最经典英文笑话.docx
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最经典英文笑话
英文笑话
一眼就看中
Thegirlfoundthego-betweenandsaid,"Youcheatedme!
Oneofhiseyesisnottrue.Whydidn'tyoutellmethisbefore?
"
"Ihavetoldyou."saidthego-betweenwithjusticeonhisside,Whenyoumetfirst,Itoldyouthathesettledonyouwithoneeye.
Notes:
(1)go-betweenn.媒人
(2)settleon选定;决定
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):
①Thegirlwasangrywiththego-betweenforhavingcheatedher.
②Thegirlmarriedtheone-eyedman.
③Thego-betweenhadn'ttoldthegirlthefact.
④Thego-betweenthoughtthatjusticewasonhisside.
⑤Thegirlhadn'tfullyunderstoodthego-between'swords.
112.一眼就看中
姑娘找到媒人,说:
“你欺骗了我。
他的一只眼是假眼,你以前为什么不告诉我?
”
“怎么没告诉你?
”媒人也不甘示弱,“你们第一回见面后,我就说,他一眼就看中你了。
”
借公牛一用
Onceuponatime,therelivedarichman,buthedidn'tknowanywords.
Oneday,oneofhisfriendswantedtoborrowanoxfromhim,sohewroteanoteandaskedhisservanttotakeittothisrichman.
Aftertheservantgavethenotetotherichman,hepretendedtobereadingitandafterawhile,hesaid,"OK,Iknow.Goandtellyourmaster,I'llgomyselfshortly.
Notes:
(1)hepretendedtobereadingit他假装读着字条。
(2)pretendtodo佯装做
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题:
①Whendidthestorytakeplace?
②Whatproblemdidtherichmanhave?
③Whatdidhisfriendwanttoborrowfromhim?
④Whotookthenotetotherichman?
⑤Therichmanmadeafoolofhimself,didn'the?
111.借公牛一用
从前,有个人很富有,但他不识字。
一天,他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛,便写了个条,让仆人送到富人那里。
仆人把条子给了富人。
富人便假装看了一会儿,然后说道:
“好啦,我知道了。
回去告诉你的主人,我马上自己过去。
”
练习参考答案:
①Alongtimeago.
②Hedidn'tknowandwords.
③Anox.
④Theservant.
⑤Yes,hedid.
Youmayselect可以选择
Thehusbandcomplainedthathiswifealwayscookedthesamedish.
Oneday,thehusbandgothomeandaskedhiswife,"Mydear,whatwillweeattoday?
"
Thewifesaid,"Youmayselectthedishtoday."
Thehusbandwasverygladandasked,"Whichdishesaretheretoday?
"
"Cabbage."
"Theothers?
"
"None."
"Thenhowtoselect?
"
"Eatornoteat!
"thewifesaid.
Notes:
(1)complainv.抱怨
(2)cabbagen.白菜
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案:
①Whatdidthehusbandcomplainabout?
A.Hiswifesometimescookedthesamedish.
B.Hiswifeseldomcookedthesamedish.
C.Hiswifealwayscookedthesamedish.
D.Hiswifedidn'tcookanydish.
②Whatquestiondidthehusbandaskoneday?
A.Heaskedwhattheywouldcat.
B.Heaskediftherewasanythingtoeat.
C.Heaskediftherewasanymeat.
D.Heaskediftherewasanycabbage.
③Thewifetoldhimthat_____.
A.therewasnomeat
B.therewasalotofcabbage
C.hecouldselectthedish
D.hecouldcooksomeotherdishes
④Thehusbandwasatfirst_____.
A.verydisappointed
B.veryangry
C.verysad
D.veryglad
⑤Wecanbesurethat_____.
A.thefamilyhadnothingtoeatonthatday
B.thefamilyhadonlyonedishonthatday
C.thefamilyhadseveraldishesanthatday
D.thefamilywentouttoarestaurantonthatday
119.可以选择
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
一天,丈夫回到家,问妻子:
“亲爱的,今天我们吃啥菜?
”
妻子回答:
“今天你可以选择。
”
丈夫感到非常高兴,又问:
“都有哪些菜呢?
”
“炒白菜。
”
“还有呢?
”
“没了。
”
“那你要我怎么选呢?
”
“吃还是不吃!
”妻子一本正经地说道。
练习参考答案:
①C②A③C④D⑤B
Whatcolor什么颜色
AnimpoverishedgraduatestudentatClemsonUniversityinSouthCarolina,Iwasexcitedwhenmyfatherinformedmethathehadboughtmeacar.Hardlyabletocontainmyenthusiasm,IaskedDadthetypicalquestions:
"Whatkindisit?
Doesithaveastickshift?
Doesithaveatapedeck?
"
"It'sa1982Toyota,"hereplied."It'safourspeed,and,yes,ithasatapedeck."Pleased,Iaskedwhatcoloritwas.
"Well,"hesaiduncomfortably,"whichpart?
"
Notes:
(1)impoverishedadj.穷困的
(2)SouthCarolina南卡罗莱那(美国州名)
(3)informv.告知
(4)containv.控制(情绪等)
(5)enthusiasmn.热情
(6)typicaladj.典型的
(7)stickshift手排挡
(8)tapedeck磁带舱
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):
①Thegraduatestudentcouldn'taffordacarhimself.
②Whenhisfathertoldhimthatacarhadbeenboughtforhimhewasexcited.
③Hecontrolledhisexcitementanddidn'taskanyquestions.
④Hewantedacarwithastickshift.
⑤Hegotasecond-handcoloredcar.
什么颜色
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生,我囊中羞涩,当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时,我甚是激动。
我几乎控制不住我的热情,问了爸爸几个关键问题:
“什么车?
有没有手排挡?
有没有磁带舱?
”
“是1982年产丰田车,”他回答说,“四速,还有,是的,有磁带舱。
”我甚是高兴,又问是什么颜色的。
“哦,”他很不舒服地说,“你指哪一部分?
”
练习参考答案:
①T②T③F④T⑤T
Awoman’sanswer妇女的回答
Ahusbandsaidtohiswife,"WhydidGodcreatewomentobebeautifulbutfoolish?
"
"Well,"hiswifeansweredatonce."Thereasonisverysimple.Godmadeusbeautifulsomenwouldloveus;Godmadeusfoolishsowewouldmarrythem."
Notes:
(1)createv.创造
(2)foolishadj.愚蠢的
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题:
①Whoweretalkingtoeachother?
②Whatquestiondidthehusbandraise?
③Thewifethoughtforawhilebeforesheanswered,didn'tshe?
④Howdidthewifethinkofthereason?
⑤Howdidsheanswerthequestion?
114.妇女的回答
一位丈夫对他的妻子说:
“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢?
”
“噢,”他的妻子立刻回答道,“原因很简单。
上帝使我们如此美丽,男人才会爱我们。
上帝使我们如此愚蠢,我们才会嫁给他们。
”
ASpeedingMotorist超速的司机
Ahighwaypatrolofficerstoppedaspeedingmotorist."Don'tyouknowwhattheblinkinglightsandsirenmean?
"hedemanded.
"Yes,sir,"repliedthedriver.
"Thenwhydidn'tyoupulloverimmediately?
"
"Iwouldhave,officer,"themansaid."Butlastmonthmywiferanoffwithapoliceman,andIwasafraidyouwerebringingherback.
Notes:
(1)patroln.巡逻
(2)blinkingadj.闪烁的
(3)sirenn.警笛
(4)pullover(将车、船等)开向一边让其他车、船超越
(5)runoffwith(sb.)与…私奔
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正(T)、(F):
①Themotoristspeededonthehighway.
②Themotoristdidn'tknowwhatblinkinglightsandsirenmeant.
③Thedriverdidn'tpullover.
④Themotorist'swiferanoffwiththepolicemanlastmonth.
⑤Themotoristdidn'texpecthiswifetocomebacktohim.
121.超速的司机
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。
“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗?
”他责问道。
“知道,长官,”司机回答说。
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车?
”
“我本来想这样做的,长官。
”那男子回答说,“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了,我是害怕你把她带回来。
”
练习参考答案:
1T②F③F④F⑤T
Iyouandshe我你他
Peterwasacleverboy.Onhisfirstdayatschool,helearnedthreewords:
1,YouandShe.T
Peterwasacleverboy.Onhisfirstdayatschool,helearnedthreewords:
1,YouandShe.Theteachertaughthimhowtomakesentenceswiththosewords.Theteachersaid,"I,Iamyourteacher;(thenpointingtoagirl)She,Sheisyourclassmate;You,Youaremystudent.
WhenPeterwenthome,hisfatheraskedhimwhathehadlearnedatschool.Petersaidatonce,"I,Iamyourteacher;(thenpointingtohismother)She,Sheisyourclassmate;You,YouaremystudentHisfathergotangryandsaid,"I,Iamyourfather;(thenpointingtohiswife)She,Sheisyourmother;You,Youaremyson.
Thenextmorningatschool,theteacheraskedPeterifhehadlearnedthethreewordsbyheart."Yes,"hesaidproudly,"I,Iamyourfather;(thenpointingtoagirl)She,Sheisyourmother;You,Youaremyson."
Notes:
(1)learnsth.byheart谙记;能背出
(2)proudlyadv.自豪地
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题:
①WhatdidPeterlearnonhisfirstdayatschool?
②Howmanysentencesdidtheteacherteachhim?
③WhoaskedhimaquestionwhenPeterwenthome?
④HowdidhisfatherfeelwhenheheardPeter'ssentences?
⑤Whatsentencesdidhisfatherteachhim?
118.我,你,她
彼得是个聪明的孩子。
在学校的第一天,他学了三个词:
我,你,她。
老师教他如何用这三个词造句子。
老师说:
“我,我是你的老师;(然后指着一个女孩)她,她是你的同学;你,你是我的学生。
”
彼得回到家里,爸爸问他学了什么。
彼得马上说:
“我,我是你的老师;(然后指着他的妈妈)她,她是你的同学;你,你是我的学生。
”他的爸爸听了非常生气,说:
“我,我是你的爸爸;(然后指着他的妻子)她,她是你的妈妈;你,你是我的儿子。
”
第二天,老师问彼得是否用心学那三个词了。
“是的,”彼得自豪地说,“我,我是你的爸爸;(然后指着一个女孩)她,她是你的妈妈;你,你是我的儿子。
”
怎么向老外介绍中国春节?
Whatdoestheholidaymean?
这个节日有什么含义吗?
Theterm"passyear"isusedfortheSpringFestival(ChineseNewYear).Theword"Year"inChinesecharactersusedtomeanahorriblebeast.Tocombatthebeast,theChinesehang"goodluck"wishesonredpaperonthedoorandusefireworksinthebeliefthatthebeastfearsredandfire.ThistraditioninmanywaysresembletheWesternbeliefofusinggarlicandcrossestofightvampires.
中文中“过年”这个词组用以表示对春节(中国新年)的庆祝。
“年”这个字在中文里是一种恐怖的怪兽。
因为“年”害怕红色和火,所以中国人会在门上悬挂“春联”写上美好祝福,并放鞭炮来赶跑它。
这个传统有点类似西方人用大蒜和十字架吓跑吸血鬼的传统。
WhyNewYearissospecial?
为什么新年那么特别呢?
TheChinesezodiacfeatures12animalsinthesequenceofRat,Ox,Tiger,Rabbit,Dragon,Snake,Horse,Sheep,Monkey,Rooster,Dog,andPig.ThisyearistheyearofTiger.Eachanimalrepresentsadifferent"personality".Accordingtolegend,peopleheldaconferencewithalltheanimals,informingthemthattheywouldpickthe12torepresentthezodiac.However,inspiteofbeingfast,thecatwasnotpickedasitsthen-closefriend,therat,didnotwakeit.Thisactionsparkedoffarivalrythatcontinuestillthisday.
中国的十二生肖代表了十二种动物,他们的顺序是:
鼠、牛、兔、龙、蛇、马、羊、猴、鸡、狗和猪。
今年是虎年。
每一种动物有他们自己的“性格”。
根据传说,人们当初和动物们开了一个会,最先到会的动物们就可以进入十二生肖。
而身为猫最好的朋友,老鼠却没有把猫叫醒去开会。
因此,它们之间的战争一直持续到今天。
Whatdopeopledo?
那人们在新年都干啥呢?
Eat,eatagain,andtheneatsomemore!
AstheoldChinesesayinggoes:
foodiseverything.
吃、接着吃、再吃更多东西!
就跟一句中国古话说的那样:
食物即一切。
(沪江小编:
这算是哪门子“中国古话”!
?
)
Thetraditionistohavedifferentmaincourseseverydayfromthe1stdayoftheNewYeartothe15thdayoftheNewYear,fromJiaoZi(dumplings),noodles,springrolls,stickyricecakes,andTangYuan(stuffedriceballs).Besidesculinarysatisfaction,eachfoodhasameaningaswell:
forinstance,JiaoZilookslikegold,implyingawealthyyearahead.
传统就是,从新年第一天开始直到正月十五,每天都要吃不同的主菜。
从饺子、面条、春卷、年糕到汤圆。
除了祭好五脏庙以外,每一种食物也有含义:
比如饺子看起来就像金元宝,这意味来年的丰衣足食。
Besideseating,youngpeoplevisitolderfamilymembersandkidsareblessedwitharedpackof"lucky"money.Andthen,peoplegatherandeatagain(!
),leadingtoalotofadvertisementsaboutfitnessrightaftertheChineseNewYearholiday.
除了吃