South Park 103.docx

1、South Park 103 South Park Episode 103 VOLCANOBy Matt Stone & Trey ParkerEXT. CARTMANS HOUSE - DAY Cartman is standing outside by his mother with a bag of camping gear at his side. CARTMANS MOM Now you be careful, Eric. The woods can be very dangerous. CARTMAN Okay, mom. A large truck pulls up, drive

2、n by Uncle Jimbo in hunting clothes. Ned is in the passenger seat, and Stan, Kyle and Kenny are in the back seat. KYLE Ready to go hunting, Cartman? STAN Yeah, my uncle Jimbo says we got to get up there early! Right, Uncle Jimbo? JIMBO Thats right, Stanley, animals are much easier to shoot in the mo

3、rning! CARTMANS MOM Here, hon, I packed you some cheesy poofs and Happy Tarts. She hands him a brown bag. Cartman gets in the back seat with the other boys. JIMBO Dont worry, Ms. Cartman, well take good care of him. I brought my old war buddy Ned to keep things safe. NED Hello Mrs. Cartman, how are

4、you today? Ned waves from the passenger seat. He only has one arm. Jimbo and Ned exchange knowing glances. Cartman gets in the back seat with the other boys. CARTMANS MOM Be sure to use lots of bug spray. And if you have to poo-poo, dont wipe with poison ivy. The boys all laugh at Cartman. CARTMAN D

5、ude, thats SICK, mom! CARTMANS MOM And I know it can get scary up in those woods. But just remember mommys not far away. The boys all laugh again. CARTMAN (To Uncle Jimbo) Drive! Drive! CARTMANS MOM You give your mommy a kissy. CARTMAN Drive the car damnit drive. Jimbo drives away. INT. CAR - DAY Ca

6、rtman looks back to watch his mom waving goodbye. KYLE (Ms. Cartmans voice) Dont get scared up in the mountains, Cartman. CARTMAN Shut up! Im not scared of nothing! STAN Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too Cartman. KENNY Mph rmph rm rmph mphr! Jimbo Laughs. JIMBO Ho Ho, thats disgusting! CARTMAN Y

7、ou piece of crap! Ill kill you! Cartman slugs Kenny. The two boys fight in the back seat. JIMBO Thats the spirit, boys! Lets get that testosterone flowing! Cartman and Kenny pound the shit out of each other. JIMBO Now boys, boys, I need to get serious for a minute. I want you to understand a few bas

8、ic rules of hunting since this is your first time. The boys listen attentively. JIMBO First of all, dont ever walk with your gun unless the safetys on. Second, dont shoot anything that looks human, and third never spill your beer in the bullet chamber. STAN Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we dont drink beer. JIMBO

9、 You what? NED Oh yeah, thats right, I dont think 8 year old kids drink beer. KYLE I like chocolate milk! JIMBO Well, well be doing plenty of drinking on this trip. After all, hunting sober is like fishing sober. It sure will be nice to get out of the city for a while. Away from civilization. EXT. S

10、OUTH PARK - TOWN - DAY The car drives out of the town, and up a little road that goes up a mountain. The trip is ridiculously short. EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS, JUST OUTSIDE OF SOUTH PARK - DAY JIMBO Well, here we are! Neds truck comes to a stop in a large clearing amidst a big forest of pine trees. Ned a

11、nd Jimbo and the four kids pile out of the car. JIMBO Okay, each of you youngins take a gun, a beer and some smokes. The kids divide up the supplies. CARTMAN Hey, I didnt get a gun! Jimbo hands Cartman an Ak-47. CARTMAN Sweet. This is like the gun I used in Nam. STAN You werent in Vietnam, Cartman!

12、NED Were you stationed in DaNang? STAN Cartman always makes stuff up, Ned. You cant believe anything he says. CARTMAN Hey! Ill blow your friggin head off! Cartman points his gun at Stan. JIMBO Hey, look out son, thats dangerous! Youre gonna spill your beer! EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS, JUST OUTSIDE OF SOUT

13、H PARK - DAY The boys follow Jimbo and Ned, each holding rifles that are WAY to big for them, a can of beer and a cigarette. STAN My Uncle Jimbo says that after this, hes gonna take me hunting in Africa! KYLE Wow, thatd be cool! CARTMAN My mom says theres a lot of black people in Africa. JIMBO Boys!

14、 Lookie there! A cute, fuzzy little black bear sits in a nearby clearing, licking its paws. JIMBO That theres a Rocky Mountain Black Bear. One of the few remaining of its kind. Isnt it beautiful? The bear just sits there and blinks. JIMBO My God its coming right for us! Jimbo whips out his huge rifl

15、e and shoots the bear dead. Stan cant believe his eyes. STAN Hey! It wasnt coming right for us! It was just sitting there! JIMBO SHHH! Not so loud! Now that theres just a technicality. KYLE What dya mean? JIMBO You see boys, the Democrats have passed a lot of laws trying to stop us from hunting. CAR

16、TMAN Democrats piss me off! JIMBO They say we cant shoot certain animals anymore unless theyre posing an immediate threat. Therefore, before we shoot something, we have to say; Its coming right for us! STAN Wow, youre smart, Uncle Jimbo! NED (pointing) Jimbo LOOK! A beautiful little doe comes over t

17、he hill. JIMBO Oh, its a deer. Looks like about a 46 gauge, Ned. Ned pulls out a HUGE bazooka and hands it to Jimbo like a golf caddy. Jimbo props the bazooka on his shoulder. The boys and Ned jump on the ground commando style. JIMBO ITS COMIN RIGHT FOR US! The beautiful little doe looks on peaceful

18、ly right where she is. BOOM! Jimbo fires the bazooka at the doe and totally obliterates it into a million bloody little pieces. CARTMAN Kick ass! But Stan looks sad. JIMBO Did ya see that? I was imperiled by that ferocious charging buck! NED Rabbit, rabbit five oclock! Over the ridge is a little bun

19、ny rabbit. JIMBO Lets move! MOVE! Jimbo hits the ground and starts crawling on his belly. All the boys follow suit. STAN Is this hunting? KYLE I guess so. The group crawls onward, holding their guns out in front of them. CARTMAN Oh, dude. Im starting to have flashbacks! KYLE What? CARTMAN Danforth!

20、Pull up flank, look out for Charlies up in the trees! The group scampers up to the top of ridge. Ned hands Stan a big-ass double-barrel shotgun. JIMBO This ones yours, Stan! Stan uncomfortably takes the gun, hitches it up on his shoulders and looks over the barrel. The little cute bunny looks up, se

21、es Stan and smiles. Stan gulps. JIMBO Its comin right for us! NED Its coming right for us! Stan takes a deep breath and is about to pull the trigger when the bunny gives him just the cutest little twitch of his cute little nose. KYLE Shoot it, Stan! CARTMAN I got your back, soldier! Stan looks over

22、the barrel again, takes another deep breath. STAN I cant. Stan lowers the gun. The little rabbit dashes off into the woods. JIMBO What the- Whats wrong with you?! STAN I dont wanna shoot the bunny. JIMBO (shocked) What the hell are you talking about, you dont want to shoot the bunny? Youre babbling,

23、 youre not making any sense! Youre hysterical! STAN Im not hysterical. I just dont want to shoot the bunny. JIMBO No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree hugger! CARTMAN Yeah, hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you cant shoot anything! STAN I can shoot you fat ass! CARTMAN I can shoot you too. STAN Ill ki

24、ll you! CARTMAN Ill fill you full of lead. Establish shot of volcano rumbling. KYLE Hey, whats that? EXT. SOUTH PARK - TOWN - DAY Establishing shot of the town. Right next to Toms Rhinoplasty is a small brick building with antenna on its roof and a sign the reads South Park Center for Seismic Activi

25、ty. INT. GEOLOGISTS OFFICE A very average looking GEOLOGIST is sitting at the seismograph and just staring at it. For a long time he just sits there and stares at the little needle drawing a straight line. Suddenly, the needle starts to move! The Geologist perks up and moves in closer. GEOLOGIST Wha

26、t the heck is this? The needle moves frantically. The Geologist grabs the telephone and dials a number. GEOLOGIST Yeah, Frank? Its uh, Randy. Uh-huh. Good. Yeah, listen, the, uh, the little needles moving. Pause. GEOLOGIST Yeah, its going back and forth really fast. What does that mean? Pause. GEOLO

27、GIST Uh-huh. Uh-huh., let me check. The Geologist wheels back in his chair and looks at the peak of Mt. Evanston which is smoking. GEOLOGIST Yeah, its smoking. Uh-huh. Oh really? Really? ZOOM IN on the Geologist. GEOLOGIST Oh my God. A volcano! He drinks some coffee and sighs. COMMERCIAL BREAK I ACT

28、 II EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT The boys and Jimbo and Ned sit around a sputtering little fire trying to cook wienies. CARTMAN My wienies wont cook! NED This wood wont burn. Jimbo takes a huge swig of Gin. JIMBO Well Ned, looks like well have to use the ol Indian fire trick. NED Yepper! Ned jumps up and g

29、rabs a huge can of gasoline. Ned douses the fire with gas. The flames explode about 50 feet high! The fire travels into the can of gas and Ned suddenly catches on fire. NED AAAGGGHHH! JIMBO (Laughing) HA, HA! HEY, STOP, DROP AND ROLL, NED! HA, HA! Ned drops the gas can as he drops to the ground. Bot

30、h the gas and fire flow underneath Jimbos van, igniting it into a blazing inferno. KABLAM! Jimbos van explodes in a huge fireball. STAN & KYLE Woa! JIMBO Godammit Ned, I just got that van! How the hell are we supposed to get home? But Ned is busy rolling around on the ground, trying to stop himself from burning. NED Oh it hurts! It hurts! Cartman