桑德伯格在UC伯克利毕业演讲.docx

1、桑德伯格在UC伯克利毕业演讲Thank you, Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, and squirming siblings.Congratulations to all of youand especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2016!It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many

2、Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists. and thats just the women!Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement. Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even

3、 tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: man buns.Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population. When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women. It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.One of the wo

4、men who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss. Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into schooland in 1937,

5、she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and Im so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential. I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in th

6、eir families to graduate from college. What a remarkable achievement.Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get herenurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears. O

7、r at least the ones man who didnt draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new. A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom. You have the yout

8、h. Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdomthats supposed to be me. I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos dont forget to post them on instagramand everyone goes home happy.Today will be a bit dif

9、ferent. We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things Ive learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.I have never spoken publicly about this before. Its hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on th

10、is beautiful Berkeley robe.One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friends fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkablewalking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Fl

11、ying home to tell my children that their father was gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of griefwhat I think of as the voidan emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your abilit

12、y to think or even to breathe. Daves death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the vo

13、idor in the face of any challengeyou can choose joy and meaning.Im sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.Everyo

14、ne who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK, lets be honestyou got an A- but youre still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life but then she swiped left.Game o

15、f Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the booksand you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. Theres loss of opportunity: the job that doesnt work out, the illness or accident that changes everything

16、in an instant. Theres loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. Theres loss of love: the broken relationships that cant be fixed. And sometimes theres loss of life itself.Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. Last yea

17、r, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.The question is not if some of these things will happen to you.They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it t

18、akes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard daysthe times that challenge you to your very corethat will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil a

19、bout a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available.So lets just kick the shit out of option B.”We all at some point live some form of option B. The que

20、stion is: What do we do then?As a representative of Silicon Valley, Im pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three Pspersonalization, pervasiveness, and permanencethat are crit

21、ical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.The first P is personalizationthe belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not ev

22、erything that happens to us happens because of us.When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could haveor should havedone. It wasnt until I learned about the three Ps that I ac

23、cepted that I could not have prevented his death. His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I have?Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger. Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjuste

24、d their methods and saw future classes go on to excel. College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did. Not taking failures personally allows us to recoverand even to thrive.The second P is pervasivenessthe belief that an event will affect all areas of your

25、life. You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” Theres no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went b

26、ack to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a seconda brief split secondI forgot about death.T

27、hat brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried usquite literally at times.The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women. S

28、o many single mothersand fathersstruggle to make ends meet or have jobs that dont allow them the time they need to care for their children. I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where its actually OK to spend all day on Fac

29、ebook. Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.The third P is permanencethe belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.We often project our current feelings out indefin

30、itelyand experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings. We feel anxiousand then we feel anxious that were anxious. We feel sadand then we feel sad that were sad. Instead, we should accept our feelingsbut recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time wo

31、uld heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”None of you need me to explain the fourth Pwhich is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.But I wish I had known about the three Ps when I was your age. There were so many times these less

32、ons would have helped.Day one of my first job out of college, my boss found out that I didnt know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3. Thats a spreadsheetask your parents. His mouth dropped open and he said, I cant believe you got this job without knowing that”and then walked out of the room. I went home convinced that I was going to be fired. I thought I was terrible at everything but it turns out I was only terrible at spreadsheets. Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that week.I wish I had known about