Nobel Lecture On the Battle LostWord下载.docx

Nobel Lecture On the Battle LostWord下载.docx

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Noarms...nolegs...IthinkI'

veknownwhatloveissincechildhood...

HereareafewsadmelodiesfromthechoirthatIhear...

Firstvoice:

"

Whydoyouwanttoknowallthis?

It'

ssosad.Imetmyhusbandduringthewar.IwasinatankcrewthatmadeitallthewaytoBerlin.Iremember,wewerestandingneartheReichstag–hewasn'

tmyhusbandyet–andhesaystome:

Let'

sgetmarried.Iloveyou."

Iwassoupset–we'

dbeenlivinginfilth,dirt,andbloodthewholewar,heardnothingbutobscenities.Ianswered:

Firstmakeawomanofme:

givemeflowers,whispersweetnothings.WhenI'

mdemobilized,I'

llmakemyselfadress."

IwassoupsetIwantedtohithim.Hefeltallofit.Oneofhischeekshadbeenbadlyburned,itwasscarredover,andIsawtearsrunningdownthescars."

Alright,I'

llmarryyou,"

Isaid.Justlikethat...Icouldn'

tbelieveIsaidit...Allaroundustherewasnothingbutashesandsmashedbricks,inshort–war."

Secondvoice:

WelivedneartheChernobylnuclearplant.Iwasworkingatabakery,makingpasties.Myhusbandwasafireman.Wehadjustgottenmarried,andweheldhandsevenwhenwewenttothestore.Thedaythereactorexploded,myhusbandwasondutyatthefirеstation.Theyrespondedtothecallintheirshirtsleeves,inregularclothes–therewasanexplosionatthenuclearpowerstation,buttheyweren'

tgivenanyspecialclothing.That'

sjustthewaywelived...Youknow...Theyworkedallnightputtingoutthefire,andreceiveddosesofradiationincompatiblewithlife.ThenextmorningtheywereflownstraighttoMoscow.Severeradiationsickness...youdon'

tliveformorethanafewweeks...Myhusbandwasstrong,anathlete,andhewasthelasttodie.WhenIgottoMoscow,theytoldmethathewasinaspecialisolationchamberandnoonewasallowedin."

ButIlovehim,"

Ibegged."

Soldiersaretakingcareofthem.Wheredoyouthinkyou'

regoing?

Ilovehim."

Theyarguedwithme:

Thisisn'

tthemanyouloveanymore,he'

sanobjectrequiringdecontamination.Yougetit?

Ikepttellingmyselfthesamethingoverandover:

Ilove,Ilove...Atnight,Iwouldclimbupthefireescapetoseehim...OrI'

daskthenightjanitors...Ipaidthemmoneysothey'

dletmein...Ididn'

tabandonhim,Iwaswithhimuntiltheend...Afewmonthsafterhisdeath,Igavebirthtoalittlegirl,butshelivedonlyafewdays.She...Weweresoexcitedabouther,andIkilledher...Shesavedme,sheabsorbedalltheradiationherself.Shewassolittle...teeny-tiny...ButIlovedthemboth.Canyoureallykillwithlove?

Whyareloveanddeathsoclose?

Theyalwayscometogether.Whocanexplainit?

AtthegraveIgodownonmyknees..."

ThirdVoice:

ThefirsttimeIkilledaGerman...Iwastenyearsold,andthepartisanswerealreadytakingmeonmissions.ThisGermanwaslyingontheground,wounded...Iwastoldtotakehispistol.Iranover,andheclutchedthepistolwithtwohandsandwasaimingitatmyface.Buthedidn'

tmanagetofirefirst,Idid...

Itdidn'

tscaremetokillsomeone...AndIneverthoughtabouthimduringthewar.Alotofpeoplewerekilled,welivedamongthedead.IwassurprisedwhenIsuddenlyhadadreamaboutthatGermanmanyyearslater.Itcameoutoftheblue...Ikeptdreamingthesamethingoverandover...Iwouldbeflying,andhewouldn'

tletmego.Liftingoff...flying,flying...Hecatchesup,andIfalldownwithhim.Ifallintosomesortofpit.Or,Iwanttogetup...standup...Buthewon'

tletme...Becauseofhim,Ican'

tflyaway...

Thesamedream...Ithauntedmefordecades...

Icouldn'

ttellmysonaboutthatdream.Hewasyoung–Icouldn'

t.Ireadfairytalestohim.Mysonisgrownnow–butIstillcan'

t..."

Flaubertcalledhimselfahumanpen;

IwouldsaythatIamahumanear.WhenIwalkdownthestreetandcatchwords,phrases,andexclamations,Ialwaysthink–howmanynovelsdisappearwithoutatrace!

Disappearintodarkness.Wehaven'

tbeenabletocapturetheconversationalsideofhumanlifeforliterature.Wedon'

tappreciateit,wearen'

tsurprisedordelightedbyit.Butitfascinatesme,andhasmademeitscaptive.Ilovehowhumanstalk...Ilovethelonehumanvoice.Itismygreatestloveandpassion.

Theroadtothispodiumhasbeenlong–almostfortyyears,goingfrompersontoperson,fromvoicetovoice.Ican'

tsaythatIhavealwaysbeenuptofollowingthispath.ManytimesIhavebeenshockedandfrightenedbyhumanbeings.Ihaveexperienceddelightandrevulsion.IhavesometimeswantedtoforgetwhatIheard,toreturntoatimewhenIlivedinignorance.Morethanonce,however,Ihaveseenthesublimeinpeople,andwantedtocry.

Ilivedinacountrywheredyingwastaughttousfromchildhood.Weweretaughtdeath.Weweretoldthathumanbeingsexistinordertogiveeverythingtheyhave,toburnout,tosacrificethemselves.Weweretaughttolovepeoplewithweapons.HadIgrownupinadifferentcountry,Icouldn'

thavetraveledthispath.Eviliscruel,youhavetobeinoculatedagainstit.Wegrewupamongexecutionersandvictims.Evenifourparentslivedinfearanddidn'

ttelluseverything–andmoreoftenthannottheytoldusnothing–theveryairofourlifewaspoisoned.Evilkeptawatchfuleyeonus.

Ihavewrittenfivebooks,butIfeelthattheyareallonebook.Abookaboutthehistoryofautopia...

VarlamShalamovoncewrote:

Iwasaparticipantinthecolossalbattle,abattlethatwaslost,forthegenuinerenewalofhumanity."

Ireconstructthehistoryofthatbattle,itsvictoriesanditsdefeats.ThehistoryofhowpeoplewantedtobuildtheHeavenlyKingdomonearth.Paradise!

TheCityoftheSun!

Intheend,allthatremainedwasaseaofblood,millionsofruinedhumanlives.Therewasatime,however,whennopoliticalideaofthe20thcenturywascomparabletocommunism（ortheOctoberRevolutionasitssymbol）,atimewhennothingattractedWesternintellectualsandpeopleallaroundtheworldmorepowerfullyoremotionally.RaymondAroncalledtheRussianRevolutionthe"

opiumofintellectuals."

Buttheideaofcommunismisatleasttwothousandyearsold.WecanfinditinPlato'

steachingsaboutanideal,correctstate;

inAristophanes'

dreamsaboutatimewhen"

everythingwillbelongtoeveryone."

...InThomasMoreandTommasoCampanella...LaterinSaint-Simon,FourierandRobertOwen.ThereissomethingintheRussianspiritthatcompelsittotrytoturnthesedreamsintoreality.

Twentyyearsago,webidfarewelltothe"

RedEmpire"

oftheSovietswithcursesandtears.Wecannowlookatthatpastmorecalmly,asanhistoricalexperiment.Thisisimportant,becauseargumentsaboutsocialismhavenotdieddown.Anewgenerationhasgrownupwithadifferentpictureoftheworld,butmanyyoungpeoplearereadingMarxandLeninagain.InRussiantownstherearenewmuseumsdedicatedtoStalin,andnewmonumentshavebeenerectedtohim.

The"

isgone,butthe"

RedMan,"

homosovieticus,remains.Heendures.

Myfatherdiedrecently.Hebelievedincommunismtotheend.Hekepthispartymembershipcard.Ican'

tbringmyselftousetheword‘sovok,'

thatderogatoryepithetfortheSovietmentality,becausethenIwouldhavetoapplyitmyfatherandothersclosetome,myfriends.Theyallcomefromthesameplace–socialism.Therearemanyidealistsamongthem.Romantics.Todaytheyaresometimescalledslaveryromantics.Slavesofutopia.Ibelievethatallofthemcouldhaveliveddifferentlives,buttheylivedSovietlives.Why?

Isearchedfortheanswertothatquestionforalongtime–ItraveledalloverthevastcountryoncecalledtheUSSR,andrecordedthousandsoftapes.Itwassocialism,anditwassimplyourlife.Ihavecollectedthehistoryof"

domestic,"

indoor"

socialism,bitbybit.Thehistoryofhowitplayedoutinthehumansoul.Iamdrawntothatsmallspacecalledahumanbeing...asingleindividual.Inreality,thatiswhereeverythinghappens.

Rightafterthewar,TheodorAdornowrote,inshock:

WritingpoetryafterAuschwitzisbarbaric."

Myteacher,AlesAdamovich,whosenameImentiontodaywithgratitude,feltthatwritingproseaboutthenightmaresofthe20thcenturywassacrilege.Nothingmaybeinvented.Youmustgivethetruthasitis.A"

super-literature"

isrequired.Thewitnessmustspeak.Nietzsche'

swordscometomind–noartistcanliveuptoreality.Hecan'

tliftit.

Italwaystroubledmethatthetruthdoesn'

tfitintooneheart,intoonemind,thattruthissomehowsplintered.There'

salotofit,itisvaried,anditisstrewnabouttheworld.Dostoevskythoughtthathumanityknowsmuch,muchmoreaboutitselfthanithasrecordedinliterature.SowhatisitthatIdo?

Icollectth