友谊文档格式.docx

1、s up to you but if you do want to give it your best shot, detoxing a friendship gone bad can result in either gaining a healthier, stronger friendship, or you can be freed from having to spend any more time with someone who has been dragging you down. Time for reflection Take a moment to reflect ove

2、r your friendship. If the friendship feels toxic where once it felt fantastic, try to pinpoint what doesnt feel right about it anymore. Some indicators of emotional toxicity in a friendship include:Feeling down or even depressed when your friend is about.1 No longer getting excited to see your frien

3、d, seeing them has become something you feel obliged to endure. You feel that your friend always talks about themselves, even when its clear you need a shoulder to cry on.2 Your friends set of values and their ambitions seem to have changed a great deal from yours, to the extent where you dont see e

4、ye to eye on most things anymore.3 Have you discovered that your friend gave you bad advice on purpose?4 It can be just as bad if your friend is always agreeing with you without caring about the consequences because he or she cannot be bothered to set you straight.5 It seems that your friend only ne

5、eds you when he or she has bad news to share.6 It feels as if your friend is using you as a means to make herself or himself feel better by belittling you.7 Your friend has taken to criticizing you all the time or being judgmental about your choices and decisions without cause. Rumors started by you

6、r friend （confirmed by others） have reached your ears. Your friend has taken to dropping you in a mess at the last moment, hindering your progress, or has become really unreliable and wont follow through on promises made to you, time and again.8 You feel manipulated, demeaned, poisoned, or downplaye

7、d by your friend.9 Consider what other behaviors or attitudes have lead you to feeling sour about your friendship together. Taking all of your feelings into account, decide how you feel about attempting to salvage the friendship. It is important to reach a decision as to whether or not youre comfort

8、able trying to detox the friendship, or whether a better bet would be let it go. Even if you do give detoxing a chance, the end result might be that you still need to let go, so be prepared for this possibility in all events. When considering the worth of trying to detox your friendship, the followi

9、ng things are worth keeping in mind:The duration of your friendship together and all the good times youve shared. Whether you have to continue seeing your friend in a work or social context. The openness of your friend to discussing feelings, behavior and to accepting that he or she isnt right all t

10、he time. Some people remain adamant that they are right, no matter what you say, that they can prove to be impossible when it comes to opening your heart or reasoning with them. Other issues going on in your friends life that may have affected his or her outlook on life. Taking a chance on a friends

11、hip detox If, after reflection, youve decided its not worth going ahead with your friendship, skip this section and go to the next one Cutting ties with your friend. Otherwise, follow this section to try and detox your friendship. Raise the problems in your friendship with your friend. Once you have

12、 decided that it is worth investing your time and effort in detoxing your friendship, its time to bring attention to your friends behavior to see whether its possible to resolve the challenges. This isnt going to be easy but avoiding it will not help you either; nothing will change if you dont tackl

13、e it. Be sensitive and gentle in the way that you approach this conversation you will be treading a fine line between on the one hand, your friend feeling that he or she is being criticized, blamed, or that youre just being unfair and on the other hand, your friend being relieved that the grievance

14、is out in the open, ready for proper discussion. Some ways to approach this could include saying: I feel that we havent been very close lately and that our friendship is suffering as a result. I was hoping you might have the time to talk about ways we could take stock and boost our friendship again.

15、Ive missed the closeness we used to experience as friends. I dont know if youre feeling this too, but Id really like to talk about the ways we might be able to restore that closeness we used to have.I felt upset when I overheard you telling Mr X that I wasnt much of a friend to you and it made me wo

16、nder where were headed. Have you got a moment to talk about this? Listen. Be ready to listen attentively and kindly to what your friend says. There may be some things you dont like hearing but you must remain open-minded and ready to acknowledge your own mistakes as well. Its quite possible that you

17、re unaware of how you might be contributing to their behavior. Agree to disagree. If there is something that neither of you can see eye-to-eye on, just agree to disagree about it but not to let that get in the way of what ought to be a fine friendship. Or, try a little humor. One tactic that can wor

18、k really well with friends who have a sense of inferiority is to disarm their toxic rebukes with humor that sort of agrees with their statement. For example:Friend:Oh where on Earth did you get that dress from? It makes you look frumpy! You:Oh yeah, I felt like frumping it tonight, cant have my husb

19、and thinking Im flirting while hes away!10 Validate the friendship. Avoid blaming and accusing; instead, keep validating the friendship in everything that you say, explaining how much you value your friend and your friendship together, so that its clear that this isnt about throwing away what really

20、 matters. Keep the discussion short and to the point. Dont labor it. And always end the conversation positively, whether its promising to do something for your friend, or arranging to do something together, or simply telling them what a wonderful person you think they are.If your friend throws a tan

21、trum, or argues fiercely with you, politely let them know youre taking your leave and youll continue this discussion later. There is no need for an argument over your feelings. Think of some great ways that you might be able to suggest as ways forward for your friendship. If your friend has responde

22、d favorably to your concerns and is at least willing to give things another go, it can be helpful to have some ideas of things that might help to get your friendship back on track. Some ideas to consider include:A ban on gossiping about one another. This goes without saying but if it has been a prob

23、lem, its best to have a laugh about it and get it out into the open as a taboo activity. A willingness and commitment to spending more time together, just the two of you, sharing a common interest that you both enjoy. Having a secret signal to let one another when the advice and support is crossing

24、the line into being bossy, criticizing, or pushy. At the first sign of this signal, either one of you will know its time to call a halt to whatever behavior is causing the problem. Reaching an agreement that its OK to deal with upsets as they occur rather than leaving misunderstandings to fester. Sh

25、aring a mutual appreciation space. It could be a photo board, an online privately shared site, a weekly chat. Whatever you decide, make room for celebrating one another and each others achievements. Friends are supporters, not detractors, and both of you should feel safe in communicating your wins a

26、nd losses in life. Review your friendship. After having your heart-to-heart, consider how your friendship stands now. Does it feel like the two of you have reached a good understanding, as if youve been through the wars but now you are stronger for it? Do you feel that your friend is ready to be the

27、re for you, to enable you to be the best you can be, and youre willing to reciprocate one hundred percent?11 Cutting ties with your friend This section is suitable when youve reached a decision that it isnt worth trying to detox your friendship, or where youve tried to do so but your friend is refus

28、ing to face the facts and has, indeed, made things worse by suggesting you are blaming them or reproaching them and they flat outright refuse to see their own wrongdoing. Reread through the indicators of a toxic personality as outlined in the first section above. Did you find yourself agreeing to ma

29、ny of the signals? Did the list enlighten your sense of loss about your friendship? If so, and if you feel that it isnt worth trying anymore, its time to cut the ties. Detach yourself. Its time to accept that youve outgrown this friendship, in the same way that you outgrow other aspects of your life

30、. If you hear that voice some people enjoy trotting out that youve just got to keep trying, then ignore it. By now, its clear youve already tried more than enough and your friend crosses the line of forbearance when he or she continues to manipulate, demean, or gossip about you. It is just as import

31、ant to know when to let someone go as it is to know when to keep trying, and at this point, detaching yourself is healthy and a stage of maturation in your life. Delete their details from your life. Remove your friend from Facebook, your cell phone, your address book, etc. Dr Ray Pahl, a friendship expert, explains that too many friends in your life can be stressful a