友谊文档格式.docx

友谊文档格式.docx

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suptoyoubutifyoudowanttogiveityourbestshot,detoxingafriendshipgonebadcanresultineithergainingahealthier,strongerfriendship,oryoucanbefreedfromhavingtospendanymoretimewithsomeonewhohasbeendraggingyoudown.

Timeforreflection

Takeamomenttoreflectoveryourfriendship.Ifthefriendshipfeelstoxicwhereonceitfeltfantastic,trytopinpointwhatdoesn'

tfeelrightaboutitanymore.Someindicatorsofemotional"

toxicity"

inafriendshipinclude:

Feelingdownorevendepressedwhenyourfriendisabout.

[1]Nolongergettingexcitedtoseeyourfriend,seeingthemhasbecomesomethingyoufeelobligedtoendure.Youfeelthatyourfriendalwaystalksaboutthemselves,evenwhenit'

sclearyouneedashouldertocryon.

[2]Yourfriend'

ssetofvaluesandtheirambitionsseemtohavechangedagreatdealfromyours,totheextentwhereyoudon'

tseeeyetoeyeonmostthingsanymore.

[3]Haveyoudiscoveredthatyourfriendgaveyoubadadviceonpurpose?

[4]Itcanbejustasbadifyourfriendisalwaysagreeingwithyouwithoutcaringabouttheconsequencesbecauseheorshecannotbebotheredtosetyoustraight.

[5]Itseemsthatyourfriendonly"

needs"

youwhenheorshehasbadnewstoshare.

[6]Itfeelsasifyourfriendisusingyouasameanstomakeherselforhimselffeelbetterbybelittlingyou.

[7]Yourfriendhastakentocriticizingyouallthetimeorbeingjudgmentalaboutyourchoicesanddecisionswithoutcause.Rumorsstartedbyyourfriend（confirmedbyothers）havereachedyourears.Yourfriendhastakentodroppingyouinamessatthelastmoment,hinderingyourprogress,orhasbecomereallyunreliableandwon'

tfollowthroughonpromisesmadetoyou,timeandagain.

[8]Youfeelmanipulated,demeaned,poisoned,ordownplayedbyyourfriend.

[9]Considerwhatotherbehaviorsorattitudeshaveleadyoutofeelingsouraboutyourfriendshiptogether.

Takingallofyourfeelingsintoaccount,decidehowyoufeelaboutattemptingtosalvagethefriendship.Itisimportanttoreachadecisionastowhetherornotyou'

recomfortabletryingtodetoxthefriendship,orwhetherabetterbetwouldbeletitgo.Evenifyoudogivedetoxingachance,theendresultmightbethatyoustillneedtoletgo,sobepreparedforthispossibilityinallevents.Whenconsideringtheworthoftryingtodetoxyourfriendship,thefollowingthingsareworthkeepinginmind:

Thedurationofyourfriendshiptogetherandallthegoodtimesyou'

veshared.Whetheryouhavetocontinueseeingyourfriendinaworkorsocialcontext.Theopennessofyourfriendtodiscussingfeelings,behaviorandtoacceptingthatheorsheisn'

trightallthetime.Somepeopleremainadamantthattheyareright,nomatterwhatyousay,thattheycanprovetobeimpossiblewhenitcomestoopeningyourheartorreasoningwiththem.Otherissuesgoingoninyourfriend'

slifethatmayhaveaffectedhisorheroutlookonlife.

TakingachanceonafriendshipdetoxIf,afterreflection,you'

vedecidedit'

snotworthgoingaheadwithyourfriendship,skipthissectionandgotothenextone"

Cuttingtieswithyourfriend"

.Otherwise,followthissectiontotryanddetoxyourfriendship.Raisetheproblemsinyourfriendshipwithyourfriend.Onceyouhavedecidedthatitisworthinvestingyourtimeandeffortindetoxingyourfriendship,it'

stimetobringattentiontoyourfriend'

sbehaviortoseewhetherit'

spossibletoresolvethechallenges.

Thisisn'

tgoingtobeeasybutavoidingitwillnothelpyoueither;

nothingwillchangeifyoudon'

ttackleit.Besensitiveandgentleinthewaythatyouapproachthisconversation–youwillbetreadingafinelinebetweenontheonehand,yourfriendfeelingthatheorsheisbeingcriticized,blamed,orthatyou'

rejustbeingunfairandontheotherhand,yourfriendbeingrelievedthatthegrievanceisoutintheopen,readyforproperdiscussion.Somewaystoapproachthiscouldincludesaying:

"

Ifeelthatwehaven'

tbeenverycloselatelyandthatourfriendshipissufferingasaresult.Iwashopingyoumighthavethetimetotalkaboutwayswecouldtakestockandboostourfriendshipagain."

I'

vemissedtheclosenessweusedtoexperienceasfriends.Idon'

tknowifyou'

refeelingthistoo,butI'

dreallyliketotalkaboutthewayswemightbeabletorestorethatclosenessweusedtohave."

IfeltupsetwhenIoverheardyoutellingMrXthatIwasn'

tmuchofafriendtoyouanditmademewonderwherewe'

reheaded.Haveyougotamomenttotalkaboutthis?

"

Listen.Bereadytolistenattentivelyandkindlytowhatyourfriendsays.Theremaybesomethingsyoudon'

tlikehearingbutyoumustremainopen-mindedandreadytoacknowledgeyourownmistakesaswell.It'

squitepossiblethatyou'

reunawareofhowyoumightbecontributingtotheirbehavior.Agreetodisagree.Ifthereissomethingthatneitherofyoucanseeeye-to-eyeon,justagreetodisagreeaboutitbutnottoletthatgetinthewayofwhatoughttobeafinefriendship.Or,tryalittlehumor.Onetacticthatcanworkreallywellwithfriendswhohaveasenseofinferiorityistodisarmtheirtoxicrebukeswithhumorthatsortofagreeswiththeirstatement.Forexample:

Friend:

OhwhereonEarthdidyougetthatdressfrom?

Itmakesyoulookfrumpy!

You:

Ohyeah,Ifeltlikefrumpingittonight,can'

thavemyhusbandthinkingI'

mflirtingwhilehe'

saway!

[10]Validatethefriendship.Avoidblamingandaccusing;

instead,keepvalidatingthefriendshipineverythingthatyousay,explaininghowmuchyouvalueyourfriendandyourfriendshiptogether,sothatit'

sclearthatthisisn'

taboutthrowingawaywhatreallymatters.Keepthediscussionshortandtothepoint.Don'

tlaborit.Andalwaysendtheconversationpositively,whetherit'

spromisingtodosomethingforyourfriend,orarrangingtodosomethingtogether,orsimplytellingthemwhatawonderfulpersonyouthinktheyare.Ifyourfriendthrowsa"

tantrum"

orarguesfiercelywithyou,politelyletthemknowyou'

retakingyourleaveandyou'

llcontinuethisdiscussionlater.Thereisnoneedforanargumentoveryourfeelings.

Thinkofsomegreatwaysthatyoumightbeabletosuggestaswaysforwardforyourfriendship.Ifyourfriendhasrespondedfavorablytoyourconcernsandisatleastwillingtogivethingsanothergo,itcanbehelpfultohavesomeideasofthingsthatmighthelptogetyourfriendshipbackontrack.Someideastoconsiderinclude:

Abanongossipingaboutoneanother.Thisgoeswithoutsayingbutifithasbeenaproblem,it'

sbesttohavealaughaboutitandgetitoutintotheopenasatabooactivity.Awillingnessandcommitmenttospendingmoretimetogether,justthetwoofyou,sharingacommoninterestthatyoubothenjoy.Havingasecretsignaltoletoneanotherwhentheadviceandsupportiscrossingthelineintobeingbossy,criticizing,orpushy.Atthefirstsignofthissignal,eitheroneofyouwillknowit'

stimetocallahalttowhateverbehavioriscausingtheproblem.Reachinganagreementthatit'

sOKtodealwithupsetsastheyoccurratherthanleavingmisunderstandingstofester.

Sharingamutualappreciationspace.Itcouldbeaphotoboard,anonlineprivatelysharedsite,aweeklychat.Whateveryoudecide,makeroomforcelebratingoneanotherandeachother'

sachievements.Friendsaresupporters,notdetractors,andbothofyoushouldfeelsafeincommunicatingyourwinsandlossesinlife.

Reviewyourfriendship.Afterhavingyourheart-to-heart,considerhowyourfriendshipstandsnow.Doesitfeellikethetwoofyouhavereachedagoodunderstanding,asifyou'

vebeenthroughthewarsbutnowyouarestrongerforit?

Doyoufeelthatyourfriendisreadytobethereforyou,toenableyoutobethebestyoucanbe,andyou'

rewillingtoreciprocateonehundredpercent?

[11]CuttingtieswithyourfriendThissectionissuitablewhenyou'

vereachedadecisionthatitisn'

tworthtryingtodetoxyourfriendship,orwhereyou'

vetriedtodosobutyourfriendisrefusingtofacethefactsandhas,indeed,madethingsworsebysuggestingyouareblamingthemorreproachingthemandtheyflatoutrightrefusetoseetheirownwrongdoing.

Rereadthroughtheindicatorsofatoxicpersonalityasoutlinedinthefirstsectionabove.Didyoufindyourselfagreeingtomanyofthesignals?

Didthelistenlightenyoursenseoflossaboutyourfriendship?

Ifso,andifyoufeelthatitisn'

tworthtryinganymore,it'

stimetocuttheties.Detachyourself.It'

stimetoacceptthatyou'

veoutgrownthisfriendship,inthesamewaythatyououtgrowotheraspectsofyourlife.Ifyouhearthatvoicesomepeopleenjoytrottingoutthat"

you'

vejustgottokeeptrying"

thenignoreit.Bynow,it'

sclearyou'

vealreadytriedmorethanenoughandyourfriendcrossesthelineofforbearancewhenheorshecontinuestomanipulate,demean,orgossipaboutyou.Itisjustasimportanttoknowwhentoletsomeonegoasitistoknowwhentokeeptrying,andatthispoint,detachingyourselfishealthyandastageofmaturationinyourlife.

Deletetheirdetailsfromyourlife.RemoveyourfriendfromFacebook,yourcellphone,youraddressbook,etc.DrRayPahl,afriendshipexpert,explainsthattoomanyfriendsinyourlifecanbestressfula