South Park 102.docx

1、South Park 102 South Park Episode 102 WEIGHT GAIN 4000 By Matt Stone & Trey Parker The children all sit waiting for school to begin. Some kids are still milling about and taking off their coats. KYLE Hey Stan, did you see that rainbow this morning? STAN Yeah, it was huge! CARTMAN Oh, I hate those th

2、ings. The kids all look at Cartman puzzlingly. KYLE Nobody HATES rainbows. STAN Yeah, whats there to HATE about rainbows?! CARTMAN Well, you know. Youll just be sitting there minding your own business, and theyll come marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass - Cartma

3、n makes gnashing sounds with his teeth. CARTMAN And youll be all like Hey get out of my ASS YOU STUPID RAINBOWS! The boys sit in silence for several seconds. Nobody knows what to say. Finally Stan speaks. STAN Cartman, what the HELL are you talking about?!?! CARTMAN Im talking about rainbows! I hate

4、 those friggin things. KYLE Rainbows are little arches of color that show up during a rainstorm! Cartman thinks long and hard. CARTMAN Ohhhhhh. RAINBOWS. Oh yeah, I like those, those are cool. Stan, Kyle and Kenny stare at Cartman in disbelief. STAN What were YOU talking about?! CARTMAN Huh? Oh, not

5、hing, forget it. KYLE No! What marches in, crawls up your leg and bites the inside of your ass?! CARTMAN Nothing. Just then, Mr. Garrison steps in front of the class. MR. GARRISON Children! Children! remember the Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest that you children worked so hard on last month? T

6、he kids dont seem to remember. MR. GARRISON One of our VERY OWN South Park students has won the national prize! The kids all gasp. Stans face lights up. WENDY WOW! I knew I would win! Garrison pulls an envelope out of his pocket. MR. HAT Gosh Mr. Garrison, this sure is exciting! MR. GARRISON Thats r

7、ight, Mr. Hat. The winner of the national Save Our Fragile Planet contest is. ERIC CARTMAN! Stans expression drops. WENDY (Shocked) WHAT?! CARTMAN (Just as shocked) What?! MR. GARRISON Congratulations, Eric, on writing the award winning paper. CARTMAN Kick ass. STAN Thats impossible! Cartman doesnt

8、know a rain forest from a pop-tart! CARTMAN Yeah I do, Pop-Tarts are frosted. MR. GARRISON Out of over a MILLION papers, Erics was chosen as the grand prize winner! KYLE Wow, what did you write about, Cartman? CARTMAN (Not remembering) Oh. You know. This and that. WENDY He doesnt even KNOW what he w

9、rote about! KYLE What was your paper about, Wendy? WENDY MY paper was on the suffering of bottle-nosed dolphins. CARTMAN Well you see? You shouldnt have written a paper about dolphins. Dolphins are stupid. STAN Dude, Dolphins are like the second smartest animal on the planet! CARTMAN (Guffawing smug

10、ly) Oh, right. If theyre so damn smart how come they get caught in those fishing nets all the time?! WENDY What?! MR. GARRISON Wait, wait theres more! It says here that Erics trophy will be presented to him by. (Pause, gulp) Kathie LEE GIFFORD! The whole class gasps. KYLE Kathie Lee is coming to Sou

11、th Park? MR. GARRISON And the presentation will be on national television! TRACK into Stan, Kyle and Kenny as their eyes bulge out and their smiles widen. KYLE AND STAN AND KENNY Television? MR. GARRISON (Quietly, to himself) Kathie Lee Gifford. I dont believe it. INT. SOUTH PARK CAPITOL BUILDING -

12、DAY The intense female MAYOR MCDANIELS of South Park is pacing excitedly up and down her office. With her are a few male AIDES. MAYOR MCDANIELS Kathie Lee Gifford in South Park. Mayor McDaniels walks over to the window and looks out upon the small town square. MAYOR MCDANIELS Oh My God, This is our

13、chance to make a name for ourselves. To show that were not just some pissant, whitebread mountain town! AIDE Better yet its a chance for YOU to get some publicity. MAYOR MCDANIELS Yes! If I can show just how much Ive turned South Park around. I could become a Senator! AIDE #2 Maybe even a STATE Sena

14、tor! AIDE Mayor, we should decorate the town square! AIDE #2 Then we should have the Chef of the school cafeteria sing a song, and play up the ethnic diversity of our town. MAYOR MCDANIELS Thats right. Hes a black guy isnt he? AIDE (Proudly) Black as the night itself, Mayor. MAYOR MCDANIELS (triumph

15、antly) YES! And we can even have the children of South Park put on a little play! Kathie Lee loves children! AIDE If theyre working in a sweat-shop that is! AIDE #2 Ouch! AIDE Thank You INT. CAFETERIA The boys are eating lunch at a table in the cafeteria. CARTMAN You guys, guess what. After Im on te

16、levision, Im gonna be totally famous! Wendy walks by. WENDY Hitler was famous too. Wendy leaves. Chef comes sliding in. CHEF Hello there children! KIDS Hey Chef. CHEF How are my little crackers today? KIDS Good. CHEF Did you all hear about the news?! Kathie Lee Gifford is coming to South Park! STAN

17、Yeah, cause Cartman cheated and won the environmental essay contest. CARTMAN Hey! CHEF Yeah, Yeah, whatever, but the Mayor just called and asked ME to sing at the ceremony! KYLE Wow, are you gonna do it? CHEF Of course! Kathie Lee is a beautiful, sultry queen of sexual fantasy. And if I sing to her,

18、 maybe I can lure her into a night of exotic delectation. STAN Yeah! Thatd be cool! KENNY Mph rmph rm! CHEF Well, THREE times bigger than Frank Giffords anyway. INT. CLASSROOM - DAY Garrison sits at the front of an empty classroom grading some papers. MR. GARRISON Oh, I cant even concentrate on grad

19、ing papers with all this excitement! Mr. Hat sits lifeless on a chair near the desk. MR. GARRISON Why are you looking at me like that, Mr. Hat? Garrison picks the puppet up. MR. HAT Have you forgotten about all the pain and suffering that Kathy Lee Gifford caused you? MR. GARRISON Mr. Hat, that was

20、a long time ago, and I was only a child. MR. HAT We could have WON that talent show. We could have been huge! TRACK IN ON GARRISON DISSOLVE TO: INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY - FLASHBACK A large banner reads National Talent Show Finals TILT DOWN from the banner and onto - A smaller, ten year-old version of M

21、r. Garrison stands in a huge spotlight on stage, with a smaller Mr. Hat on his arm. LIL MR. GARRISON Knock, knock, Mr. Hat. MR. HAT Whos there? LIL MR. GARRISON Orange. MR. HAT Orange who? LIL MR. GARRISON Orange you glad I didnt say banana? MR. HAT Thank you. A smattering of applause echoes in the

22、auditorium. Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat both bow and walk off stage. Several judges hold up their numbers - 8.9, 9, 7.8, 9.2 LIL MR. GARRISON Wow, Mr. Hat, it looks like we might win! LOUDSPEAKER And now our last Talent Show Finalist: Kathie Lee Epstein! A very young, cute Kathy Lee steps onto the stag

23、e, looking adorable. LIL KATHIE LEE (singing) .If. they. could. See me now that little gang of mine, Im eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine. ! How they would all say WOW! ZOOM OUT to reveal Lil Kathie Lee Gifford singing and dancing with a fifteen piece band and about 100 dancers all choreogra

24、phed in utter harmony with her every move. WHOOSH! She now wears a puppet on each hand. Amazingly she manages to throw her voice to each puppet and continue singing herself, all in perfect harmony. LIL KATHIE LEE (singing) If my friends could see me now. Kathie Lee is putting on a SPECTACULAR Broadw

25、ay musical number. Fountains go off! Fireworks explode! Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat watch on, dumbfounded. LIL KATHIE LEE IF MY FRIENDS COULD SEE. ME. NOOOOOOOOOOWWWWwww! The crowd ERUPTS with applause. The judges hold up their numbers 10! 10! 10! 10! DISSOLVE TO: INT. CLASSROOM - DAY Mr. Garrison sits

26、 with glazed-over eyes. MR. GARRISON It wasnt fair, she had choreography. How could we compete with that? MR. HAT But now shes coming to South Park. And I know a way to make it ALL better! MR. GARRISON How? Mr. Hat whispers in Garrisons ear. Garrison GASPS! MR. GARRISON No, Mr. Hat, I couldnt! TRACK

27、 IN on Garrison. MR. GARRISON I couldnt. KILL Kathie Lee Gifford! DRAMATIC MUSIC AND FADE OUT: INT. CLASSROOM - AFTER LUNCH Mayor McDaniels stands in front of the children. MAYOR MCDANIELS Children, as you all know, Ms. Kathie Lee Gifford will be in South Park to present the award to some kid for an

28、 essay. CARTMAN That kid is me! MAYOR MCDANIELS Whatever. Now, Im going to have you Luscious little youngsters do a play about the history of South Park. MR. GARRISON Thatll be wonderful! Wont it Mr. Hat? MR. GARRISON (AS MR. HAT) KILL HER! MR. GARRISON Mr. Hat! Garrison quickly puts his hand over M

29、r. Hats mouth. The Mayor looks oddly at Garrison and then continues. The mayor turns to Mr. Garrison. MAYOR MCDANIELS Mr. Garrison, Im asking you to direct our little play. MR. GARRISON Oh thats PERFECT! (To Mr. Hat) You see, Mr. Hat? We dont have to KILL her, we can just UPSTAGE her! WENDY Mrs. Mayor? You might want to review the essays. We think Cartman might have cheated. MAYOR MCDANIELS Who cares? Now kids, what say we give it our South Park best?! The Mayor waits for the kids to cheer. They dont. MAYOR MCDANIELS And whos our little prize winner again? CARTMAN (Pissed off) ME! E