英语笑话多则中英文双语.docx

1、英语笑话多则中英文双语英语笑话多则（中英文双语）你远看像个要饭的，近看像个捡破烂的，仔细一看，原来是个看短消息的。 From a long ditance,you looks like a beggar;from a short distance,you looks like somebody who is picking ods and ends from refuse heaps;but if I give a careful look,in fact you are looking at the short message of your mobile phone. “何谓祸不单行？”“

2、未婚妈妈生生双双胞！” What does it mean that misfortunes never come singly?The unmaried mother gave birth to the twins. 天下雨了是云儿哭了，爱人走了是爱情输了，风儿累了是要去睡了，夕阳醉了是要下坠了，看短信的小猪傻哈哈地笑了。 Its raining for the cloud is crying;the lover goes away for the love loses;the wind stops for it is tired;the sun is setting for it is d

3、runk;the piggy is laughing for it is looking at the short messages. 我非常喜欢你！所以很想泡你！但一直没有机会，直到.直到水开为止。车仔牌乌龙茶包，我喜欢。 I like yo very much,so I want to steep you.But there is lack of opportunity,until the water is boiling.The woolong tea with Chezai brand. 如果上天再给我一次机会的话，我会对你说：得了吧，让我歇歇吧！ If the glory God g

4、ives me another chance,I will say to you:Just drop the matter,let me take a rest. 你长得很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑陋并非你的本意，如果没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽。You appearance is so imaginative and you must live with great courage.Being ugliness is not your orginal intention.Without you ,who will set he world off to the beauty? 乌鸦说：我是天鹅

5、中烧炭的；麻雀说：我是孔雀中抽鸦片的；鹦鹉说：我是燕子中坐台的；烤鸭说：我是炼工自焚的。 The crow says:I am a swan wo is charring;the sparrow says:I am a peacock who is smoking the opium;the parrot says:I am a swallow who is dissolute;the roast duck says:I burned myself because I believe in heresy. 我上铺的兄弟，前天晚上你是昨天早上回来的，昨天晚上你是今天早上回来的，如果今天晚上你再在

6、明天早上回来的话，你会在明天早上发现我今天晚上已经锁门不再等你。男生宿舍下铺给同床上铺的留言。 My friend who sleeps on the upper berth,the night before yesterday,you came back in this morning;yesterday everning,yo came back in this morning;while tonight,if you come back in tomorrow morning,you will find at that time i have locked the door tonigh

7、t.-your roommate sleps on the lower berth. 钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡. Money is not everything. Theres Mastercard & Visa. 每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道. Love the neighbor. But dont get caught. 每个成

8、功男人的背后,都有一个女人. 每个不成功男人的背后, 都有两个. Behind every successful man, there is a man. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来. The wise never marry, And when they marry they bec

9、ome otherwise. 成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系). Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 现在的梦想决定着你的将来,所以还是再睡一会吧. Your future dep

10、ends on your dreams. So go to sleep. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来. There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 努力工作不会导致死亡!不过我不会用自己去证明. Hard work never killed anybody. But why take the risk? 工作好有意思耶!尤其是看着别人工作. Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours! 神决定了谁是你的亲戚,

11、幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地. God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是! When twos company, threes the result! 服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看. A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着 The

12、more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 爱已停费，情已停机，缘分不在服务区；思也痛苦，想也伤心，何日缴费再开机？横批：梦想成真。 Love has becoming the defaulting subscriber,the passion has come to a halt,the destiney that we can be together is o

13、ut of the service section;its painful to think and its heart-broken to miss.When will you pay for the mobile phone and start up again?The horizontal scroll is:dream becomes reality. “我太太把信用卡丢了！”“那你还不赶快通知银行？”“没事，那贼花得比我太太少多了。”My wife has lost the credit card.Why not give the notice to the bank right a

14、way?Dont worry,because the thief spends much less than my wife does “我听说，你又准备同你丈夫复婚了，是吗？”“是的，我决不能让这个恶棍在家里一个人字享其乐。” I hear that you will restore the former mariage with your husband,is it true?Yes,it is true.Because I would never let the scoundrel to enjoy himself at home. “重婚罪的惩罚是什么？”回答：“两个丈母娘”。 Wha

15、t is the punishment to bigamy?The answer is :You will have two mother in-law 祝你：致富踏上万宝路；事业登上红塔山；爱人赛过阿诗玛；财源遍布大中华。 My best wishes to you:set your feet on the Marboro road and get rich;climb the honta mountain and make your career progres.May your beloved be more beautiful than Ashima and may your scor

16、ce of wealth be abundant all over theZhonghua “昨天看电影当中突然停电。人们在漆黑中等了十几分钟。”“电影院里没有慌乱吗？”“慌乱了那是在来电的时候。” “Yeterday when I we see a film in the cinema,the power suddenly cut.People had to stay in darknes for about more han ten minutes.”Did it arouse a fluster in the cinema?It did,but it was when the power

17、 restored again. “昨天我太太发现了我的私房钱。”“你们吵架了吗？”“没有，她说结婚五年来终于找到我们共同的嗜好。” Yesterday my wife found my case-dough.So did ouhave a quarrel about it?No.Instead she said it was the first time after getting married five years ago,that she ultimately found the common indulgence betwen us. 最近总是想你，我知道这样不好，但不把心理话告诉你

18、，我会后悔一辈子：如果你真有困难，那两块钱就不用还我了！ In these days I couldnt help missing you,although I know it does no good.But I will be in deep regret in my whole life,if I dont speak out what I think in my mind:if you really got into trouble,there is no need to return the two kuai you borrowed from me. 阿呆考试不及格，于是给弟弟拍了

19、个电报，请父亲做好思想准备。不久弟弟回电：父亲已准备好，现在请你做好思想准备。 A slow-minded student failed in the exam.He sent a telegraph to his brother and asked his father to be mentally prepared.Soon his brother sent back and said:Father has got prepared,please be mentally prepared by yourself. 阿杰走过墓地。听到敲击声，很是害怕，见到一个人摸墓碑，才放心，问：“先生你在

20、干什么？”那人说：“他们把我的墓碑刻错了。” A-jie went by the cemetery and heard some knocking sound.He got very scared.Then he set his heart at rest,for he saw someone was stroking the tombstone.He asked:What are you doing,Sir?they made a mistake on my tombstone. 不管天多高，海多深。钢多硬，风多大，尺多长，河多宽，酒多烈，冰多冷，火多热.我只想告诉你，这些都不关你事！ No

21、 matter jow high the heaven is,how deep the sea is,how solid the steel is,how strong the wind i.hoe wide the river is,how hard the drink is,ow cold the ice is,how hot the fire is.I only want to tell you all these things are none of your business! 阿军把他编写的笑话拿给同桌看，同桌看过之后捧腹大笑。阿军激动地问：我的笑话很不错吧？同桌答道：你这也能叫笑

22、话吗？ A-Jun made up a joke and let the deskmate to have a look.After saw it,the deskmate burst into a laughter.A-Jun asked in an agitated tone:My joke is not bad,isnt it?His deskmate answered,Can this be called a joke? 没有你的天不，不蓝；没有你的日子，心烦；没有你的生活，真难！啥时能够真正拥有你，我最亲爱的.钱。 Without you the sky become gloomy;

23、without you I am vexed;without you living is so hard.When can I really be in possession of you.my money. 哲学教授：一个傻瓜提的问题，10个聪明人也回答不了。学生：难怪我考试总不能及格。A professor of philosophy said:A fool brings up a question,while 10 bright men cannot make the answer.Then he student said:Its no wonder that I always fail

24、 in the exam. 卖瓜小贩：“快来吃瓜，不甜不要钱！”饥渴的路人：“哇！太好了，老板，来一个不甜的。”A peddler was selling his watermelon and hawking his wares:Come quickly and eat the watermelon.I wont charge you,if the melon is not sweet.A passerby wo was suffering in the hungry and thirst said:Great!Please give a sweetless melon. 有句话一直想对你说，

25、可你知道它的分量，一旦说出，可能咱连朋友都没法做了，但我控制不住感情.啥时请我吃饭？ I have a word for you all along,but you know the seriousness of it.Once it is let out,maybe it is almost impossible for us to be friends any more,but I couldnt control my emotions.when will you invite me to dinner? 紧急提醒：看看你的左边，再看看你的右边。请小心一个刚刚溜出来的精神病，他的特征是：拿

26、着手机东张西望。 Attention:please look at your left side and then look at your right side.Be acreful of a schizophrenic who just slipped out of the hospital.His characteristic is taking a mobile phone and gazing around. “周星星由于作弊被开除了。”“怎么回事啊？”“在生理卫生考试中，他数自己的肋骨，结果被发现了。” Zhouxingxing was dismissed because he c

27、heated inthe exam.What does the matter?During the exam for physiology, he was found counting his rids. 考试零分叫鸭蛋，做坏事叫坏蛋，脑袋空空叫傻蛋，炒鱿鱼叫滚蛋，呜呼哀哉叫完蛋，正在看短信的是笨蛋。 If you get zero in the exam,ti is called a duck egg;if you serve the devil.you are called a bad egg;if you have an empty mind, you are called a idio

28、t;if you are fired by the boss,youare asked to get out;if you swear at someone,you are called bastard;if you kick the bucket,you are called Wandan;if you are lookin gat the short message,you are called a fool. 报名参加海军的年轻人被问道：“你会游泳吗？”他冷愣住了。过了一会儿说：“怎么回事？难道船不够用吗？” A young man,who was entering for the en

29、rollment in the navy,was asked whether he could swim or not.He stood in amazement for a while and said:What does it matter?Surely it doesnt mean that there isnt enough ships,is it? 当我恨下心扭头离去的那一刻，你在我身后无助的哭泣和撕心裂肺的痛楚让我刹那间明白我是多么地爱你，我猛地转身哭着把你抱紧喊：这头猪我不卖啦！ At the moment that I cruelheartedly turned my head,you helpless weeping and grieved suffer