CET写作典型例文精彩点评全集.docx
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CET写作典型例文精彩点评全集
CET写作典型例文精彩点评全集
作文题目：
“WomenintheModernWorld”
提纲：
1.Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.____________
2.Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.___________________
3.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.
___________________________
例1．（2分段）
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Longage,womenonlydidsomethinginthekitchenorathome.Nowmanyofthemhaveseriousjobstoserveforpeople.Whatmencandosocanwomen.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Todayinthefamily,thewifeoftenlotsherhusbandtodosomethingathomebatago,onlywomendidsomething.Menarefonedofdoingsomethingathome.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened.Inthefactorythewonmentoasmuchasthemen,buttheyarepaidlessthanthemen.Somepeoplehavenotcompletelyrealizedtheliberationofwomen.
东方教育点评：
条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理解。
具体问题剖析：
（1）缺乏逻辑，东一句西一句，没有围绕中心论述，如第一段就没有展开论述妇女社会角色的转变，说得太笼统而缺乏说服力。
（2）用汉语思维，句子有明显的汉语痕迹，如“Whatmencandosocanwomen.”，应改为“Womencandowhatmencando”。
（3）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如“Sometimes,thematter,thehusbandhittinghaswelf,oftenhappened”，应改为“Thecasethathusbandhitshiswifeoftenhappens.”
（4）拼写错误很多，大部分句子均有错误。
例2．（5分段）
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.Theyworkedaswellasmenplayinganimportantpartinfactories.Therearemanywomeningovernmentalso.Theyleadotherpeoplecountry,andmakeoutplans.Therearemanyscientistslso.Theyeventnewthingstoimproveourlife.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity.Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.Butnowitischanged.Theyareequaltoherhusband.Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Wealsoshouldrealize,women’likertyarelimited.Forexample,manyfactorieswantmenbecomeitsworkersbutthechanceofwomenislessthanmen.Everyoneshoulddotheirbesttochangethiscondition.I’msure,theliberationofwomenwouldbeincreased.
东方教育点评：
基本切题。
但表达思想不清楚，连贯性差。
有较多的严重语言错误。
具体问题剖析：
（1）各段围绕中心句论述不深入，没有说服力。
（2）衔接不自然，没有用适当的关联词，如第一段几个句子之间可以用一些“besides”、“ontheotherhand”、“furthermore”、“inaddition”等。
（3）语言错误较多，很多句子不通顺，如“Intoday,manywomenhaveawork.”应改为“Today,manywomengetajob.”（滥用介词）；“Inancient,women’spositioninfamilyispity”中pity应改为pitiful（词形误用）；“Theyhadtolooksaftertheirchildren,dideveryhowhusbandorderedhertodo.”中every改为everything，how改为what（代词错误）；“Theyhavetherightofspeakingofidea,discussionthingwithherhusband,dowhatshewantstodo.”应改为“Theyhavetherighttoexpressideas,discussthingswiththeirrespectivehusband,anddowhattheywantto.”（人称代词前后不一致）。
例3．（8分段）
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.ManyWomentodayareplayinganimportantpartatworksthatwasthoughtonlycouldbedonebythemenbefore.Foranexample.Somewomenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagerofacompany.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Intheworldtoday,moreandmorewomenhavetheirownjob.Theygettheirownsalary,andbecomemoreindependentfromtheirhusband.Withtheeconomicsituationimproved,theirfamilypositionisimproving.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Manyhusbandsonlywanthiswifetostayathome,anddohouseworksordosomeshopping.Theyonlywanttheirwifetobeahousewife,butnotamanagerofacompany.
东方教育点评：
基本切题。
有些地方表达思想不够清楚，文字勉强连贯；语言错误相当多，其中有一些是严重错误。
具体问题剖析：
（1）论证不够深入，缺少事例，缺少说服力。
（2）文字缺连贯、且显累赘，如第二段可以把各句再改得简练一点并且有适当的转承词。
（3）语言错误相当多，如“Foranexample”，“Somewomenarenotsecrtaryintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagerofacompany.”应改为“Somewomenareonlongersecretariesintheoffice,instead,theybecomemanagersofthecompanies.”（单复数）
例4．（11分段）
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.Moreandmorewomengotoworktoearnmoneyinsteadofkeepingthehouseorlookingafterthechildren.Womenhaveenteredmanyfieldsofsocietyincludingscientificfield.Asweknow,manywomensportsteamshavewontheworld’schampionssuchasChinesewomen’sVolleyballTeam.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Husbandsarenotthemastersofwivesinmanyplaces.Husbandsandwivesareequalnow.Theyjointogethertoovercomedifficultiesandsharehappiness.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Alsoinsomeplaces.Womenareconsideredbeing“thing”belongtomen.Theyhavelittlechancetofindjobs.Theydon’tgetequalpayforequaljob.Thisisaproblemmustbesolvednotonlybysocietybutalsobywomenthemselves.
东方教育点评：
切题。
表达思想清楚，文字连贯，用词比较准确，但有少量语言错误，如“Alsoinsomeplaces.Womenareconsideredbeing“thing”belongtomen”，应改为“Alsoinsomeplaces，womenareconsideredbeingthe“things”thatbelongtomen”
例5．（14分段）
Womenareplayinganincreasinglyimportantpartinsocietytoday.InManycountries,moreandmorewomenareactingasworkers,farmers,scientistsandevenleaders.Wecansaythatalmostalljobswhichmencandoaredoneperfectlybywomen.Womenarenolongerlookeddownuponbysociety.
Withthechangesintheirsocialrole,women’spositioninthefamilyhasbeenimprovedaswell.Husbandandwifearenowequalinthefamily.Theycopewithproblemsofdailylifetogether,andsharehappinesswitheachther.Also,youcanhardlyfindoutthatintoday’sfamilies,womenarebeingbusywithdinners,whereasmencomfortablysittinginarmchairs,readingnewspapers.
Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Inspiteofthesechanges,theliberationofwomenhasnotbeencompletelyrealized.Anumberofmenstilljealouslyguardtheirrights,andregardwomenasincapablecreature.Fewwomenareallowedtoattendimportantinternationalmeetingsdominatedbymen.That’sreallytheproblemsweshouldsolveimmediately.
东方教育点评：
切题。
论证充分，有说服力，论证手段丰富（举例、正反）表达思想清楚，语言流畅，词汇丰富，连贯性好。
用词准确，仅有个别小错误。
p.s.由于一些例文错误较多，点评中只是列举了部分的典型错误，而且为了保持原文面貌，编辑没有做过多的改动，所以欢迎大家一起来挑错，有问题和小水一起讨论。
2003年9月考试四级作文题：
TheDayMyClassmateFellIll（orGotInjured）
提纲：
1.简单叙述一下这位同学生病（或受伤）的情况
2.同学、老师和我是如何帮助他/她的
3.人与人之间的这种相互关爱给我的感受是……
例1．（2分段）
Oneday,weareallinclassroom.Wangfangsaid,"Oh!
"Weallseeherandfoundthatshewascrying!
Teacherturnedtoaskherwhatwaswrong.Shesaid,"Idogotafever,myheadisveryhot!
"FengGangsentshetohospital,weallfollowedthey.Inthehospital,doctorWanggiveainjecttoher,shegraduallycalmandnothotasbefore.Weallthankedthedoctor.
东方教育点评：
未能按照题目要求写，没有着重写"同学、老师和我是如何帮助他/她的""人与人之间的这种相互关爱给我的感受是……"。
条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有错误，有的甚至影响理解。
原文修改后：
Oneday,whenwewereallinclassroom.,WangfangSuddenlycried,,"Oh!
"Wealllookedatherandfoundthatshewasgroaning.Teacherturnedtoaskherwhatwaswrong.Shesaid,"Ihavegotafever,myheadisveryhot!
"
Immediately,ourteachersenthertohospital,andweallfollowedthem.Inthehospital,weaskeddoctorWangtogiveaninjectiontoher,andshegraduallybecamecalmandnotashotasbefore.Weallthankedthedoctor.
Thedayhaspassed,butitisclearlyinmymind.Ithinkifwecandothingslikethatintheincident,thesocietywillbebetter,andtherelationshipbetweenpeoplewillbebetteraswell!
例2．（5分段）
Lastweek,liningandIstudiedinclassroom.Suddenly,liningsaidtomethathehadaheadache.Iaskedhetoseedoctor.hesaiditwasnotbad.After5miniuts,liningsaitomehisheadacheveryserious.SoIhelpedhimgotohosptial.
Studentsandteacherheardliningwenttohosptial,allofthemwenttothehosptial.Someteacheraskedliningdontworry,itwillbegood.Somestudentsaskedliningtakecareofhimself.liningsaidthathewasverymoved.
Thoughtthisthings,Ithinkalot.Theworldisbeautiful,becausethelovefilledinit.peoplecanhelpeachotherwhenwhoareintrouble.
东方教育点评：
本文基本切题。
语句衔接不自然，简单句使用得太多，有些表达不太准确，有明显的中文痕迹。
要加强衔接词的运用，单复句的转换，句式的多样化，还有语言基本功的训练。
原文修改后：
Lastweek,LiningandIstudiedinclassroom.Suddenly,liningtoldmethathehadaheadache.Iaskedhimtoseethedoctor.hesaiditwasnotsoserious.After5minutes,Liningtoldmethathisheadachebecameworse.SoIhelpedhimgotohospital.
WhenStudentsandteachersheardthatLininghadgonetohospital,allofthemwenttothehospital.SometeachersaskedLiningnottoworryandtotakecareofhimself.Liningsaidthathewasverymoved.
Throughtthis,Ithinkalot.Theworldisbeautifulbecauseitwasfilledinlove--peoplehelpeachotherintrouble.
例3．（8分段）
Onedaythereisastudentwhowasisolatedforinfectiousdisease.Weandourteachersareconcertingabouthissituation.Buthemustbeisolatedfromusforrelivesingmeasure.
Inthisimportantperiod,wetelephonedtohim,wealsotoldhimthathehadagoodresttime.wesuggestedthathecalluphisfriendswhowerenotkeptintouchbecauseofburdenstudyandreadsomebookswhichheenjoysbuthavenotimetoread.Atlastwetoldhimthathemustgetov
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