the temple.docx
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thetemple
作者:
象罔与罔象 发表日期:
2003-10-113:
19:
00
THETEMPLE
byGAOXINGJIAN
Weweredeliriouslyhappy,deliriouswiththehope,infatuation,tenderness,andwarmththatgowithahoneymoon.FangfangandIhadplannedthetripoverandover,eventhoughwehadonlyhalfamonthoff:
tendaysofweddingleave,plusoneweekofadditionalworkleave.Gettingmarriedisamajoreventinlife,andforusnothingwasmoreimportant,sowhynotaskforsomeextratime?
Thatdirectorofminewassomiserly:
anyonewhowenttohimrequestingleavehadtohaggle;therewereneverautomaticapprovals.ThetwoweeksIhadwritteninmyapplicationhechangedtooneweek,includingaSunday,anditwaswithreluctancethathesaid,“I’llexpectyoutobebackatworkbytheduedate.““Ofcourse,ofcourse,“Isaid.“Wewouldn’tbeabletoaffordthesalarydeductionifwestayedlonger.“Itwasonlythenthathesignedhisname,therebygrantinguspermissiontoleave.
Iwasn’tabacheloranymore.Ihadafamily.IwouldnolongerbeabletogoofftorestaurantswithfriendsassoonasIgotpaidatthebeginningofthemonth.Iwouldn’tbeabletospendrecklesslysothatbytheendofthemonthIdidn’thavethemoneytobuyapackofcigarettesandhadtogothroughmypocketsandsearchthedrawersforcoins.ButIwon’tgointoallthat.I’msayingthatI—wewereveryhappy.Inourshortlives,therehadn’tbeenmuchhappiness.BothFangfangandIhadexperiencedyearsofhardship,andwehadlearnedhowitisintheworld.Duringthosecatastrophicyearsinthiscountry,ourfamiliessufferedthroughmanymisfortunes,andwestillresented,tosomeextent,thefateofourgeneration.ButIwon’tgointothat,either,forthetimebeing.Whatwasimportantwasthatwecouldnowcountourselveshappy.
Wehadhalfamonth’sleave,andalthoughitwasonlyhalfahoneymoon,forusitcouldn’thavebeensweeter.Iamnotgoingtogointohowsweetitwas.Youallknowaboutthatandhaveexperiencedityourselves,butthisparticularsweetnesswasoursalone.WhatIwanttotellyouaboutistheTempleofPerfectBenevolence:
“perfect“asin“perfectunion,“and“benevolence“asin“benevolentlove.“Butthenameofthetempleisnotreallyofgreatimportance.Itwasadilapidatedruin,andcertainlynotafamoustouristattraction.Nooneknewaboutit,otherthanthelocals,andIsuspectthateventhelocalswhoknewwhatitwascalledwerefew.Inanycase,thetemplewehappenedtovisitwasn’tonewherepeopleburnedincenseorprayed,andifwehadn’tcarefullyexaminedthestonetabletwithtracesofwritinginthedrainofthewaterpumpwewouldn’tevenhaveknownthatthetemplehadaname.Thelocalsreferredtoitas“thebigtemple,“butitwasnothingcomparedwiththeRetreatfortheSoulTemple,inHangzhou,ortheJadeCloudTemple,inBeijing.Situatedonahillbeyondthetown,itwaslittlemorethananoldtwo-storybuildingwithflyingeavesandtheremnantsofastonegateinfrontofit.Thecourtyardwallshadcollapsed.Thebricksoftheouterwallhadbeencarriedoffbypeasantstobuildtheirhousesorconstructpensfortheirpigs,andonlyacircleofunfiredbricksremained,overgrownwithweeds.
However,fromadistance,fromthesmallstreetofthecountytown,theexpanseofglazedyellowtilessparklinginthesunlightcaughtoureyes.Wehadcometothistownquitebyaccident.Ourtrainhadstayedattheplatformaftertheannounceddeparturetime,probablywaitingforanexpressthatwasbehindscheduletopassthrough.Thechaoticscrambleofpassengersgettingonandoffhadsettledand,apartfromtheconductorschattingatthecarriagedoors,therewasnooneontheplatform.Beyondthestationwasavalleywithanexpanseofgrayroofs.Fartherstill,achainofheavilywoodedmountainsgavetheancienttownanexceptionalairoftranquillity.
SuddenlyIhadanidea.Isaid,“Shouldwetakealookatthistown?
“
Fangfang,whowassittingoppositeandlookingatmelovingly,gaveaslightnod.Thoseeyesofhersseemedtospeak,and,sensitivetoeachother,wecommunicatedonthesamefrequency.Withoutaword,wetookourbagsfromtheluggagerackandrushedtothedoorofourcarriage.Assoonaswehadjumpedontotheplatform,webothlaughed.
Isaid,“We’llleaveonthenexttrain.“
“Idon’tmindifwedon’tleaveatall,“Fangfanganswered.
Afterall,weweretravelling,anditwasourhoneymoon.Ifwefellinlovewithaplacewewouldgothere,andifwewentonlikingtheplacewewouldstaylonger.Thehappinessofnewlywedsaccompaniedusallthetime,whereverwewent.Wewerethehappiestpeopleintheworld.Fangfangwasholdingmyarm,andIwasholdingourbags.Wewantedtheconductorsontheplatformandthecountlesspairsofeyesontheothersideofthetrainwindowstolookatuswithenvy.
Wenolongerhadtodriveourselvesmadtryingtogettransferredbacktothecity.Nordidwehavetokeepappealingtoourparentsforhelp.Andwedidn’thavetoworryaboutourresidentialstatusorourjobsanymore.Weevenhadourownapartment,ourownhome;itwasn’tverybig,butitwascomfortable.YoubelongedtomeandIbelongedtoyouand,Fangfang,Iknowwhatyouwanttosay:
Thisrelationshipisnolongerimmoral!
Andwhatdoesthatmean?
Itmeansthatwewanteveryonetoshareinourhappiness.We’vehadsomanyproblems,andwe’vetroubledallofyouwiththem,andyouhaveallworriedbecauseofus.Howcanwerepayyou?
Withsomecandiesandcigarettesafterourwedding?
No,wearerepayingyouwithourhappiness.There’snothingwrongwithwhatI’msaying,isthere?
Sothatwashowwecametothisquietoldtowninthevalley.But,intruth,thetownwasnowherenearastranquilasithadseemedwhenwewerelookingoutofthetrainwindow.Belowthegrayrooftiles,thelanesandalleyswerethrobbingwithactivity.Itwasnineo’clockinthemorning,andpeopleweresellingvegetablesandrockmelonsandfreshlypickedapplesandpears.Thestreetsofcountytownslikethisonearen’twide,somulecarts,horsecarts,andtruckswerealljammedtogether,thedriverscrackingtheirwhipsandsoundingtheirhorns.Dustintheair,dirtywatertossedoutbyvegetablestalls,melonskinsontheground,squawkinghensflappinginthehandsoftheirbuyers:
theseweresightsthatmadeusfeelclosetothetown.
Itallfeltsodifferentfromthetimewhenweweregraduatessenttoworkinthecountryside.Nowwewerejustvisitorspassingthrough;weweretourists,andthecomplicatedrelationshipsbetweenthepeopleherehadnothingtodowithus.Inevitably,thisproducedinuscity-dwellersasenseofsuperiority.FangfangwasclutchingmyarmtightlyandIwasleaningclosetoher,andwecouldsensepeople’seyesonus.Butwedidn’tbelongtothistown;wewerefromanotherworld.Wewalkedrightbythem,andtheydidn’tgossipaboutus;theygossipedonlyaboutthepeopletheyknew.
Eventually,therewerenomorevegetablestallsandveryfewpeople.Wehadleftthebustleanddinofthemarketbehind.Isawfrommywatchthatithadtakenusonlyhalfanhourtowalkthelengthofthemainroadfromtherailwaystation.Itwasstillearly.Itwouldhavebeenananticlimaxjusttoreturntothestationandwaitforthenexttrain,andFangfangwasalreadythinkingaboutspendingthenighthere!
Shedidn’tsayso,butIcouldseethatshewassomewhatdisappointed.
Therewasamanheadingtowardus,ostentatiouslyswinginghisarmsashewalked.Hewasprobablyacadre.
“Excuseme,couldyoutellmehowtogettothecountyhostel?
“Iasked.
HestudiedFangfangandmeforamoment,thenenthusiasticallypointeditouttous.“Gooverthere,“hetoldus,“thenheadleft.Theredbrickthree-storybuildingisthecountyhostel.“Heaskedwhomwewerelookingfor,andheseemedtowanttotakeustherehimself.Weexplainedthatwewerejusttouristspassingthroughandaskedhimiftherewereanysightsworthseeing.Hepattedhishead:
this,itseemed,wasaproblem.
Aftergivingthemattersomethought,hesaid,“Thereactuallyaren’tanyscenicspotsinthiscounty.Butthere’sabigtempleuponthehilltothewestoftown,ifyouwanttogothere.You’llhavetoclimbthehill,though,andit’ssteep!
“
“That’sO.K.We’vecomeheresothatwecangohiking,“Isaid.
Fangfanghastenedtoadd,“That’sright.We’renotafraidofclimbingahill.“
Atthis,themanledustothecornerofthestreet.Thehillwasnowdirectlyinfrontofus,andontopofit,glazedtilessparklinginthesun,wastheoldtemple.
Butthenthemanglancedatthehigh-heeledshoesthatFangfangwaswearingandsaid,“You’llhavetowadeacrossariver.“
“Isthewaterdeep?
“Iasked.
“Abovetheknees.“
IlookedatFangfang.
“That’snothing.I’llmanage.“Shedidn’twanttodisappointme.
Wethankedhimandbeganwalkinginthedirectionhehadindicated.Whenweturnedontothedustydirtroad,Icouldn’thelpfeelingsomewhatregretfulasIlookedatthenewhigh-heeledshoeswiththinstrapsthatFangfanghadon.Still,shechargedahead.
“You’rereallyacrazylittlething,“Isaid,catchinguptoher.
“AslongasI’mwithyou.“
Doyouremember,Fangfang?
Yousaidthisasyounestledagainstme.
Wewalkedtowardtheriverbank.Corngrewstraight,tallerthanaman,onbothsides,andwefollowedapaththroughthegreengauzecanopy,withnooneinsighteitheraheadorbehind.TakingFangfanginmyarms,Igentlykissedher.What’swrongwiththat?
Shedoesn’twantmetotalkaboutthat.Solet’sgobacktotheTempleofPerfectBenevolenc