5sentenceconciseness.docx

5sentenceconciseness.docx

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5sentenceconciseness

5sentenceconciseness

Unit6

SentenceConcisenessandClarity

Conciseness?

usingwordseconomicallyandeliminatingwordiness?

isfundamentaltogoodwriting.Lookatthefollowingsentences:

InthemonthofMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsfromallcirclesinthiscitywillholdmeetingstoelectrepresentatives,andtheserepresentativeswillgotoBeijing,thecapital,inOctobertoattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersfromthewholecountry.

InthemonthofMaycanbeshortenedtoInMaywithoutanylossof

meaning;ofdifferentprofessionsandfromallcirclesmeanthesamething,

soonlyoneofthemisneeded;holdmeetingscanbeomittedbecauseit

isnotimportant;theimportantthingisthattheywillelectrepresentatives;whocanbeusedinplaceoftheserepresentatives;the

canbeomitted;nationalandfromthewholecountryaresynonymous,capital

sothephrasecanbedeleted:

InMaypeopleofdifferentprofessionsinthiscitywillelectrepresentatives,whowillattendanationalcongressofmodelworkersinBeijinginOctober.

Thenumberofwordsisreducedbyhalf,butthemeaningofthenewsentenceisthesameasthatoftheoriginalone.

Wewritesentencestoexpressideas.Theuseofwordsinasentence,therefore,isdecidedbytheideaitexpresses.Needlesswordsdonothelpexpressideas;onthecontrary,theyobscurethemeaningandconfusethereader.Sooneoftherulesofsentence-makingistouseonlythenecessarywords,orasfewwordsaspossiblesolongasthemeaningisfullyexpressed.Butoftenwetendtoputasuperfluouswordhereandthereinasentence.Thishabitmaycomefromthewaywetalk.Itiscommoninspeakingtorepeataword,usewordsofsimilarmeaningtogether,andchangewordswehavesaidandeventhestructureofasentenceinthemiddleofit.Butweshouldnotdosoinwriting.Thisispossiblebecausewhenwewritewehavetimetocheckwhatwehavewrittenanddeleteallthewordsthatarenotneededfortheexpressionofideas,ortomakeoursentencesconcise.Inordertobeconciseinyourwriting,pleaseobservethefollowingguidelines:

1.Useapronouninsteadofrepeatinganoun.

Sample1

WordyMoreConcise

Thefactorybought2importedThefactorybought2importedmachines.

machines.Theybrokedownthenextday.

Thetwomachinesbrokedownthenextday.

2.Useawordinsteadofaphrasewiththesamemeaning,anduseaphraseinsteadofaclausewiththesamemeaning.

WordyMoreConcise

Sample2

themanwithambitiontheambitiousman

Sample3

theclassshowingthebest-performingclass

thebestperformance

Sample4

Thearticle,whichhasbeenpublishedTherecentlypublishedarticle

recentlyisinstructive.isinstructive.

Sample5

theideathatismostinterestingthemostinterestingidea

*NowI'dlikeyoutoknowsomecommoncircumlocutionsthatcanbe

simplifiedintooneword:

thereasonfor,forthereasonthat,owing/duetothefactthat,inlightofthefactthat,consideringthefactthat,onthegroundsthat,thisiswhy

=because,since,why

ontheoccasionof,inasituationinwhich,undercircumstancesinwhich

=when

asregards,inreferenceto,withregardto,concerningthematterof,where...isconcerned

=about

itiscrucialthat,itisnecessarythat,thereisaneed/necessityfor,itisimportantthat

=must,should

isableto,hasthecapacityfor,hastheabilityto=can

itispossiblethat,thereisachancethat,itcouldhappenthat,the

possibilityexistsfor

=may,might,could

WordyMoreConcise

Sample6

ItispossiblethatnothingwillcomeofNothingmaycomeofthese

theseexperiments.experiments.

Sample7

ShehastheabilitytoinfluencetheShecaninfluencetheelection.

election.

Sample8

ItisnecessarythatwelookintothisWemustlookintothishotissue.hotissue.

3.Ifnotforthesakeofspecialemphasis,donotrepeatwordsorphrases

inasentenceorinonethatfollows.

Sample9

WordyMoreConcise

Tomhasasister.Tomhasasister.

Tom'ssisterisanurse.Sheisanurse

Donotusedifferentwordsorphraseswithsimilarmeaningsinthesame

sentence.

WordyMoreConcise

Sample10

HiswifeconsideredtherefrigeratoranHiswifeconsideredtheunneededluxury.refrigeratoraluxury.

*RedundantPairs

Manypairsofwordshavesimilarimplications.Finishimpliescomplete,

isredundantinmostcases.Herearesomesothephrasecompletelyfinish

others（wordsinbracketscanbeomitted）:

（past）memories,（various）differences,（each）individual,（basic）fundamentals,（true）facts,

（important）essentials,（end）result,（final）outcome,（free）gift,（past）

history,（unexpected）surprise.

*RedundantCategories

Specificwordsimplytheirgeneralcategories,soweusuallydon'thavetostateboth.Weknowthataperiodisasegmentoftime,andthatpink

isacolor.Ineachofthefollowingphrases,thegeneralcategorytermcanbedropped,leavingjustthespecificdescriptiveword:

large（in

size）,（ofa）bright（color）,heavy（inweight）,round（inshape）,（atan）early（time）,in（thefieldof）economics,honest（incharacter）,（ina）confused（state）,unusual（innature）,extreme（indegree）,（ofa）strange（type）.

Anotherthreehelpfulmethods:

1.Donotoverusetheformoratthebeginningit+be-verbthere+be-verb

ofsentences.

Suchexpressionshavesomerhetoricaleffectforemphasisinsomecases,butunnecessaryuseofsuchstructuresresultsinwordywriting.Mostoftenyoucanwriteamoreconcisesentencebygettingridofsuchopenings.Youcanmakethenounthesubjectofthesentenceandremovetherelativepronoun.

WordyMoreConcise

Sample11

TherearefourquestionsthatshouldFourquestionsshouldbe

beanswered:

answered:

Sample12

Therewasabigexplosion,whichAbigexplosionshatteredthe

shatteredthewindows,andpeopleranwindows,andpeopleranoutof

outoftheirhouses.theirhouses.

2.Useverbsintheiractiveratherthanpassivevoice.

WordyMoreConcise

Sample13

MyEnglishwastaughtbyMrs.Green.Mrs.GreentaughtmeEnglish.

Sample14

YouraccountswerecheckedbytheTheDirectorcheckedyour

Director.accounts.

3.Donotoverusenominalizations（thenounformsofverbs）.

WordyMoreConcise

Sample15

ThefunctionofthemovieistheThemovieentertainspeople.

entertainmentforpeople.

Sample16

ThecurrentfocusofthemedicalThemedicalprofessioncurrentlyprofessionisdiseaseprevention.focusesondiseaseprevention.

Task:

Revisethefollowingsentencestomakethemmoreconcise

（1）Theumbrellaispinkincolor.

（2）IntheearlypartofthemonthofJuly,thestudentswillhavetheir

summerholiday.

（3）Inmyopinion,Ithinkyourplanisnotpractical.

（4）Duringthatperiodoftime,manygirlspreferredskirtsthatareredincolorandmadeofcotton.

（5）Thiskindoforganismswereroundinshapeandpeculiarinnature.

（6）Imagineamentalpictureofsomeoneengagedintheintellectualactivityoftryingtolearnwhattherulesareforhowtoplaythegameofchess.

（7）Someoftheuniversitiesarejointlyrunbyacompanyincollaborationwiththelocalgovernment.

（8）Smokingisconsideredahandsomeactbysomestudents.

（9）Thetheoryisn'tprovedbythisexperiment.

（10）Inthisessayisanexampleoftheuseoftherefutationin

argumentation.

Makethefollowingsentencesmoreconciseandclear.

1.Hisfatherisnotlikeherfather.Herfatherreadsmorebooks.

2.Manyuneducatedcitizenswhohaveneverattendedschoolbegintotakeparttimetrainingcourses.

3.BeijingForeignStudiesUniversity,whichwasfounded60yearsago,iswellknowninChina.

4.Atthispointintime,weshouldpaymuchattentiontoqualityeducation.

5.Thegrasswaslikeacarpet.Itcoveredthewholefield.Thecolorofthegrasswasfreshgreen.

6.Annaspokeinalowandhard-to-hearvoice.

7.Thiswasahistorymuseumplannedwithagreatdealcare.

8.Thesewereissuesthatinessencewererelatedtoeconomy.

9.ThenovelswrittenbyHemingway（海明威）aredifferentfromthenovels

composedbyFaulkner（福克纳）.

10.IntheearlypartofDecembertherewasaheavysnowinthisarea,anditsnowedforthreedayswithoutletup.

11.Earlyinthemorningtherewasafog,whichcoveredallthingsinthecityandpeoplewhoweredrivingwerecarefulandtheyhadtodriveveryslowly.

12.HehastastedthewinesproducedindifferentplacesandhesaystheredwinemadeinBeijingisthebest.

13.Eachtimetherewasaknockatthedoorhewasnervous,forhefearedthatsomeonemightcometobringhimmorebadnews.

14.Chinahasapopulationof1.2billion.Shemustdomuchtolimitthegrowthofpopulation.

15.Somepeopleliketosay"that'sneat"whentheymeantosay"that'sgood."Itisaslangexpression.

16.Studentswhoareintheirfourthyearattheuniversitygotovisitthelibraryregularlytolookformaterialandreferencebooksusefulforthewritingoftheirgraduationpapers.

17.Thesechildrenarebusyplayingwithtoys.Theyhavelittletimeforstudies.

18.Whenyoureadthebeginningofthebook,youcannotunderstandthemeaningofthetitle.Youwillunderstanditwhenyoucometotheendof

thebook.

19.Herearetwenty-fivestudentswhohavealreadyexpressedadesiretoattendtheprogramnextsummer.Itistheyandtheirparentswhostandtogainthemostbythegovernmentgrant.

20.Inresponsetotheproblemsidentifiedintheself-study,severalactivitieshaveevolvedatthiscollegetomeettheever-expandingneedsofourstudents,butthetraditionalgoalsofthecollege,whicharetoeducatethewholepersoninthebasicskills