生活大爆炸season021.docx

生活大爆炸season021.docx

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生活大爆炸season021

Leonard:

Soyousee,whatyou’reeatingisnottechnicallyyoghurt,becauseitdoesn’thaveenoughliveacidophiluscultures.It’sreallyjusticedmilkwithcarrageninaddedforthickness.

Penny:

Oh,that’sveryinteresting.

Leonard:

It’salsonotpinkandhasnoberries.

Penny:

Yeah,butitdoesn’treallyanswermyquestion.

Leonard:

Whatwasyourquestionagain?

Penny:

Doyouwantsome.

Leonard:

Oh,right,no,I’mlactoseintolerant.

Penny:

Right.

Leonard:

So,gas.

Penny:

Gotit.

Leonard:

Well,goodnight.（Theykiss.Cameracutsawaytoawallmountedsecuritycamabovethelift.LeonardspotsitsmovementandshufflesPennyaway.）

Penny:

Whatareyoudoing?

Leonard:

Therewasadraft.

Penny:

Ididn’tfeeladraft.

Leonard:

Whydon’twejustgointoyour….

Penny:

Oh,yeah,youknowwhat,maybeweshouldjustslowthingsdownalittle.

Leonard:

No,no,Ididn’tmeantogointoyourapartmentto…gofast.

Penny:

No,Iknow,I…Iknowwhatyoumeant,it’sjust…it’sonlyourfirstdate.

Leonard:

Yeah,okay,sure,noproblem,whydon’twejustfigureoutwherewe’regoing,andwhenwewanttogetthere,andthenrateofspeedequalsdistanceovertime.SolveforR.

Penny:

Orwecouldjustwingit.

Leonard:

Thatmightworktoo.

Penny:

GoodnightLeonard.

Leonard:

Goodnight.（Hethrowsthecameraadirtylook.）

Cuttoinsidetheapartment.

Raj:

He’scoming.Screensaver.

Howard:

Oh,hey,Leonard,howwasyourdate?

Leonard:

Biteme.Sheldon,howcouldyoujustsitthereandletthemspyonme?

Sheldon:

Theywereclever,Leonard.Theyexploitedmycompletelackofinterestinwhatyouweredoing.

Howard:

Youshouldthankus.WhenfuturegenerationstrytodeterminewhyyourrelationshipwithPennycrashedandburned,thisrighthereistheblackbox.

Leonard:

Whatareyoutalkingabout,thedatewentfine.

Raj:

Dude,shesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.

Leonard:

Okay,so,shesaidshewantstoslowthingsdown.It’slikesaying“I’mreallyenjoyingthismeal,I’mgoingtoslowdownandsavourit.”

Howard:

No,it’slike“thisfishtastesbad,soI’mgoingtoslowdownandspititout.”

Raj:

Youbeingthefish.

Leonard:

I’mnotthefish.

Howard:

Ohreally,didyoumakeaseconddate.

Leonard:

Well,wesortofdecidedtowingit.

Sheldon:

Oh,evenIknowthat’slame.

Leonard:

Okay,alright,let’sassumeyourhypothesis.Wewenttodinner,wetalked,welaughed,wekissed,wherecouldIhavepossiblygonewrong.

Howard:

Thinkback,Leonard,thelittlestthingscansetwomenoff.Like,hey,thewaitressishot,Ibetwecouldgethertocomehomewithus.Or,howmuchdoesyourmomweigh,IwanttoknowwhatI’mgettinginto.

Leonard:

Ididn’tsayanythinglikethat.

Howard:

Good,‘costheydon’twork.

Raj:

Theyalsodon’tcareforitifyoustareatthemandhyperventilate.Sadly,that’smyhomerunswing.

Leonard:

Look,everythingwentfine.Ididn’tevenhavetorefertomyimpromptuconversationstarters.Thewomanacrossthehallisintome.

Howard:

Let’sgotothetape.Lookatherreactiontothegoodnightkiss,nochangeinrespiration,pupilsun-dilated,noflushingofthechest.

Raj:

Nicecloseup,bytheway.

Sheldon:

Interesting,herjawsareclenched,notongueaccess,clearlyabadsignamongstmatinghumans.

Leonard:

That’snotabadsign.

Sheldon:

Please,youmightaswellhavebeentwoiguanawithnodewlapenlargement.

Raj:

Andtheworstsignofallis,you’rehereandnotthere.

Leonard:

I’mnottherebecauseI’mtakingthingsslow.Which,bytheway,comparedtoyouguysapproacheswarpspeed.Andtakedownthatcamera.

Raj:

Hewasalotmorefunwhenhehadnohope.

Howard:

Givehimtime.

Creditssequence

Scene:

Thelaundryroom.Sheldonisfoldingshirts.

Penny（entering）:

Hi.

Sheldon:

Oh,hiPenny.FYI,thehotwaterisinadequateonmachine2socoloursonly,and4isstillreleasingthefabricsoftenertooearlyinthecyclesoI’davoidusingthatforyourdelicates.

Penny（tippingallherlaundryintoonemachineatonce）:

Thanks.

Sheldon:

Oh,goodLord.Whydon’tyoujusttakeyourclothesdowntotheriverandbeatthemwitharock?

Penny:

Sheldon,mayIaskyouaquestion?

Sheldon:

Iwouldpreferthatyounot,butIwon’tgosofarastoforbidit.

Penny:

Alright,Iheardyes,so…okay,here’smyquestion,hasLeonardeverdated,youknow,aregulargirl.

Sheldon:

WellIassumeyou’renotreferringtodigestiveregularity?

BecauseI’vecometolearnthatsuchinquiriesareinappropriate.

Penny:

No,Imeanthasheeverbeeninvolvedwithsomeonewhowasn’tabraniac?

Sheldon:

Oh.Well,afewyearsagohedidgooutwithawomanwhohadaPhDinFrenchLiterature.

Penny:

Howisthatnotabraniac?

Sheldon:

Well,foronething,shewasFrench.Foranother,itwasliterature.

Penny:

So,doyouthinkthatifLeonardandIkeepdatinghe’lleventuallygetboredwithme.

Sheldon:

Thatdepends.

Penny:

Onwhat?

Sheldon:

Doyouhaveaworkingknowledgeofquantumphysics?

Penny:

No.

Sheldon:

DoyouspeakKlingon?

Penny:

No.

Sheldon:

Doyouknowanycardtricks?

Penny:

Okay,okay,youknow,Igetit,Leonardhasnobusinessbeinginvolvedwithawaitressslashactresswhofeltsoinsecurethatsheliedtohimaboutfinishingcommunitycollege.

Sheldon:

Whywouldyoulieaboutthat?

Penny:

Well,hewasgoingonandonaboutthiscollegeandthatgradschoolandIdidn’twanthimtothinkIwassomestupidloser.

Sheldon:

Youthoughttheoppositeofstupidloserwascommunitycollegegraduate?

Penny:

Youknow,therearealotofsuccessfulpeopleinthiscountrywhoarecommunitycollegegraduates.

Sheldon:

Yeah,butyouwereneither.

Penny:

Right,okaylook,thisisbetweenyouandme,youcannottellLeonardanyofthis.

Sheldon:

You’reaskingmetokeepasecret?

Penny:

Yeah.

Sheldon:

WellI’msorry,butyouwouldhavehadtoexpressthatdesirebeforerevealingthesecret,sothatIcouldchoosewhetherornotIwantedtoacceptthecovenantofsecretkeeping.Youcan’timposeasecretonanexpostfactobasis.

Penny:

What?

Sheldon:

Secretkeepingisacomplicatedendeavour.Onehastobeconcernednotonlyaboutwhatonesays,butaboutfacialexpression,autonomicreflexes,whenItrytodeceive,Imyselfhavemorenervousticsthanalymediseaseresearchfacility.（Longpause.）It’sajoke.Itreliesonthehominymicrelationshipbetweenticktheblood-suckingarachnid,andtictheinvoluntarymuscularcontraction.Imadeitupmyself.

Penny:

Okay,look,ifLeonardfindsoutthatIlied,Iwillabsolutelydieofembarrassment.

Sheldon:

Physiologicallyimpossible.

Penny:

OhSheldon,please,look,I’maskingyouasafriend.

Sheldon:

Soyou’resayingthatfriendshipcontainswithinitaninherentobligationtomaintainconfidences?

Penny:

Well,yeah.

Sheldon:

Interesting.See,onemorequestion,andperhapsIshouldhaveledwiththis,whendidwebecomefriends?

Scene:

Thestairwell.

Sheldon:

I.e,Icouldn’tbecomeGreenLanternunlessIwaschosenbytheguardiansofOa,butgivenenoughstart-upcapitalandanadequateresearchfacility,IcouldbeBatman.

Leonard:

YoucouldbeBatman?

Sheldon:

Sure.（Inagravellyvoice）I’mBatman.See.

Penny（arriving）:

Higuys.

Leonard:

Hey.

Sheldon（lookingtheotherwayuncomfortably）:

HiPenny.

Leonard:

Hey,Penny,ifyou’renotdoinganythingFridaynightIthoughtmaybewecouldgoandseeamovie.

Penny:

Oh,um,youknow,IthinkIhavethedinnershiftonFriday.

Leonard:

WhataboutSaturday?

Penny:

Youknow,I’mnotsure,themanagerhasn’tpostedthescheduleyet,howaboutIletyouknow.

Leonard:

Great.Soyoujustletmeknowwhenyouknow.So…（sheleaves）OhGod,Iamthebadfish!

WhatdidIdowrong?

Sheldon:

Whyareyouaskingme,IhavenoinformationaboutyourinteractionswithPennyotherthanwhatyouprovidedme,nordoIhaveanymethodoflearningsuchthings.（Runsaway.）

Leonard（chasinghim）:

Whatdoesthatmean?

Sheldon:

Nothing.YouseemtobeimplyinganinformationalbackchannelbetweenmeandPennywhereobviouslynoneexists.

Leonard:

NoIdidn’t.

Sheldon:

Ijustthinkyouneedtobecarefulhowyouphrasethings,sir.

Leonard:

What’sgoingonwithyou?

Sheldon:

WellImightaskyouthesamequestion.Whydoyouinsistonattemptingtodragmeintomatterswhichhavenothingtodowithme?

ButexistbetweenyouandPenny.ApersontowhomIbarelyspeak.（Hiseyebeginstotwitch.）

Leonard:

What’swrongwithyourface?

Sheldon:

There’snoreasontobringmylooksintothis.Goodday,Leonard.

Leonard:

What?

Sheldon:

IsaidGoodDay!

（Heleaves）

Leonard:

Goodday?

Scene:

TheCheesecakeFactory

Penny:

AlsotodaywehaveafreshcaughtAlaskasalmon,andthat’sservedwithateriyakiglazeandstickyrice.Oursoupoftheday…

Sheldon（appearingbehindher）:

Youmustreleasemefrommyoath.

Penny:

Sheldon,I’mworking.

Sheldon:

Whydon’tyoutakeaminutetodecide（leadsheraway）Ican’tkeepyoursecretPenny.I’mgoingtofoldlikeanenergybasedanoboproteininconformationalspace.Likearenaissancetriptych.Likeacheapsuit.

Penny:

Oh,look,whyisitsohardforyoutokeeponelittlesecret?

Sheldon:

I’mconstitutionallyincapable.That’swhyIwasrefusedclearanceforaveryprestigiousgovernmentresearchfellowshipatasecretmilitarysupercollider,locatedbeneathafakeagriculturalstation12.5milessoutheastofTraversCity,Michigan.Whichyoudidnothearaboutfromme.

Penny:

Look,justforgetItoldyouaboutmenotgraduatingfromcommunitycollege.Okay?

Sheldon:

Forget!

Youwantmetoforget?

Thisminddoesnotforget.Ihaven’tforgottenasinglethingsincethedaymymotherstoppedbreastfeedingme.ItwasadrizzlyTuesday.

Penny:

Okay,look,youpromisedmeyouwouldkeepmysecretsoyou’rejustgoingtohavetofigureoutawaytodoit.

Sce