好汉两个半第六季TwoandaHalfMen中英剧本Word文件下载.docx

1、s over it. 或许还没有 Or maybe not. 好汉两个半:第六季第1集 后期:wqswqswswqs 2.5 Men Season06 Episode01我的计划是这样的 t, heres the plan. 我躲到卫生间去 Im gonna go to the bathroom. 你数到十 然后像小妞那样尖叫 You count to ten, then scream like a girl 接着对杰克使用海姆利克氏操作法 （使堵住喉咙的异物吐出的急救措施） and start giving Jake the Heimlich maneuver. 别胡扯了 Dont be r

2、idiculous. 查理? Charlie?但如果她把手伸进包里 我就拿这个小呆瓜当挡箭牌 Okay, but if she reaches into her purse, Im using numbnuts as a human shield. 嗨 克丽茜 好久不见 Hey, Chrissy. Long time. 我知道 I know. 好久 好久了 Yep, long, long time. 对啊 Yeah. 时间是最好的疗伤药 对吧? Time is a great healer, isnt it?对某些事来说是 Of some things. 你有了新的事业 恭喜你 Hey, co

3、ngratulations on your new career. 谢谢 Thank you. 查理 哈珀是个儿歌明星 真难以置信 Its hard to believe Charlie Harper is a childrens singing star. 你知道我有多喜欢孩子. Well, you know how much I love kid. 对 好久 好久之前 Yep, a long, long time. 看起来你的小家伙很喜欢听音乐 Looks like your little guy enjoys music. 对 他热爱音乐 Oh, yeah, he loves it. 实

4、际上他钢琴弹得也不错 Hes actually quite the piano player, too. 钢琴? 听见了没 查理? Piano? You hear that, Charlie?这小伙子跟你一样会弹钢琴 The young man plays piano just like you. 弹钢琴的小孩多得是 Lots of kids play piano. 你还住在韦斯特伍德? So, you still living in Westwood?对 还在那儿 Yeah. Still there. 我们刚开车过来 准备去海边玩 We just drove down to spend th

5、e day at the beach. 是啊 沙滩 Oh, sure. The beach. 观光的好地方 但你不会想住在那儿 Nice place to visit, but you wouldnt want to live there. 实际上我就住那儿 也不是那么糟糕 Actually, I do live there; its not that bad. 对 我们该走了 很高兴见到你 Right. Well, we should get going. It was nice seeing you. 我也很高兴见到你 Nice to see you, too. 走吧 查克 Come on

6、, Chuck. 查克 Chuck. 我听见了 I heard it. 叫查克的小孩多得是 Lots of kids named Chuck. 那是查理的昵称 对吧? Its a nickname for Charles, isn查兹查得查咳 查理 这些都是 你想说什么? So are Chaz, Chad, Chick and Charlie. Whats your point?没什么 只是你跟那个女人九年没联系了 No point.Its just that you havent seen that woman in nine years 而小查克. and little Chuck is

7、, uh. 你猜小查克几岁? Well, how old do you suppose little Chuck is?这有什么区别? What difference does it make?我猜小查克大概. Well, Id say little Chuck is, uh. 七八岁 误差不会超过九个月 seven or eight years old, give or take nine months. 你在暗示什么? What are you implying?我不明白你什么意思 Cause I dont know what youre talking about. 你不知道? You

8、dont?我不想明白 Okay, I choose not to. 该死! 老爸 快点儿 我们得回家去! JAKE: Oh, crap! Dad, quick, we gotta go home!为啥 怎么了? Why, whats wrong?我电池没电了 My battery died. 等等 我只是不小心关机了 Oh, no, wait. I just turned it off by accident. 如果我有个智能手机就不会这样了 This wouldnt happen if I had a smartphone. 还用我说出来么? Do I even need to say it

9、?只是我的感觉 还是那小孩 长的真有点儿像查理叔叔? So is it just me or did that kid kind of look like Uncle Charlie?*摇篮里的猫儿 * （关于父子关系的歌） * And the cats in the cradle * * 和银勺子 * * And the silver spoon * * 忧伤的小男孩和. * Little boy blue and the man on the moon * 闭嘴 艾伦 Shut up, Alan. * 当你回家的时候. * When you coming home, Dad? I dont

10、 know when.* 一点儿都不好笑 Its not funny. 或许不能让人哈哈大笑 但肯定可以嘻嘻偷笑了 Well, maybe not funny haha, but certainly funny heehee. 那孩子一点儿都不像我 That boy was nothing like me. 他还没有耳毛和威士忌的口气 Well, he didnt have ear hair and whiskey breath 但我想他会朝那个方向成长的 but Im guessing hell grow into that. 怎么了? Whats going on?貌似这个老精子机 Wel

11、l, it would appear that the ol spermonator here. 造出了个孩子 has fathered a child. 我没有 I did not. 你怎么敢肯定? How can you be so sure?我从不会不穿雨衣雨鞋就在雨里玩 Cause I never play in the rain without a slicker and galoshes. 我有点糊涂了 雨鞋是怎么回事? Im confused. Where do the galoshes go?那只是打个比方 Its just a figure of speech. 该做预防措施

12、的时候 我都做到位了 Everything that needs to be covered is covered when, you know, covering is appropriate. 我没问你的人生故事 I didnt ask for your life story. 我只是不明白雨鞋的事 I was just confused about the galoshes. 查理 避孕套的成功率只有98% You know, Charlie, even condoms are only 98% effective. 才不是 Thats not true. 不是才怪 The hell i

13、t isnt. 你从来不看包装盒么? Havent you ever read the package?谁会看包装盒啊? Who reads the package?又不是麦片盒 Its not like a cereal box. 你不会边吃边看 You dont read it while youre eating. 恶心 Yikes. 拜托 查理 算算吧 Come on, Charlie, do the math. 你跟那个女人九年没见 她有个八岁大的儿子 You havent seen the woman in nine years and shes got an eightyearo

14、ld. 那又怎么样? So what?你带个十岁的儿子出现在我门前 而我十一年没见你了 You showed up at my door with a tenyearold and I hadnt seen you in 11 years. 是不是就说明那个 土豆脑袋是我俩的私生子? Does that mean taterhead is our love child?好吧 你就别承认 All right, fine, stay in denial. 小查克不可能是你儿子 Theres no way little Chuck is your son. 查克? Chuck?叫查克 会弹钢琴 莫名

15、其妙长得像我的小孩多得是 Hey, hey, lots of kids are named Chuck, play the piano and look disturbingly like me. 他说得对 Hes right. 实际上 我们没意识到这个问题才奇怪 In fact, Im surprised were not up to our asses in em. 嗨 拉塞尔? Hey, Russell?我忙着呢 Im busy. 我想问个关于这些套套的问题 Ive got a question about these condoms. 跟你说过了 查理 我已经给你最优惠的批发价了 I

16、told you, Charlie, Im giving you the best bulk rate I can. 我知道 但我想问的是. I know, but thats not what I was. 价钱上我竞争不过大型连锁店 Theres just no way I can compete with the big chain stores. 我理解 I understand. 因此我用个人服务来弥补 So I make it up in personal service. 我相信你做到了 Im sure you do. 我不可能把那玩意包装打开 亲自替你戴上 I mean, Im

17、 not going to unroll the damn things and put em on for you 但除了这一点 其他就交给我吧 but short of that,Ive got your back. 不胜感激 And I appreciate it. 但我想问的不是这个 But thats not what I was asking about. 查理 日子不好过啊 Charlie, times are tough. 人们不再从附近友好的 药剂师那儿买药了 People dont get their drugs from their friendly neighborho

18、od pharmacist anymore. 他们都从网上买了 They go on the Internet. 就信任邮差送来的 心脏病药跟大便松弛剂吧 Sure, trust your mailman with your heart medicine and stool softeners. 拉塞尔 你又在吸那些免费样品了吗? Russell, have you been hittin the free samples again?你是谁啊 条子吗? What are you, a cop?我只是有点担心你 No, Im just a little concerned about you.

19、 如果你真那么担心 就帮帮我吧 Well, if youre so concerned, help me out a little bit. 你为什么不偶尔买个放大镜 或者护颈支架什么的? Why dont you buy some reading glasses or a neck brace once in a while. 随便啦 看在上帝份上买包彩虹糖也好 Sure, whatever. A bag of Skittles for Gods sake. 避孕套的收益真是微乎其微 You know, cause my margin on condoms is bubkes. 说到避孕套

20、Yeah, well, speaking of condoms 我只想知道是不是即使 戴着避孕套也会让女人怀孕 I just want to know if somebody could get pregnant even if you were wearing a condom. 你跟那个卖椒盐卷饼的女士聊过? Have you been talking to the Wetzels Pretzels lady?我只是顺路送她回家 真没别的 Because I just gave her a ride home, thats it. 不 我是说一般情况下 No, no, no, no, I

21、mean in general. 避孕套不管用的几率有多大? What are the odds that a condom wouldnt work?有很多因素呢 Well, there are a number of things to factor in. 来点儿咳嗽糖浆? Oh, cough syrup?我不咳嗽 I dont have a cough. 我也不咳嗽 Neither do I. 总之 避孕套 Anyway, condoms. 无论何时你使用人工产品 Whenever youre dealing with a manufactured product 制作流程中难免有失误

22、 theres always going to be flaws in the process. 但他们出厂前 或是进去前 不都是被检测过的么? Yeah, but arent they supposed to be tested before they go out? Or in?当然 但不能每个都检测 Well, sure, but they dont test every one. 不能吗? They don手淫貌似越来越好了吧? Masturbatings looking better and better, huh?那说到底 你的意思是 即使我用了避孕套 Okay, okay, so

23、 bottom line, what youre saying is even if Im wearing a condom 也是有可能让人怀孕的? theres a chance I could get someone pregnant?你没上八年级的 生理卫生课吗 查理? Did you miss eighth grade health class, Charlie?得了吧 谁上生理卫生课啊? Oh, come on, who went to health class?会有某个自我治疗的药剂师 Well, amongst others, a certain selfmedicating p

24、harmacist 他为三个不同的女人支付赡养费 who pays alimony to three different women 但不用在子女抚养上花一分钱 but not one penny in child support. 为了将来在参考 用动物肠道 All right, all right, for future reference 薄膜做的那种避孕套怎么样? what about lambskin?是不是更有效? Are they more effective?不比你用的橡胶制品更好 Well, um, less so than your latex product. 现在我不得

25、不停用了 因为那股味让我的猫变得狂暴 Now I had to stop wearing them myself because something about the smell made my cat go berserk. 那是个有趣的小故事 It kind of a cute story. 我不. 我不想听 I dont. I dont want to hear it. 不是爱猫的人是吧? Not a cat person, huh?我也不是了 Im not either anymore. 谢谢 拉塞尔 再见 All right, well, thanks, Russell. Ill

26、see ya. 就. 就这样了? ThThThats it?你什么都不买? 我们这儿有威孚球棒 Youre not going to buy anything? Weve got Wiffle ball bats. 或许你的小私生子喜欢威孚球棒 Maybe your little bastard would like a Wiffle ball bat. 计划生育 Childproof. 你还好吧? You all right?不 很不好 No, I am not. 艾伦 我一直用三条准则来规范 我的性生活 Alan, I have always conducted my sex life a

27、ccording to three simple principles. 第一 尽可能上女的 （有一集查理找了一个变性的） One: if at all possible, ladies first. 第二 事后道歉比事前询问简单 （先上了再道歉） Two:s easier to be forgiven than ask permission. 第三 也是最重要的 And third, and most important:花十秒钟带套远比花十年 the ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the ten years 假装喜欢 足球要划得来（因为要跟儿子玩） you have to pretend to like soccer. 除非套套破了 Except when they dont work. 包装盒上面的不保证字样太小了（=+） Stupid tiny disclaimer on the side of the box. 他们应该在套套顶上用大字体表明 （在套套顶上有一个储藏精液的设计 可以减少压力而减少破裂几率） They