11RipVanWinkle.docx

11RipVanWinkle.docx

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11RipVanWinkle

RipVanWinkle

APosthumousWritingofDiedrichKnickerbocker

WhoeverhasmadeavoyageuptheHudsonmustremembertheKaatskillmountains.TheyareadismemberedbranchofthegreatAppalachianfamily,andareseenawaytothewestoftheriver,swellinguptoanobleheight,andlordingitoverthesurroundingcountry.Everychangeofseason,everychangeofweather,indeed,everyhouroftheday,producessomechangeinthemagicalhuesandshapesofthesemountains,andtheyareregardedbyallthegoodwives,farandnear,asperfectbarometers.Whentheweatherisfairandsettled,theyareclothedinblueandpurple,andprinttheirboldoutlinesonthecleareveningsky,butsometimes,whentherestofthelandscapeiscloudless,theywillgatherahoodofgrayvaporsabouttheirsummits,which,inthelastraysofthesettingsun,willglowandlightuplikeacrownofglory.

Atthefootofthesefairymountains,thevoyagermayhavedescriedthelightsmokecurlingupfromavillage,whoseshingle-roofsgleamamongthetrees,justwherethebluetintsoftheuplandmeltawayintothefreshgreenofthenearerlandscape.Itisalittlevillageofgreatantiquity,havingbeenfoundedbysomeoftheDutchcolonists,intheearlytimesoftheprovince,justaboutthebeginningofthegovernmentofthegoodPeterStuyvesant,（mayherestinpeace!

）andthereweresomeofthehousesoftheoriginalsettlersstandingwithinafewyears,withlatticewindows,gablefrontssurmountedwithweather-cocks,andbuiltofsmallyellowbricksbroughtfromHolland.

Inthatsamevillage,andinoneoftheseveryhouses,（which,totelltheprecisetruth,wassadlytimewornandweatherbeaten,）therelivedmanyyearssince,whilethecountrywasyetaprovinceofGreatBritain,asimplegoodnaturedfellow,ofthenameofRipVanWinkle.HewasadescendantoftheVanWinkleswhofiguredsogallantlyinthechivalrousdaysofPeterStuyvesant,andaccompaniedhimtothesiegeofFortChristina.Heinherited,however,butlittleofthemartialcharacterofhisancestors.Ihaveobservedthathewasasimplegood-naturedman;hewasmoreoverakindneighbor,andanobedient,henpeckedhusband.Indeed,tothelattercircumstancemightbeowingthatmeeknessofspiritwhichgainedhimsuchuniversalpopularity;forthosemenaremostapttobeobsequiousandconciliatingabroad,whoareunderthedisciplineofshrewsathome.Theirtempers,doubtless,arerenderedpliantandmalleableinthefieryfurnaceofdomestictribulation,andacurtainlectureisworthallthesermonsintheworldforteachingthevirtuesofpatienceandlongsuffering.Atermagantwifemay,therefore,insomerespects,beconsideredatolerableblessing;andifso,RipVanWinklewasthriceblessed.

Certainitis,thathewasagreatfavoriteamongallthegoodwivesofthevillage,who,asusualwiththeamiablesex,tookhispartinallfamilysquabbles;andneverfailed,whenevertheytalkedthosemattersoverintheireveninggossippings,tolayalltheblameonDameVanWinkle.Thechildrenofthevillage,too,wouldshoutwithjoywheneverheapproached.Heassistedattheirsports,madetheirplaythings,taughtthemtoflykitesandshootmarbles,andtoldthemlongstoriesofghosts,witches,andIndians.Wheneverhewentdodgingaboutthevillage,hewassurroundedbyatroopofthem,hangingonhisskirts,clamberingonhisback,andplayingathousandtricksonhimwithimpunity;andnotadogwouldbarkathimthroughouttheneighborhood.

ThegreaterrorinRip’scompositionwasaninsuperableaversiontoallkindsofprofitablelabor.Itcouldnotbefromthewantofassiduityorperseverance;forhewouldsitonawetrock,witharodaslongandheavyasaTartar’slance,andfishalldaywithoutamurmur,eventhoughheshouldnotbeencouragedbyasinglenibble.Hewouldcarryafowling-pieceonhisshoulder,forhourstogether,trudgingthroughwoodsandswamps,anduphillanddowndale,toshootafewsquirrelsorwildpigeons.Hewouldneverrefusetoassistaneighborevenintheroughesttoil,andwasaforemostmanatallcountryfrolicsforhuskingIndiancorn,orbuildingstonefences;thewomenofthevillage,too,usedtoemployhimtoruntheirerrands,andtodosuchlittleoddjobsastheirlessobliginghusbandswouldnotdoforthem;—inaword,Ripwasreadytoattendtoanybody’sbusinessbuthisown;butastodoingfamilyduty,andkeepinghisfarminorder,itwasimpossible.

Infact,hedeclareditwasofnousetoworkonhisfarm;itwasthemostpestilentlittlepieceofgroundinthewholecountry;everythingaboutitwentwrong,andwouldgowrong,inspiteofhim.Hisfenceswerecontinuallyfallingtopieces;hiscowwouldeithergoastray,orgetamongthecabbages;weedsweresuretogrowquickerinhisfieldsthananywhereelse;therainalwaysmadeapointofsettinginjustashehadsomeout-doorworktodo;sothatthoughhispatrimonialestatehaddwindledawayunderhismanagement,acrebyacre,untiltherewaslittlemoreleftthanamerepatchofIndiancornandpotatoes,yetitwastheworstconditionedfarmintheneighborhood.

Hischildren,too,wereasraggedandwildasiftheybelongedtonobody.HissonRip,anurchinbegotteninhisownlikeness,promisedtoinheritthehabits,withtheoldclothesofhisfather.Hewasgenerallyseentroopinglikeacoltathismother’sheels,equippedinapairofhisfather’scast-offgalligaskins,whichhehadmuchadotoholdupwithonehand,asafineladydoeshertraininbadweather.

RipVanWinkle,however,wasoneofthosehappymortals,offoolish,well-oileddispositions,whotaketheworldeasy,eatwhitebreadorbrown,whichevercanbegotwithleastthoughtortrouble,andwouldratherstarveonapennythanworkforapound.Iflefttohimself,hewouldhavewhistledlifeawayinperfectcontentment;buthiswifekeptcontinuallydinninginhisearsabouthisidleness,hiscarelessness,andtheruinhewasbringingonhisfamily.Morning,noon,andnight,hertonguewasincessantlygoing,andeverythinghesaidordidwassuretoproduceatorrentofhouseholdeloquence.Riphadbutonewayofreplyingtoalllecturesofthekind,andthat,byfrequentuse,hadgrownintoahabit.Heshruggedhisshoulders,shookhishead,castuphiseyes,butsaidnothing.This,however,alwaysprovokedafreshvolleyfromhiswife,sothathewasfaintodrawoffhisforces,andtaketotheoutsideofthehouse—theonlysidewhich,intruth,belongstoahenpeckedhusband.

Rip’ssoledomesticadherentwashisdogWolf,whowasasmuchhenpeckedashismaster;forDameVanWinkleregardedthemascompanionsinidleness,andevenlookeduponWolfwithanevileye,asthecauseofhismaster’ssooftengoingastray.Trueitis,inallpointsofspiritbefittinganhonorabledog,hewasascourageousananimalaseverscouredthewoods—butwhatcouragecanwithstandtheever-duringandall-besettingterrorsofawoman’stongue?

ThemomentWolfenteredthehousehiscrestfell,histaildroopedtotheground,orcurledbetweenhislegs,hesneakedaboutwithagallowsair,castingmanyasidelongglanceatDameVanWinkle,andattheleastflourishofabroomstickorladle,wouldflytothedoorwithyelpingprecipitation.

TimesgrewworseandworsewithRipVanWinkleasyearsofmatrimonyrolledon;atarttempernevermellowswithage,andasharptongueistheonlyedgedtoolthatgrowskeenerwithconstantuse.Foralongwhileheusedtoconsolehimself,whendrivenfromhome,byfrequentingakindofperpetualclubofthesages,philosophers,andotheridlepersonagesofthevillage;whichhelditssessionsonabenchbeforeasmallinn,designatedbyarubicundportraitofHisMajestyGeorgetheThird.Heretheyusedtositintheshade,ofalonglazysummer’sday,talklistlesslyovervillagegossip,ortellingendlesssleepystoriesaboutnothing.Butitwouldhavebeenworthanystatesman’smoneytohaveheardtheprofounddiscussionsthatsometimestookplace,whenbychanceanoldnewspaperfellintotheirhandsfromsomepassingtraveler.Howsolemnlytheywouldlistentothecontents,asdrawledoutbyDerrickVanBummel,theschoolmaster,adapperlearnedlittleman,whowasnottobedauntedbythemostgiganticwordinthedictionary;andhowsagelytheywoulddeliberateuponpubliceventssomemonthsaftertheyhadtakenplace.

TheopinionsofthisjuntowerecompletelycontrolledbyNicholasVedder,apatriarchofthevillage,andlandlordoftheinn,atthedoorofwhichhetookhisseatfrommorningtillnight,justmovingsufficientlytoavoidthesun,andkeepintheshadeofalargetree;sothattheneighborscouldtellthehourbyhismovementsasaccuratelyasbyasundial.Itistrue,hewasrarelyheardtospeak,butsmokedhispipeincessantly.Hisadherents,however,（foreverygreatmanhashisadherents,）perfectlyunderstoodhim,andknewhowtogatherhisopinions.Whenanythingthatwasreadorrelateddispleasedhim,hewasobservedtosmokehispipevehemently,andsendforthshort,frequent,andangrypuffs;butwhenpleased,hewouldinhalethesmokeslowlyandtranquilly,andemititinlightandplacidclouds,andsometimes,takingthepipefromhismouth,andlettingthefragrantvaporcurlabouthisnose,wouldgravelynodhisheadintokenofperfectapprobation.

FromeventhisstrongholdtheunluckyRipwasatlengthroutedbyhistermagantwife,whowouldsuddenlybreakinuponthetranquillityoftheassemblageandcallthemembersalltonaught;norwasthataugustpersonage,NicholasVedderhimself,sacredfromthedaringtongueofthisterriblevirago,whochargedhimoutrightwithencouragingherhusbandinhabitsofidleness.

PoorRipwasatlastreduce