好汉两个半第五季Two and a Half Men中英剧本.docx

好汉两个半第五季Two and a Half Men中英剧本.docx

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好汉两个半第五季TwoandaHalfMen中英剧本

第一集

嘿贝塔你是怎么洗我短裤的?

HeyBerta,howdoyouwashingmyunderwear?

就像我做每件事一样嘴上哼着小曲儿心中充满爱LikeIdoeverythingelsearoundherewith

asongonmylipsandloveinmyheart.

我是说真的I'mserious.

我出疹子了私密部位Igotarashinmy,youknow,privatearea.

私密?

Private?

那边交通再繁忙下去你就得开家星巴克了Yougetanymoretrafficdownthere,you'regonna

havetoopenastarbucks.

我在想你是不是换了洗衣皂Well,Ithoughtmaybeyou'dchangedlaundrysoap

那儿通红通红还痒的要命尤其是...'causeit'sallredanditchyespeciallyrightaroundmy...

拜托excuseme.

我正吃早餐的香肠呢I'msittinghereeatingabreakfastsausage.

又不是香肠的问题It'snotasausageproblem.

更准确的说是肉球的区域It'smoreinthemeatballarea.

紧邻肉球的地方Kindofmeatballadjacent.

肯定是汗屁股Betit'sswampass.

啥叫汗屁股?

What'sswampass?

别担心得了汗屁股你就明白了Don'tworry.You'dknowifyouhadswampass.

最讨厌汗屁股了Ihateswampass.

你确定只是出疹子?

Yousureit'sjustarash?

还会是什么?

Whatelsecoulditbe?

既然说的是你的私密部位Well,sincewe'retalkingaboutyourprivatearea

那就啥都可能埃博拉病毒啊疯牛病啊itcouldanythingfromebolatomadcowdisease.

猴子能传染埃博拉病毒对吧?

Yougetebolafrommonkeys,right?

对Right.

只不过是疹子罢了It'sjustarash.

学校里有个孩子得了汗屁股猫在他身后跟了一年Akidatschoolgotswampass.Cats

followedhimaroundforayear.

得了还是忘了吧Youknowwhat?

Let'sjustforgetaboutit.

喔那也得忘的掉Oh,ifonlywecould.

说起学校咱们马上要迎来大日子了Speakingofschool,we'vegotabigdayaheadofus.

得去买日用品衣服We'vegottogoshoppingforsupplies,clothes.

话题转移的不错老爸Nicesegue,dad.

话题巴不得想转移呢Well,thesubjectwascryingoutforchange.

不管怎么说你要去新学校了Anyway,you'restartinganewschool.

需要新东西嘛You'regonnaneednewstuff.

等等西瓜头升上初中了?

Waitasec.Melonheadmadeitintojuniorhigh?

对Yes.

暑期学校考试合格了?

Soyoupassedsummerschool?

差不多吧Sortof.

什么叫"差不多"?

Whatdoyoumean,"sortof"?

他们说要是我继续读初中对大家都有好处Theysaiditwasineveryone'sbestinterestifI

movedon.

那算什么意思?

What'sthatsupposedtomean?

他们提拔他呀Itmeanstheypromotedhim.

他就要上初中了问啥都没有意义He'sstartingjuniorhigh,andthere'sabsolutelynothingto

begainedinaskinghoworwhy.

行管它呢真为你骄傲小子Okay,well,whatever.I'mproudofyou,man.

骄傲啥?

Forwhat?

我也不知道一直撑到大伙儿都讨厌你Idon'tknow.Hanginginthereuntiltheyweresickof

you.

谢了Thanks.

嗯...初中哈?

So...juniorhigh,huh?

倒是有很多美好回忆啊对吧艾伦?

Boy,thatbringsbacksomememories,doesn'tit,alan?

拜托能别往下说了吗?

Canwepleasenotgodownthatroad?

到底是什么事儿?

Whathappened?

只不过是...It'sjustthat...

中学里的孩子喜欢批评人kidsinjuniorhighcanbealittlejudgmental.

尤其是被搞大肚子以后Especiallyifyou'reknockedup.

谢谢噢贝塔Thankyou,berta.

当然了从好的方面来看Ofcourse,ontheupside

大肚子的妞儿就用不着上体育课了pregnantchicksdidn'thavetogotogym.

就不体谅体谅搞大她们肚子的家伙?

Didtheguyswhogot'empregnantgotany

considerations?

不行想也别想No,notevenahallpass.

咱们到底说完没有?

Arewequitedone?

你会明白的事情会一切顺利只需要记住几件事儿You'llsee.Thingswillgogreatforyou.You

justhavetorememberafewthings.

比如?

Likewhat?

嗯Well...

把午餐钱藏在鞋子里但口袋里也得放几个子儿alwayskeepyourlunchmoneyinyourshoe

buthavesomesparechangeinyourpocket.

此话怎讲?

当作诱饵嘛Howcome?

Decoymoney.

他们不拿到点什么是不会罢休的Theywon'tstophittingyoutilltheygetsomething.

"他们"是谁?

Whoare"they"?

那些大孩子会拎着你脚踝把你的头摁到厕所里Thebigkidsholdingyoubyyouranklesand

plungingyourheadinthetoilet.

把我的头摁到厕所里?

Plungingyheadinthetoilet?

别别别吓坏孩子了艾伦Don't,don't,don't,don'tfreakthekidout,alan.

不算是摁也就是浸一下It'snotsomuchplungingasdipping.

你得这么办Here'swhatyoudo.

跟看门人搞好关系Makefriendswiththejanitor.

他们都有单独卫生间Theyusuallyhavetheirownbathroom.

好吧Okay.

就是千万别喝他水壶里的东西Justneverdrinkoutofhisthermos.

明白Allright.

要是他说他爱你千万别信Anddon'tbelievehimifhetellsyouhelovesyou.

该死真怀念那个独眼儿杂种Damnit,Imissthatoneeyedsonofabitch.

对了要是上完体育课要洗澡Oh,oh,andifyouhavetoshoweraftergymclass

记住穿着短裤洗也不是那么丢人remember,thereisnoshameinkeepingyourjockeyshorts

on.

真的?

Really?

好吧是有点丢人Okay,there'salittleshame.

不过关键是大伙儿就不会叫你"缩小的鸡鸡"了Buttheimportantthingisthefellowswon't

becallingyou"shrinkydink.

"缩小的鸡鸡"?

"Shrinkydink?

不鸣则矣一鸣惊人I'magrower,notashower.

噢我差点忘了Oh,Ialmostforgot.

我给你买了个小礼物Igotyoualittlepresent.

你的私人手机哦Yourveryowncellphone.

好棒Oh,cool.

重要的是要记住这不是玩具Theimportantthingtorememberisthisisnotatoy.

只能在紧急情况下使用It'stouseinemergenciesonly.

紧急情况什么紧急情况?

Emergencies?

Whatemergencies?

爸爸快来救我!

Dad,comegetme!

我被关在我的储物柜里了内裤也湿了!

I'mstuffedinmylockerandmyunderweariswet!

那种情况就发生过一次Thatonlyhappenedonce.

如果不是那些缉毒犬找到了你你就把感恩节错过了Ifthatdrugsniffingdoghadn'tfoundyou,

you'dhavemissedthanksgiving.

缉毒犬?

Drugsniffingdog?

没有没有毒品Therewereno,therewerenodrugs.

没错是因为那些狗对尿味也很敏感That'strue.Turnsoutthosedogsarealsosensitiveto

urine.

我在那里呆了五个小时Iwasinthereforfivehours.

五个小时?

Fivehours?

但你不需要担心这个Butyoudon'thavetoworryaboutthat.

你有手机Youhaveacellphone.

你应该把手机藏在战俘藏手表的地方Whichyoushouldhidewhereprisonersofwarhidtheir

watches.

在哪里?

还没说完Wherewasthat?

Movingon.

我已经设置好了I'vepreprogrammedthephone.

快速拨号1是我2是医务室Speeddialoneisme,speeddialtwoisthenurse'soffice

3则是警察andspeeddialthreeisthepolice.

警察?

要来干嘛?

Thepolice?

Whatfor?

到时你就知道了You'llknowitwhenithappens.

关于种族骚动Now,aboutraceriots.

要保持中立Trynottotaksiedes.

要是有人问起你就说自己是黑白混血Ifanybodyasks,you'remulatto.

好汉两个半:

第5季第1集后期:

wqswqswswqstwo.and.a.half.men.

Season5Episode01

感觉如何?

howdotheyfeel?

还行但好丑像老人鞋Okay,butthey'reugly.Theylooklikeoldpeopleshoes.

这不是老人鞋是步行鞋They'renotoldpeopleshoes.They'rewalkingshoes.

没错对于一个步行85年的人来说的确如此Right,forpeoplewho'vebeenwalkingover85

years.

我想要这对这对酷I'drathergetthese.Thesearecool.

听着杰克高中生买鞋不讲究酷和流行Listen,jake,juniorhighisnotaboutbeingcoolor

popular.

而是讲究会否因其而被敲诈It'saboutnotgettingmuggedforyoursneakers.

我会因穿着的鞋而被敲诈?

Icangetmuggedformysneakers?

这对就不会Notthosesneakers.

要是你再拄根拐杖走在贫民窟就不一定了No,notunlessyougowalkingbyanassistedliving

facilityinaroughneighborhood.

你干什么?

Whatareyoudoing?

对不起这皮疹痒死了Sorry,thisrashisdrivingmecrazy.

穿这对很傻Ifeelstupidinthese.

当高年级孩子把你光脚丫绑在旗杆上吐口水时Bettertofeelstupidthantobetiedto

flagpolebarefoot

你会觉得更傻whileupperclassmenuseyouasaspittoon.

我不要被绑在旗杆上Idon'twanttobetiedtoaflagpole.

你不会的只要你穿着这对丑鞋还有吃饭时别坐错桌子就对了Youwon'tbe.Justwearthe

uglyshoesanddon'tsitatthewronglunchtable.

坐错桌子?

Wrongtable?

我怎么知道有没坐错?

HowwillIknowifit'sthewrongtable?

看来你要被绑在旗杆上了对吗艾伦?

You'llbetiedtoaflagpole,right,alan?

只是一次而已Thatalsoonlyhappenedonce.

看看合不合适Let'sjustcheckthefit.

很好足够用来藏午饭钱Ooh,good.Plentyofroomforlunchmoney.

为什么校服一定要米黄色?

howcomeallmyschoolclotheshavetobeige?

因为现在已知的黑帮没有一个是穿米黄色的Becausebeigeisnotthecolorofanyknown

gang.

没错你不会被错当作是瘸子或血块Right,soinsteadofbeingmistakenforacriporablood

但会被误认为一块巨型邦迪you'llbemistakenforaverylargebandaid.

至少贴邦迪不会痛（被打会痛）Hey,bandaidsareouchless.

对不起不好意思请排队Oh,oh,excuseme,excuseme.There'saline.

我知道我只是买了两件东西Yeah,Ijustgotacouplethings.

我看得见但这似乎不是数量问题Well,Icanseethat,butit'snotreallybasedonquantityof

items.

而是"我们先来"的问题It'smoreofawewereherebeforeyoukindofdeal.

你准备采取什么行动吗?

yougonnamakeathingoutofthis?

也没有什么行动There'snothing.

我只是遵守秩序要是每个人都能这样不是很好吗?

I'mjust,uh,justplayingbytherulesand

wouldn'titbeniceifeverybodydidthesame?

拿着小滑头Hangontothis,slick.

你能再给我说说那些秩序吗SB?

Now,youwanttoexplainthoserulesagain,jughead?

要是你真的那么急我就让你好了Youknowwhat?

Ifyou'reinsuchabighurry,whydon'tyou

justgoahead?

谢谢Thankyou.

搞什么鬼?

Whatthehellareyoudoing?

没什么给Nothing.Here.

******

我不是胆小这是起码社会公德暴力解决不了问题no,no,notchicken,justgoodcommon

sense.Fightingaccomplishesnothing.

我真不知道你原来那么绅士Oh,Ididn'tknowyouweresofrench.

嘿嘿JulieHey.Oh,hey,julie.

你怎会认识我老婆?

howdoyouknowmywife?

什么?

不不不我...我不认识她What?

Oh,no,no,no.IIIdon'tknowher.

你说"嘿Julie"Yousaid,"hey,julie.

不...不我...我打喷嚏而已"Nno,no.IIIsneezed.Ay...chooie!

为你的健康干杯!

（德语祝酒辞对打喷嚏的人祝愿）谢谢Gesundheit.Thankyou.

看这边也可以结帐走吧走吧走吧Oh,look,anothercashieropenedup.Let'sgo,let'sgo,

let'sgo.

但妈妈说我可以自己等公车butmomsaidIcouldwaitforthebusbymyself.

我知道Iknow.

我真的一个人就好了Iwouldreallyratherwaitforthebusbymyself.

我只是想确保你平安出发Ijustwanttomakesureyougetoffokay.

但是由爸爸叔叔送去坐公车?

Yeah,butbeingwalkedtothebusstopbymydadandmyuncle?

我会显得很逊I'mgonnalooksolame.

杰克伙计覆水难收了Jake,buddy,thatshiphassailed.

拜托别走pleasedon'tleaveme.

没事的You'reokay.

避免眼神接触Justdon'tmakeeyecontact.

车来时不要靠窗坐Okay,whenthebuscomes,don'ttakeawindowseat.

不然就要被某个二流子逼在角落里猛揍Youdon'twanttobetrappedbyoneofthese

mouthbreathersandgetpummeled.

猛揍?

还有对司机要礼貌Pummeled?

Andbepolitetothebusdriver.

他们一点火就会受刺激变脸成恶人Theytendtobedamagedpeoplewithshortfuses.

点火?

Fuses?

别瞎指点他Don'tdistracthim.

这些旧公车上没安全带There'snoseatbeltsontheseoldbuses.

一个急转里面的小孩会像摇奖机里的球一样飞起来Onesharpturn,andallyoukidswillbe

flyingaroundlikelottoballs.

球?

Balls?

对了等等...oh,uh,wait,wait,wait,wait,wait.

笑一个为什么而笑?

Smile.Aboutwhat?

你要是弄丢了我需要一张近照Ineedacurrentpictureincaseyougomissing.

艾伦你太夸张了Alan,you'rebeingridiculous.

丢了的孩子从来没被找回过Theyneverfindthosekids.

侧面来张Givemeaprofile.

好了开开心心上学去吧Okay,nowgoandmakeitagreatday.

玩开心点Havefun.

我只是希望一切按部就班Ijusthopeeverythingturnsoutallright.

我们已经尽力了Well,we'vedoneallwecould.

现在看他了Nowit'suptohim.

好的好的你告诉医生假设我是一棵树okay,okay,tellthedoctorthatifIwasatree

那么皮疹已经攻占了布满毛苔的树干部分therashispredominantlyaroundthemossytrunk

area.

而且附近的鹅卵石貌似也开始发红ButI'mstartingtoseesomerednessontheadjacent

boulders.

不会吧从"树"到"鹅卵石"Oh,comeon.E?

"Tretwoboulders"?

你