South Park 103.docx
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SouthPark103
SouthParkEpisode103
"VOLCANO"
ByMattStone&TreyParker
EXT.CARTMAN'SHOUSE-DAY
Cartmanisstandingoutsidebyhismotherwithabagof
campinggearathisside.
CARTMAN'SMOM
Nowyoubecareful,Eric.Thewoods
canbeverydangerous.
CARTMAN
Okay,mom.
Alargetruckpullsup,drivenbyUncleJimboinhunting
clothes.Nedisinthepassengerseat,andStan,Kyleand
Kennyareinthebackseat.
KYLE
Readytogohunting,Cartman?
STAN
Yeah,myuncleJimbosayswegotto
getupthereearly!
Right,Uncle
Jimbo?
JIMBO
That'sright,Stanley,animalsare
mucheasiertoshootinthemorning!
CARTMAN'SMOM
Here,hon,Ipackedyousomecheesy
poofsandHappyTarts.
Shehandshimabrownbag.Cartmangetsinthebackseat
withtheotherboys.
JIMBO
Don'tworry,Ms.Cartman,we'lltake
goodcareofhim.Ibroughtmyold
warbuddyNedtokeepthingssafe.
NED
HelloMrs.Cartman,howareyoutoday?
Nedwavesfromthepassengerseat.Heonlyhasonearm.Jimbo
andNedexchangeknowingglances.Cartmangetsintheback
seatwiththeotherboys.
CARTMAN'SMOM
Besuretouselotsofbugspray.
Andifyouhavetopoo-poo,don't
wipewithpoisonivy.
TheboysalllaughatCartman.
CARTMAN
Dude,that'sSICK,mom!
CARTMAN'SMOM
AndIknowitcangetscaryupin
thosewoods...Butjustremember
mommy'snotfaraway.
Theboysalllaughagain.
CARTMAN
（ToUncleJimbo）
Drive!
Drive!
CARTMAN'SMOM
Yougiveyourmommyakissy.
CARTMAN
Drivethecardamnitdrive.
Jimbodrivesaway.
INT.CAR-DAY
Cartmanlooksbacktowatchhismomwavinggoodbye.
KYLE
（Ms.Cartman'svoice）
Don'tgetscaredupinthemountains,
Cartman.
CARTMAN
Shutup!
I'mnotscaredofnothing!
STAN
Maybeyourmomcangivemeakiss
tooCartman.
KENNY
Mphrmphrmrmphmphr!
JimboLaughs.
JIMBO
HoHo,that'sdisgusting!
CARTMAN
Youpieceofcrap!
I'llkillyou!
CartmanslugsKenny.Thetwoboysfightinthebackseat.
JIMBO
That'sthespirit,boys!
Let'sget
thattestosteroneflowing!
!
CartmanandKennypoundtheshitoutofeachother.
JIMBO
Nowboys,boys,Ineedtogetserious
foraminute.Iwantyoutounderstand
afewbasicrulesofhuntingsince
thisisyourfirsttime.
Theboyslistenattentively.
JIMBO
Firstofall,don'teverwalkwith
yourgununlessthesafety'son.
Second,don'tshootanythingthat
lookshuman,andthirdneverspill
yourbeerinthebulletchamber.
STAN
Uh,UncleJimbo,wedon'tdrinkbeer.
JIMBO
Youwhat?
NED
Ohyeah,that'sright,Idon'tthink
8yearoldkidsdrinkbeer.
KYLE
Ilikechocolatemilk!
JIMBO
Well,we'llbedoingplentyof
drinkingonthistrip.Afterall,
huntingsoberislikefishingsober.
Itsurewillbenicetogetoutof
thecityforawhile.Awayfrom
civilization.
EXT.SOUTHPARK-TOWN-DAY
Thecardrivesoutofthetown,andupalittleroadthat
goesupamountain.Thetripisridiculouslyshort.
EXT.ROCKYMOUNTAINS,JUSTOUTSIDEOFSOUTHPARK-DAY
JIMBO
Well,hereweare!
Ned'struckcomestoastopinalargeclearingamidstabig
forestofpinetrees.
NedandJimboandthefourkidspileoutofthecar.
JIMBO
Okay,eachofyouyoung'instakea
gun,abeerandsomesmokes.
Thekidsdivideupthesupplies.
CARTMAN
Hey,Ididn'tgetagun!
JimbohandsCartmananAk-47.
CARTMAN
Sweet.ThisislikethegunIused
inNam.
STAN
Youweren'tinVietnam,Cartman!
NED
WereyoustationedinDaNang?
STAN
Cartmanalwaysmakesstuffup,Ned.
Youcan'tbelieveanythinghesays.
CARTMAN
Hey!
I'llblowyourfriggin'head
off!
CartmanpointshisgunatStan.
JIMBO
Hey,lookoutson,that'sdangerous!
You'regonnaspillyourbeer!
EXT.ROCKYMOUNTAINS,JUSTOUTSIDEOFSOUTHPARK-DAY
TheboysfollowJimboandNed,eachholdingriflesthatare
WAYtobigforthem,acanofbeerandacigarette.
STAN
MyUncleJimbosaysthatafterthis,
he'sgonnatakemehuntinginAfrica!
KYLE
Wow,that'dbecool!
CARTMAN
Mymomsaysthere'salotofblack
peopleinAfrica.
JIMBO
Boys!
Lookiethere!
Acute,fuzzylittleblackbearsitsinanearbyclearing,
lickingitspaws.
JIMBO
Thatthere'saRockyMountainBlack
Bear.Oneofthefewremainingof
itskind.Isn'titbeautiful?
Thebearjustsitsthereandblinks.
JIMBO
MyGodit'scomingrightforus!
!
!
Jimbowhipsouthishugerifleandshootsthebeardead.
Stancan'tbelievehiseyes.
STAN
Hey!
Itwasn'tcomingrightforus!
Itwasjustsittingthere!
JIMBO
SHHH!
Notsoloud!
!
Nowthatthere's
justatechnicality.
KYLE
Whatd'yamean?
JIMBO
Youseeboys,theDemocratshave
passedalotoflawstryingtostop
usfromhunting.
CARTMAN
Democratspissmeoff!
JIMBO
Theysaywecan'tshootcertain
animalsanymoreunlessthey'reposing
animmediatethreat.Therefore,before
weshootsomething,wehavetosay;
"It'scomingrightforus!
"
STAN
Wow,you'resmart,UncleJimbo!
NED
（pointing）
JimboLOOK!
Abeautifullittledoecomesoverthehill.
JIMBO
Oh,it'sadeer.Lookslikeabouta
46gauge,Ned.
NedpullsoutaHUGEbazookaandhandsittoJimbolikea
golfcaddy.Jimbopropsthebazookaonhisshoulder.The
boysandNedjumponthegroundcommandostyle.
JIMBO
IT'SCOMIN'RIGHTFORUS!
!
!
Thebeautifullittledoelooksonpeacefullyrightwhereshe
is.
BOOM!
!
!
Jimbofiresthebazookaatthedoeandtotally
obliteratesitintoamillionbloodylittlepieces.
CARTMAN
Kickass!
ButStanlookssad.
JIMBO
Didyaseethat?
Iwasimperiledby
thatferociouschargingbuck!
NED
Rabbit,rabbitfiveo'clock!
!
!
Overtheridgeisalittlebunnyrabbit.
JIMBO
Let'smove!
MOVE!
!
!
Jimbohitsthegroundandstartscrawlingonhisbelly.All
theboysfollowsuit.
STAN
Isthishunting?
KYLE
Iguessso.
Thegroupcrawlsonward,holdingtheirgunsoutinfrontof
them.
CARTMAN
Oh,dude...I'mstartingtohave
flashbacks!
KYLE
What?
CARTMAN
Danforth!
Pullupflank,lookout
forCharliesupinthetrees!
Thegroupscampersuptothetopofridge.NedhandsStana
big-assdouble-barrelshotgun.
JIMBO
Thisone'syours,Stan!
Stanuncomfortablytakesthegun,hitchesituponhis
shouldersandlooksoverthebarrel.Thelittlecutebunny
looksup,seesStanandsmiles.Stangulps.
JIMBO
'It'scomin'rightforus'!
NED
"It'scomingrightforus"!
Stantakesadeepbreathandisabouttopullthetrigger
whenthebunnygiveshimjustthecutestlittletwitchof
hiscutelittlenose.
KYLE
Shootit,Stan!
CARTMAN
Igotyourback,soldier!
Stanlooksoverthebarrelagain,takesanotherdeepbreath...
STAN
Ican't...
Stanlowersthegun.Thelittlerabbitdashesoffintothe
woods.
JIMBO
Whatthe--What'swrongwithyou?
!
STAN
Idon'twannashootthebunny.
JIMBO
（shocked）
Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout,
youdon'twanttoshootthebunny?
You'rebabbling,you'renotmaking
anysense!
You'rehysterical!
STAN
I'mnothysterical.Ijustdon't
wanttoshootthebunny.
JIMBO
Nonephewofmineisgonnabeatree
hugger!
CARTMAN
Yeah,hippie!
GobacktoWoodstock
ifyoucan'tshootanything!
STAN
Icanshootyoufatass!
CARTMAN
Icanshootyoutoo.
STAN
I'llkillyou!
CARTMAN
I'llfillyoufulloflead.
Establishshotofvolcanorumbling.
KYLE
Hey,what'sthat?
?
?
?
EXT.SOUTHPARK-TOWN-DAY
Establishingshotofthetown.RightnexttoTom'sRhinoplasty
isasmallbrickbuildingwithantennaonitsroofanda
signthereads"SouthParkCenterforSeismicActivity."
INT.GEOLOGIST'SOFFICE
AveryaveragelookingGEOLOGISTissittingattheseismograph
andjuststaringatit.
Foralongtimehejustsitsthereandstaresatthelittle
needledrawingastraightline.
Suddenly,theneedlestartstomove!
TheGeologistperksup
andmovesincloser.
GEOLOGIST
Whattheheckisthis?
Theneedlemovesfrantically.TheGeologistgrabsthe
telephoneanddialsanumber.
GEOLOGIST
Yeah,Frank?
It'suh,Randy.Uh-huh...
Good.Yeah,listen,the,uh,the
littleneedle'smoving.
Pause.
GEOLOGIST
Yeah,it'sgoingbackandforthreally
fast.Whatdoesthatmean?
Pause.
GEOLOGIST
Uh-huh...Uh-huh...,letmecheck...
TheGeologistwheelsbackinhischairandlooksatthepeak
ofMt.Evanstonwhichissmoking.
GEOLOGIST
Yeah,it'ssmoking...Uh-huh...Oh
really?
Really?
ZOOMINontheGeologist.
GEOLOGIST
OhmyGod......Avolcano!
Hedrinkssomecoffeeandsighs.
COMMERCIALBREAKI
ACTII
EXT.CAMPFIRE-NIGHT
TheboysandJimboandNedsitaroundasputteringlittle
firetryingtocookwienies.
CARTMAN
Mywienieswon'tcook!
NED
Thiswoodwon'tburn.
JimbotakesahugeswigofGin.
JIMBO
WellNed,lookslikewe'llhaveto
usetheol'Indianfiretrick.
NED
Yepper!
Nedjumpsupandgrabsahugecanofgasoline.
Neddousesthefirewithgas.Theflamesexplodeabout50
feethigh!
ThefiretravelsintothecanofgasandNed
suddenlycatchesonfire.
NED
AAAGGGHHH!
!
!
JIMBO
（Laughing）
HA,HA!
HEY,STOP,DROPANDROLL,
NED!
!
HA,HA!
!
Neddropsthegascanashedropstotheground.Boththe
gasandfireflowunderneathJimbo'svan,ignitingitintoa
blazinginferno.
KABLAM!
Jimbo'svanexplodesinahugefireball.
STAN&KYLE
Woa!
JIMBO
GodammitNed,Ijustgotthatvan!
Howthehellarewesupposedtoget
home?
ButNedisbusyrollingaroundontheground,tryingtostop
himselffromburning.
NED
Ohithurts!
Ithurts!
Cartman
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