六人行27The One Where Ross Finds Out.docx

六人行27The One Where Ross Finds Out.docx

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六人行27TheOneWhereRossFindsOut

六人行2-7TheOneWhereRossFindsOut

[Scene:

MonicaandRachel'sapartment.Everyoneissittingatthecouches,Chandlerenters.]

Chandler:

Okay,whatisitaboutme?

DoInotlookfunenough?

Istheresomething...repellent...aboutme?

Rachel:

So,howwastheparty?

Chandler:

Wellitcouldn'thavebeenworse.Awomanliterallypassedthroughme.Okay,sowhatisit,amIhideouslyunattractive?

Phoebe:

No,youarenot,youareveryattractive.Youknowwhat,Igothroughtheexactsamething.EverytimeIputonalittleweight,Istartquestioningeverything.

Chandler:

Woah,woah,I'veputonalittleweight?

Phoebe:

No,notweight...y'know,morelikeinsulation.

Monica:

Chandler,I'munemployedandindireneedofaproject.Yawannaworkout?

Icanremakeyou.

Chandler:

Oh,youknow,Iwould,butthatmightgetinthewayofmylyingaroundtime.

Monica:

Please.

All:

C'mon.Lether.Yeah.

Chandler:

Allright,Okay,allright.Butifweputonspandexandmyboobsarebiggerthanyours,I'mgoin'home.

Phoebe:

Yourboobsarefine.look,Inevershouldhavesaidanything.Comehere.Comehere.（hugsChandlerbutholdsherhandsapartbehindhisback）Oh,can'tmake....hands...meet....

OpeningCredits

[Scene:

TheHallway,Chandlercomesoutwearingspandex,jogginginplace.Monicaisthere.]

Chandler:

Okay,let'sdoit.（Monicalooksathimfunny）What?

Monica:

Nothing,justneverseenyouinlittlestretchypantsbefore.

Chandler:

Andwe'rechanging.（jogsbackinhisapartment）

[Cuttothecitystreet.MonicaandChandlerarejogging.Chandlerislaggingbehindsohehopsinacabandtakesoff,leavingMonicabehind]

[Scene:

ChandlerandJoey's,Chandlerisdoingsit-ups.]

Monica:

C'mongivemefivemore.Fivemore.

Chandler:

（weakly）No.

Monica:

FivemoreandI'llflashyou.

Chandler:

One...two...twoandahalf.Okay,justshowmeoneofthem.

[Scene:

CentralPerk,ChandlerandJoeyaresittingonthecouch.Rachelisworking.]

Chandler:

（slowlyliftscoffeecuptohismouth）Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow,ow.（slowlysetsthecupbackdown）Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow.（Joeyinterceptsthecupandputsitdownforhim）.She'sinsane,thewomanisinsane.It'sbeforework,it'safterwork,it'sduringwork.She'sgotmedoingbuttclenchesatmydesk.Andnow,theywon'tbringmemymailanymore.

（Phoebeenters.）

Rachel:

HeyPheebs,how'ditgowithScottlastnight?

Phoebe:

Oh,um,itwasnice.Tookhimtoaromanticrestaurant,orderedchampagne,nice.

Joey:

Theguystillwon'tputout,huh?

Phoebe:

Nope.Zilch,nothin',uh-uh.

All:

SorryPheebs.

Phoebe:

look,I,y'know,Idon'tmindtakingitslow,Ilikehimalot,y'knowhe'sreallyinterestingandhe'sreallysweetandwhywon'thegiveitup?

Joey:

Maybehe,uhh...driveshiscarontheothersideoftheroad,ifyaknowwhatImean.

Phoebe:

No,whad'yamean?

He'snotBritish.

Joey:

Maybehe's...gay.

Phoebe:

Oohh,um,no,Idon'tthinkthat'stheproblem.'Causewewent,um,dancingtheothernightandthewayheheldmesoclose,andthewayhewaslookingintomyeyesIjustlike...definitelyfeltsomething.

Rachel:

Yeah,buthowmuchcanyoutellfromalook?

Phoebe:

No,Ifeltitonmyhip.Youcouldtell.

（Monicaenters.）

Monica:

（toChandler）Yo,Bing.Racquetballin15minutes.

Chandler:

Joey,beapal.Liftupmyhandandsmackherwithit.

Phoebe:

（seeingRosskissingJulieoutsidethewindow）Ooh,oh,Rachel,don'tlook.

Rachel:

What?

（looks,feignsindifference）C'monyouguys,Idon'tcare,Ihaveadatetonight.

Joey:

Woah,woah,woah,youhaveadate?

Rachel:

Yeah,Monica'ssettin'meup.

Joey:

Butuh,uh,whataboutuh,Rossanduh...

Rachel:

Ohwhat,mywholeinsanejealousything?

Well,y'know,asmuchfunasthatwas,I'vedecidedtooptforsanity.

Chandler:

SoyoureallyOkayaboutallthis?

Rachel:

Ohyeah,c'mon,I'mmovin'on.Hecanpressherupagainstthatwindowasmuchashewants.ForallIcare,hecanthrowherthroughthedamnthing.

（RossandJulieenter.）

Ross:

Higuys.

All:

Hey.

Ross:

Oh,Monica,IfiguredI'dcomebytomorrowmorningandpickupFluffy'soldcattoy,Okay?

Monica:

Onlyifyousayhisfullname.

Ross:

（reluctantly）CanIcomeovertomorrowandpickupFluffyMeowington'scattoy.

Monica:

Allright.

Joey:

（toRoss）You'regettingacat?

Ross:

Uh,actually,we'regettingacat.

Rachel:

Together?

Ross:

Uhhuh.

Rachel:

Bothofyou?

Ross:

Yep.

Rachel:

Together.

Julie:

Yeah,wefigureit'lllivewithRosshalfthetime,andwithmehalfthetime.

Rachel:

Ohh,well,isn'tthatjustlovely.That'ssomethingthetwoofyouwillbeabletoenjoyforareally,really,really,really,reallylongtime.

Ross:

Hopefully.

Rachel:

Well.（looksatwatch）Woah,lookatthat!

Igottago,Igottadate.Withaman.Um,Okay,youguyshaveareally,uh,haveareallygoodnightandyoutwohavea,uh,havea,uh,reallygoodcat.（sheleavescarryinghertraythencomesbackin）Okay,we'renotsupposedtotakethesewhenweleave.

[Scene:

ARestaurant,RachelisonherdatewithMichael.]

Michael:

Idon'tknowifMonicatoldyoubutthisisthefirstdateI'vegoneonsincemydivorceso,ifIseemalittlenervous,Iam.

Rachel:

（distracted）Howlongdocatslive?

Michael:

（confused）I'msorry?

Rachel:

Cats,howlongdotheylivefiguringyoudon't...y'know,throw'emunderabusorsomething?

Michael:

Um,maybe15,16years.

Rachel:

That'sjustgreat.（shepicksupherchampagneandstartsdrinking）

Michael:

Um,cheers.

Rachel:

Oh,right,clink.（downsherglass）

Michael:

MonicatoldyouIwascuterthatthis,didn'tshe?

Rachel:

Oh,no,Michael,it'snotyou.I'msorry,it'sjust,it'sthisthing.It'sprobablynotasbadasitsoundsbutthisfriendofmineis,isgettingacatwithhisgirlfriend.

Michael:

Oh,thatdoessound...Ahh.

Rachel:

Imeanhejuststartedgoingoutwithher.

Michael:

Isthisguy,uhh,anoldboyfriend?

Rachel:

Ah,hah-hah-hah-ho,yeah,hewishes.Oh,I'msorry,lookatme.Okay,Michael,let'stalkaboutyou.

Michael:

Allright.

Rachel:

Okay,Okay.So,youevergetapetwithagirlfriend?

[Scene:

CentralPerk,PhoebeandJoeyaresittingonthecouch.]

Phoebe:

So,Ifigureditout.

Joey:

What?

Phoebe:

WhyScottdoesn'twanttosleepwithme.It's'causeI'mnotsexyenough.

Joey:

Phoebe,that'scrazy.WhenIfirstmetyou,youknowwhatIsaidtoChandler?

Isaid,"Excellentbutt,greatrack."

Phoebe:

Really?

That'ssosweet.Imean,I'mofficiallyoffendedbut,sweet.

Joey:

Pheebslook,ifyouwanttoknowwhatthedealis,you'rejustgonnahavetoaskhim.

Phoebe:

You'reright,you'reright.Ah,youaresoyumm.（theyhug）

（Outsidethewindow,MonicaandChandlerjogup.Monicaplayfullypusheshim.TheystartpushingandslappingharderandharderuntilMonicapusheshimdown.Chandlerstandsup,withaseriousexpression,andchasesheraway.）

[Scene:

ARestaurant,Rachelpoursthelastofthechampagnebottleinherglass.]

Rachel:

（obviouslydrunk）Imean,it'sacat,y'know,it'sacat.Whycan'ttheygetoneofthosebugs,y'know,oneofthosefruitflies,thosethingsthatliveforlikeadayorsomething?

（belligerently）What'retheycalled,what'retheycalled,what'retheycalled?

Michael:

Fruitflies?

Rachel:

Yes!

Thankyou.

（Thewaitercomestothetable.）

Waiter:

So,wouldyoulikeanydessert?

Michael:

No!

Nodessert,justacheck,please.

Rachel:

Oh,you'renothavingfun,areyou?

Michael:

No,no,Iam,butonlybecauseforthelasthourandahalfI'vebeenplayingthemovieDinerinmyhead.

Rachel:

Oh,Lookatme,Lookatme.Oh,I'monadatewithareallygreatguy,allIcanthinkaboutisRossandhiscatandhis...Julie.Ijustwanttogetoverhim.gosh,whycan'tIdothat?

Michael:

Oy.Look,I'vebeenthroughadivorce,trustmeyou'regonnabefine.Youjustcan'tseeitnowbecauseyouhaven'thadanyclosure.

Rachel:

Yeah!

Closure.That'swhatitis,that'swhatIneed.God,you'rebrilliant!

Whydidn'tIthinkofthat?

HowdoIgetthat?

Michael:

Well,youknow,there'snoonewayreally,it'sjust,youknow,whateverittakessothatyoucanfinallysaytohim,"I'moveryou."

Rachel:

Closure,that'swhatitis.Closure.（sheLooksaroundtherestaurant,spottingaguywithacellularphone）Hello,excuseme.Excuseme,hel?

woo（shealmostfallsoutofherchair）

Guy:

Hangon.

Rachel:

Hello,excuseme.

Guy:

What.

Rachel:

Hi,I'msorry,Ineedtoborrowyourphoneforjustoneminute.

Guy:

I'mtalkin'!

Rachel:

Icanseethat.I?

justonephonecall,I'llbeveryquick,I'llevenpayforitmyself.（manisstillreluctant）Okay,you'rebein'alittleweirdaboutyourphone.

Guy:

Allright,fine.（onthephone）I'llcallyouback.（handsthephonetoher）

Rachel:

Thankyou.Okay.（dials）（toMichael）Machine.Justwaitingforthebeep.

Michael:

Good.

Rachel:

（onphone）Ross,hi,it'sRachel.I'mjustcallingtosaythatum,everything'sfineandI'mreallyhappyforyouandyourcatwho,bytheway,IthinkyoushouldnameMichael.And,youknow,yaseethereI'mthinkingofnamessoobviously,Iamoveryou.Iamoveryouandthat,myfriend,iswhattheycallclosure.（hangsupandtossesphoneintheicebucket）

CommercialBreak

[Scene:

ChandlerandJoey's,Chandlerisansweringthedoorinhisrobe.]

Chandler:

No,no,no,no,no,no（opensdoortoMonica）No.Monica,it'sSundaymorning.I'mnotrunningonaSunday.

Monica:

Whynot?

Chandler:

Becauseit'sSunday.It'sGod'sday.

Monica:

Okay,ifyousaystop,thenwestop.

Chandler:

Okay,stop.

Monica:

No,c'mon,wecan'tstop,c'mon,we'vegotthreemorepoundstogo.Iamtheenergytrainandyouareonboard.Woo-woo,woo-woo,woo-woo（Chandlerwalksoutoftheapartment,leavingMonica）Woo.

[Scene:

RachelandMonica's,Rachelist