AUNTIEWord下载.docx
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Josephandhisbrethren,'
theseareoperas!
FromthetheatreIhavemygeneralhistory,geog-raphyandknowledgeofmankind!
FromtheFrenchplaysIknowthelifeofParis—naughty,buthighlyinteresting!
HowIhaveweptover'
TheRiquebourgFamily'
;
tothinkthatthehusbandshoulddrinkhimselftodeath,sothathiswifeshouldgetheryoungsweetheart!
Yes,howmanytearsIhaveshedinthefiftyyearsIhavebeena'
regularticket-holder'
."
Auntiekneweverypiece,everybitofscenery,everypersonwhocameon,orhadevercomeon.Shereallylivedonlyintheninetheatricalmonths.Thesummer-time,withoutaplay,wasatimewhichmadeherold,whilstaplay-nightwhichlastedtillpastmidnightwasalengtheningoflife.Shedidnotsaylikeotherpeople,"
Nowspringiscoming,thestorkhasarrived!
or"
Thereismentioninthepapersofthefirststrawberry."
Onthecontrary,shean-nouncedthecomingofautumn:
"
Haveyouseenthatthetheatreseatsarebeingtaken;
nowtheperformanceswillbegin!
Shereckonedtheworthofahouseanditssituationbyhownearitlaytothetheatre.Itwasagrieftohertoleavethelittlelanebehindthetheatreandremovetothebiggerstreetalittlefartheroff,andthereliveinahousewhereshehadnooppositeneighbours.
Athomemywindowhastobemytheatre-box!
Onecan'
tsitandthinkonlyofoneself;
onemustseepeople.ButnowIliveasifIhadremovedrightoutintothecoun-try.IfIwishtoseepeople,Imustgooutintomykitchenandclimbontothesink;
onlytherehaveIoppositeneighbours.Now,whenIlivedinmylane,Icouldseerightintotheflax-dealer'
s,andthenIhadonlythreestepstothetheatre;
nowIhavethreethousandlife-guard'
ssteps."
Auntiemightbeill,buthoweverbadshewas,sheneverneglectedthetheatre.Oneeveningherdoctoror-deredhertohavepoulticesonherfeet;
shedidashedi-rected,butdrovetothetheatre,andsattherewithherfeetinpoultices.Ifshehaddiedthere,itwouldhavede-lightedher.Thorwaldsendiedinthetheatre,andshecalledthat"
ahappydeath"
.
Shecertainlycouldnotimagineaheavenlykingdomwithoutatheatre.Itcertainlyhadnotbeenpromisedtous,butitwastobesupposedthatthemanycelebratedactorsandactresses,whohadgonebefore,musthaveacontinuedsphereofactivity.
Auntiehadherelectricwirefromthetheatretoherroom;
thetelegramcameeverySundaytocoffee.HerelectricwirewasMr.Sivertsonofthestage-machineryde-partment,themanwhogavethesignalsforthesceneryandcurtainstogoupanddown,inandout.
Fromhimshegotinadvanceashortandpithyre-viewofthepiecesShakespeare'
s"
Tempest"
,hecalled"
wretchedstuff!
Thereissomuchtosetup,andthenitbeginswithwateruptothefirstside-scene!
Thatistosay,therollingwaveswentsofarforward.Ontheotherhand,ifoneandthesameroom-decorationremainedthroughallfiveacts,hesaidthatitwasasensibleandwell-written,restfulpiece,whichplayeditselfwithoutsettingup.
Inearliertimes,asAuntiecalledthetimessomethirtyandoddyearsago,sheandtheabove-namedMr.Sivertsonwereyounger;
hewasalreadyinthe"
machin-ery"
,and,asshecalledhim,her"
benefactor"
.Atthattime,itwasthecustomattheeveningperformance,inthegreatandonlytheatreofthetown,toadmitspectatorstotheflies;
everystage-carpenterhadoneortwoplacestodisposeof.Itwasoftenchock-full,andthatwithveryse-lectcompany;
itwassaidthatthewivesbothofgeneralsandaldermenhadbeenthere;
itwassointerestingtolookdownbehindthescenes,andknowhowtheperformersstoodandmovedwhenthecurtainwasdown.Auntiehadbeentheremanytimes,bothattragediesandballets,forthepieceswihthegreatestnumberofperformerswerethemostinterestingfromtheflies.
Onesatprettymuchinthedarkupthere,andmostofthepeoplebroughtsupperwiththem.Oncethreeapplesandasliceofbreadandbutter,withsausageonit,fellrightdownintoUgolino'
sprison,wherehewasjustabouttodieofhunger.Atthattherewasagenerallaugh.Thesausagewasoneoftheimportantreasonswhythedirectororderedthepublictobeexcludedfromtheflies.
ButIwastherethirty-seventimes,"
saidAuntie,"
andIshallneverforgetit,Mr.Sivertson."
Itwasjusttheverylastnightthattheflieswereopentothepublicthattheyplayed"
TheJudgementofSolomon"
.Auntieremembereditsowell.Shehad,throughherbenefactor,Mr.Sivertson,procuredaticketforAgentFab,althoughhedidnotdeserveit,ashewasalwaysmakingfunofthetheatre,andteasingheraboutit;
butstillshehadgothimaplaceupthere.Hewantedtoseethetheatre—tingsupside-down;
thesewerehisownwords—andjustlikehim,saidAuntie.
Andhesaw"
TheJudgementofSolomon"
,fromabove,andfellasleep;
onewouldreallyhavethoughtthathehadjustcomefromabigdinnerwithmanytoasts.Hesleptandwaslockedin,satandsleptthroughthedarknightinthetheatre,andwhenheawokehetoldastory;
butAuntiedidnotbelievehim.Theplaywasfinished,allthelampsandcandieswereout,allthepeoplewereout,upstairsanddownstairs;
butthenbegantherealplay,theafter-piece—thebestofall,theagentsaid.Lifecameintotheproperties!
itwasnot"
thatwasplayed;
no,itwas"
TheJudgementDayattheTheatre"
.AndallthisAgentFabhadtheimpudencetotrytomakeAuntiebelieve;
thatwasherthanksforgettinghimadmissiontotheflies.
Whattheagenttoldwas,nodoubt,comicalenoughtohearbutmaliceandmockerylayatthebottomofit.
Itwasdarkupthere,"
saidtheagent,"
butthenthedemon-showbegan,thegreatspectacle,'
TheJudge-mentDayattheTheatre.'
Check-takersstoodatthedoors,andeveryspectatorhadtoshowacertificateastohischaracter,tosettlewhetherhewastoenterwithhandsfreeorfettered,withmuzzleorwithout.Gentlefolkswhocametoolate,whentheperformancehadalreadybegun,aswellasyoungmenwhoweregiventowastingtheirtime,weretetheredoutside,andgotfelt-solesundertheirfeet,togoinwithatthebeginningofthenextact,be-sidesbeingmuzzled;
andthenbegan'
TheJudgementDayattheTheatre'
Merespite,whichOurLordknowsnothingof,"
saidAuntie.
Thescene-painter,ifhewishedtogetintoHeaven,hadtogoupastairwhichhehadpaintedhimself,butwhichnomancouldwalkup.Thatwasonlyasinagainstperspective,however.Alltheplantsandbuildings,whichthestage-carpenterhadwithgreattroubleplacedincountriestowhichtheydidnotbelong,thepoormanhadtomovetotheirrightplaces,andthatbeforecock-crow,ifhewishedtogetintoHeaven.Mr.Fabhadbetterseethathehimselfgotinthere;
andwhathenowtoldabouttheactors,bathincomedyandtragedy,insongandindance,wastheworstofall.Hedidnotdeservetogetin-totheflies;
Auntiewouldnotrepeathiswords.Hehadsaidthatthewholeaccountwaswrittendown,andwouldbeprintedafterhewasdeadandgone—notbefore;
hedidnotwanttobeskinnedalive.
Auntiehadonlyoncebeeninanguishandterrorinhertempleofhappiness,thetheatre.Itwasonewinter'
sday,oneofthedayswhenwehavetwohours'
daylightandthatonlygrey.Itwascoldandsnowy,butAuntiemustgotothetheatre.Theywereplaying"
HerrmanvonUnna,"
besidesalittleoperaandagreatballet,apro-logueandanepilogue;
itwouldlastrightintothenight.Auntiemustgothere;
herlodgerhadlentherapairofsledging-bootswithfurbothoutsideandinside;
theycamehighuponthelegs.
Shecameintothetheatre,andintoherbox;
thebootswerewarm,soshekeptthemon.Allatonceacryof"
Fire"
wasraised.Smokecamefromoneofthewings,smokecamefromtheflies;
therewasafrightfulcommo-tion;
peopleshedout;
Auntiewasthelastinthebox—"
thesecondtiertotheleft—thedecorationslookbestfromthere,"
shesaid,"
theyareplacedalwaystolookmostbeautifulfromtheroyalside"
—Auntiewishedtogetout,butthoseinfrontofher,hadthoughtlesslyslammedthedoorintheirterror.TheresatAuntie;
shecouldnotgetout,norineither,thatistosayintothenextbox,thepar-titionwastoohigh.Sheshouted,nooneheard;
shelookeddownintothetierunderneath,itwasempty,itwaslow,anditwasnear.Auntie,inherfear,feltherselfsoyoungandactive;
shewouldjumpdown;
shegotonelegoverthebalustradeandtheotheroffthebench.Thereshesatastride,beautifullydrapedwithherfloweredskirt,withonelonglegdanglingout,alegwithamonstersledging-boot.Thatwasasighttosee!
andwhenitwasseen,Aun-tiewasalsoheard,andsavedfromburning,forthetheatrewasnotburntafterall.
Thatwasthemostmemorableeveningofherlife,shesaid,andshewasgladthatshehadnotbeenabletoseeherself;
forthenshewouldhavediedofshame.
Herbenefactor,Mr.Sivertson,cameconstantlytohereverySunday,butitwasalongtimefromSundaytoSunday.Latterly,therefore,inthemiddleoftheweekshehadalitilechildfor"
theleavings"
,thatistosay,toenjoywhathadbeenleftoverfromdinner-time.Thiswasalittlechildfromtheballet,whowasinneedoffood.Thelittleoneappearedonthestagebothasapageandafairy;
herhardestpartw