aperfectdayforbananafish.docx

aperfectdayforbananafish.docx

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aperfectdayforbananafish

APerfectDayforBananafish

ByJ.D.Salinger

Therewereninety-sevenNewYorkadvertisingmeninthehotel,and,thewaytheyweremonopolizingthelong-distancelines,thegirlin507hadtowaitfromnoontillalmosttwo-thirtytogethercallthrough.Sheusedthetime,though.Shereadanarticleinawomen’spocket-sizemagazine,called"SexIsFun-orHell."Shewashedhercombandbrush.Shetookthespotoutoftheskirtofherbeigesuit.ShemovedthebuttononherSaksblouse.Shetweezedouttwofreshlysurfacedhairsinhermole.Whentheoperatorfinallyrangherroom,shewassittingonthewindowseatandhadalmostfinishedputtinglacqueronthenailsofherlefthand.

Shewasagirlwhoforaringingphonedroppedexactlynothing.Shelookedasifherphonehadbeenringingcontinuallyeversinceshehadreachedpuberty.

Withherlittlelacquerbrush,whilethephonewasringing,shewentoverthenailofherlittlefinger,accentuatingthelineofthemoon.Shethenreplacedthecaponthebottleoflacquerand,standingup,passedherleft—thewet—handbackandforththroughtheair.Withherdryhand,shepickedupacongestedashtrayfromthewindowseatandcarrieditwithherovertothenighttable,onwhichthephonestood.Shesatdownononeofthemade-uptwinbedsand—itwasthefifthorsixthring—pickedupthephone.

"Hello,"shesaid,keepingthefingersofherlefthandoutstretchedandawayfromherwhitesilkdressinggown,whichwasallthatshewaswearing,exceptmules—herringswereinthebathroom.

"IhaveyourcalltoNewYorknow,Mrs.Glass,"theoperatorsaid.

"Thankyou,"saidthegirl,andmaderoomonthenighttablefortheashtray.

Awoman’svoicecamethrough."Muriel?

Isthatyou?

"

Thegirlturnedthereceiverslightlyawayfromherear."Yes,Mother.Howareyou?

"shesaid.

"I’vebeenworriedtodeathaboutyou.Whyhaven’tyouphoned?

Areyouallright?

"

"Itriedtogetyoulastnightandthenightbefore.Thephonehere’sbeen—."

"Areyouallright,Muriel?

"

Thegirlincreasedtheanglebetweenthereceiverandherear."I’mfine.I’mhot.Thisisthehottestdaythey’vehadinFloridain--."

"Whyhaven’tyoucalledme?

I’vebeenworriedto--."

"Mother,darling,don’tyellatme.Icanhearyoubeautifully,"saidthegirl.Icalledyoutwicelastnight.Oncejustafter--."

Itoldyourfatheryou’dprobablycalllastnight.But,no,hehadto–AreyouallrightMuriel?

Tellmethetruth."

"I’mfine.Stopaskingmethat,please."

"Whendidyougetthere?

"

"Idon’tknow.Wednesdaymorning,early."

"Whodrove?

"

"Hedid,"saidthegirl."Anddon’tgetexcited.Hedroveverynicely.Iwasamazed."

"Hedrove?

Muriel,yougavemeyourwordof-."

"Mother,"thegirlinterrupted,"Ijusttoldyou.Hedroveverynicely.Underfiftythewholeway,asamatteroffact."

"Didhetryanyofthatfunnybusinesswiththetrees?

"

"Isaidhedroveverynicely,Mother.Now,please.Iaskedhimtostayclosetothewhiteline,andall,andheknewwhatImeant,andhedid.Hewaseventryingnottolookatthetrees-youcouldtell.DidDaddygetthecarfixed,incidentally?

"Notyet.Theywantfourhundreddollars,justto--."

"Mother,SeymourtoldDaddythathe’dpayforit.There’snoreasonfor--."

"Well,wellsee.Howdidhebehave—inthecarandall?

"

"Allright,"saidthegirl.

"Didhekeepcallingyouthatawful--."

"No.Hehassomethingnewnow."

"What?

"

"Oh,what’sthedifference,Mother?

"Muriel,Iwanttoknow.Yourfather--."

"Allright,allright.HecallsmeMissSpiritualTrampof1948,"thegirlsaid,andgiggled.

"Itisn’tfunny,Muriel.Itisn’tfunnyatall.It’shorrible.It’ssad,actually.WhenIthinkhow--"

"Mother,"thegirlinterrupted,"listentome.YourememberthatbookhesentmefromGermany?

Youknow,thoseGermanpoems.What’dIdowithit?

I’vebeenrackingmy-."

"Youhaveit."

‘Areyousure?

"saidthegirl.

"Certainly.Thatis,Ihaveit.It’sinFreddy’sroom.YouleftithereandIdidn’thaveroomforitinthe—Why?

Doeshewantit?

"

"No.Only,heaskedmeaboutit,whenweweredrivingdown.HewantedtoknowifI’dreadit."

"ItwasinGerman!

"

"Yes,dear.Thatdoesn’tmakeanydifference,"saidthegirl,crossingherlegs."Hesaidthatthepoemshappentobewrittenbytheonlygreatpoetofthecentury.HesaidIshould’veboughtatranslationorsomething.Orlearnedthelanguage,ifyouplease."

"Awful.Awful.It’ssad,actually,iswhatitis.Yourfathersaidlastnight—."

"Justasecond,Mother,"thegirlsaid.Shewentovertothewindowseatforhercigarettes,litone,andreturnedtoherseatonthebed."Mother",shesaid,exhalingsmoke.

"Muriel.Now,listentome."

"I’mlistening."

"YourfathertalkedtoDr.Sivetski."

"Oh?

"saidthegirl.

"Hetoldhimeverything.Atleast,hesaidhedid—youknowyourfather.Thetrees.Thatbusinesswiththewindow.ThosehorriblethingshesaidtoGrannyaboutherplansforpassingaway.WhathedidwithallthoselovelypicturesfromBermuda—everything."

"Well?

"saidthegirl.

"Well.Inthefirstplace,hesaiditwasaperfectcrimetheArmyreleasedhimfromthehospital–mywordofhonor.Heverydefinitelytoldyourfatherthere’sachance–averygreatchance,hesaid,thatSeymourmaycompletelylosecontrolofhimself.Mywordofhonor."

"There’sapsychiatristhereatthehotel,"saidthegirl.

"Who?

What’shisname?

"

"Idon’tknow.Rieserorsomething.He’ssupposedtobeverygood."

"Neverheardofhim."

‘Well,he’ssupposedtobeverygood,anyway."

"Muriel,don’tbefresh,please.We’reveryworriedaboutyou.Yourfatherwantedtowireyoulastnighttocomehome,asamatteroff—."

"I’mnotcominghomerightnow,Mother.Sorelax."

"Muriel.Mywordofhonor.Dr.SivetskisaidSeymourmaycompletelylosecontr—."

‘Ijustgothere,Mother.ThisisthefirstvacationI’vehadinyears,andI’mnotgoingtojustpackeverythingandcomehome,"saidthegirl."Icouldn’ttravelnowanyway.I’msosunburnedIcanhardlymove."

"You’rebadlysunburned?

Didn’tyouusethatfarofBronzeIputinyourbag?

Iputitright—."

"Iusedit.I’mburnedanyway."

"That’sterrible.Whereareyouburned?

"

"Allover,dear,allover."

"That’sterrible."

"I’lllive."

"Tellme,didyoutalktothispsychiatrist?

’

"Well,sortof,"saidthegirl.

"What’dhesay?

WherewasSeymourwhenyoutalkedtohim?

"

"IntheOceanRoom,playingthepiano.He’splayedthepianobothnightswe’vebeenhere."

"Well,what’dhesay?

"

"Oh.Nothingmuch.Hespoketomefirst.IwassittingnexttohimatBingolastnight,andheaskedmeifthatwasn’tmyhusbandplayingthepianointheotherroom.Isaidyes,itwas,andheaskedmeifSeymour’sbeensickorsomething.SoIsaid–."

"Why’dheaskthat?

"

"Idon’tknow,Mother.Iguessbecausehe’ssopaleandall,"saidthegirl."Anyway,afterBingoheandhiswifeaskedmeifIwouldn’tliketojointhemforadrink.SoIdid.Hiswifewashorrible.YourememberthatawfuldinnerdresswesawinBonwit’swindow?

Theoneyousaidyou’dhavetohaveatiny,tiny—."

"Thegreen?

"

"Shehaditon.Andallhips.ShekeptaskingmeifSeymour’srelatedtothatSuzanneGlassthathasthatplaceonMadisonAvenue-themillinery."

"What’dhesay,though?

Thedoctor."

"Oh.Well,nothingmuch,really.Imeanwewereinthebarandall.Itwasterriblynoisy."

"Yes,butdid-didyoutellhimwhathetriedtodowithGranny’schair?

"

"No,Mother.Ididn’tgointodetailsverymuch,"saidthegirl."I’IIprobablygetachancetotalktohimagain.He’sinthebaralldaylong."

"Didhesayhethoughttherewasachancehemightget-youknow-funnyoranything?

Dosomethingtoyou!

"

"Notexactly,"saidthegirl."Hehadtohavemorefacts,Mother.Theyhavetoknowaboutyourchildhood-allthatstuff.Itoldyou,wecouldhardlytalk,itwassonoisyinthere."

"Well.How’syourbluecoat?

"

"Allright.Ihadsomeofthepaddingtakenout."

"Howaretheclothesthisyear?

"

"Terrible.Butoutofthisworld.Youseesequins–everything,"saidthegirl.

"How’syourroom?

"

"Allright.Justallright,though.Wecouldn’tgettheroomwehadbeforethewar,"’saidthegirl."Thepeopleareawfulthisyear.Youshouldseewhatsitsnexttousinthediningroom.Atthenexttable.Theylookasiftheydrovedowninatruck."

‘Well,it’sthatwayallover.How’syourballerina?

"

"It’stoolong.Itoldyouitwastoolong."

"Muriel,I’monlygoingtoaskyouoncemore-areyoureallyallright?

"

"Yes,Mother,"saidthegirl."Fortheninetiethtime."

"Andyoudon’twanttocomehome?

"

"No,Mother."

"Yourfathersaidlastnightthathe’dbemorethanwillingtopayforitifyou’dgoawaysomeplacebyyourselfandthinkthingsover.Youcouldtakealovelycruise.Weboththought–."

"No,thanks,"saidthegirl,anduncrossedherlegs."Mother,thiscalliscostingafor-"

"WhenIthinkofhowyouwaitedforthatboyallthroughthewar-Imeanwhenyouthinkofallthosecrazylittlewiveswho—."

"Mother,"saidthegirl,"we’dbetterhangup.Seymourmaycomeinanyminute."

"Whereishe?

"

"Onthebeach."

"Onthebeach?

Byhimself?

Doeshebehavehimselfonthebeach?

"

"Mother,"saidthegirl,"youtalkabouthimasthoughhewerearavingmaniac-"

"Isaidnothingofthekind,Muriel."

"Well,yousoundthatway.Imeanallhedoesisliethere.Hewon’ttakehisbathrobeoff."

"Hewon’ttakehisbathrobeoff?

Whynot?

"

"Idon’tknow.Iguessbecausehe’ssopale."

"Mygoodness,heneedsthesun.Can’tyoumakehim?

"

"YouknowSeymour,"saidthegirl,andcrossedherlegsagain."Hesayshedoesn’twantalotoffoolslookingathistattoo."

"Hedoesn’thaveanytatoo!

DidhegetoneintheArmy?

"

"No,Mother.No,dear,"