竞争与合作作文选集及教师点评.docx
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竞争与合作作文选集及教师点评
一、四级作文评分标准:
2分(相当于14.2/710)——条理不清,思路紊乱,语言支离破碎或大部分句子均有错误,且多数为严重错误。
(一塌糊涂)
5分(相当于35.5/710)——基本切题。
表达思想不清楚,连贯性差。
有较多的严重语言错误。
(糊里糊涂)
8分(相当于56.8/710)——基本切题。
有些地方表达思想不够清楚,文字勉强连贯;语言错误相多,其中有一些是严重错误。
(马马虎虎)
11分(相当于78.1/710)——切题。
表达思想清楚,文字连贯,但有少量语言错误。
(清清楚楚)
14分(相当于99.4/710)——切题。
表达思想清楚,文字通顺,连贯性好。
基本上无语言错误,仅有个别小错。
(漂漂亮亮)
二、作文讲评
Directions:
Forthispart,youarerequiredtowriteacompositiononthetopicCompetitionandCooperation.Youshouldwriteatleast120wordsandbaseyourcompositionontheoutlinegiveninChinesebelow:
1.在生活中,我们到处都能见到竞争。
2.有时竞争与合作是并存的。
3.我们要以正确的态度对待竞争与合作。
审题步骤:
1.在生活中,我们到处都能见到竞争。
第一段的关键词是“到处都能见到竞争”,用列举法稍作展开,点到为止。
2.有时竞争与合作是并存的。
第二段重点论述两者之间的关系,用一个具体事例来论证两者是如何并存的后,再列举几个同样的事例补充说明,会使得论证充分翔实些。
3.我们要以正确的态度对待竞争与合作。
第三段关键词在“态度”上。
可以使用观点陈述法;也可以使用辩证法来说明不同的态度会带来的不同影响。
三、本次作文的总体印象:
1.多数同学都能做到基本切题和切题;
2.能运用所学句型结构和高频词汇表达思想;
3.多数同学能做到卷面整洁,书写较工整;
4.少数同学未能按照写作提纲展开段落;
5.部分同学存在语言表达不够简洁或表达不清楚的问题;
6.段与段之间的过渡问题、句和句之间的连贯性问题;
7.拼写问题;
competition
四、范文赏析
Sample1forParagraph1
Competitionexistsinwidelyvariedactivities.Playersofthesamefootballteamcompeteforslotsontheteam.Inaworkplace,colleaguescompeteforhigherpositions.Andalsoinbusiness,firmsbecomerivalsformoreconsumersandabiggermarketsshare.Asforstudents,wecompeteinthestudiesfortheopportunitiestojoininasociety.(运用列举法简要说明竞争无处不在)(13分)
(13级生科——张蒙)
Sample2forParagraph1
Competitionisacommonphenomenoninoursociallife.Wecompetewhenweplaygames,wetrytodobetterthanothersinstudy,andourjob,fame,wealthandsomethingelseallinvolvecompetition.Consequently,wecansaythat,tosomeextent,competitionisoneofthedrivingforcesofthedevelopmentofthesociety.(12分)(13级物理——朱朝阳)
SampleforParagraph2
……Forexample,afilmisreleasedsuccessfullyasaresultofthewillingcooperativeeffortsofmanyworkers.Butdifferentfilmscompeteagainsteachotherforhigherprofitsatthe“boxoffice”(票房).Actually,therearealotofphenomenonparallelingshootingamovieintheserespectssuchasthedebateandtheproductionofgoods.(举例贴切、新颖)(13分)
(13级历史——付梅颦)
Sample1forParagraph3
Toavoidmeaninglesscompetition,whatweshoulddocanbelistedasfollows.Firstly,toconsidercompetitionasamethodofimprovingourselves,wearesupposedtotakecompetitorsasaccompanieswhocancompanyusonthewayoflifeinsteadofourenemies.Furthermore,itwouldbeablessingifwecanpulltogetherwithprospectivecompetitorstoadvanceachievements.Bycooperatingwiththem,wecanundoubtedly,strengthenourselvesandfindouttheirdisadvantagesinhopeofseizingtheopportunity.(观点陈述清楚、有条理。
)(13分)
(13级历史——骆勇)
Sample2forParagraph3
Itfollowsthatthereisaninseparablerelationshipbetweencompetitionandcooperation.Wecooperatewithotherstobemorecompetitive,andwecompetetoearnabetterenvironmentforcooperation.Thus,wecanmakeaprogresscontinuously.So,weshouldkeeparightattitudeaboutthis:
Onlytogetherwithcooperation,cancompetitionleadustorealizeourcommongoalsandencourageustobuildapeacefulandprosperoussociety.(句式变化灵活多样!
)(14分)
(13级历史——程子璇)
Sample2forParagraph2
Althoughthe“lawofthejungle”whichmakesmanypeoplebecomeoutofworkseemstobeprettycutthroat.However,cooperationisalsowildlydistributedinthemarketandourdailylife.Actually,theyevenrelyoneachothertoreachabalance,becauseifemployersalwaysprefertoreflectonhowcouldtheybeattheirrivalsratherthanmeetandsatisfythedemandsoftheconsumers,noonewouldbethewinneratlast.(12分)
(13级物理——严体曾)
Sample3forParagraph2
Competitionisvitalforabetterlife,but,doesitmeanthat,cooperationisofnouse?
Theansweisdefinitelyno!
(承上启下,过渡自然)Infact,competitionandcooperationexistsidebysideinmanysituations.Forexample,likeanresearcherlongingforNobelAward,it’samustforhimorhertocooperatewithothersandworktogetherwiththewholeteamtodefeattheopponents.(13分)
(13级心理——莫宇琪)
Sample3forParagraph3
It’stheattitudetowardscompetitionandcooperationweholdthatdetermineswhetherwecanhaveacolorfullife.Ifwetakecompetitomtooseriously,lifewillbepale,andgreedwilldestroyourselves.Incontrast,lifewillbesodull,andwe’llloseourindividuality.Holdacorrectattitudetocoordinatecompetitionandcooperation;onlyinthiswaycanweliveaharmoniouslife.(12分)
(13级——物理杨军文)
Sample1
Competitionexistswidelyinourdailylife.Forinstance,studentscompeteforgrades,workerscompeteforhigherpositionsanddifferentfirmscompeteforprofits.(语言简洁,紧扣existwidely展开说明生活中,竞争无处不在。
)
However,competitionisinseparablefromcooperation.Indeed,tosucceedincompetitionrequiresgreatcooperationskills.Abasketballteamisanunequaledexampleofcooperation,yetcompetitionhasaroletoplayeveninteams.Differentmemberscompeteforeachotherseatintheteam.Moreover,differentteamscompeteforthechampionship.Theproductionofsteel,theoperationofadepartmentstore,andthepublicationofamagazineallinvolvebothcooperationandcompetition.Competitionandcooperationexistsidebysideinhumansociety.(本段的结论句,总结自然不突兀,合乎逻辑。
)
Freemarketcompetitionisoftendescribedas“cutthroat”and“wasteful”,yetincompetitivemarkets;firmsdon’tattackeachothersavagely.Theycompetebyseeingwhocanbestcooperatewithconsumers.Theysurviveaslongaseachcooperateswithconsumerseffectivelyenoughtoearnprofits.Farfromunderminingcooperation,themarketenhancescooperation.Bothcompetitionandcooperationhavetheirownrolestoplayinbuildingapeacefulandprosperoussociety.(13分)
点评
这篇文章能很好地紧扣主题,详略得当。
语言表达流畅、通顺,能活学活用所学课文中的句式和词语表达思想。
第一段语言简洁,列举得当;第二、三段为文章的主体部分。
尤其是第二段,作者运用事例很好的阐述了竞争与合作之间的关系。
第三段若能在段首点明我们应该采取怎样的态度来对待竞争与合作,就更完美了。
(13级生科——高越)
Sample2
Competitioniscommonineveryfieldofourdailylife.Wecompetewithotherswhenweplaygames,whenwetrytodobetterinourstudyandwhenweconstantlycompeteforjobs,fame,profit,etc.(列举事例简明扼要)
Somepeoplethinkcompetitionistheonlywaytoleadtosuccess.However,cooperationisthesameessentialtosuccess.Wecanoftenfindcompetitionandcooperationgohandinhand.Infootballteam,oneteamiscompetingwiththeother,buteachmemberoftheteamiscooperatingwithhisteammates.Inmostcases,wecannotcompetewithoutcooperation.Cooperationcanbuildtrustbetweeneachotherandhelptobringlong-termrelationship.Humanbeingsaresocialbeings.Noonecanexistaloneinthesociety.Cooperationmakesawin-winsituation.
Inmyopinion,whileadvocatingcompetition,weshouldneverforgetcooperation.(分词结构的句子运用,好!
)Inourdailylife,cooperationisespeciallynecessarybecausemostworkhastobefulfilledbymanyotherpeople.Pureandexclusivecompetitionleadstofailure.Onlywhencompetitioncombineswithcooperation,canithelpinbuildingourgoalsandsatisfyingourneeds.(倒装句的运用,好!
)
点评
本文能紧扣主题,层次分明,条理清楚。
语言表达流畅连贯,句式变化多样,亮点语言也随处可见。
虽有少数小的语言错误,但瑕不掩瑜。
(13分)
(13级生科——李莎)
Sample3
Competitionisaneternalthemeinthemodernsociety,resultingfromthescarceallocationofstuffandpromotingtheenhancementofsocialproductivity.
Toacertainextent,competitiongoeshandinhandwithcooperation.Indeed,thecooperationamongcompetitorswhopursuemutualutilitiesislikelytoboostmorebenefit.Theoperationofadepartmentstoreisanunequaledexample.Differentstaffcompetesagainsteachotherforhigherposition.Meanwhile,theyallorientedaroundtheconsumers,renderingsatisfactoryserviceinhopeofdefeatingotherstores.Moreover,tacitcooperationisonthefoundationofthedeepunderstandingofcompetition.
Inconclusion,onlywhenweforgeacloselinkbetweencompetitionandcooperation,canweenjoyamoreharmoniousandprosperoussociety.However,ifwebelievethatcompetitionandcooperationareinoppositiontoeachother,chancesarehighthatwewillbehardlymergedintherapidprogressiveworld.(14分)
(13级生科——汤雨倩)
点评
这篇作文第一段虽然没有说明竞争无处不在,但简洁地提到竞争的根源和作用。
最大的特色在于作者语言功底好,驾驭语言的能力强,句式变化灵活,语言丰富且准确。
善于运用衔接词,使得句与句之间连贯、通顺,逻辑性强。
Sample4
Itiscompetitionthatcomesfirstwhenrefertomodernsociety.Asaconsequenceofeducationdevelopment,largelyexpandedpopulation,highintelligent,inadditionwithhigh-densityconditionsmakecompetitionsevenmorefiercenowadays.Individualsmustcompetefortheirjobsandpromotions,companieshavetorivalagainsttheirrivalriesforprofitsandevencountrieswillcompetefortheirsurvivals.
However,despitethecruelsituationsofsocalled“junglelaws”,there’snodenyingthefactthatcooperationdoesco-existwithcompetitionaswell.Cooperationandcompetitionareliketwosidesofacointhatcannotbestrippedawayfromeachother.Otherwise,noneoftheparticipantscansurvive.Forexample,multipleindustrieswillworktogethersothataperfectproductthatisadoredbyconsumerswillbereleased.Parallelly,12soccerplayersneedtocoordinatetheireffortstowinachampion,whileegoshavenoroomtostandinwheneveryoneisbusycontributingtothesametask.Itfollowsthatweshouldpressasmoresignificanceoncooperationasoncompetitions.
Nowthatwecandrawaconclusionthatwecan’ttellwhichmoreimportantis,cooperationorcompetition.Whilewhenstrugglingforourownchances,weoughttocompetewitheachotherwithoutmercy;butwhenourprofitsarelinkedwitheachother,it’snodoubtthatteamworkwillbeabetteralternative.(13分)
(13级历史——谭俊彦)
点评
文章条理清晰,层次分明,论证较为深刻且具逻辑性。
语言表达连贯,亮点词语的运用为文章增色不少。
但有个别地方需稍作修改,尽量注意拼写准确(蓝色标识的为拼写有误的单词)。
Sample5
Asakindofsocialphenomenon,competitionsarehereandthereinourdailylife.Forinstance,