生活大爆炸第一季第一集文档格式.docx

生活大爆炸第一季第一集文档格式.docx

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What,areyoukidding?

you'

reasemipro.

No.Wearecommittinggeneticfraud.

snoguaranteeoursperm'

sgoingtogeneratehigh-lQoffspring.

Thinkaboutthat.

IhaveasisterwiththesamebasicDNAmixwhohostessesatFuddruckers.

Sheldon,thiswasyouridea.

AlittleextramoneytogetfractionalT1bandwidthintheapartment?

Iknow.AndIdoyearnforfasterdownloads.

ssomepoorwomanwho'

sgonnapinherhopesonmysperm.

Whatifshewindsupwithatoddlerwhodoesn'

tknowifheshoulduse...

...adifferentialtosolvefortheareaunderacurve?

-I'

msureshe'

llstilllovehim.-Iwouldn'

t.

Well,whatdoyouwannado?

-Iwanttoleave.-Okay.

-What'

stheprotocolforleaving?

-Idon'

tknow.

veneverrenegedonaprofferofspermbefore.

Let'

stryjustwalkingout.

Okay.

-Bye.-Bye-bye.

Nicemeetingyou.

-Areyoustillmadaboutthespermbank?

-No.

Youwannahearaninterestingthingaboutstairs?

Notreally.

Iftheheightofastepisoffbyaslittleastwomillimeters...

-...mostpeoplewilltrip.-Idon'

tcare.

Twomillime--?

Thatdoesn'

tseemright.

It'

strue.IdidaseriesofexperimentswhenIwas12.

Myfatherbrokehisclavicle.

Isthatwhytheysentyoutoboardingschool?

No.Thatwastheresultofmyworkwithlasers.

Newneighbor?

SHELDON:

Evidently.

Significantimprovementovertheoldneighbor.

Two-hundredpoundtransvestitewithaskincondition?

Yes,sheis.

Oh,hi.

-Hi.-Hi.

Hi?

Wedon'

tmeantointerrupt.Weliveacrossthehall.

Oh,that'

snice.

No.Wedon'

tlivetogether.Imean...

...welivetogether,butinseparate,heterosexualbedrooms.

Okay,well,guessI'

myournewneighbor.

-Penny.-Leonard.Sheldon.

Hi.

Well....

Oh,welcometothebuilding.

Oh,thankyou.Maybewecanhavecoffeesometime.

-Oh,great.-Great.

-Great.-Great.

Well,bye.

-Bye.-Bye.

Shouldwehaveinvitedherforlunch?

No.We'

regonnastartseasontwoofBattlestarGalactica.

WealreadywatchedtheseasontwoDVDs.

Notwithcommentary.

Ithinkweshouldbegoodneighbors.

Inviteherover,makeherfeelwelcome.

WeneverinvitedLouie/Louiseover.

Well,andthatwaswrongofus.

Weneedtowidenourcircle.

Ihaveaverywidecircle.

Ihave212friendsonMySpace.

yes,andyou'

venevermetoneofthem.

That'

sthebeautyofit.

mgonnainviteherover.

We'

llhaveanicemealandchat.

Chat?

Wedon'

tchat,atleastnotoff-line.

Well,it'

snotdifficult.

Youjustlistentowhatshesays...

...andthenyousaysomethingappropriateinresponse.

Towhatend?

-Hi.Again.-Hi.

Anyway...

...webroughthomelndianfood...

...andIknowthatmovingcanbestressful...

...andIfindthatwhenI'

mundergoingstress...

...thatgoodfoodandcompanycanhaveacomfortingeffect.

Also,curry'

sanaturallaxativeandIdon'

thavetotellyouthat,youknow...

...acleancolonisjustonelessthingtoworryabout.

mnoexpert,butinthecontextofalunchinvitation...

...youmightwannaskipthereferencetobowelmovements.

Oh,you'

reinvitingmeovertoeat?

yes.

ssonice.I'

dloveto.

Great.

So,whatdoyouguysdoforfunaroundhere?

Well,todaywetriedmasturbatingformoney.

-Okay,well,makeyourselfathome.-Okay.

-Thankyou.-you'

reverywelcome.

[MOUTHS]You'

Thislookslikesomeseriousstuff.Leonard,didyoudothis?

Actually,that'

smywork.

Wow.

Yeah,well,it'

sjustsomequantummechanics...

...withalittlestringtheorydoodlingaroundtheedges.Thatpart'

sjustajoke.

saspoofoftheBorn-Oppenheimerapproximation.

Soyou'

re,like,oneofthoseBeautifulMindgeniusguys.

yeah.

Thisisreallyimpressive.

Ihaveaboard,ifyoulikeboards.Thisismyboard.

Holysmokes.

Ifby"

holysmokes,"

youmeanaderivativerestatementofthestuff...

...youcanfindscribbledonthewallofanymen'

sroomatMlT,sure.

-What?

-Oh,comeon.

Whohasn'

tseenthisdifferentialbelow"

hereIsitbrokenhearted"

?

AtleastIdidn'

thavetoinvent26dimensionsjusttomakethemathcomeout.

-Ididn'

tinventthem.They'

rethere.-lnwhatuniverse?

Inallofthem,thatisthepoint.

DoyouguysmindifIstart?

-Penny.-yeah?

swhereIsit.

Sositnexttome.

-No,Isitthere.-What'

sthedifference?

-Herewego.

Inwinter,thatseatiscloseenoughtotheradiatortoremainwarm...

...yetnotsocloseastocauseperspiration.

Inthesummer,it'

sinacrossbreezecreatedbyopeningwindowsthereandthere.

Itfacesthetelevisionatananglethatisneitherdirect,discouragingconversation...

...norsofarwideastocreateaparallaxdistortion.

Icouldgoon,butIthinkI'

vemademypoint.

Doyouwantmetomove?

-Well....-Justsitsomewhereelse.

Fine.

Sheldon,sit.

Ah.

-Well,thisisnice.-Wedon'

thavealotofcompanyover.

snottrue.KoothrappaliandWolowitzcomeover.

yes,Iknow.

TuesdaynightweplayedKlingonBoggleuntil1inthemorning.

-Yeah,Iremember.-Iresentyousayingwedon'

thavecompany.

-Thathasanegativesocialimplication.-IsaidI'

msorry.

So...

...KlingonBoggle?

yeah.It'

slikeregularBoggle,butinKlingon.

sprobablyenoughaboutus.Sotellusaboutyou.

Me?

Okay.

maSagittarius,whichprobablytellsyouwaymorethanyouneedtoknow.

Yes,ittellsusthatyouparticipateinthemassculturaldelusion...

...thatthesun'

spositionrelativetoarbitraryconstellations...

...atthetimeofyourbirthsomehowaffectsyourpersonality.

Participateinthewhat?

IthinkwhatSheldon'

stryingtosay...

...isthatSagittariuswouldn'

thavebeenourfirstguess.

Oh,yeah,alotofpeoplethinkI'

mawatersign.

Okay,let'

ssee,whatelse?

Oh,I'

mavegetarian.

No,exceptforfish,andtheoccasionalsteak.Ilovesteak.

Well,that'

sinteresting.

Leonardcan'

tprocesscorn.

Sodoyouhavesomesortofajob?

PENNY:

Oh,yeah.

mawaitressatTheCheesecakeFactory.

Ilovecheesecake.

-you'

relactoseintolerant.-Idon'

teatit,Ithinkit'

sagoodidea.

Anyways,I'

malsowritingascreenplay.

saboutthissensitivegirlwhocomestoL.A.fromLincoln,Nebraska...

...tobeanactressandwindsupawaitressatTheCheesecakeFactory.

Soit'

sbasedonyourlife.

No,I'

mfromOmaha.

Ifthatwasamovie,Iwouldgoseeit.

Iknow,right?

Iguessthat'

saboutit.

sthestoryofPenny.

Well,itsoundswonderful.

Itwas.

UntilIfellinlovewithajerk.

Whatishappening?

[MOUTHS]Idon'

Oh,God,youknow,fouryearsIlivedwithhim.

Fouryears.That'

slikeaslongashighschool.

Ittookyoufouryearstogetthroughhighschool?

Ijust--Ican'

tbelieveItrustedhim.

ShouldIsaysomething?

IfeelIshouldsaysomething.

you?

No,you'

llonlymakeitworse.

youwannaknowthemostpatheticpart?

EventhoughIhatehislying,cheatingguts...

...Istilllovehim.

Isthatcrazy?

No,it'

snotcrazy.It'

sa--

saparadox.

Paradoxesarepartofnature.Imean,thinkaboutlight.

IfyoulookatHuygens,lightisawave,asconfirmedbythedouble-slitexperiments.

Butthen,alongcomesAlbertEinstein...

...anddiscoversthatlightbehaveslikeparticlestoo.

Well,Ididn'

tmakeitworse.

msosorryI'

msuchamess.

Andontopofeverythingelse,I'

mallgrossfrommoving...

...andmystupidshowerdoesn'

twork.

Ourshowerworks.

Really?

WoulditbetotallyweirdifIusedit?

-yes.-No.

-No?

No.

srightdownthehall.

Okay,thanks.

youguysarereallysweet.

Well,thisisaninterestingdevelopment.

LEONARD:

Howso?

Ithasbeensometime...

...sincewe'

vehadawomantakeherclothesoffinourapartment.

snottrue.RememberatThanksgiving...

...mygrandmotherwithAlzheimer'

shadthatepisode?

Pointtaken.Ithasbeensometimesincewe'

vehadawomantakeherclothesoff...

...afterwhichwedidn'

twannaripoureyesout.

Theworstpartwaswatchinghercarvethatturkey.

So,whatexactlyareyoutryingtoaccomplishhere?

Excuseme?

Thatwomaninthereisnotgoingtohavesexwithyou.

Well,I'

mnottryingtohavesexwithher.

Oh,good.Thenyouwon'

tbedisappointed.

Whatmakesyouthinkshewouldn'

thavesexwithme?

mamaleandshe'

safemale.

yes,butnotofthesamespecies.

mnotgonnaengageinhypotheticalshere.

mjusttryingtobeagoodneighbor.-Oh,ofcourse.

snottosaythatifacarnalrelationshipweretodevelop...

...thatIwouldn'

tparticipate.

Howeverbriefly.

Doyouthinkthispossibilitywillbehindered...

...whenshediscoversyourLukeSkywalker"

nomoretears"

shampoo?

sDarthVadershampoo.

[KNOCKlNGONDOOR]

LukeSkywalker'

stheconditioner.

-Waittillyouseethis.-It'

sfantastic.Unbelievable.

Seewhat?

saStephenHawkinglecturefromMlTin1974.

Thisisn'

tagoo