看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译.docx

1、看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat a

2、pples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer, I see that your pig likes apples, but isnt that quite a waste of time? The farmer replied, Whats time to a pig?一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不

3、是很浪费时间吗?那位农夫 回答说，时间对猪有什么意义? 2.The Looney BinLate one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, I am Napoleon!”Another one said, How do you know?The first inmate said, God told me!Just then, a voice from another room shouted, I did not!疯人院一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！

4、”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”Notes:（1）Looney (俚语）疯子（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）（3）insane asylum (疯人院） 3.Boxing and RunningDan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, This is a tough world, so Im teaching my boy to fight.Friend: But suppose he comes up against someone much b

5、igger than he is, whos also been taught how to box.Dan: Im teaching him how to run, too.拳击和赛跑丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”NOTEcome up against 遇到一个对手 against表示相对的相反的 4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates becau

6、se every weekend on Visitors Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.So one Visitors Day, the warden called George to his office and said, I notice youve never had any visitors, George. Sympathetic, he put his hand on Georges sho

7、ulder. Tell me, dont you have any friends or family?George replied, Oh, sure I do, Warden. Its just that theyre all in here!典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”乔治回答：“喔！当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”5.Polic

8、eman: Why didnt you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?Man: If I had opened my mouth, theyd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。 6.A shoplifter（商店扒手） |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry st

9、ore. Listen, said the shoplifter, I know you dont want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（骗子，坏蛋） looked at the slip and said, This is a little more than I intended to spend.一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候

10、被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。 7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（缝合线）

11、. 来自我要看笑话Whats in here? he asked.Dirt, the driver replied.Take them out, the guard instructed. I want to check them.Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.A week later the man came back, and once again, the

12、sentry looked in the truck.Whats in the bags this time? he asked.Dirt, more dirt. said the man.Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit a

13、nd became a bartender（酒保） .Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, Listen, pal, drinks are on the house（免费）tonight if youll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time.Grinning broadly,

14、 the man leaned close to the bartenders ear and whispered, Cars.一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。“里面装的是什么？”他问道。“土。”司机回答。“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

15、同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。” 8.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.Its all right, said a gentleman, dont be afraid. Dont you know the prove

16、rb: Barking dogs dont bite?Ah, yes, answered the little girl. I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：吠狗不咬人。”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” 9.Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his cl

17、asses today” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c” Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。 后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。来自我要看笑话 10.The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的）

18、. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the

19、 door.Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry? Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。 11.A teacher was trying to make use o

20、f her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, Do you think youre stupid, Johnny?No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰

21、尼？”老师问。“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。” 12.Stupid QuestionDan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, Whats the time, please?After a few months, Dan said to himself, Im not going to answer all those stupid people any mor

22、e. Im going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here. Then he did so.“Now people arent going to stop and ask me the time, he thought happily.But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, Is that clock right?”愚蠢的问题丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他

23、:“请问现在几点？”几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗？” 13.Things Have Been OkayA young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found

24、 nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. Im so happy! But why has it taked this long?Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.一切都正常一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但

25、医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：妈妈，面包烤焦了。你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢？哦，在这之前，那男孩说，一切都很正常。14.What Color什么颜色An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I

26、asked Dad the typical questions: What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?Its a 1982 Toyota, he replied. Its a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . Pleased, I asked what color it was. Well, he said uncomfortably, which part?作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车

27、时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？” 15.The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today “It works like this，” she said“Suppose you wanted tore memb

28、er the name of a poetRobert Burns，for instance”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flamesSee？Bobby Burns！” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all“But how can you tell that its Not Robert Browning？”我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的

29、一种新的记忆训练系统。“这个系统是这样的，”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字例如，要记住罗伯特彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗？警察燃烧！” “我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特布朗宁呢？”16.No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother A friend gave him advice “Find a girl just like your motherthen s

30、hes bound to like her So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girlHe told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like motherAnd just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened？” “Nothing，”said

31、 the young man“My father hates her！”无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说： “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩那她一定会喜欢她。” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。 正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。” “那后来呢？”朋友问。 “没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！”17.Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimedes principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, Eureka, eureka! The instructor