7A版全国创新英语大赛优秀作文.docx
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7A版全国创新英语大赛优秀作文
73全国创新英语大赛优秀作文
题目:
;Directions:
;Readthefollowingparagrap;Howdoyouunderstandvolunt;Comeandjoinusinvolunteer;OnVolunteer;黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班;Thedefinitionofthewordvo;Undoubtfully,thosevolunt;Peoplearo题目:
Directions:
Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe20GGBeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.
Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?
Inwhatway(s)isitimportanttopromotethewell-beingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?
Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.
Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!
OnVolunteer
黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班
ThedefinitionofthewordvolunteerinLougnan(Longman)Dictionaryissomeonewhohelpsotherssponstaneously(spontaneously)andwillingly.That'strue!
Lifeisastyleofenjoyingyourself,notonlybyentertaingandenridingyourself,butalsobytheprocessofhelpingothers.
Undoubtfully,thosevolunteersrevealtheirgreatloveandpassionfortheircountry.Loveistheeternalthemeoftheworld,Withouthove(love),it'slikebirdswithoutwings,failingtoshowitstalentsofflying,It'slikespringwithoutflowers,buryingischarmingfragrantsinthedeepsoil.TheirvoluntyworkunitesChina,shouingtheworldhowunitedChinesepeopleareshockingtheworldofitscooperation.
Peoplearoundthecountryaremakingtheireffortstohelpingothers,whichleavestheworldanimpressionthatChinaisavealcountry,andallthepeopleherearelikebrothersandsisters,whocaresalotforothers.YoucanneverimaginehowtouchedIwaswhenIwatchedtheTVprogramcalled“MovingChina”.13peasantsfromtangshangvolunteeredtohelpthosevictimsofSichuangonhearingthetremendousearthquakehappenedthere,leavingalltheirfarmworkdoneinthefieldtheysacrifiledanythingandhelpedothersatanycost,fortheyknewtheglantpainstheearthquakebringstopeople.Theycanneverforgethowmuchpainstheyhavendertakenintheearthquakeandhowmuchhelptheyhavereceivedfromtheworld.Theycomparedtheirownfeelingstothevictimsandpassedthesplriton.Inthissense,peoplewillpassthespiritfromgenerationtoqueneration,fromChinatoallovertheworld.Then,howsweetwilltheWorldbe!
Ihaveadreamthatoneday,Iwillbeamemberofthevolunteerteam.Ihaveadreamthatoneday,I'llmakecontributionstoChinahoweverslightestitmaybe.IhaveadreamthatonedayI'llbeafounderofaworldCharity,helpingpeopleallovertheworld.I'mfirmlyconvincedthatitwillnotonlybeadreanforme,butalsoadreanforpeoplealloverChina,allovertheworld,andforthegreatGlobalVillage.
专家建议:
整篇文章条理清晰,结构完整,总体感觉很好。
但有个别语法错误,固定搭配有些用得不够准确,建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。
专家点评:
文章语言流畅,运用了修辞手法,展现出一定的语言功底。
此外,论据生动有力,让人信服。
如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。
陈茜江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班
Deargrandfather:
Howareyou?
Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,intheneGtyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.IbelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingeGplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.
Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!
Ithelpusdevelopoursel.
Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialeGperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!
Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.
Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereeGistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.
Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?
Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.
Mydeargrandfather,canreon!
JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!
We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!
Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!
It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!
Loveyou.
Yourgranddaught.
专家建议:
句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位,建议多练练关联词的用法。
词汇不够丰富,句型变化不多,建议多看些范文,多练一些经典句型。
专家点评:
文章立意很好,整体结构清晰,语言大体流畅,还能够引经据典,显示出有一定的英语(论坛)文化底蕴。
Tobeavolunteer,Bringarayofsunshine
陈天悦山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班
DearTom:
Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.
Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthe
disadvantages.
Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!
Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.
Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!
Atlast,wishyouallthebest!
Yourssincerely.
Lily.
专家建议:
一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准,但结构显然不够简洁清晰,所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章,有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。
专家点评:
文章二三段的结构很混乱,建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性,并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写,而不是都堆在一段内,让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证,很混乱。
另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富,比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用:
helpothers就显得过于单一了~Volunteers
李彦妮辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中10.14班
Thereisavividsayingthateverygloriouseventisjustifiablyconnectedwithvolunteerswhoisagroupofpeople,holdingthefundementaltohelpotherswithoutpay-backbenefits.In1993,whenthenewwordburtoutamongsocialsociety,mostofusgaveaslurtoitinconsideringofeconomy.Thespecialgroup,however,isjustlikeariver-smallatfirst,containedwithinitsbanks,floodpassionallythenmergedintothesea,forthesenseofmoralconsiderations.Andnow,Iquitesupporttobeavolunteer.
Wecanneverforgetthesemovingscenes:
AgroupofadolecentsfromBeijingdashedtotheCityofWenchuanwhogaveuptheircomfortablelivingsituationsandpickeduptheheavyburdentosavepeopleburiedintotheground,whileamiddleagedwhitecollarwhothrewawayhiscomputerandsalarycameheretofetchwictims'livesfromthedeath.Itisvolunteerswhorushedtothisplacewhichhassufferedfromthecatastrophethatgaveagreathelptothosevictimsinneed.Avolunteercansupportapieceofsky,andthisonereasonIameagertojointhem.
Secondly,onlyavolunteerwhoisinactivepartinBeijingOlympicGameswillhegiveagreathelptothoselosers.ItisvolunteerswhogaveusawarmwelcometoBeijingthatputtheglorioussportsmeetingfrominchaostoinorder.Aperson,asweknow,whohasn’tjoinintothegroupofvolunteerisoneoftheunfortunatevictimsofthissocietywhichisoccupiedwithlove.Allofusareinhighpressureinthisadversecircumstance.Ourmindcatchesholdofsomethingandwillnotletitgo,ifwechoosethewaytoarguewiththemind,thestrongerthewill,themorefuitilethetask,sowe,shouldchooseawaytohelpothers,toseethesmilefromothers.Thenthepressuregetoutsuiftly.Ialwaysgointoraptureatamerementionofbeingavolunteerandregarditasapersonwhoiseagertohelpothersoragroupnotinthesameclasswiththesuburbansocial-climbers.Itseemsaclichébutasayingwhichisaninfallibilitythatasplendidcasecannotleaveavolunteerjustasafishcannotlivewithoutwater.
专家点评:
作者尽量用到了一些高级词语和句型,表明作者有一定的英语功底,但是小的错误频发,如单词拼写,语法问题,句子逻辑,这在某一方面也表明作者的基本功有待提高,继续努力。
专家建议:
用词准确是写作的基础。
对于学习英语的中国学生来说,背单词扩大词汇量是有必要的,但遗憾的是,学生们背的大都是单词的“外壳”,记的大都是单词的表意或字典提供的大致意思,而基本上忽视了词在语境中的作用和词的“精神”。
这种只记单词表意的学习方法对提高语言的运用能力,特别是写作能力是极其不利的。
Letusshine
徐叶子江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高二4班
Volunteersarejustlikediamondsinthesun,andthediamondsareforever,especiallytheyouth.Volunteerworkisjustlikeamiracle.FromtheMay12thearthquaketothe20GGBeijingOlympicGames,volunteerworkmadeunbelievablecontributions.
60yearsagoourcountrywassetup,todaywewillcelebrateits60thbirthday.Inthisprocess,volunteerworkdidalotofhelpandnowourcountryisstandingintheworldjustlikeagiant.Inthepastyears,volunteershavehelpedalargenumberofpeople,theold,theyoung,thepoorandthehomeless.Allthevolunteersknowthattheroadaheadwillbelongandcragged,butnomatterwhatobstaclesstandintheirwaytheywillneverstop.Becausetheyhaveacreedandtheybelieveeverythingispossible.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteerskeepongoingwithouthesitation.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteershandinhandandbewithtogetherforever.Ohthecreedofvolunteerwork,youmakevolunteersgotot