最新英语幽默笑话带翻译.docx
《最新英语幽默笑话带翻译.docx》由会员分享，可在线阅读，更多相关《最新英语幽默笑话带翻译.docx（9页珍藏版）》请在冰豆网上搜索。
最新英语幽默笑话带翻译
英语幽默笑话带翻译
1:
Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.Hewasbroughttothehospital.Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:
"Ithinkthatheisveryill.""Iamafraidthatheisdead."saidthedoctor,
Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:
"I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.""Bequiet,"saidthewife."thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!
"
医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:
"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:
"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:
"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:
"安静,医生比你懂得多."
2:
Youcan'tgowithoutme
Thebusisverycrowded.Amantriestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim.
"Hey,letmegetonthebus."themanshouts.
"It'stoocrowded.You'dbettertakethenextbus."apassengersaystohim.
"Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver."themansays.
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!
"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!
"那位男士说道.
3:
Drunk
Oneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?
""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk."
"But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman!
"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：
“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？
”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。
”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！
”
4:
Hospitality
Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:
"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?
""Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。
这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：
“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？
”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。
”那小男孩说。
5:
Dearwhite,somethingyougottoknow.WhenIwasborn,Iwasblack.WhenIgrowup,IamblackWhenI'munderthesun,I'mblackWhenI'mcold,I'mblackWhenI'mafraid,I'mblack.
WhenI'msick,I'mblack.WhenIdie,I'mstillblack.you---whitepeople,Whenyouwereborn,youwerepink.Whenyougrowup,youbecomewhite.You'reredunderthesun.You'rebluewhenyou'recold.Youareyellowwhenyou'reafraid.You'regreenwhenyou'resick.You'regraywhenyoudie.Andyou,callme"color"?
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。
当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。
你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。
你长大了，变成白色的。
你在阳光下，你是红色的。
你寒冷时，你是青色的。
你害怕时，你是黄色的。
你生病时，你是绿色的。
当你死时，你是灰色的。
而你，却叫我「有色人种」？
6：
Whereisthefather?
Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.
"Look,"saidtheelderbrother."Hownicethesepaintingsare!
"
"Yes,"saidtheyounger,"butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?
"
Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,"Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！
”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？
”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：
“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。
”
7：
HowManyRabbits?
Teacher:
Now,Jonathan,ifIgaveyouthreerabbitsandthenthenextdayIgaveyoufiverabbits,howmanyrabbitswouldyouhave?
Jonathan:
Nine,sir.
Teacher:
Nine?
Jonathan:
I'vegotonealready,sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：
好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：
一共有九只，先生。
老师：
九只？
乔纳森：
先生，我本来就有一只。
8：
TheseAreMyJeans
Aftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago．
“Look，look．”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband．“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain．”
Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。
她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：
“快看，快看。
我又能穿上以前的裤子了。
”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：
“亲爱的，我爱你。
但那是我的裤子。
”
9：
Themeanman'sparty
Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,"Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot."
"Whyusemyelbowandfoot?
"
"Well,gosh,"wasthereply,"You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou?
"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：
“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。
门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。
”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？
”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。
天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？
”吝啬鬼回答。
10：
AllIdoispay
"Myfamilyisjustlikeanation,"Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague."Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughterisforeignsecretary."
"Soundsinteresting,"hiscolleaguereplied."Andwhatisyourposition?
"
"I'mthepeople.AllIdoispay."
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：
“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。
我妻子
是财政部长。
我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。
”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？
”
“我就是老百姓。
我要做的一切就是付钱。
”
1.Whatroomhasnowalls,nodoors,nowindows,andnofloors?
Amushroom.（蘑菇）
2.Whatissmallerthananinsect'smouth?
Anythingiteats.
3.Whatlargeinstrumentdoyoucarryinyourears?
Drums,thatiseardrums.（鼓膜）
4.What'stoomuchforone,justrightfortwo,butnothingatallforthree?
Asecret.
5.Whatpersontriedtomakeyousmilemostofthetime?
Aphotographer.
6.Whatanimalhasaheadlikeacat,eyeslikeacat,ataillikeacat,butisn'tacat?
Akitten.（小猫）
7.Whatsurprisingthingshappenevery24hours?
Daybreaks,butdoesn'tfall;nightfalls,butdoesn'tbreak.
8.Whatcanhearyouwithoutearsandcanansweryouwithoutamouth?
Anecho.（回声）
9.WhatdoyouknowaboutthekingsofFrance?
Theyarealldead.
10.Whatquestioncanyouneveranswer'yes"to"
Areyouasleep?
11.Whydosomeoldpeopleneveruseglasses?
Theymustpreferbottlestoglasses.
12.Whyisthepersonwearingtwocoatswhilepaintingthehouse?
Becausetheinstructionsonthepaintcansay"Putontwocoatsforbestresults."
13.Whattwowordshavethousandsoflettersinthem?
Postoffice.
14.Whatdoworkersdoinaclockfactory?
Theymakefacesallday.
15.What5-letterwordhas6leftwhenyoutake2lettersaway?
Sixty.
16.Whendoyougoasfastasaracingcar?
Whenyouareinit.
17.Howmanysidesdoesahousehave?
Two-insideandoutside.
18.Whatneverasksanyquestionsbutalwaysgetsanswers?
Adoorbell.
19.WheredidColumbusstandwhenhediscoveredAmerica?
Onhisfeet.
20.Whentheboyfellintothewater,what'sthefirstthinghedid?
Hegotwetfirstofall.
21.Whoisn'tyoursisterandisn'tyourbrother,butisstillachildofyourmotherandfather?
Imyself.
22.Whathasteethbutcannoteat?
Acomb.
23.Whatkindofmancanraisethingswithoutliftingthem?
Afarmer.
24.Whydoestimefly?
Togetawayfromallthepeoplewhoaretryingtokillit.
25.Namefivedaysoftheweekwithoutsaying:
Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday.
Thedaybeforeyesterday,yesterday,today,tomorrow,andthedayaftertomorrow.
26.Whatanimaleatsanddrinkswithitstail?
Alldo.Noanimaltakesoffitstailwheneatinganddrinking.
27.Whathasasoftbedbutneversleeps,abigmouthbutneverspeaks?
Ariver.
28.Whatkindofdogneverbite?
Ahotdog.
29.WhydoestheStatueofLibertystandinNewYorkHarbor?
Becauseitcan'tsitdown.
30.Whatdidoneinvisiblemansaytotheotherinvisibleman?
It'snicenottoseeyouagain.
31.Whatwearsacapbuthasnohead?
Abottle.
32.Whatrisesinthemorningandwavesallday?
Aflag.
33.Whatisanastronomer?
（天文学家）?
Anightwatchmanwithacollegeeducation.
34.Howcanyoutellclocksandwatchesareshy?
Becausetheyalwayshavetheirhandsinfrontoftheirfaces.
35.Whatiswind?
Airinahurry.
36.Whatcomesaftertheletter"A"?
Alltheotherletters.
37.WhatstartswithaT,endswithaT,andisfullofT?
Teapot.
38.Whatwordcanyoumakeshorterbyaddingtoit?
Short.
39.Whatpersondoeseverymantakehishatoffto?
Abarber.
40.Whydoestheboycarryaladdertotheschool?
Becausehewantstogotohighschool.
41.Whatcanyouswallowthatcanalsoswallowyou?
Water.
42.What'sthedifferencebetweenahillandapill?
Ahillishardtogetupandapillishardtogetdown.
43.WhyisituselesstosendalettertoWashington?
Becausehe'sdead.
44.Adoctorandalawyerlovedthesamegirl.Thelawyerwentawayforaweekandgavethegirlsevenapplesbeforeheleft.Why?
Becauseanappleadaykeepsthedoctoraway.
45.Whatwillyoudoifaman-eatingtigerisrunningafteryou?
Nothing.BecauseI'mawoman.
46.Whatalwaystravelsonfoot?
Ashoe.
47.Wherecanhappinessalwaysbefound?
Inthedictionary.
48.Whatishigherwithoutaheadthanwithahead?
Apillow.（枕头）
49.Whydon'tyouadvertiseforyourlostdog?
Hecan'tread.
50.Onwhichsidedoesabirdhavethemostfeathers?
Theoutside.
51.Whatisthebestthingtokeepinhotweather?
Cool!
52.Whatisneveruseduntilit'sbroken?
Anegg.
53.What'saskeleton?
（骨架）
It'salotofboneswithoutthepersononthem!
54.Whatisdarkbutmadebylight?
Ashadow.
55.Whatcanyoubreakwithonlyoneword?
Silence.
56.Whatstaysindoorsnomatterhowmanytimesyouputitout?
Thelight.
57.Apolicemansawatruckdrivergoingthewrongwaydownaone-waystreet,butdidn'tgivehimaticket.Why?
Becausethetruckdriverwaswalking.
58.Wherecanmilkbebeststored?
Inacow.
59.Whichcanmovefaster,heatorcold?
Heat,becauseyoucancatchcoldeasily.
60.What'sthehardestthingaboutlearningskating?
The
升级会员 