Children and Divorce.docx

1、Children and DivorceEarly Report, Fall 1989Children and DivorceChildren and Divorce: Issues of Child CustodyBy Denny Smith, Family Court Officer, Ramsey County Domestic Relations Division Separation, divorce and remarriage have touched many of us personally, and perhaps professionally. It has been s

2、uggested that one-fifth of those now in their 30s will experience two divorces during their lifetime. As you can imagine, such an increase in post-divorce families will necessitate continued efforts to further understand and adequately provide services for those of us working with members of these f

3、amilies. Divorce has been described as a temporary interruption to a familys lifestyle and/or lifecycle, requiring completion of one to two additional phases before rejoining the family lifecycle. Sixty-five percent of women and 70% of men who are divorced eventually remarry. The process of divorcin

4、g can become a difficult task, particularly for families experiencing extreme conflicts. However, if these families recognize common problem areas, some of the difficulty can be minimized. First, it is important to accept yourself, and your part in the relationship. Secondly, it is important to work

5、 cooperatively with other members of the divorcing family. Third, everyone in the family needs to mourn the loss of the dream. Fourth, marital and parental relationships need to be restructured. Fifth, extended family relationships need to be realigned. Sixth, fantasies of a reunion need to be mourn

6、ed and given up. Seventh, some work needs to be done to retrieve ones self from the marriage (e.g., hopes and dreams that were part of the previous marriage may still be valid for the future). Many of the families referred to the Ramsey County Domestic Relations Division for custody and visitation m

7、ediation have experienced extreme difficulty in working through one or many of the above listed areas. Most often, parties are unwilling to accept responsibility for their part in the relationship. Further, the parties level of cooperation is severely limited by a variety of factors, many of which i

8、nclude poor communication skills, extreme hurt and vindictiveness, and fear about the future. Many intact families experience similar difficulties but have found ways to cope and resolve these areas without deciding to divorce. Of the total number of families being divorced in Ramsey County, only ab

9、out ten to twenty percent are referred to the Ramsey County Domestic Relations Division. These are the families with the greatest amount of conflict, and are most likely to settle differences in court. Divorce mediation is offered to families in order to help them make decisions about where their ch

10、ildren will live and when the children will spend time with each of their parents. Divorce mediation has been described as a systems approach to restructuring a family. The client in effect is the whole family, with the best outcome meeting the needs of all family members. However, frequently the pa

11、rents needs become more influential in a final decision and it is imperative that those of us working with these families continue to address the needs of children as we guide and direct this process. Child custody mediation focuses only on decisions needing to be made by parents concerning their ch

12、ildren. Financial decisions including child support, spousal maintenance and property settlement are not included in the child custody mediation process. Parents cooperatively review plans for their childrens legal and physical custody. (See Custody Defined.) Families have considered a variety of al

13、ternatives, limited only by their own inability to mutually agree. In the event that parents are unable to mutually agree, Minnesota State Law directs that an investigation be completed and a recommendation made to the Court. The decision concerning legal and physical custody of the children then be

14、comes the responsibility of a judge, who will follow Minnesota Statute 518.17 in further assessing the best interests of the children. In this respect, parents give away or lose their right and responsibility to make decisions concerning their children. It cannot be emphasized enough that parental c

15、ooperation and agreement is most important. Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, in their most recent book Second Chances, have shown that divorce is not a temporary crisis or disease that has a cure, but an enduring problematic condition we know far too little about. Second Chances is most prov

16、ocative, however, because it challenges an assumption so comforting to divorced couples: Whats good for the parents will instantly be good for the children. Custody and access arrangements are only two factors in a complex chain of factors that affect child adjustment. What seems to matter for child

17、ren who have a fair amount of access to both parents is not the legal status of the family, the quantity of access, or the amount of movement between homes. Rather, as we might expect, it is the quality of the family functioning during divorce. Children whose parents are less severely distressed and

18、 in less conflict with each other may fair well in either sort of time-sharing arrangement - joint or sole custody. Second Chances provides a further glimpse at what factors promote childrens positive adjustment. Hopefully, information such as this can be presented to divorcing parents in a way that

19、 will help them understand their childrens emotional and psychological needs as well as their own. It is further hoped that this would result in custody decisions that will be in the best interests of all family members. On the horizon, the area of family law faces many new challenges. For example,

20、a parents rights to custody of children born through In Vitro fertilization and frozen embryos have recently made national and international news. A mothers concealment of her alleged sexually abused daughter and eventual imprisonment has challenged a justice system and nation to examine its thinkin

21、g and policies. We will all be faced with the result of these events. We will challenge our own values, thinking and ability to provide services. Custody Defined Court decisions regarding custody are made for the benefit of the child, not for the parent. Custody awarded to parent does not legally im

22、ply that the noncustodial parent is unfit. Rather, custody awards are demonstrations of concern about the needs of the child. There are two aspects of custody-legal custody and physical custody and residence-and two types of custody within each aspect. Minnesota Statutes provide that there is a pres

23、umption of Joint Legal Custody unless it can be shown that this is not in the best interests of the child. Legal Custody: The right to make decisions regarding the child(ren)s upbringing. This includes education, health care, religious training, financial needs, and recreational activities. Joint Le

24、gal Custody: Both parents have equal rights and responsibilities for making decisions affecting their child(ren). Sole Legal Custody: One parent has total responsibility for major decisions. Physical Custody & Residence: Where the child(ren) live and routine daily care and control. Joint Physical Cu

25、stody: Responsibilities for daily care and residence are structured between the parents. Primary Physical Custody: One parent has primary responsibility for care and residence. Examples of physical custody arrangements: Weekdays with one parent, weekends with the other parent Weekends alternate betw

26、een the parents with a mid-week access day School year with one parent, summers with the other parent. What You Should Know About Mediation What is custody/time sharing mediation? A process in which both parents meet with a Family Court Officer and discuss ways to resolve disagreements about custody

27、 and/or time sharing (visitation) plans. What is the role of a mediator? A neutral third party who helps both parties talk about solutions to disagreements about custody and/or time sharing plans. Listen to both parties, ask questions. -Not to take sides or place blame. Help clarify issues. Offer su

28、ggestions. A mediation session is NOT: A court hearing A process to determine guilt or innocence; there are no witnesses or evidence A therapy session How you can prepare for mediation: Think of several possible custody or time sharing plans you believe would be beneficial to your child/children. Co

29、nsider areas in which you might be able to compromise. Approach the meeting with an open mind and a spirit of cooperation. Joint Custody: What Two Studies Reveal By Kathy Kalb An overriding concern for parents, practitioners. and researchers is how divorce affects children. Recently there has been d

30、iscussion about whether joint or sole custody is in the childs best interest. Few studies have directly addressed this issue yet. Most states, including Minnesota, have statutes that encourage joint custody arrangements. Some argue that this may create an assumption that joint custody is in the best

31、 interest of the child, where in fact no such scientific evidence exists. What do we know about the effects of joint versus sole custody? Two important studies have been conducted by Dr. Judith Wallerstein, executive director of Californias Center for the Family in Transition, and her colleagues. He

32、r recent book, Second Chances with Sandra Blakeslee, discusses both studies: 1. 25 families with children under age 5 who have chosen joint custody, and 2. 184 families and their children. At the end of two years, about one-third of the latter families were in voluntary joint custody arrangements, the others were in sole mother custody arrangements. Amid debate over the relative benefits of types of custody, Wallerstein concludes there is little difference in the adjustment of children based on sole versus joint custody alone. While joint custody children