OldPossumsBookofPracticalCats.docx

OldPossumsBookofPracticalCats.docx

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OldPossumsBookofPracticalCats

OldPossum'sBookofPracticalCats

ByThomasStearnsEliot（1886-1965）

NobelPrizeWinnerforLiterature-1948

TheNamingofCats

TheNamingofCatsisadifficultmatter,

Itisn'tjustoneofyourholidaygames;

YoumaythinkatfirstI'masmadasahatter

WhenItellyou,acatmusthaveTHREEDIFFERENTNAMES.

Firstofall,there'sthenamethatthefamilyusedaily,

SuchasPeter,Augustus,AlonzoorJames,

SuchasVictororJonathan,GeorgeorBillBailey--

Allofthemsensibleeverydaynames.

Therearefanciernamesifyouthinktheysoundsweeter,

Someforthegentlemen,someforthedames:

SuchasPlato,Admetus,Electra,Demeter--

Butallofthemsensibleeverydaynames.

ButItellyou,acatneedsanamethat'sparticular,

Anamethat'speculiar,andmoredignified,

Elsehowcanhekeepuphistailperpendicular,

Orspreadouthiswhiskers,orcherishhispride?

Ofnamesofthiskind,Icangiveyouaquorum,

SuchasMunkustrap,Quaxo,orCoricopat,

SuchasBombalurina,orelseJellylorum-

Namesthatneverbelongtomorethanonecat.

Butaboveandbeyondthere'sstillonenameleftover,

Andthatisthenamethatyouneverwillguess;

Thenamethatnohumanresearchcandiscover--

ButTHECATHIMSELFKNOWS,andwillneverconfess.

Whenyounoticeacatinprofoundmeditation,

Thereason,Itellyou,isalwaysthesame:

Hismindisengagedinaraptcontemplation

Ofthethought,ofthethought,ofthethoughtofhisname:

Hisineffableeffable

Effanineffable

DeepandinscrutablesingularName.

TheOldGumbieCat

IhaveaGumbieCatinmind,hernameisJennyanydots;

Hercoatisofthetabbykind,withtigerstripesandleopardspots.

Alldayshesitsuponthestairoronthestepsoronthemat;

Shesitsandsitsandsitsandsits--andthat'swhatmakesaGumbieCat!

Butwhentheday'shustleandbustleisdone,

ThentheGumbieCat'sworkisbuthardlybegun.

Andwhenallthefamily'sinbedandasleep,

Shetucksupherskirtstothebasementtocreep.

Sheisdeeplyconcernedwiththewaysofthemice--

Theirbehaviour'snotgoodandtheirmannersnotnice;

Sowhenshehasgotthemlineduponthematting,

Sheteachsthemmusic,crochetingandtatting.

IhaveaGumbieCatinmind,hernameisJennyanydots;

Herequalwouldbehardtofind,shelikesthewarmandsunnyspots.

Alldayshesitsbesidethehearthoronthebedoronmyhat:

Shesitsandsitsandsitsandsits--andthat'swhatmakesaGumbieCat!

Butwhentheday'shustleandbustleisdone,

ThentheGumbieCat'sworkisbuthardlybegun.

Asshefindsthatthemicewillnoteverkeepquiet,

Sheissureitisduetoirregulardiet;

Andbelievingthatnothingisdonewithouttrying,

Shesetsrighttoworkwithherbakingandfrying.

Shemakesthemamouse--cakeofbreadanddriedpeas,

Andabeautifulfryofleanbaconandcheese.

IhaveaGumbieCatinmind,hernameisJennyanydots;

Thecurtain-cordshelikestowind,andtieitintosailor-knots.

Shesitsuponthewindow-sill,oranythingthat'ssmoothandflat:

Shesitsandsitsandsitsandsits--andthat'swhatmakesaGumbieCat!

Butwhentheday'shustleandbustleisdone,

ThentheGumbieCat'sworkisbuthardlybegun.

Shethinksthatthecockroachesjustneedemployment

Topreventthemfromidleandwantondestroyment.

Soshe'sformed,fromthatlotofdisorderlylouts,

Atroopofwell-disciplinedhelpfulboy-scouts,

Withapurposeinlifeandagooddeedtodo--

Andshe'sevencreatedaBeetles'Tattoo.

SoforOldGumbieCatsletusnowgivethreecheers--

Onwhomwell-orderedhouseholdsdepend,itappears.

Growltiger'sLastStand

GROWLTIGERwasaBravoCat,wholiveduponabarge;

Infacthewastheroughestcatthateverroamedatlarge.

FromGravesenduptoOxfordhepursuedhisevilaims,

Rejoicinginhistitleof"TheTerroroftheThames."

Hismannersandappearancedidnotcalculatetoplease;

Hiscoatwastornandseedy,hewasbaggyattheknees;

Oneearwassomewhatmissing,noneedtotellyouwhy,

Andhescowleduponahostileworldfromoneforbiddingeye.

ThecottagersofRotherhitheknewsomethingofhisfame,

AtHammersmithandPutneypeopleshudderedathisname.

Theywouldfortifythehen-house,lockupthesillygoose,

Whentherumourranalongtheshore:

GROWLTIGER'SONTHELOOSE!

Woetotheweakcanary,thatflutteredfromitscage;

WoetothepamperedPekinese,thatfacedGrowltiger'srage.

WoetothebristlyBandicoot,thatlurksonforeignships,

AndwoetoanyCatwithwhomGrowltigercametogrips!

ButmosttoCatsofforeignracehishatredhadbeenvowed;

ToCatsofforeignnameandracenoquarterwasallowed.

ThePersianandtheSiameseregardedhimwithfear--

BecauseitwasaSiamesehadmauledhismissingear.

Nowonapeacefulsummernight,allnatureseemedatplay,

Thetendermoonwasshiningbright,thebargeatMoleseylay.

Allinthebalmymoonlightitlayrockingonthetide--

AndGrowltigerwasdisposedtoshowhissentimentalside.

Hisbuckomate,GRUMBUSKIN,longsincehaddisappeared,

FortotheBellatHamptonhehadgonetowethisbeard;

Andhisbosun,TUMBLEBRUTUS,hetoohadstol'naway-

IntheyardbehindtheLionhewasprowlingforhisprey.

IntheforepeakofthevesselGrowltigersatealone,

ConcentratinghisattentionontheLadyGRIDDLEBONE.

Andhisraffishcrewweresleepingintheirbarrelsandtheirbunks--

AstheSiamesecamecreepingintheirsampansandtheirjunks.

GrowltigerhadnoeyeorearforaughtbutGriddlebone,

AndtheLadyseemedenrapturedbyhismanlybaritone,

Disposedtorelaxation,andawaitingnosurprise--

Butthemoonlightshonereflectedfromathousandbrightblueeyes.

Andcloserstillandcloserthesampanscircledround,

Andyetfromalltheenemytherewasnotheardasound.

Theloverssangtheirlastduet,indangeroftheirlives--

Forthefoewasarmedwithtoastingforksandcruelcarvingknives.

ThenGILBERTgavethesignaltohisfierceMongolianhorde;

WithafrightfulburstoffireworkstheChinkstheyswarmedaboard.

Abandoningtheirsampans,andtheirpullawaysandjunks,

Theybatteneddownthehatchesonthecrewwithintheirbunks.

ThenGriddleboneshegaveascreech,forshewasbadlyskeered;

Iamsorrytoadmitit,butshequicklydisappeared.

Sheprobablyescapedwithease,I'msureshewasnotdrowned--

ButaserriedringofflashingsteelGrowltigerdidsurround.

Theruthlessfoepressedforward,instubbornrankonrank;

Growltigertohisvastsurprisewasforcedtowalktheplank.

Hewhoahundredvictimshaddriventothatdrop,

Attheendofallhiscrimeswasforcedtogoker-flip,ker-flop.

OhtherewasjoyinWappingwhenthenewsflewthroughtheland;

AtMaidenheadandHenleytherewasdancingonthestrand.

RatswereroastedwholeatBrentford,andatVictoriaDock,

AndadayofcelebrationwascommandedinBangkok.

TheRumTumTugger

TheRumTumTuggerisaCuriousCat:

Ifyouofferhimpheasanthewouldratherhavegrouse.

Ifyouputhiminahousehewouldmuchpreferaflat,

Ifyouputhiminaflatthenhe'dratherhaveahouse.

Ifyousethimonamousethenheonlywantsarat,

Ifyousethimonaratthenhe'dratherchaseamouse.

YestheRumTumTuggerisaCuriousCat--

Andthereisn'tanycallformetoshoutit:

Forhewilldo

Ashedodo

Andthere'snodoinganythingaboutit!

TheRumTumTuggerisaterriblebore:

Whenyoulethimin,thenhewantstobeout;

He'salwaysonthewrongsideofeverydoor,

Andassoonashe'sathome,thenhe'dliketogetabout.

Helikestolieinthebureaudrawer,

Buthemakessuchafussifhecan'tgetout.

YestheRumTumTuggerisaCuriousCat--

Andthereisn'tanyuseforyoutodoubtit:

Forhewilldo

Ashedodo

Andthere'snodoinganythingaboutit!

TheRumTumTuggerisacuriousbeast:

Hisdisobligingwaysareamatterofhabit.

Ifyouofferhimfishthenhealwayswantsafeast;

Whenthereisn'tanyfishthenhewon'teatrabbit.

Ifyouofferhimcreamthenhesniffsandsneers,

Forheonlylikeswhathefindsforhimself;

Soyou'llcatchhiminitrightuptotheears,

Ifyouputitawayonthelardershelf.

TheRumTumTuggerisartfulandknowing,

TheRumTumTuggerdoesn'tcareforacuddle;

Buthe'llleaponyourlapinthemiddleofyoursewing,

Forthere'snothingheenjoyslikeahorriblemuddle.

YestheRumTumTuggerisaCuriousCat--

Andthereisn'tanyneedformetospoutit:

Forhewilldo

Ashedodo

Andtheresnodoinganythingaboutit!

TheSongoftheJellicles

JellicleCatscomeouttonight,

JellicleCatscomeonecomeall:

TheJellicleMoonisshiningbright--

JelliclescometotheJellicleBall.

JellicleCatsareblackandwhite,

JellicleCatsarerathersmall;

JellicleCatsaremerryandbright,

Andpleasanttohearwhentheycaterwaul.

JellicleCatshavecheerfulfaces,

JellicleCatshavebrightblackeyes;

Theyliketopractisetheirairsandgraces

AndwaitfortheJellicleMoontorise.

JellicleCatsdevelopslowly,

JellicleCatsarenottoobig;

JellicleCatsareroly-poly,

Theyknowhowtodanceagavotteandajig.

UntiltheJellicleMoonappears

Theymaketheirtoiletteandtaketheirrepose:

Jellicleswashbehindtheirears,

Jelliclesdrybetweentheirtoes.

JellicleCatsarewhiteandblack,

JellicleCatsareofmoderatesize;

Jelliclesjumplikeajumping-jack,

JellicleCatshavemoonliteyes.

They'requietenoughinthemorninghours,

They'requietenoughintheafternoon,

Reservingtheirterpsichoreanpowers

TodancebythelightoftheJellicleMoon.

JellicleCatsareblackandwhite,

JellicleCats（asIsaid）aresmall;

Ifithappenstobeastormynight

Theywillpractiseacaperor