简单英语演讲稿带翻译精选多篇Word文档格式.docx
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“你得了急性阑尾炎。
(金发美女听成acute以为是acute,一个可爱的阑尾炎)”
金发美女说:
“您真贴心,医生,但是我是来求医的。
”
littlejohnny...findingjesus小强尼-寻找耶稣
asundayschoolteacherisconcernedthathisstudentsmightbealittleconfusedaboutjesus,soheaskshisclass,“whereisjesustoday?
”stevenraiseshishandandsays,“he’sinheaven.”maryanswers,“he’sinmyheart.”littlejohnnywaveshishandfuriouslyandblurtsout,“he’sinourbathroom!
”thesurprisedteacheraskslittlejohnnyhowheknowsthis.”well,”littlejohnnysays,“everymorning,myfathergetsup,bangsonthebathroomdoorandyells‘jesuschrist,areyoustillinthere?
!
’”一名主日学校的老师担心他的学生们有可能对耶稣感到困惑,于是他问他的学生们:
“耶稣今天在哪里?
”斯蒂芬举起他的手,说道:
“他在天堂。
”玛丽回答:
“他在我心里。
”小强尼用力挥了挥手,脱口而出:
“他在我们浴室里!
”大吃一惊的老师问小强尼他怎么知道这个。
“这个嘛,”小强尼说:
“每天早上,我父亲起床后,都会敲浴室的门喊着?
基督-耶稣,你还在里面啊?
?
littlejohnny...knowitall小强尼什么都知道
littlejohnnyaskshismotherherage.shereplies,“gentlemendon’taskladiesthatquestion.”johnnythenaskshismotherhowmuchsheweighs.againhismotherreplies,“gentlemendon’taskladiesthatquestion.”theboythenasks,“whydiddaddyleaveyou?
”tothis,themothersays,“youshouldn’taskthat,”andsendshimtohisroom.ontheway,johnnytripsoverhismother’spurse.whenhepicksitup,herdriver’slicensefallsout.johnnyrunsbackintotheroom.“iknowallaboutyounow.youare36yearsold,weigh127poundsanddaddyleftyoubecauseyougotan‘f’insex!
”小强尼问他母亲的年龄是多少。
她回答道:
“绅士们是不会问女士们这个问题的。
”于是强尼问他母亲她的体重是多少。
他的母亲再一次回答:
”于是这孩纸问:
“为什么爸爸离开了你?
”对于这个问题,这位母亲说:
“你不应该问这个问题。
”然后把他送回他自己的房间。
在走的时候,强尼被他母亲的钱包绊倒。
当他把钱包捡起来的时候,她的驾照掉了出来。
强尼跑回母亲的房间说:
“现在关于你的问题我都知道答案了。
你36岁了,体重127磅,还有爸爸离开你的原因是因为你在sex上的考评是f!
”(gotan‘f’insex,孩纸啊,你想歪了,那是“性别:
女”啊……)
littlejohnny...definitedefinition小强尼-肯定的定义
thepreschoolteachersays,“we’regoingtodovocabularytoday.whocanusetheword‘definitely’inasentence?
”maryraisesherhandandexclaims,“mememe!
”theteachersays,“goahead,what’sthesentence?
maryreplies,“theskyisdefinitelyblue.”“that’sgood,mary,”saystheteacher,“buttheskycanalsobegrayorwhite.”samraiseshishandandstates,“grassisdefinitelygreen.”theteachersays,“that’sgood,sam,butgrasscanbebrown,too.”littlejohnnyraiseshishandandasks,“dofartshavelumpsinthem?
theteachersays,“nojohnny,whydoyouaskthat?
”littlejohnnyreplies,“well,idefinitelysh*tmypants.”幼儿园老师说:
“我们今天要做词汇题了。
谁能在句子里运用“肯定”这个词?
”玛丽举了手大声说:
“我我我!
”老师说:
“你说吧,什么句子?
“天空肯定是蓝蓝的。
”“回答得不错,玛丽”老师点评道:
“但天空也可能是灰色或者白色的。
”山姆举手说道:
“草地肯定是绿色的。
“回答得不错,山姆,但是草地也可能是棕色的。
”小强尼举手问道:
“屁会结成块儿吗?
“不会的,强尼,你为什么问这个问题?
”小强尼回答:
“好吧,我“肯定”大便在裤裆里了。
经同意转载自:
第二篇:
英语演讲稿范文带翻译
wearetheworld,wearethefuture
someonesaid“wearereadingthefirstverseofthefirstchapterofabook,whosepagesareinfinite”.idon’tknowwhowrotethesewords,buti’vealwayslikedthemasareminderthatthefuturecanbeanythingwewantittobe.weareallinthepositionofthefarmers.ifweplantagoodseed,wereapagoodharvest.ifweplantnothingatall,weharvestnothingatall.
weareyoung.“howtospendtheyouth?
”itisameaningfulquestion.toanswerit,firstihavetoask“whatdoyouunderstandbythewordyouth?
”youthisnotatimeoflife,it’sastateofmind.it’snotamatterofrosycheeks,redlipsorsuppleknees.it’sthematterofthewill.it’sthefreshneofthedeepspringoflife.
apoetsaid“toseeaworldinagrainofsand,andaheaveninawildflower,holdinfinityinthepalmofyourhand,andeternityinanhour.severaldaysago,ihadachancetolistentoalecture.ilearntalotthere.i’dliketoshareitwithallofyou.let’sshowourrightpalms.wecanseethreelinesthatshowhowourlove.careerandlifeis.ihaveashortlineoflife.
whataboutyours?
iwonderedwhetherwecouldseeourfutureinthisway.well,let’smakeafist.whereisourfuture?
whereisourlove,career,andlife?
tellme.yeah,itisinourhands.itisheldinourselves.
weallwantthefuturetobebetterthanthepast.butthefuturecangobetteritself.don’tcrybecauseitisover,smilebecauseithappened.fromthepast,we’velearntthatthelifeistough,butwearetougher.we’velearntthatwecan’tchoosehowwefeel,butwecanchoosewhataboutit.failuredoesn’tmeanyoudon’thaveit,itdoesmeanyoushoulddoitinadifferentway.failuredoesn’tmeanyoushouldgiveup,itdoesmeanyoumusttryharder.
aswhatisaidatthebeginning,“wearereadingthefirstverseofthefirstchapterofabook,whosepagesareinfinite”.thepasthasgone.nothingwedowillchangeit.butthefutureisinfrontofus.believethatwhatwegivetotheworld,theworldwillg