love is fallacy中英文对照.docx
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loveisfallacy中英文对照
LoveisFallacy
byMaxShulman
CoolwasIandlogical.Keen,calculating,perspicacious,acuteandastute-Iwasallofthese.Mybrainwasaspowerfulasadynamo,preciseasachemist'sscales,aspenetratingasascalpel.And—thinkofit!
-Ionlyeighteen.
Itisnotoftenthatonesoyounghassuchagiantintellect.Take,forexample,PeteyBellows,myroommateattheuniversity.Sameage,samebackground,butdumbasanox。
Aniceenoughfellow,youunderstand,butnothingupstairs.Emotionaltype。
Unstable。
Impressionable.Worstofall,afaddist。
Fads,Isubmit,aretheverynegationofreason。
Tobesweptupineverynewcrazethatcomesalong,tosurrenderoneselftoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingit-this,tome,istheacmeofmindlessness。
Not,however,toPetey.
OneafternoonIfoundPeteylyingonhisbedwithanexpressionofsuchdistressonhisfacethatIimmediatelydiagnosedappendicitis.“Don’tmove,”Isaid,“Don’ttakealaxative。
I’llgetadoctor.”
“Raccoon,”hemumbledthickly.
“Raccoon?
”Isaid,pausinginmyflight。
“Iwantaraccooncoat,”hewailed。
Iperceivedthathistroublewasnotphysical,butmental。
“Whydoyouwantaraccooncoat?
”
“Ishouldhaveknownit,"hecried,poundinghistemples。
“Ishouldhaveknownthey’dcomebackwhentheCharlestoncameback。
LikeafoolIspentallmymoneyfortextbooks,andnowIcan'tgetaraccooncoat。
"
“Canyoumean,”Isaidincredulously,“thatpeopleareactuallywearingraccooncoatsagain?
"
“AlltheBigMenonCampusarewearingthem.Where’veyoubeen?
”
“Inthelibrary,"Isaid,namingaplacenotfrequentedbyBigMenonCampus.
Heleapedfromthebedandpacedtheroom。
“I'vegottohavearaccooncoat,”hesaidpassionately.“I’vegotto!
"
“Petey,why?
Lookatitrationally。
Raccooncoatsareunsanitary。
Theyshed.Theysmellbad.Theyweightoomuch。
They'reunsightly.They—”
“Youdon’tunderstand,”heinterruptedimpatiently。
“It'sthethingtodo。
Don’tyouwanttobeintheswim?
”
“No,"Isaidtruthfully.
“Well,Ido,”hedeclared。
“I’dgiveanythingforaraccooncoat.Anything!
"
Mybrain,thatprecisioninstrument,slippedintohighgear.“Anything?
”Iasked,lookingathimnarrowly.
“Anything,”heaffirmedinringingtones。
Istrokedmychinthoughtfully。
ItsohappenedthatIknewwheretogetmyhandsonaraccooncoat。
Myfatherhadhadoneinhisundergraduatedays;itlaynowinatrunkintheatticbackhome.ItalsohappenedthatPeteyhadsomethingIwanted。
Hedidn'thaveitexactly,butatleasthehadfirstrightsonit.Irefertohisgirl,PollyEspy.
IhadlongcovetedPollyEspy。
Letmeemphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasnotemotionalinnature。
Shewas,tobesure,agirlwhoexcitedtheemotions,butIwasnotonetoletmyheartrulemyhead。
IwantedPollyforashrewdlycalculated,entirelycerebralreason.
Iwasafreshmaninlawschool.InafewyearsIwouldbeoutinpractice.Iwaswellawareoftheimportanceoftherightkindofwifeinfurtheringalawyer’scareer.ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere,almostwithoutexception,marriedtobeautiful,gracious,intelligentwomen。
Withoneomission,Pollyfittedthesespecificationsperfectly。
Beautifulshewas。
Shewasnotyetofpin—upproportions,butIfeltthattimewouldsupplythelack。
Shealreadyhadthemakings。
Graciousshewas。
BygraciousImeanfullofgraces。
Shehadanerectnessofcarriage,aneaseofbearing,apoisethatclearlyindicatedthebestofbreeding.Attablehermannerswereexquisite.IhadseenherattheKozyKampusKornereatingthespecialtyofthehouse—asandwichthatcontainedscrapsofpotroast,gravy,choppednuts,andadipperofsauerkraut—withoutevengettingherfingersmoist。
Intelligentshewasnot。
Infact,sheveeredintheoppositedirection。
ButIbelievedthatundermyguidanceshewouldsmartenup。
Atanyrate,itwasworthatry。
Itis,afterall,easiertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful.
“Petey,"Isaid,“areyouinlovewithPollyEspy?
”
“Ithinkshe’sakeenkid,”hereplied,“butIdon’tknowifyou’dcallitlove.Why?
”
“Doyou,”Iasked,“haveanykindofformalarrangementwithher?
Imeanareyougoingsteadyoranythinglikethat?
"
“No。
Weseeeachotherquiteabit,butwebothhaveotherdates。
Why?
”
“Isthere,”Iasked,“anyothermanforwhomshehasaparticularfondness?
”
“NotthatIknowof。
Why?
”
Inoddedwithsatisfaction。
“Inotherwords,ifyouwereoutofthepicture,thefieldwouldbeopen.Isthatright?
”
“Iguessso.Whatareyougettingat?
”
“Nothing,nothing,”Isaidinnocently,andtookmysuitcaseoutthecloset。
“Whereareyougoing?
”askedPetey。
“Homeforweekend。
"Ithrewafewthingsintothebag。
“Listen,”hesaid,clutchingmyarmeagerly,“whileyou’rehome,youcouldn'tgetsomemoneyfromyouroldman,couldyou,andlendittomesoIcanbuyaraccooncoat?
”
“Imaydobetterthanthat,”Isaidwithamysteriouswinkandclosedmybagandleft.
“Look,”IsaidtoPeteywhenIgotbackMondaymorning.Ithrewopenthesuitcaseandrevealedthehuge,hairy,gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBearcatin1925。
“HolyToledo!
”saidPeteyreverently.Heplungedhishandsintotheraccooncoatandthenhisface.“HolyToledo!
"herepeatedfifteenortwentytimes。
“Wouldyoulikeit?
”Iasked。
“Ohyes!
”hecried,clutchingthegreasypelttohim。
Thenacannylookcameintohiseyes。
“Whatdoyouwantforit?
"
“Yourgirl。
”Isaid,mincingnowords。
“Polly?
”hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper。
“YouwantPolly?
”
“That’sright。
”
Heflungthecoatfromhim。
“Never,”hesaidstoutly。
Ishrugged.“Okay.Ifyoudon’twanttobeintheswim,Iguessit'syourbusiness。
”
Isatdowninachairandpretendedtoreadabook,butoutofthecornerofmyeyeIkeptwatchingPetey。
Hewasatornman.Firsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywindow。
Thenheturnedawayandsethisjawresolutely.Thenhelookedbackatthecoat,withevenmorelonginginhisface.Thenheturnedaway,butwithnotsomuchresolutionthistime.Backandforthhisheadswiveled,desirewaxing,resolutionwaning。
Finallyhedidn’tturnawayatall;hejuststoodandstaredwithmadlustatthecoat。
“Itisn'tasthoughIwasinlovewithPolly,"hesaidthickly.“Orgoingsteadyoranythinglikethat.”
“That’sright,"Imurmured.
“What’sPollytome,ormetoPolly?
”
“Notathing,”saidI。
“It'sjustbeenacasualkick—justafewlaughs,that’sall。
”
“Tryonthecoat,"saidI。
Hecomplied.Thecoatbunchedhighoverhisearsanddroppedallthewaydowntohisshoetops.Helookedlikeamoundofdeadraccoons。
“Fitsfine,"hesaidhappily.
Irosefrommychair.“Isitadeal?
"Iasked,extendingmyhand.
Heswallowed。
“It’sadeal,”hesaidandshookmyhand。
IhadmyfirstdatewithPollythefollowingevening.Thiswasinthenatureofasurvey;IwantedtofindoutjusthowmuchworkIhadtodotogetherminduptothestandardIrequired。
Itookherfirsttodinner.“Gee,thatwasadelishdinner,”shesaidaswelefttherestaurant.ThenItookhertoamovie.“Gee,thatwasamarvymovie,”shesaidasweleftthetheatre.AndthenItookherhome。
“Gee,Ihadasensayshtime,"shesaidasshebademegoodnight。
Iwentbacktomyroomwithaheavyheart.Ihadgravelyunderestimatedthesizeofmytask.Thisgirl’slackofinformationwasterrifying.Norwoulditbeenoughmerelytosupplyherwithinformation.Firstshehadtobetaughttothink。
Thisloomedasaprojectofnosmalldimensions,andatfirstIwastemptedtogiveherbacktoPetey.ButthenIgottothinkingaboutherabundantphysicalcharmsandaboutthewaysheenteredaroomandthewayshehandledaknifeandfork,andIdecidedtomakeaneffort。
Iwentaboutit,asinallthings,systematically.Igaveheracourseinlogic。
IthappenedthatI,asalawstudent,wastakingacourseinlogicmyself,soIhadallthefactsatmyfingertips。
“Poll’,”IsaidtoherwhenIpickedheruponournextdate,“tonightwearegoingovertotheKnollandtalk。
"
“Oo,terrif,”shereplied.OnethingIwillsayforthisgirl:
youwouldgofartofindanothersoagreeable。
WewenttotheKnoll,thecampustrystingplace,andwesatdownunderanoldoak,andshelookedatmeexpectantly.“Whatarewegoingtotalkabout?
”sheasked.
“Logic。
”
Shethoughtthisoverforaminuteanddecidedshelikedit.“Magnif,"shesaid.
“Logic,"Isaid,clearingmythroat,“isthescienceofthinking。
Beforewecanthinkcorrectly,wemustfirstlearntorecognizethecommonfallaciesoflogic。
Thesewewilltakeuptonight。
”
“Wow-dow!
”shecried,clappingherhandsdelightedly。
Iwinced,butwentbravelyon.“FirstletusexaminethefallacycalledDictoSimpliciter。
”
“Byallmeans,”sheurged,battingherlasheseagerly.
“DictoSimplicitermeansanargumentbasedonanunqualifiedgeneralization.Forexample:
Exerciseisgood。
Thereforeeverybodyshouldexercise.”
“Iagree,”saidPollyearnestly.“Imeanexerciseiswonderful。
Imeanitbuildsthebodyandeverything.”
“Polly,”Isaidgently,“theargumentisafallacy.Exerciseisgoodisanunqualifiedgeneralization。
Forinstance,ifyouhaveheartdisease,exerciseisbad,notgood。
Manypeopleareorderedbytheirdoctorsnottoexercise.Youmustqualifythegeneralization.Youmustsayexerciseisusuallygood,orexerciseisgoodformostpeople.OtherwiseyouhavecommittedaDictoSimpliciter。
Doyousee?
”
“No,”sheconfessed.“Butthisismarvy.Domore!
Domore!
”
“Itwillbebetterifyoustoptuggingatmysleeve,”Itoldher,andwhenshedesisted,Icontinued。
“NextwetakeupafallacycalledHastyGeneralization.Listencarefully:
Youcan’tspeakFrench。
PeteyBellowsc