友谊.docx

友谊.docx

《友谊.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《友谊.docx（31页珍藏版）》请在冰豆网上搜索。

友谊

怎样处理朋友之间的关系

友情在我们的生活中都很重要，但怎么处理我们之间的友情呢？

这是一门很重要的学问。

我们每个人都希望拥有一份永恒不变的友情但是在现实生活中友谊真的不会变质吗？

在下面的文章里会教你怎么处理友情，好好看看吧！

一定会让你受益匪浅。

Truefriendsstabyouinthefront.-OscarWilde

Isyourfriendshipmutuallysupportiveandhealthy,orisitabattlefield?

Friendshipsdon'talwaysruntruetocourse-sometimes,somethinggoesverywrongandafriendshipturnssour,forreasonsthatareoftenoutsideyourcontrol.Inthissituation,detoxingthefriendshipisultimatelyacallthat'suptoyoubutifyoudowanttogiveityourbestshot,detoxingafriendshipgonebadcanresultineithergainingahealthier,strongerfriendship,oryoucanbefreedfromhavingtospendanymoretimewithsomeonewhohasbeendraggingyoudown.

Timeforreflection

Takeamomenttoreflectoveryourfriendship.Ifthefriendshipfeelstoxicwhereonceitfeltfantastic,trytopinpointwhatdoesn'tfeelrightaboutitanymore.Someindicatorsofemotional"toxicity"inafriendshipinclude:

Feelingdownorevendepressedwhenyourfriendisabout.

[1]Nolongergettingexcitedtoseeyourfriend,seeingthemhasbecomesomethingyoufeelobligedtoendure.Youfeelthatyourfriendalwaystalksaboutthemselves,evenwhenit'sclearyouneedashouldertocryon.

[2]Yourfriend'ssetofvaluesandtheirambitionsseemtohavechangedagreatdealfromyours,totheextentwhereyoudon'tseeeyetoeyeonmostthingsanymore.

[3]Haveyoudiscoveredthatyourfriendgaveyoubadadviceonpurpose?

[4]Itcanbejustasbadifyourfriendisalwaysagreeingwithyouwithoutcaringabouttheconsequencesbecauseheorshecannotbebotheredtosetyoustraight.

[5]Itseemsthatyourfriendonly"needs"youwhenheorshehasbadnewstoshare.

[6]Itfeelsasifyourfriendisusingyouasameanstomakeherselforhimselffeelbetterbybelittlingyou.

[7]Yourfriendhastakentocriticizingyouallthetimeorbeingjudgmentalaboutyourchoicesanddecisionswithoutcause.Rumorsstartedbyyourfriend（confirmedbyothers）havereachedyourears.Yourfriendhastakentodroppingyouinamessatthelastmoment,hinderingyourprogress,orhasbecomereallyunreliableandwon'tfollowthroughonpromisesmadetoyou,timeandagain.

[8]Youfeelmanipulated,demeaned,poisoned,ordownplayedbyyourfriend.

[9]Considerwhatotherbehaviorsorattitudeshaveleadyoutofeelingsouraboutyourfriendshiptogether.

Takingallofyourfeelingsintoaccount,decidehowyoufeelaboutattemptingtosalvagethefriendship.Itisimportanttoreachadecisionastowhetherornotyou'recomfortabletryingtodetoxthefriendship,orwhetherabetterbetwouldbeletitgo.Evenifyoudogivedetoxingachance,theendresultmightbethatyoustillneedtoletgo,sobepreparedforthispossibilityinallevents.Whenconsideringtheworthoftryingtodetoxyourfriendship,thefollowingthingsareworthkeepinginmind:

Thedurationofyourfriendshiptogetherandallthegoodtimesyou'veshared.Whetheryouhavetocontinueseeingyourfriendinaworkorsocialcontext.Theopennessofyourfriendtodiscussingfeelings,behaviorandtoacceptingthatheorsheisn'trightallthetime.Somepeopleremainadamantthattheyareright,nomatterwhatyousay,thattheycanprovetobeimpossiblewhenitcomestoopeningyourheartorreasoningwiththem.Otherissuesgoingoninyourfriend'slifethatmayhaveaffectedhisorheroutlookonlife.

TakingachanceonafriendshipdetoxIf,afterreflection,you'vedecidedit'snotworthgoingaheadwithyourfriendship,skipthissectionandgotothenextone"Cuttingtieswithyourfriend".Otherwise,followthissectiontotryanddetoxyourfriendship.Raisetheproblemsinyourfriendshipwithyourfriend.Onceyouhavedecidedthatitisworthinvestingyourtimeandeffortindetoxingyourfriendship,it'stimetobringattentiontoyourfriend'sbehaviortoseewhetherit'spossibletoresolvethechallenges.

Thisisn'tgoingtobeeasybutavoidingitwillnothelpyoueither;nothingwillchangeifyoudon'ttackleit.Besensitiveandgentleinthewaythatyouapproachthisconversation–youwillbetreadingafinelinebetweenontheonehand,yourfriendfeelingthatheorsheisbeingcriticized,blamed,orthatyou'rejustbeingunfairandontheotherhand,yourfriendbeingrelievedthatthegrievanceisoutintheopen,readyforproperdiscussion.Somewaystoapproachthiscouldincludesaying:

"Ifeelthatwehaven'tbeenverycloselatelyandthatourfriendshipissufferingasaresult.Iwashopingyoumighthavethetimetotalkaboutwayswecouldtakestockandboostourfriendshipagain.""I'vemissedtheclosenessweusedtoexperienceasfriends.Idon'tknowifyou'refeelingthistoo,butI'dreallyliketotalkaboutthewayswemightbeabletorestorethatclosenessweusedtohave.""IfeltupsetwhenIoverheardyoutellingMrXthatIwasn'tmuchofafriendtoyouanditmademewonderwherewe'reheaded.Haveyougotamomenttotalkaboutthis?

"

Listen.Bereadytolistenattentivelyandkindlytowhatyourfriendsays.Theremaybesomethingsyoudon'tlikehearingbutyoumustremainopen-mindedandreadytoacknowledgeyourownmistakesaswell.It'squitepossiblethatyou'reunawareofhowyoumightbecontributingtotheirbehavior.Agreetodisagree.Ifthereissomethingthatneitherofyoucanseeeye-to-eyeon,justagreetodisagreeaboutitbutnottoletthatgetinthewayofwhatoughttobeafinefriendship.Or,tryalittlehumor.Onetacticthatcanworkreallywellwithfriendswhohaveasenseofinferiorityistodisarmtheirtoxicrebukeswithhumorthatsortofagreeswiththeirstatement.Forexample:

Friend:

"OhwhereonEarthdidyougetthatdressfrom?

Itmakesyoulookfrumpy!

"You:

"Ohyeah,Ifeltlikefrumpingittonight,can'thavemyhusbandthinkingI'mflirtingwhilehe'saway!

"

[10]Validatethefriendship.Avoidblamingandaccusing;instead,keepvalidatingthefriendshipineverythingthatyousay,explaininghowmuchyouvalueyourfriendandyourfriendshiptogether,sothatit'sclearthatthisisn'taboutthrowingawaywhatreallymatters.Keepthediscussionshortandtothepoint.Don'tlaborit.Andalwaysendtheconversationpositively,whetherit'spromisingtodosomethingforyourfriend,orarrangingtodosomethingtogether,orsimplytellingthemwhatawonderfulpersonyouthinktheyare.Ifyourfriendthrowsa"tantrum",orarguesfiercelywithyou,politelyletthemknowyou'retakingyourleaveandyou'llcontinuethisdiscussionlater.Thereisnoneedforanargumentoveryourfeelings.

Thinkofsomegreatwaysthatyoumightbeabletosuggestaswaysforwardforyourfriendship.Ifyourfriendhasrespondedfavorablytoyourconcernsandisatleastwillingtogivethingsanothergo,itcanbehelpfultohavesomeideasofthingsthatmighthelptogetyourfriendshipbackontrack.Someideastoconsiderinclude:

Abanongossipingaboutoneanother.Thisgoeswithoutsayingbutifithasbeenaproblem,it'sbesttohavealaughaboutitandgetitoutintotheopenasatabooactivity.Awillingnessandcommitmenttospendingmoretimetogether,justthetwoofyou,sharingacommoninterestthatyoubothenjoy.Havingasecretsignaltoletoneanotherwhentheadviceandsupportiscrossingthelineintobeingbossy,criticizing,orpushy.Atthefirstsignofthissignal,eitheroneofyouwillknowit'stimetocallahalttowhateverbehavioriscausingtheproblem.Reachinganagreementthatit'sOKtodealwithupsetsastheyoccurratherthanleavingmisunderstandingstofester.

Sharingamutualappreciationspace.Itcouldbeaphotoboard,anonlineprivatelysharedsite,aweeklychat.Whateveryoudecide,makeroomforcelebratingoneanotherandeachother'sachievements.Friendsaresupporters,notdetractors,andbothofyoushouldfeelsafeincommunicatingyourwinsandlossesinlife.

Reviewyourfriendship.Afterhavingyourheart-to-heart,considerhowyourfriendshipstandsnow.Doesitfeellikethetwoofyouhavereachedagoodunderstanding,asifyou'vebeenthroughthewarsbutnowyouarestrongerforit?

Doyoufeelthatyourfriendisreadytobethereforyou,toenableyoutobethebestyoucanbe,andyou'rewillingtoreciprocateonehundredpercent?

[11]CuttingtieswithyourfriendThissectionissuitablewhenyou'vereachedadecisionthatitisn'tworthtryingtodetoxyourfriendship,orwhereyou'vetriedtodosobutyourfriendisrefusingtofacethefactsandhas,indeed,madethingsworsebysuggestingyouareblamingthemorreproachingthemandtheyflatoutrightrefusetoseetheirownwrongdoing.

Rereadthroughtheindicatorsofatoxicpersonalityasoutlinedinthefirstsectionabove.Didyoufindyourselfagreeingtomanyofthesignals?

Didthelistenlightenyoursenseoflossaboutyourfriendship?

Ifso,andifyoufeelthatitisn'tworthtryinganymore,it'stimetocuttheties.Detachyourself.It'stimetoacceptthatyou'veoutgrownthisfriendship,inthesamewaythatyououtgrowotheraspectsofyourlife.Ifyouhearthatvoicesomepeopleenjoytrottingoutthat"you'vejustgottokeeptrying",thenignoreit.Bynow,it'sclearyou'vealreadytriedmorethanenoughandyourfriendcrossesthelineofforbearancewhenheorshecontinuestomanipulate,demean,orgossipaboutyou.Itisjustasimportanttoknowwhentoletsomeonegoasitistoknowwhentokeeptrying,andatthispoint,detachingyourselfishealthyandastageofmaturationinyourlife.

Deletetheirdetailsfromyourlife.RemoveyourfriendfromFacebook,yourcellphone,youraddressbook,etc.DrRayPahl,afriendshipexpert,explainsthattoomanyfriendsinyourlifecanbestressfula