communication between men and women.docx

1、communication between men and womenCommunication between Men and Women in the Context of the Christian CommunityTools: Print E-mailRhonda H. KelleyThis article has been reprinted from Faith & Mission, Fall 1996, with permission from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. INTRODUCTIONScripture te

2、aches about the uniqueness of men and women. While created in the image of God with equality of worth and value, men and women are different by design and function. Gender differences are apparent physically and behaviorally. Men and women differ in the way they think, feel, act, and talk. In fact,

3、one of the most striking differences between the sexes is the unique ways that men and women communicate. In recent years, the communication styles of men and women have been studied scientifically. Linguists have documented these perceived differences. The primary purpose of these intensive investi

4、gations is not to determine which communicative style is best or to motivate others to change completely, but to identify differences for the purpose of understanding and adaptation. As men and women better recognize differences in communicative styles, they can work to improve their own communicati

5、on with members of the opposite sex. The general gender communication differences affect all men and women in every context. Whether Christian or non-Christian, churched or unchurched, men and women have unique ways of expressing their thoughts and feelings. At home and at the office, in marriage an

6、d in friendships, these differences are immediately apparent. The church, as a body of believers, male and female, is challenged by these differences in communicative style. The impact of these gender differences is experienced in informal conversations, Bible study classes, church committee meeting

7、s, counseling sessions, and pulpit preaching. What is Genderlect?In recent years, perhaps as women have entered the workplace in larger numbers, the obvious communicative style differences between men and women have been discussed publicly. Unique conversational styles have been observed and communi

8、cative conflicts have been encountered. As a result, linguists have begun to research gender communication. The term genderlect has been coined to define the language of the sexes. Similar in form to the word dialect (the unique language of people in a specific geographical area), genderlect is a va

9、riety of a language that is tied not to geography or to family background or to a role but to the speakers sexual gender. Suzette Haden Elgin suggests communication techniques to combat gender style differences in her book entitled Genderspeak. Deborah Tannen, a well-respected linguistics professor

10、and scholar, has conducted research and published books about gender communication including her national bestseller, You Just Dont Understand: Men and Women in Conversation (Ballantine, 1990). Genderflex, according to Judith C. Tingley in her book by the same title, is described as an active proces

11、s: to temporarily use communication behaviors typical of the other gender in order to increase potential for influence. Because of the natural differences in the way men and women communicate, temporary adaption to a different style of communication is necessary. The primary goal of this adjustment

12、is effective communication with members of the opposite sex. Genderlect is heard in the context of the Christian community and genderflex is necessary for effective ministry together. These gender communication differences begin at very early ages. When Does Gender Communication Develop?Language and

13、 communication are considered learned behavior which develops through a combination of nature and nurture, genetic predisposition and environmental stimulation. As a result, gender communication differences emerge in early childhood. Children learn how to talk from their parents as well as their pee

14、rs, often imitating their same-sex models. In her book, You Just Dont Understand, Deborah Tanen asserts that even if they grow up in the same neighborhood, on the same block, or in the same house, girls and boys grow up in different worlds or words. These gender differences in ways of talking have b

15、een observed in children as young as three years of age, about the time language is developed. While little girls talk to be liked; little boys often talk to boast. Little girls make requests; little boys make demands. Little girls speak to create harmony; little boys prolong conflict. Little girls

16、talk more indirectly; little boys talk directly. Little girls talk more with words; little boys use more actions. While boys and girls both want to get their way, they use language differently to do so. These communication differences are noted during same gender and opposite gender conversations, d

17、uring one-on-one and small group interactions. Neither gender style is considered best, but obvious differences from childhood to adulthood should be understood and adapted. Parents, spouses, co-workers, and church members need to become aware of differences in gender communication. Gender Communica

18、tion DifferencesCommunication between men and women can be considered cross-cultural communication. People in different cultures speak different dialects. In fact, John Gray in his book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, suggests that men and women communicate in such different ways that they

19、 seem to be from different planets. There are numerous general differences that characterize gender communication. Before clarifying some distinctives in gender communication, several basic assumptions must be accepted. 1. 1. Men and women do have different conversational styles. 2. Both styles of c

20、ommunication are equally valid. 3. The goal in gender communication is not change the style of communication but to adapt to the differences. According to Tannen, men and women express themselves in different ways and for different reasons. Men use communication to maintain independence, while women

21、 talk to maintain intimacy. Whether conscious or unconscious, men often talk to establish status from others. Women use words to connect themselves emotionally, to express feelings, or build rapport. Men often share facts and figures as in a report. Tannen labels these communicative differences rapp

22、ort - talk and report - talk. Research concludes that men talk more in public while women talk more in private. This conclusion is obvious when the purpose of male and female communication is understood. If men talk to establish status, most male conversation would inevitably occur in public, at the

23、 workplace. On the other hand, if women talk to establish intimacy, most female conversation would take place in private, at home. Body language is also used differently by men and women. While women typically use nonverbal communication directly, men use it indirectly. Women stand in close proximit

24、y to each other, maintain eye contact, and gesture more frequently. Men hold their distance, rarely establish eye contact, and gestures less dramatically. Men and women also handle conflict differently. While women avoid conflict in order to insure closeness, men use conflict to gain status. These a

25、re just a few of the common differences in gender communication. Men and women express gender communication differences in content, style, and structure. What do men and women talk about? Men often talk about sports, money, and business; women most often discuss people, feelings, and relationships.

26、Why do men and women talk? Men often express themselves to fix a problem, converse for competition, and talk to resolve problems. Women most often express themselves to understand, converse to support, and talk to connect. How do men and women talk? Men typically use precise words, to the point, wit

27、hout descriptive details. Women are more detailed, apologetic, and vague. Gender Communication and the ChurchDifferences in the way men and women communicate affect all relationships: husband-wife, father-daughter, mother-son, employer-employee, and pastor-member. In fact, gender communication diffe

28、rences are also obvious in the church. In hallway conversation, committee discussion, Bible study teaching, pulpit preaching, or pastoral counseling, men and women encounter gender style differences. Scripture challenges believers to communicate more effectively with each other. Men and women are to

29、 control their tongues (James 3:1-12) and speak only words of kindness (Eph. 4:29, 32). The Book of Proverbs discusses the importance of listening with understanding to others who speak (Prov. 11:12; 18:2, 13; 29:20). Jesus admonished His disciples to discuss conflict with a sinning brother (Matt. 1

30、:15) and love our neighbor as yourself (Matt. 22:39). Mature Christians realize that clear, loving, encouraging communication among His children is the desire of Christs heart. Since gender will never change, Christian men and women must understand the conversational styles of the opposite sex. Impr

31、oving Communication Between Christian Men and WomenOnce differences in gender communication have been identified, adjustments can be made to improve communication. While genderflex or genderspeak is not easy or automatic, Christian men and women can improve their communication as they consciously wo

32、rk on it. Here are several strategies for improving gender communication. 1. 1. Become aware of your own communication style. Each person has a unique style of communication. Listen to your own speech. Evaluate your words, your tone of voice, and your body language. Compare your own communication st

33、yle with that of individuals whom you judge to be effective communicators. Self-evaluation is an important first step in improving gender communication. Pastor John Brown began to notice that he was much more comfortable greeting men of his church than the women. He realized that he could naturally talk a