警察与赞美诗.docx

警察与赞美诗.docx

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警察与赞美诗

OnhisbenchinMadisonSquareSoapymoveduneasily.Whenwildgeesehonkhighofnights,andwhenwomenwithoutsealskincoatsgrowkindtotheirhusbands,andwhenSoapymovesuneasilyonhisbenchinthepark,youmayknowthatwinterisnearathand.

AdeadleaffellinSoapy'slap.ThatwasJackFrost'scard.JackiskindtotheregulardenizensofMadisonSquare,andgivesfairwarningofhisannualcall.AtthecornersoffourstreetshehandshispasteboardtotheNorthWind,footmanofthemansionofAllOutdoors,sothattheinhabitantsthereofmaymakeready.

Soapy'smindbecamecognisantofthefactthatthetimehadcomeforhimtoresolvehimselfintoasingularCommitteeofWaysandMeanstoprovideagainstthecomingrigour.Andthereforehemoveduneasilyonhisbench.

ThehibernatorialambitionsofSoapywerenotofthehighest.InthemtherewerenoconsiderationsofMediterraneancruises,ofsoporificSouthernskiesdriftingintheVesuvianBay.ThreemonthsontheIslandwaswhathissoulcraved.Threemonthsofassuredboardandbedandcongenialcompany,safefromBoreasandbluecoats,seemedtoSoapytheessenceofthingsdesirable.

ForyearsthehospitableBlackwell'shadbeenhiswinterquarters.JustashismorefortunatefellowNewYorkershadboughttheirticketstoPalmBeachandtheRivieraeachwinter,soSoapyhadmadehishumblearrangementsforhisannualhegiratotheIsland.Andnowthetimewascome.OnthepreviousnightthreeSabbathnewspapers,distributedbeneathhiscoat,abouthisanklesandoverhislap,hadfailedtorepulsethecoldashesleptonhisbenchnearthespurtingfountainintheancientsquare.SotheIslandloomedbigandtimelyinSoapy'smind.Hescornedtheprovisionsmadeinthenameofcharityforthecity'sdependents.InSoapy'sopiniontheLawwasmorebenignthanPhilanthropy.Therewasanendlessroundofinstitutions,municipalandeleemosynary,onwhichhemightsetoutandreceivelodgingandfoodaccordantwiththesimplelife.ButtooneofSoapy'sproudspiritthegiftsofcharityareencumbered.Ifnotincoinyoumustpayinhumiliationofspiritforeverybenefitreceivedatthehandsofphilanthropy.AsCaesarhadhisBrutus,everybedofcharitymusthaveitstollofabath,everyloafofbreaditscompensationofaprivateandpersonalinquisition.Whereforeitisbettertobeaguestofthelaw,whichthoughconductedbyrules,doesnotmeddleundulywithagentleman'sprivateaffairs.

Soapy,havingdecidedtogototheIsland,atoncesetaboutaccomplishinghisdesire.Thereweremanyeasywaysofdoingthis.Thepleasantestwastodineluxuriouslyatsomeexpensiverestaurant;andthen,afterdeclaringinsolvency,behandedoverquietlyandwithoutuproartoapoliceman.Anaccommodatingmagistratewoulddotherest.

Soapylefthisbenchandstrolledoutofthesquareandacrossthelevelseaofasphalt,whereBroadwayandFifthAvenueflowtogether.UpBroadwayheturned,andhaltedataglitteringcafe,wherearegatheredtogethernightlythechoicestproductsofthegrape,thesilkwormandtheprotoplasm.

Soapyhadconfidenceinhimselffromthelowestbuttonofhisvestupward.Hewasshaven,andhiscoatwasdecentandhisneatblack,ready-tiedfour-in-handhadbeenpresentedtohimbyaladymissionaryonThanksgivingDay.Ifhecouldreachatableintherestaurantunsuspectedsuccesswouldbehis.Theportionofhimthatwouldshowabovethetablewouldraisenodoubtinthewaiter'smind.Aroastedmallardduck,thoughtSoapy,wouldbeaboutthething--withabottleofChablis,andthenCamembert,ademi-tasseandacigar.Onedollarforthecigarwouldbeenough.Thetotalwouldnotbesohighastocallforthanysuprememanifestationofrevengefromthecafemanagement;andyetthemeatwouldleavehimfilledandhappyforthejourneytohiswinterrefuge.

ButasSoapysetfootinsidetherestaurantdoortheheadwaiter'seyefelluponhisfrayedtrousersanddecadentshoes.Strongandreadyhandsturnedhimaboutandconveyedhiminsilenceandhastetothesidewalkandavertedtheignoblefateofthemenacedmallard.

SoapyturnedoffBroadway.Itseemedthathisroutetothecovetedislandwasnottobeanepicureanone.Someotherwayofenteringlimbomustbethoughtof.

AtacornerofSixthAvenueelectriclightsandcunninglydisplayedwaresbehindplate-glassmadeashopwindowconspicuous.Soapytookacobblestoneanddasheditthroughtheglass.Peoplecamerunningaroundthecorner,apolicemaninthelead.Soapystoodstill,withhishandsinhispockets,andsmiledatthesightofbrassbuttons.

"Where'sthemanthatdonethat?

"inquiredtheofficerexcitedly.

"Don'tyoufigureoutthatImighthavehadsomethingtodowithit?

"saidSoapy,notwithoutsarcasm,butfriendly,asonegreetsgoodfortune.

Thepoliceman'smindrefusedtoacceptSoapyevenasaclue.Menwhosmashwindowsdonotremaintoparleywiththelaw'sminions.Theytaketotheirheels.Thepolicemansawamanhalfwaydowntheblockrunningtocatchacar.Withdrawnclubhejoinedinthepursuit.Soapy,withdisgustinhisheart,loafedalong,twiceunsuccessful.

Ontheoppositesideofthestreetwasarestaurantofnogreatpretensions.Itcateredtolargeappetitesandmodestpurses.Itscrockeryandatmospherewerethick;itssoupandnaperythin.IntothisplaceSoapytookhisaccusiveshoesandtelltaletrouserswithoutchallenge.Atatablehesatandconsumedbeefsteak,flapjacks,doughnutsandpie.Andthentothewaiterbebetrayedthefactthattheminutestcoinandhimselfwerestrangers.

"Now,getbusyandcallacop,"saidSoapy."Anddon'tkeepagentlemanwaiting."

"Nocopforyouse,"saidthewaiter,withavoicelikebuttercakesandaneyelikethecherryinaManhattancocktail."Hey,Con!

"

NeatlyuponhisleftearonthecallouspavementtwowaiterspitchedSoapy.Hearose,jointbyjoint,asacarpenter'sruleopens,andbeatthedustfromhisclothes.Arrestseemedbutarosydream.TheIslandseemedveryfaraway.Apolicemanwhostoodbeforeadrugstoretwodoorsawaylaughedandwalkeddownthestreet.

FiveblocksSoapytravelledbeforehiscouragepermittedhimtowoocaptureagain.Thistimetheopportunitypresentedwhathefatuouslytermedtohimselfa"cinch."Ayoungwomanofamodestandpleasingguisewasstandingbeforeashowwindowgazingwithsprightlyinterestatitsdisplayofshavingmugsandinkstands,andtwoyardsfromthewindowalargepolicemanofseveredemeanourleanedagainstawaterplug.

ItwasSoapy'sdesigntoassumetheroleofthedespicableandexecrated"masher."Therefinedandelegantappearanceofhisvictimandthecontiguityoftheconscientiouscopencouragedhimtobelievethathewouldsoonfeelthepleasantofficialclutchuponhisarmthatwouldinsurehiswinterquartersontherightlittle,tightlittleisle.

Soapystraightenedtheladymissionary'sreadymadetie,draggedhisshrinkingcuffsintotheopen,sethishatatakillingcantandsidledtowardtheyoungwoman.Hemadeeyesather,wastakenwithsuddencoughsand"hems,"smiled,smirkedandwentbrazenlythroughtheimpudentandcontemptiblelitanyofthe"masher."WithhalfaneyeSoapysawthatthepolicemanwaswatchinghimfixedly.Theyoungwomanmovedawayafewsteps,andagainbestowedherabsorbedattentionupontheshavingmugs.Soapyfollowed,boldlysteppingtoherside,raisedhishatandsaid:

"Ahthere,Bedelia!

Don'tyouwanttocomeandplayinmyyard?

"

Thepolicemanwasstilllooking.ThepersecutedyoungwomanhadbuttobeckonafingerandSoapywouldbepracticallyenrouteforhisinsularhaven.Alreadyheimaginedhecouldfeelthecozywarmthofthestation-house.Theyoungwomanfacedhimand,stretchingoutahand,caughtSoapy'scoatsleeve.

Sure,Mike,"shesaidjoyfully,"ifyou'llblowmetoapailofsuds.I'dhavespoketoyousooner,butthecopwaswatching."

WiththeyoungwomanplayingtheclingingivytohisoakSoapywalkedpastthepolicemanovercomewithgloom.Heseemeddoomedtoliberty.

Atthenextcornerheshookoffhiscompanionandran.Hehaltedinthedistrictwherebynightarefoundthelighteststreets,hearts,vowsandlibrettos.

Womeninfursandmeningreatcoatsmovedgailyinthewintryair.AsuddenfearseizedSoapythatsomedreadfulenchantmenthadrenderedhimimmunetoarrest.Thethoughtbroughtalittleofpanicuponit,andwhenhecameuponanotherpolicemanlounginggrandlyinfrontofatransplendenttheatrehecaughtattheimmediatestrawof"disorderlyconduct."

OnthesidewalkSoapybegantoyelldrunkengibberishatthetopofhisharshvoice.Hedanced,howled,ravedandotherwisedisturbedthewelkin.

Thepolicemantwirledhisclub,turnedhisbacktoSoapyandremarkedtoacitizen.

"'TisoneofthemYaleladscelebratin'thegooseeggtheygivetotheHartfordCollege.Noisy;butnoharm.We'veinstructionstolavethembe."

Disconsolate,Soapyceasedhisunavailingracket.Wouldneverapolicemanlayhandsonhim?

InhisfancytheIslandseemedanunattainableArcadia.Hebuttonedhisthincoatagainstthechillingwind.

Inacigarstorehesawawell-dressedmanlightingacigarataswinginglight.Hissilkumbrellahehadsetbythedooronentering.Soapysteppedinside,securedtheumbrellaandsaunteredoffwithitslowly.Themanatthecigarlightfollowedhastily.

"Myumbrella,"hesaid,sternly.

"Oh,isit?

"sneeredSoapy,addinginsulttopetitlarceny."Well,whydon'tyoucallapoliceman?

Itookit.Yourumbrella!

Whydon'tyoucallacop?

Therestandsoneonthecorner."

Theumbrellaownerslowedhissteps.Soapydidlikewise,withapresentimentthatluckwouldagainrunagainsthim.Thepolicemanlookedatthetwocuriously.

"Ofcourse,"saidtheumbrellaman--"