英语笑话.docx

1、英语笑话英语笑话Part-time Job业余工作 When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. 我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 How was your first day? I asked. “第一天感觉如何？”我问。 It was great, Dad, he replied. I got to talk to some

2、good-looking girls. “好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。” Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, What did you say to them? 由于斯蒂芬不擅言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？” Do you prefer paper or plastic? “你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装” Hey, Nice Tie A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. Hey, nice tie! comes out of nowher

3、e. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it. Hey! Nice shirt! The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere. Hey! Nice suit! The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talk

4、ing to him. Its not me, its the complimentary peanuts.Stop Me and Buy One Peter: May I have a dollar for a man who is crying out in the street? Mother: Certainly, Sonny. What is he crying about? Peter: Ice-cream one dollar each. 我禁不住要买彼得:我可以要两个便士给一个人吗?他正在大街上高声喊呢! 母亲:当然可以.孩子,他在叫喊什么?彼得:冰淇淋,两便士一份.Quite

5、 Right Let us see whether you are smart in arithmetic, Charlie! I have twenty dollars and I borrow fifty from your aunt, thirty from your dad. What does that make? Debts, uncle! 恰如其分查理,让我们来了解一下你的算术学得好不好.我有二十先令,向你姑妈错了五十先令,向你爸爸借了三十先令,结果是什么呢?你欠债了,叔叔!What will happen A teacher asked one of the boys in h

6、er class, Can people predict the future with cards?His response was, My mother can. The teacher replied, Really? The young boy was quick to explain, Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home. 预测未来老师问班上的一个男孩：“有人能用纸片预测未来吗？” “我母亲能。”男孩答道。 “真的？”老师问。“

7、是的，她看了一眼我的成绩单，就告诉了我父亲回家后发生了什么。”男孩立刻解释道。 So much history I wish Id lived a thousand years ago! why?Because I wouldnt have had so much history to learn! 历史 我真希望生活在一千年以前。 为什么？ 那样我就没有那么多的历史可学了。Otherwise William has asked me for a loan of 50 dollars. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?Certainly

8、. And why?Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 否则威廉向我借五英磅.我该不该借给他?当然应该.为什么?否则他就要向我借了. Greeting Cards Jack was looking over greeting cards.The salesman said, Heres a nice one - TO THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED. Great, said Jack. Ill take six. 贺卡 杰克正在挑选贺卡。 推销员说：“这种贺卡很好给我唯一爱过的女孩。” “太棒了，”杰克

9、说，“我要六张。”。The Father and His Son Father: You know, Tom, when Lincoln was your age, he was a very good pupil. In fact, he was the best pupil in his class. Tom: Yes, Father. I know that. But when he was your age, he was President of the United States. 父亲：汤姆，你要知道，当林肯在你这年龄时，他是一个很好的学生。事实上，他是班里最好的学生。 汤姆：是

10、的，爸爸，我知道，可当他在你这个年龄时，他已是美国总统了。Watching TV Son: Daddy, I want to watch TV. Dad: No electricity tonight.Son: Then lets watch TV with a candle on. 看电视 儿子：爸爸，我想看电视。 爸爸：今晚上没电。 儿子：那咱们点上蜡烛看电视吧。Cant Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you cant read. Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of

11、themselves. Ive been able to read since I was six.不能读书了 愤怒的图书管理员：请安静，你身边的人不能读书了。 男孩：他们应该害羞才是，我六岁就能读书了。 Cant Read ! Angry Librarian: Please be quiet. The people near you cant read. Boy: Why, they ought to be ashamed of themselves. Ive been able to read since I was six.不能读书了 愤怒的图书管理员：请安静，你身边的人不能读书了。 男

12、孩：他们应该害羞才是，我六岁就能读书了。 Swim more Sam: You really should swim more. Its good excercise and its great for your figure. Pam: Did you ever take a good look at a duck? 游泳 萨姆：你真该多游游泳。这是项好运动，并对你的身材帮助极大。 帕姆：你有没有好好看过鸭子的样子。 Three turtlesThree turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the ca

13、fe, it started to rain. The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, Gohome and get the umbrella. The little turtle replied, I will, if you dont drink my coffee. We wont, the other two promised. Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, Well, I guess he isnt coming back, so we might

14、as well drink his coffee. Just then a voice called from outside the door, If you do, I wont go.三只乌龟 三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。” “我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。” 正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”I Had to Change It Twice Judge:

15、 I dont understand why you broke into the same store three nights in a row. Prisoner: Well, Your Honor, I picked out a dress for my wife, and I had to change it twice because she didnt like the style. 法官：我真不明白你为什么连续三天夜里闯入同一家商店呢？ 犯人：噢，阁下，我为我妻子挑选了一件衣服，因为她总是不喜欢衣服的样式，所以，我才不得不去换了两次。Keys? Kiss?A friend of

16、 mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the stude

17、nts seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, Give me the keys. The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadnt heard him clearly, so he repeated. Give me t

18、he keys. The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teachers neck and kissed him on both cheeks.Kiss keys我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。