SOUTH PARK1203.docx

SOUTH PARK1203.docx

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SOUTHPARK1203

SOUTHPARK

12X03-MAJORBOOBAGE

"SOUTHPARK"andotherrelatedentitiesareowned,（TM）and?

byTREYPARKER&MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.

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SUMMARY:

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TheboysareworriedwhenKennystartsexperimentingwiththenewestwaytogethigh.Kennyisskippingschoolandtheotherboysaresureit'sbecausehe'shookedonthelatestdrugcrazethat'spopularwiththejuniorhighandundercrowd.Meanwhile,Kyle'sparentsbecomeconcernedthattheirsonisgettinghighwhentheyfindcontrabandinhisroom.Toillustratejusthowhighyoucango,"SouthPark"payshomagetothe1981movie,"HeavyMetal."

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TRANSCRIPT:

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[SouthParkElementary,day,Mrs.Garrison'sclassroom.Mr.Mackeyisspeakingtotheclass]

Mr.Mackey:

M'kay,kids,wehavesomethingveryseriousweneedtodiscusstoday,hm'kay?

Itappearsthatsomekidsaregettinghighbychokingthemselves.Somekidscallit"TheChokingGame,"hm'kaybut,butcholkingyourselfisbad.Hm'kay?

Don-,don'tdothat.Hm'kay?

Kyle:

Youcangethighfromchokingyourself?

[Kennyfeelsforhisneckthroughhishood,thensqueezesoncehefindsit]

Mr.Mackey:

Schoolchildrenareoftenexperimentingwithdangerouswaystogethigh,hm'kay,likesniffin'glue,guzzlin'coughmedicine,huffin'paint,hm'kay?

Butthey'reallbad.M'kay?

Butters:

Mm-mycousin'sinFlorida,andsaidkidsintheirschoolgethighoffofcatpee.

Cartman:

Catpee?

[Kennyletsupandthentriestochokehimselfagain]

Stan:

That'snottrue.Youcan'tgethighoffofcaturine,canyou?

Mr.Mackey:

Well,it'sait'snotactuallycaturine,butmalecats,whenthey'remarkingtheirterritory,uhspreadconcentratedurinetofendoffothermalecatsand...a-andthatcouldgetyoureallyhigh.M'kay?

Re-reallyreeeallyhigh.Okay?

[Kennyistryingreallyhardtochokehimself]Probablyshou-shouldn'thavetoldyouthatjustnow.Hm'kay?

Tha,thatwasprobablybad.

[Cartman'shouse,day.Theoriginalfourboysarethere,gatheredaroundthecoffeetableonwhichstandsaframeholdingacatinaharness.Cartmanisalmostdonewiththecat]

Cartman:

Allright,thisshouldkeepmycatinplacewhilehespreadstheurine.[Mr.Kittymeows]Yesss,poorMr.Kitty,areyoujustsoupsetrightnow?

[Mr.Kittymeows]

Kyle:

Youguysarewastingyourtime.

Stan:

Yeah,thisisnotgonnawork.

Cartman:

Okay,readyKenny?

Kenny:

Allset.

Cartman:

Ahright,bringout...!

Theothermalecat.[Kylewalkstoapetcarrier,opensthedoor,pullsoutabrownstripedcat,andplacesitonthecoffeetableoppositeMr.Kitty.Thetwocatsmeowateachotherfirst,thengrowlateachother.Afterashortwhile,Mr.KittyshootsconcentratedpissouthisassandKennygetsitintheface.]

Kenny:

Ow.

Kyle:

Whoa!

[Kennystaggersbackwards.Theotherguysgatherroundhim]

Stan:

Doyoufeelanything?

Cartman:

Well,Kenny?

Areyoubuzzed?

[Kenny'snotresponding.Hismindiselsewhere...]

[Kenny'seyesareunfocusedashismindgoesintoanalteredstate.Heseemstobegoingthroughspace,thenanacidtrip,thenboth.KennydescendsintoaThunderbirdfittedwithrocketboostersandtakesthewheel.Heheadstowardsadesertplanetandlandswithathud.Hequicklyshiftsgearsandpeelsaway.Hedrivesthroughthedesertlandscapeuntilacurvaceouswomanstepsintohispath.Hestops.Shewearsastylizedcowboyhatandskimpyclothes.Kennyymotionsoverandletshertakethewheel.Kennycan'thelpbutlookatherbreasts.Theyheadtowardsahugebuildingwithbreast-shapedtouchesalovers.Thewomanstepsoutandwalkstowardsthestairs,thenentersthebuilding.Kennyquicklyfollowssuit.Astheywalkthroughthebuildingacreaturestabsanotheronethroughtheskull,killinghim]

Kenny:

Haycool!

Checkitout!

Father:

Iseethatyou'reenticedbymydaughter'sawesomerockingtits.

Kenny:

Yeahhh

Father:

ThenbathewithmydaughterinthefountainofVarnov.Appeasethegodsbylatheringherboobswithsoapysuds.

Kenny:

Okay.[followshertowardsthefountain.Atthefountain'sedge,sheundresses,thenhebeginsntoundress]

Cartman:

[throughKenny'shallucination]Kenny!

Kenny,wakeup!

[Inthemiddleoftown,CartmanisstoppingKennyfromdisrobinganyfurther]Wakeup,Kenny!

Youallright?

?

Kenny!

Kenny:

What?

[openshiseyesandlooksaround]What'sthematter?

[standsupandpullsuphispants.]

Cartman:

Dude,thatcaturinereallyfuckedyouup.Youwereseriouslytrippingballs.

Kenny:

Youfuckingasshole!

Cartman:

AghKenny!

Knockitoff!

What'swrongwithyou?

[Kennybeginstochewhimoutandpunchhimafewtimes]Ah,Kenny!

[StanandKylecomeuptorestrainKenny]

Kyle:

Dude!

Dude,Kenny,calmdown!

Kenny:

[walksawayfromthemabit]HowcanIcalmdown?

Youshould'veseenthosetitties.

Stan:

Whattitties?

Kenny:

[turnsaround]Thetitties!

Ona...

Kyle:

Kenny,allyoudidafterthecatpeedinyourfacewasstartrunningaroundincirclescheering.

Stan:

Yeah,andthenyouranthroughtownscreamingandthenstartedtearingoffallyourclothes.

Kenny:

Imust...touchthem.

Kyle:

Dude,Idon'tthinkweshouldbemessin'aroundwiththatcrapanymore.

[TheBroflovskihouse,livingroom.Geraldwalksin,grabstheremotefromthesofa,turnsontheTV,andsitsdowntowatch]

Announcer:

NextonFOXNews!

[SPECIALREPORT:

FOXNEWS]It'sthenewestdrugcraze.andit'skillingyourkids!

["killingyourkids"appearsoverscenesofkidsfallingover]

Gerald:

Killingourkids?

[leansforward]

Reporter:

AlloverAmerica,kidsaregettinghigh...oncaturine!

[twowomenhavetheircatsfaceoff,andoneofthemgetsconcentratedurineonherface.Shelaughs]Huffingcaturineapparentlycausesaeuphoricstate[theaffectedwomanmovedherarmsupandopen,thenfreezesashereyesgetunfocused]andisalsoreferredtoas...cheesing.[Letterscutoutintocheeseshapesappear:

"CHEESING."CuttothefrontofJ.BrownElementarySchool,day."Haveagoodday,Students"]Why"cheesing?

"Becauseit's"fontodue."[thewordsappearonscreen.Cuttoagirl'ssilhouette]Thissixthgradegirlsaidshe'sbeensnortingcatpissforseveralmonths.

Girl:

[inadeep,electronically-alteredvoice]Wesometimessneakoutduringrecessandafriendnamed_________goesandgetshercats,andwe'lljustcheesealldaylong.

Gerald:

OhmyGod!

Sheila!

Comelookatthis!

Reporter:

Sohowcanyoutellifyourchildischeesing?

[somegraphicsbegintoappear]1.Yourchildseemsdistant,preoccupied.2.Yourchild'sfacesmellslikecaturine.3.Whenyouseetigersatthezoo,yourchildstartsgrindinghisorherteeth.Youmightalsonoticebycertainphrasesyourchildsaystoschoolfriends,suchas"Hey,lete'sgocheese."or"Doyoufeellikecheesing,guys?

"or"Dude,I'mcheesingmyF-ingbrainsoutrightnow."

Sheila:

[nowstandingnexttoGerald]Kidsaredoingthis?

?

Reporter:

Kidsdoitbecauseit'slegal.[ateenboylooksatthecamerawithafierceface.Askullandcrossbonesappearoverit]Whatcanyoudobeforeit'stoolate?

?

[apictureofacatswitcheswithitsnegativeforastrobeeffectafewtimes,thenendswiththenegativeandameow]

Gerald:

Wehavetoprotectourchildrenfromthis,Sheila.

[Townmeeting,nextday.OnstageareMr.Mackey,PrincipalVictoria,MayorMcDaniels,Gerald（atthepodium）,Sheila,andOfficerBarbrady]

Gerald:

TwentypercentofAmericanstudentsagedsixtotwelvesaytheyhavetriedcheesingatleastonce.Kidsalsorefertoitas"thecheesegame,"or"vitamincheese,"or"MaryJanepissinyourfacefuntime."Cheesingisspreadingfast.

Sharon:

[standsup]Alright,we'reallsufficientlyscared,Gerald,butwhatcouldwedo?

Gerald:

IhavewrittenupabillthatwouldmakehavingacatillegalinthecityofSouthPark.

Steven:

[standsup]Gerald'sright.Weallhavetofaceit.Catsaredeadlyanimals!

Ifyoustickyournoseuptheircrotchandsnorttheirpiss,theycankillyou!

Gerald:

Withmysuperlawyerpowers,wecanridourtownofcats,sothatourkidsnevergethighagain!

Randy:

[standsupagain]Let'shearitforGerald!

Steven:

[standsupagain]HoorayforGerald!

[therestoftheaudiencebeginstocheerandargue]

[Theneighborhood.BlackvansarriveandDEAagentsjumpoutofthem.Theagentsenterpeople'shousesandconfiscateanycatsfoundthere.Soemeagentstakeawayasmallboy'scat.BebeloseshercatThumpertoapetcarrier.Akindergartnerinhersandboxcriesasanagentgrabshercatoutofherhands]

Girl1:

No!

No!

Agent1:

Ohwahwah!

Getoverit,druggie.[walksoffwiththecat]Jeez...[Twootheragentsleaveanotherhousewithacat]

Girl2'sFather:

Goodbye,Scrambles.[hisdaughtercriesintoheleftpantleg]We'llmissyou.[nearby,thecatsaretossedintotheDEAvansandtakenaway]

[Kenny'shouse,night.He'sabouttocheesewhentwoagentsbreakinandconfiscatethetwocatshehasthere]

Agent2:

[voiceonly]Gottwohere.

Kenny:

Hey!

Whatthehellareyoudoing?

!

Agent1:

Sorry,theseareillegal.

Kenny:

What?

!

Hey!

Givethemback!

[theagentstossthecatsintothevan]Givethemback!

!

[thevandr