Science says parents of successful kids have these 11 things in common.docx

Science says parents of successful kids have these 11 things in common.docx

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Sciencesaysparentsofsuccessfulkidshavethese11thingsincommon

Sciencesaysparentsofsuccessfulkidshavethese11thingsincommon

Anygoodparentwantstheirkids tostayoutoftrouble,dowellinschool,andgoontodoawesomethingsasadults. 

Andwhilethereisn'tasetrecipeforraisingsuccessfulchildren,psychologyresearchhaspointedtoahandfuloffactorsthatpredictsuccess.

Unsurprisingly,muchofitcomesdowntotheparents.

Here'swhat parentsofsuccessfulkidshaveincommon:

1.Theymaketheirkidsdochores.

AngryJulieMonday/flickr

"Ifkidsaren'tdoingthedishes,itmeanssomeoneelseisdoingthatforthem,"JulieLythcott-Haims,formerdeanoffreshmenatStanfordUniversityandauthorof "HowtoRaiseanAdult"saidduringa TEDTalksLive event. 

"Andsothey'reabsolvedofnotonlythework,butoflearningthatworkhastobedoneandthateachoneofusmustcontributeforthebettermentofthewhole,"shesaid. 

Lythcott-Haimsbelieves kidsraisedonchoresgoontobecomeemployeeswhocollaboratewellwiththeircoworkers,aremoreempatheticbecausetheyknowfirsthandwhatstrugglinglookslike,andare abletotakeontasksindependently. 

ShebasesthisontheHarvardGrantStudy,thelongestlongitudinalstudyeverconducted.

"Bymakingthemdochores—takingoutthegarbage,doingtheirownlaundry—theyrealize Ihavetodotheworkoflifeinordertobepartoflife," shetellsTechInsider.

2.Theyteachtheirkidssocialskills.

REUTERS/ElijahNouvelage

ResearchersfromPennsylvaniaStateUniversityandDukeUniversitytrackedmorethan700childrenfromacrosstheUSbetweenkindergartenandage25and foundasignificantcorrelationbetweentheirsocialskillsaskindergartnersandtheirsuccessasadultstwodecadeslater.

The20-yearstudyshowedthatsociallycompetentchildrenwhocouldcooperatewiththeirpeerswithoutprompting,behelpfultoothers,understandtheirfeelings,andresolveproblemsontheirown,werefarmorelikelytoearnacollegedegreeandhaveafull-timejobbyage25thanthosewithlimitedsocialskills.

Thosewithlimitedsocialskillsalsohadahigherchanceofgettingarrested,bingedrinking,andapplyingforpublichousing.

"Thisstudyshowsthathelpingchildrendevelopsocialandemotionalskillsisoneofthemostimportantthingswecandotopreparethemforahealthyfuture,"said KristinSchubert,programdirectorattheRobertWoodJohnsonFoundation,whichfundedtheresearch,inarelease.

"Fromanearlyage,theseskillscandeterminewhetherachildgoestocollegeorprison,andwhethertheyendupemployedoraddicted."

3.Theyhavehighexpectations.

Usingdatafromanationalsurveyof6,600childrenbornin2001, UniversityofCaliforniaatLosAngelesprofessor NealHalfonandhiscolleagues discoveredthattheexpectationsparentsholdfortheirkidshaveahugeeffectonattainment. 

"Parentswhosawcollegeintheirchild'sfutureseemedtomanagetheirchildtowardthatgoalirrespectiveoftheirincomeandotherassets," hesaidinastatement.

Thefindingcameoutinstandardizedtests:

57%ofthekidswhodidtheworstwereexpectedtoattendcollegebytheirparents,while96%ofthekidswhodidthebestwereexpectedtogotocollege.

Thisfallsinlinewithanotherpsychfinding:

 ThePygmalioneffect,whichstates"that whatonepersonexpectsofanothercancometoserveasaself-fulfillingprophecy." 

Inthecaseofkids,theyliveuptotheirparents'expectations.

4.Theyhavehealthyrelationshipswitheachother.

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Childreninhigh-conflictfamilies,whetherintactordivorced,tendtofareworsethanchildrenofparentsthatgetalong, accordingtoaUniversityofIllinoisstudyreview.

RobertHughesJr.,professorandheadoftheDepartmentofHumanandCommunityDevelopmentattheUniversityofIllinoisandthestudyreviewauthor,alsonotesthatsomestudieshavefound childreninnonconflictualsingle-parentfamiliesfare betterthanchildreninconflictualtwo-parent families.

Theconflictbetweenparentspriortodivorce alsoaffects childrennegatively,whilepost-divorceconflicthasastronginfluenceonchildren'sadjustment, Hughessays.

Onestudyfoundthat,afterdivorce, whenafatherwithoutcustodyhasfrequentcontactwithhiskidsandthereisminimal conflict,childrenfarebetter.Butwhenthereisconflict,frequentvisitsfromthefatherarerelatedtopooreradjustmentofchildren.

Yetanotherstudyfoundthat20-somethingswhoexperienceddivorceoftheirparentsaschildrenstillreportpainanddistressovertheirparent'sdivorce tenyearslater. Youngpeoplewhoreportedhighconflictbetweentheir parentswerefar morelikelytohavefeelingsoflossandregret.

5.They'veattainedhighereducationallevels.

MerrimackCollege/Flickr

A 2014study leadbyUniversityofMichiganpsychologistSandraTangfoundthatmotherswhofinishedhighschoolorcollegeweremorelikelytoraisekidsthatdidthesame. 

Pullingfromagroupofover14,000childrenwhoenteredkindergartenfrom1998to2007,thestudyfoundthatchildrenborntoteenmoms（18yearsoldoryounger）werelesslikelytofinishhighschoolorgotocollegethantheircounterparts. 

Aspirationisatleastpartiallyresponsible.Ina2009longitudinalstudy of856peopleinsemiruralNewYork,BowlingGreenStateUniversitypsychologistEricDubowfoundthat"parents'educationallevelwhenthechildwas8yearsoldsignificantlypredictededucationalandoccupationalsuccessforthechild40yearslater."

6.They teachtheirkidsmathearlyon.

Flickr/tracytheastonishing

A 2007meta-analysis of 35,000preschoolersacrosstheUS,Canada,andEnglandfoundthatdevelopingmathskillsearlycanturnintoahugeadvantage.

"Theparamountimportanceofearlymathskills—ofbeginningschoolwithaknowledgeofnumbers,numberorder,andotherrudimentarymathconcepts—isoneofthepuzzlescomingoutofthestudy,"coauthorandNorthwesternUniversityresearcherGregDuncan saidinapressrelease. "Masteryofearlymathskillspredictsnotonlyfuturemathachievement,italsopredictsfuturereadingachievement."

7.Theydeveloparelationshipwiththeirkids.

Dubova/Shutterstock

A 2014study of243peoplebornintopovertyfoundthatchildrenwhoreceived"sensitivecaregiving"intheirfirstthreeyearsnotonlydidbetterinacademictestsinchildhood,buthadhealthierrelationshipsandgreateracademicattainmentintheir30s. 

AsreportedonPsyBlog,parentswhoaresensitivecaregivers"respondtotheirchild'ssignalspromptlyandappropriately"and"provideasecurebase"forchildrentoexploretheworld.

"Thissuggeststhatinvestmentsinearlyparent-childrelationshipsmayresultinlong-termreturnsthataccumulateacrossindividuals'lives," coauthorandUniversityofMinnesotapsychologistLeeRabysaidinaninterview.

8.They'relessstressed.

Flickr/OlegSidorenko

Accordingto recent research citedbyBrigidSchulte atTheWashingtonPost, thenumberofhoursthatmomsspendwithkidsbetweenages3and11doeslittletopredictthechild'sbehavior,well-being,orachievement. 

What'smore,the"intensivemothering"or"helicopterparenting"approachcanbackfire. 

"Mothers'stress,especiallywhenmothersarestressedbecauseofthejugglingwithworkandtryingtofindtimewithkids,thatmayactuallybeaffectingtheirkidspoorly,"studycoauthorandBowlingGreenStateUniversitysociologistKeiNomaguchitoldThePost.

Emotionalcontagion —orthepsychologicalphenomenonwherepeople"catch" feelingsfromoneanotherliketheywouldacold—helpsexplainwhy.Researchshowsthatifyourfriendishappy,thatbrightnesswillinfectyou;ifshe'ssad,thatgloominesswilltransferaswell.Soifaparent isexhaustedorfrustrated,thatemotionalstatecouldtransfertothekids. 

9.They valueeffortoveravoidingfailure.

ChinaStringerNetwork/Reuters

Wherekidsthinksuccesscomesfromalsopredictstheirattainment. 

Overdecades,StanfordUniversitypsychologistCarolDweckhasdiscoveredthatchildren（andadults）thinkaboutsuccessinoneoftwoways. Overat thealways-fantasticBrainPickings,MariaPopovasaystheygoalittlesomethinglikethis:

A"fixedmindset"assumesthatourcharacter,intelligence,andcreativeabilityarestaticgivensthatwecan'tchangeinanymeaningfulway,andsuccessistheaffirmationofthatinherentintelligence,anassessmentofhowthosegivensmeasureupagainstanequallyfixedstandard;strivingforsuccessandavoidingfailureatallcostsbecomeawayofmaintainingthesenseofbeingsmartorskilled.

A"growthmindset,"ontheotherhand,thrivesonchallengeandseesfailurenotasevidenceofun-intelligencebutasahearteningspringboardforgrowthandforstretchingourexistingabilities. 

Atthecoreisadistinctioninthewayyouassumeyourwillaffectsyourability,andithasapowerfuleffectonkids.Ifkidsaretoldthattheyacedatestbecauseoftheirinnateintelligence,that createsa"fixed"mindset.Iftheysucceededbecauseofeffort,thatteachesa"growth"mindset.

10.Themomswork.

GettyImages/DanielBerehulak

Accordingto researchoutofHarvardBusinessSchool,therearesignificantbenefitsforchildrengrowingupwithmotherswhoworkoutsidethehome.

Thestudyfounddaughtersofworkingmotherswenttoschoollonger,weremorelikelytohaveajobinasupervisoryrole,andearnedmoremoney— 23%morecomparedtotheirpeerswhowereraisedbystay-at-homemothers.

Thesonsofworkingmothersalsotendedtopitchinmoreonhouseholdchoresandchildcare,thestudyfound— theyspentseven-and-a-halfmorehoursaweekonchildcareand25moreminuteson