherelationship.Further,theparties'levelofcooperationisseverelylimitedbyavarietyoffactors,manyofwhichincludepoorcommunicationskills,extremehurtandvindictiveness,andfearaboutthefuture.Manyintactfamiliesexperiencesimilardifficultiesbuthavefoundwaystocopeandresolvetheseareaswithoutdecidingtodivorce.OfthetotalnumberoffamiliesbeingdivorcedinRamseyCounty,onlyabouttentotwentypercentarereferredtotheRamseyCountyDomesticRelationsDivision.Thesearethefamilieswiththegreatestamountofconflict,andaremostlikelytosettledifferencesincourt.
Divorcemediationisofferedtofamiliesinordertohelpthemmakedecisionsaboutwheretheirchildrenwillliveandwhenthechildrenwillspendtimewitheachoftheirparents.Divorcemediationhasbeendescribedasasystemsapproachtorestructuringafamily.Theclientineffectisthewholefamily,withthebestoutcomemeetingtheneedsofallfamilymembers.However,frequentlytheparents'needsbecomemoreinfluentialinafinaldecisionanditisimperativethatthoseofusworkingwiththesefamiliescontinuetoaddresstheneedsofchildrenasweguideanddirectthisprocess.
Childcustodymediationfocusesonlyondecisionsneedingtobemadebyparentsconcerningtheirchildren.Financialdecisionsincludingchildsupport,spousalmaintenanceandpropertysettlementarenotincludedinthechildcustodymediationprocess.Parentscooperativelyreviewplansfortheirchildren'slegalandphysicalcustody.(SeeCustodyDefined.)Familieshaveconsideredavarietyofalternatives,limitedonlybytheirowninabilitytomutuallyagree.
Intheeventthatparentsareunabletomutuallyagree,MinnesotaStateLawdirectsthataninvestigationbecompletedandarecommendationmadetotheCourt.Thedecisionconcerninglegalandphysicalcustodyofthechildrenthenbecomestheresponsibilityofajudge,whowillfollowMinnesotaStatute518.17infurtherassessingthebestinterestsofthechildren.Inthisrespect,parentsgiveawayorlosetheirrightandresponsibilitytomakedecisionsconcerningtheirchildren.Itcannotbeemphasizedenoughthatparentalcooperationandagreementismostimportant.
JudithWallersteinandSandraBlakeslee,intheirmostrecentbookSecondChances,haveshownthatdivorceisnotatemporarycrisisordiseasethathasacure,butanenduringproblematicconditionweknowfartoolittleabout.SecondChancesismostprovocative,however,becauseitchallengesanassumptionsocomfortingtodivorcedcouples:
What'sgoodfortheparentswillinstantlybegoodforthechildren.Custodyandaccessarrangementsareonlytwofactorsinacomplexchainoffactorsthataffectchildadjustment.Whatseemstomatterforchildrenwhohaveafairamountofaccesstobothparentsisnotthe"legal"statusofthefamily,thequantityofaccess,ortheamountofmovementbetweenhomes.Rather,aswemightexpect,itisthequalityofthefamilyfunctioningduringdivorce.Childrenwhoseparentsarelessseverelydistressedandinlessconflictwitheachothermayfairwellineithersortoftime-sharingarrangement-jointorsolecustody.
SecondChancesprovidesafurtherglimpseatwhatfactorspromotechildren'spositiveadjustment.Hopefully,informationsuchasthiscanbepresentedtodivorcingparentsinawaythatwillhelpthemunderstandtheirchildren'semotionalandpsychologicalneedsaswellastheirown.Itisfurtherhopedthatthiswouldresultincustodydecisionsthatwillbeinthebestinterestsofallfamilymembers.
Onthehorizon,theareaoffamilylawfacesmanynewchallenges.Forexample,aparent'srightstocustodyofchildrenbornthroughInVitrofertilizationandfrozenembryoshaverecentlymadenationalandinternationalnews.Amother'sconcealmentofherallegedsexuallyabuseddaughterandeventualimprisonmenthaschallengedajusticesystemandnationtoexamineitsthinkingandpolicies.Wewillallbefacedwiththeresultoftheseevents.Wewillchallengeourownvalues,thinkingandabilitytoprovideservices.
CustodyDefined
Courtdecisionsregardingcustodyaremadeforthebenefitofthechild,notfortheparent.Custodyawardedtoparentdoesnotlegallyimplythatthenoncustodialparentisunfit.Rather,custodyawardsaredemonstrationsofconcernabouttheneedsofthechild.Therearetwoaspectsofcustody--"legalcustody"and"physicalcustodyandresidence"--andtwotypesofcustodywithineachaspect.MinnesotaStatutesprovidethatthereisapresumptionofJointLegalCustodyunlessitcanbeshownthatthisisnotinthebestinterestsofthechild.
LegalCustody:
Therighttomakedecisionsregardingthechild(ren)'supbringing.Thisincludeseducation,healthcare,religioustraining,financialneeds,andrecreationalactivities.
JointLegalCustody:
Bothparentshaveequalrightsandresponsibilitiesformakingdecisionsaffectingtheirchild(ren).
SoleLegalCustody:
Oneparenthastotalresponsibilityformajordecisions.
PhysicalCustody&Residence:
Wherethechild(ren)liveandroutinedailycareandcontrol.
JointPhysicalCustody:
Responsibilitiesfordailycareandresidencearestructuredbetweentheparents.
PrimaryPhysicalCustody:
Oneparenthasprimaryresponsibilityforcareandresidence.Examplesofphysicalcustodyarrangements:
∙Weekdayswithoneparent,weekendswiththeotherparent
∙Weekendsalternatebetweentheparentswithamid-weekaccessday
∙Schoolyearwithoneparent,summerswiththeotherparent.
WhatYouShouldKnowAboutMediation
Whatiscustody/timesharingmediation?
∙AprocessinwhichbothparentsmeetwithaFamilyCourtOfficeranddiscusswaystoresolvedisagreementsaboutcustodyand/ortimesharing(visitation)plans.Whatistheroleofamediator?
Aneutralthirdpartywhohelpsbothpartiestalkaboutsolutionstodisagreementsaboutcustodyand/ortimesharingplans.
∙Listentobothparties,askquestions.-Nottotakesidesorplaceblame.
∙Helpclarifyissues.Offersuggestions.
AmediationsessionisNOT:
∙Acourthearing
∙Aprocesstodetermineguiltorinnocence;therearenowitnessesorevidence
∙Atherapysession
Howyoucanprepareformediation:
∙Thinkofseveralpossiblecustodyortimesharingplansyoubelievewouldbebeneficialtoyourchild/children.
∙Considerareasinwhichyoumightbeabletocompromise.
∙Approachthemeetingwithanopenmindandaspiritofcooperation.
JointCustody:
WhatTwoStudiesReveal
ByKathyKalb
Anoverridingconcernforparents,practitioners.andresearchersishowdivorceaffectschildren.Recentlytherehasbeendiscussionaboutwhetherjointorsolecustodyisinthechild'sbestinterest.
Fewstudieshavedirectlyaddressedthisissueyet.Moststates,includingMinnesota,havestatutesthatencouragejointcustodyarrangements.Somearguethatthismaycreateanassumptionthatjointcustodyisinthe"bestinterestofthechild,"whereinfactnosuchscientificevidenceexists.Whatdoweknowabouttheeffectsofjointversussolecustody?
TwoimportantstudieshavebeenconductedbyDr.JudithWallerstein,executivedirectorofCalifornia'sCenterfortheFamilyinTransition,andhercolleagues.Herrecentbook,SecondChanceswithSandraBlakeslee,discussesbothstudies:
1.25familieswithchildrenunderage5whohavechosenjointcustody,and
2.184familiesandtheirchildren.
Attheendoftwoyears,aboutone-thirdofthelatterfamilieswereinvoluntaryjointcustodyarrangements,theotherswereinsolemothercustodyarrangements.
Amiddebateovertherelativebenefitsoftypesofcustody,Wallersteinconcludesthereislittledifferenceintheadjustmentofchildrenbasedonsoleversusjointcustodyalone.Whilejointcustodychildren