South Park805.docx

South Park805.docx

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SouthPark805

SouthPark

8.05-AWESOM-O

[Butters'house,day.Buttersisinthelivingroomeatingsomesoup.Thedoorbellrings.Buttersstopsandlooksatthedoor.Herisesandopensit,andseesalargewoodencratewaitingontheporch]

Butters:

Whattheheck?

[stepsoutsidetolookfortheaddresslabel]Whoa!

Whatahugepackage!

[findsit]"ToButtersStotch."[skipsaround]Ohboy!

It'sforme!

It'sforme!

!

[returnstothecrate'slabel]Whoisitfrom?

"Sentfrom:

Japan.Konichi-wa."[skipsaround]Wow!

ApackageformefromJapan!

!

[pushesthecrateintothehosue.]Wow,whatcanitbe?

Mybirthdayisn'tuntilSeptember11th.[skipsaroundandrunsintothehouse.Hereturnswithasmallcrowbar]Ohboy!

I'venevergottenapackagethisbig!

I'vealwayswantedtohaveahugepackage.[hetugsatthepanelheloosened.ThepanelswingsdownandButtersfliesoff.Helaysonhisbackandlooksup.AlargeA.W.E.S.O.M.-O,wideenoughtoresembleCartman,walksoutofthecrate]

Cartman:

[monotone]Greetings.IamtheAWESOM-O4000.

Butters:

[dazzled]Whoa...

Cartman:

IhavebeensentfromJapantoserveasyourpersonalrobot.

Butters:

[approachesAWESOM-O]You...you'remyrobot?

Cartman:

Yes.Iwillbeyournewbestfriend.

Butters:

Ohwow!

[Momentslater,ButtershasCartmansittingonhisbed.Buttersgoestohisdeskandmakesafewcalls.]

Butters:

Yep.That'sright.He'sarealliverobot.Hecanwalkandtalkandeverything.You'relikethefourthkidItoldalready.[Cartmansnickerstohimself]WellIgottagoDougie.MyrobotandIhavestufftodo.[hangsup,takesthephonebacktohisbedsidetableandsetsthephonedown]Heheh,they'reallsojealous!

[hopsontothebednexttoCartman]I'msogladyoucameintomylife,AWESOM-O.You'rethebestfriendaguycouldhave.

Cartman:

Yes.YoucantrustAWESOM-O.Inface,youshouldtellAWESOM-Oallyourmostpersonalsecrets.AWESOM-Owillnotmakefunofyouortellyoursecretstootherpeopleandstuff.

Butters:

Heyyeah!

WellIcantellyouanything,huh?

[strokeshischin]Welllessee...Well,forone,Ihavewhat'scalledaheziatedcolon,whichmeansIsometimecan'tcontrolmysphincter.

Cartman:

Couldbe.

Butters:

Well,nobodyknowsit,butsometimesIpoopmypants,soIhavetowearadiapertoschool.[Cartmanbeginstochuckle]Youokay,AWESOM-O?

Cartman:

Yes.AWESOM-Oisfine.Pleasegoon.

Butters:

Well,Ihavetotakemedicineforiteveryday.It'salittlesuppositoryIhaveto...putupmyrectom.

Cartman:

[laughs]That,that'sveryinteresting.TellAWESOM-Omoresecrets.

Butters:

Hm,okay.Let'ssee[strokeshischin]Oh,myparentsdon'tknow,butsometimesIgetpickedonbythisonekidatschool;hisnameisEricCartman,andhealwaystriestoplayjokesonmeandstuff.

Cartman:

Oh,really?

Butters:

Yeah.Onetimehemademethinkameteorhadhittheearth,andconvincedmetostaydowninabombshelterforthreedays.

Cartman:

Heh.Wow,thatsucks.

Butters:

Yeah.Andthenthisothertime,hepretendedtobemeonthephonetomydadandcalledhimapussy,somydadcamehomeandbeatme.

Cartman:

Wow.SoundslikethisCartmankidisprettysmart.

Butters:

No,he'snotsmart!

He'sjustanasshole.Andhe'snevergonnaplayonmeeveragain!

[hopsoffandwalkstowardshisdesk.]

Cartman:

Really?

Youthinkso?

Well,guesswhat,Butters.Ihaveasurpriseforyou.

Butters:

Yeah,andhe'snevergonnagetmeagain!

'CausewhatCartmandoesn'tknowisthatIknowoneofhissecrets!

Cartman:

What?

Butters:

WhenCartmanisplayingallaloneinhisbackyard,helikestodressuplikeBritneySpearsandpretendhe'sher!

Hisingsanddancesaroundwithalife-sizedcutoutofJustinTimberlake.

Cartman:

Yousawthat?

Butters:

Yeah!

AndIvideotapedhimdoingit!

Cartman:

Nuhuh.

Butters:

I'vegotthewholethingontape!

EvenhimmakingoutwiththeJustinTimberlakecutout!

Cartman:

Noway.

Butters:

Yeah!

AndifCartmanevermesseswithmeagain,I'mgonnashowthatvideotoeverybody!

ThenI'lllhavemyrevenge,boyhowdy!

Cartman:

[beat]...Um,whereisthisvideotape,Butters?

Butters:

Huh?

Oh,Idunno.It'saroundheresomewhere.Hey!

Sowhatdoyouwannadonow,AWESOM-O?

Cartman:

Uh,Butters,maybeyoushouldgiveAWESOM-Othevideotape?

Butters:

Howcome?

Cartman:

Well,because...AWESOM-Ocan,like,backitupforyou,andmakecopiesandstuff.IamAWESOM-O.

Butters:

Oh,that'sallright,AWESOM-O.Comeon!

Ihavealotofthingstoteachyou.[leavestheroom]

Cartman:

[momentslater,stillonthebed]Oh,sonofabitch!

[Montage.ButterstossesabasketballwithCartmanonthefrontlawn.Cartman,asAWESOM-O,can'tcatchit]

Butters:

Heytherehaveyouheardaboutmyrobotfriend?

[they'rewalkingalonginameadow.Buttersistellinghimastory]

He'smetalandsmallanddoesn'tjudgemeatall.

He'sacyberwiredbundleofjoy.

[ButtershasAWESOM-Otakeshotsatabasketballhoop.TheshotisgoodandButtersispleased]

Myrobotfriend.

[Stan,KyleandKennyobservenearbyfrombehindabush.They'redismayedatwhattheysee.Stangrabshisnoseandsqueezeshiseyesshut,thenwalksoff.KyleandKennyfollow]

Iliketodipanddaddlewithmyrobotfriend.

[jumpsinapuddle,thenhasAWESOM-Odothesame.Buttersgiggles]

He'ssmartascanbeandemotion-free

[washesdisheswhileAWESOM-Odriesthem,thentheygosee"ThePrinceandMe."Theyexit,withButtersskippingbesideAWESOM-O.Butterslovedthemovie]

Andhe'scomputin'hiswaytomyheart.

Myrobotfriend.

[AtarestauranttwoburgersreachButters'table.Hegetsone,hemotionstothewaiterthatAWESOM-Ogetstheotherone.Thewaiterlooksconfused,thenwalksawaywiththeotherburger]

Myrobotfriend.

[ButtershasAWESOM-Opullhimalonginaredwagon]

Myrobotfriend.

[theywalkintoasunsettogether]

Myrobot...friend.

[thesceneends]

[Butters'hosue,livingroom.Hisdadreadsthenewspaper,hismomarriveswithcoffeeandcookiesandsetsthemdownonthecoffeetable]

Linda:

Ohhh,that'ssocute.DidyouseeButtersandhisfriendEricplayingRobot.

Chris:

[tossesthepaperontothecoucharmasLindaserveshimcoffee]Yes.Thoseboysarequiteimaginative.Leaveittothemtofindafunwaytodothedishes.[takeshiscup]

Butters:

[leadingCartmantothestairs]That'sgreatAWESOM-O!

[Cartmancarriesapileofclothes]Youcancarryallmylaundryinonetrip!

Linda:

Ah,Buttters,it'sgettinglate.Youshouldbegettingreadyforbedsoon.

Butters:

OkayMom.Well,comeon,AWESOM-O.Bedtime.

Linda:

Oh,isyourlittlerobotfriendstayingthenight?

Butters:

Wellofcourseheis.He'smyrobot,ain'the?

Linda:

That'sokaywithyourmom,Mr.Robot?

Cartman:

AWESOM-Odoesnothaveamom.

Butters:

Yup!

Don'tyouknownothin'aboutrobot?

Comeon,AWESOM-O!

Youcanputmylaundryaway!

[CartmanfollowsButtersup]

Linda:

Aww,that'sjustadorable.

Chris:

It'sgoodtoseeButtersfinallyhaveafriendthatwantstostayover.

[TheStotchbathroom.Buttersisbrushinghisteeth,AWESOM-Ostandsnexttohim]

Butters:

Iliketobrushmyteethinthemorningandatnight.Theteethwon'tmind..

Cartman:

[underhisbreath]Grrr.JesusChristIcan'tgoonlikethis.[normal.Buttersopensupthemedicinecabinet]Butters,rememberwhenyousaidyouhadavideoofEricCartmandressedlikeBritneySpears?

Butters:

Oh.Yeah.

Cartman:

IwouldliketoseewhathelookslikesoIcanbeathimupforyou.MayIseethevideo?

Butters:

[turnsaroundcarryingaboxofsuppositories]Awww,youdon'tneedtodothat,AWESOM-O.Hey,Igottaputinmysuppository.[takesoneoutandputstheboxonthecabinet]Canyouhelpme?

Cartman:

What?

Butters:

RememberIsaidIputthatmedicinalsuppositoryinmyanus?

It'llbesomucheasierhavin'youdoitfromnowon.

Cartman:

Um.Actually,AWESOM-Owasnotprogrammedforthatfunction.

Butters:

[hopsdownfromthestool]Haw,it'srealeasy.I'llshowyou.Youjusttakethislittlethingyoutoftheplastic...paper,andandI'll,I'llpulldownmypants...andjustslideitupinmyanusthere.

Cartman:

...Noway.

Butters:

AWESOM-O,IthoughyouwereprogrammedtodowhateverItellyou.

Cartman:

Weak!

[turnsrightandfacesButters'ass.]

Butters:

Yeyeah,that,that'sprettygood.Getituptheregoodanddeep.

Cartman:

Lame!

[Butters'house,momentslater.Thebedroomlightremainson]

Butters:

AllrightAWESOM-O,timeforustogetsomesleep.[POVchangesfromoutsidetobedroomoverhead]Hey,youwantmetoteachyousomebedtimesongs?

Ifyouleavemenow,you'lltakeawaythebiggestpartofme.Ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo...

Cartman:

AWESOM-Omustrest!

HisCPUsystemoverloading.

Butters:

Oh,o-o-allrightAWESOM-O.Let'sgetussomeshut-eye,[turnsoffthelight]orwhat,orwhateverrobotshave.[closeshiseyesanddriftsofftosleep.HeturnstohisleftandplacesahandonAWESOM-O]

[Morning.Acockcrows.Butterswakesup,butAWESOM-Oisn'tinbedwithhim.Helooksaroundandseeshisroomisamess.Hisdrawersareoutofthedressersandhisclothesarestrewnallovertheplace.Oneofhisclothingrodshasbeenknockeddownandhisclosetdoorsareopen.AWESOM-OisshownatButters'desklookingthroughmorestuff.]

Cartman:

Whereisit?

Whereisit?

?

Butters:

AWESOM-O?

?

Cartman:

Wah!

Butters:

AWESOM-O,whattheSamHeckareyoudoing?

Cartman:

Um,ahAWESOM-Oisreorganizingyourstuffforyou.

Butters:

AwJeezJeezLouise!

Mymomisgonnabeawfulsorewhensheseesthismess!

NowAWESOM-O,thatisabadrobot!

You